idontdateblack

[idontdateblack]

Boys Will be Boys is a Bunch of Bullshit and Everyone Knows It.

Growing up I had never understood a young boys fascination with ass grabbing and breast touching. I had never understood why teachers, parents, and the rest of my peers would turn a blind eye to when a boy would sexually harass a young girl. Often I’d hear “boys will be boys” or “they’re just playing around, don’t pay them any mind” or “ignore them”. In school us girls were taught to not wear spaghetti strap tank tops and to wear our skirts and shorts right above the knee, as we shouldn’t be a distraction. Though the schools never said who we’d be distracting, it was obvious of course: boys. At a young age society had began to teach me, a young Black girl, that my whole existence was a fucking distraction, and that any unwanted attention would just ‘poof’ disappear if I ignored it. It had been embedded in me at an early age that women were supposed to accept being touched and fondled without permission, because this is what boys just do and if they DO commit those acts, then we were asking for it.

The concept of “boys will be boys” never did die out, it never left. Instead “boys will be boys” just grew up and turned into “men will be men…. that still act like little dick boys”. In my college years and younger twenties I still experienced being at a party or club, minding my business or simply trying to make my way through a crowd, all while feeling someone’s ashy handed son grabbing on my ass. Clearly, boys were no longer boys. These were now grown ass men that were still carrying this ideology that it is okay to place their unwanted hands on my body and that I would let them get a pass. Wrong! I left a few hand prints and dick kicks as a memory that I am not to be fucked with. The same “boys” that felt it was their GOD given right as a man to find his fingers in the cracks and crevices of my ass without my permission,  are the same “boys” that get upset went you condemn them and rectify their behavior. These same “boys” them begin to ask you what’s your problem and cause a scene, often playing victim to a situation that they themselves have created.

Many of these males who fit the “boys will be boys” prototype, have evolved into the “men will be men” that are often seen on social media and the internet passing themselves off as motivational speakers. However, none of these men really seem to be saying anything that motivates you as a woman. They seem to ONLY address the faults of  women and place them at blame for the actions of men. Recently, I read an article on www.theroot.com titled, “Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship Experts”, which exposes celebrities such as Reverend Run, Steven Harvey, and Tyrese who all have blatant sexist/misogynistic view points when it comes to failed relationships and why men behave the way that they do. Their point of views always seem to place women at fault for the mistakes of men, all the while justifying a man’s action, even if it is degrading to a woman.

On the now cancelled show (thank GOD), “It’s not you, it’s men”, Amber Rose faced off with Tyrese Gibson and Rev. Run regarding how women dress versus how women should be addressed. Needless to say the boys came out to play and Amber Rose shut it down with a quickness. Tyrese went on to justify a man’s unwanted approach by saying this, “If you see a basketball player, and he’s known as a basketball player, when you see him, you’ll be like, 'Yo, let’s go play ball.’ I’m just saying, the comfortability that some people find in wanting to touch or grope you. It’s an energy that’s being sent out there that creates that type of response.” First of all, comparing a woman’s existence to a profession are two complete different things. Having knowledge that someone is an athlete would generally compel you to engage in athletic combat and dialogue, which is still not the same as making unwanted sexual advances at someone and making them uncomfortable. Seeing a woman simply existing, meaning you don’t know anything about her likes or dislikes, does not compel you to grope her, you do. Rev. Run followed up with the statement “Dress how you would want to be addressed”. So let me get this straight. You, my fellow Black man, are constantly being scrutinized for your athletic gear, your fitted hats, baggy jeans, and dread locks. You fell alienated when a White man in a business suit is greeted first in a public place. You can’t help but notice when you are being over looked, ignored, or followed in an establishment simply because you don’t look the part. You grieve the deaths of many African American males  who fell victim to racial profiling because they were wearing a hoodie and a beanie, but not once do you blame the (Black) man for the unwanted and unfair attention due to his attire or his “energy”. Instead, you blame society for marginalizing how (Black) men in America should be treated based on their attire, dialect, physical appearance, and for most importantly existing.

How dare you turn the other cheek when our (Black) women are being marginalized AND sexually abused/harassed for existing just like you? How dare you not defend us when we put our hearts on the line and will go to war for you? What I find even more baffling is that Tyrese is a model, singer, actor, and….. a sex symbol. Why is it that society is accepting of the sexualization of men, but not women? Why are women shamed for displaying their physical attributes, meanwhile men are applauded and awarded for posing topless and in briefs which exposes the size of their penises? You mean to tell me that if I were to see a man, half naked, in nothing but briefs, that I couldn’t just stick my hands in his pants and grab onto his manhood? That’s exactly what is happening to women across the globe.

What bothers me the most is how men/society refuses to hold other men accountable for their actions against women It is time for our judicial system, schools, and neighborhoods to stop letting boys slide through life without ever making them suffer the consequences of their wrong doings. Mother’s need to stop coddling their sons to the point that they are raising them to be just like the “ain’t shit” man that she despises. Father’s need to spend just as much time teaching their sons about consent, protection, and abstinence, just as much as they preach to their daughters about remaining a virgin. Often I hear ignorant men say, “If I have a daughter, she can’t do anything. I’m not letting her date”, followed by more misogynistic banter. I find something very wrong with this ideology. This plants the idea into young girls minds that any sexual advances made at them, whether wanted or not, if their fault. Meanwhile, young boys are being taught how to be a player and have multiple girlfriends and how to lose their virginity. Not that I condone children engaging in sexual conduct, but why do we teach young girls that sex and sexuality is bad, while we teach young boys to engage in early sexual conduct and that it is okay for them. We teach our young boys to take pride and have confidence in their bodies, while we tell our young girls to “cover up”.

I am not here for it. I refuse to raise my daughter with the mindset that her pure existence as a woman gives men the right to disrespect her verbally and physically. I refuses to raise my son with the mindset of sexual entitlement, that a woman owes his sex and her body just because they are in the same proximity as one another. I am not here for the woman bashing and especially against Black women. We are the most unprotected race of women on this here Earth.

OWN IT If everyone is responsible for their own lives, happiness, actions, etc., then men so are you. Own it. YOU are responsible for your actions. No one can force you to rape, abuse, and harass a woman except yourself. Take responsibility for both the good and bad that you do.

NO MEANS NO Nothing pisses me off more than a grown ass man practically begging for sex. Telling me “we’re both grown” as if that will make me want to drop my panties even more. Respect the fact that I know that I am grown enough to make my own decisions concerning sex. Constantly gripping at my clothes, whining, and pulling me closer to you will not change my mind. If anything it makes you seem more annoying and now I’m less willing to have sex with you.

I DON’T OWE YOU My body is my body, not yours. I do not owe you sex, just like you don’t owe me your paycheck. Many men, whether conscious or not about it, feel as if they are entitled to sex from women. I do not care if you took me on 20 dates, if I don’t want to have sex with you, I don’t have to. You can simply stop entertaining me and leave it there.

DRESS HOW YOU WANT TO BE ADDRESSED IS BULLSHIT You cannot apply this way of thinking solely to women and expect it to not be applied to the rest of the world, because it doesn’t make sense. If we applied this ideology to our every day lives, most of us would feel rejected and scrutinized. My attire does not give any man the right to touch me without my permission. A woman’s hijab doesn’t give you the right the assume she’s a terrorist. A White man in a business suit doesn’t give you the right to assume he’s wealthy. A Black man in athletic gear doesn’t give you the right to assume he’s uneducated. You get the point.

#boys boyswillbeboys feminism blacklivesmatter relationships sex couples advice amberrose stevenharvey tyresegibson revrun