idk-whydoineedone

[idk-whydoineedone]

I'm begging anyone to make a fic about this. I need angst rn.

thinking of carmen and shadowsan writing to each other after they retire from taking down VILE…

carmen folding each letter into different origami creations

[idk-whydoineedone]

Everyone's talking about the oldest kid.

So Imma talk about my experience in my family, cause every family is different.

I only have one sibling, 2 years older than me.

Since I was a toddler, my father has been yelling at me for destroying stuff, making my sibling upset even in the slightest, and for throwing up, being sick in the first place.

He never once yelled at my sibling though, always took their side and comforted them.

As a kid I was often compared to my sibling and cousin. I was jealous of someone with a happy life and someone I didn't even know. It just sticked, even when they stopped comparing. I still did it myself. What happened more than thrice, sticks.

This kept going from since I remember till I got diagnosed with Autism, when I was around 13, also when my parents divorced.

It had caused a habit for me of not caring about my health in the slightest, always blaming myself for everything that goes wrong in even the slightest, and, ofcourse, comparing myself to anyone my parents seemed to go along with.

It destroyed my image of my father. Of my sibling.

Since the divorce, my father has been yelling louder when I got sick. And been more kind, giving head pats, first ever thing of affection he has ever given me. And it pisses me off.

He still always chooses my older sibling. Ofcourse.

I'm celiac, and we barely have good-filling, gluten-free food that my stomach likes. 74% of our food is with gluten.

I told once about how I got SA'd to my dad, that's when the headpats began. I told how I was uncomfortable with touch, and he began with physicall touch.

Whenever my sibling is in the slightest pain, my dad lets them do whatever they feel like. Whenever I feel like passing out on the spot of the pain, I have to do like nothing is going on.

Note; we're the same gender, my sibling, cousin, and me. But every family is different, someone in my class again has a little brother who's the golden child. Another one is the middle and is the golden child. Another one has no favoritism in the family.

[idk-whydoineedone]

Since everyone's talking about everyone's pain. Let's talk about Silco.

He's been a miner for years with Vander. They were litterally like brothers. He was a good man, and wanted nothing more but for his nation to not be dependant on Piltover's choices. He wanted to live in a indepandent nation with his family. His other closest friend got pregnant. Vander was with the girls a lot, while Silco probably tries to find ways for Zaun. There broke war out, Felicia died, and, admidst his own grief, Vander almost killed him underwater. His brother destroyed his eye in an attempt of murder, right after their friend died. Vander fled with the girls, raising them at The Last Drop, like nothing happened. Gave up on Zaun. On their life's work. His brother almost killed him and forsake their life's work. He was left alone. Vander left him with nothing but scrapes to make a life. Years passed, he got a own life with the scrapes left to him, he got revenge on Vander by killing Benzo and torturing him. Taking one of the girls with him, use her as a weapon. But as she grew, he got attached. It was the last part he had left of his past. He had promised himself to destroy everything of his past. But a person needs all bad and good memories, no matter how hard they want to forget. It's what keeps people from going off the edge. The girl wasn't exactly like her past self also. So that was fine. It was the first person he has loved since Felicia's death and Vander's betrayal. He braided her hair, and brushed his own bang, that he used to have in the past, into her hair. Everything about her is what reminded him of Zaun. Of home. She was perfect. A perfect, broken, daughter for a broken man with a dream. He found her, lifeless, on the bridge after a whole battle - Like Felicia. He couldn't lose his daughter. What would it all be for if she died? He made the promise to Felicia, to Vander and to himself, to get Zaun for the girls. No matter how much he hates his past. He loves her. He can't lose his daughter. His Zaun. These are just some late-night thoughts. It's like 3 AM bruh, I can't sleep.

[idk-whydoineedone]

I'm tired of how SA is being treated.

'Oh, it was her crush! She's lucky!' He tried to fck her sisters. A man who's been gentle with her and teaching her english relieved himself in on her in her room for a good 2-4 minutes. The only reason it stopped was because her mom walked in. She was in love. He wanted sex.

'It was close, but it didn't happen.' A old man came fully on him, removed his clothes, and pulled his own pants off. He didn't even know what 'f*ck' meant. The only reason it didn't escelate was because his dad knocked the old man out. He wasn't even 10 yet probably.

'It was funny.'I'It wasn't that bad.' He was tied to a chair, and had to let it happen for his mission. A man was touching him all over, repeating 'Let me hear that voice of yours~'.

[idk-whydoineedone]

The other day, when my, annoying, friend came by, we rewatched OPLA, his... idk 29th time?, anyway, as we got, again, at Zeff and Sanji, he talked about a HC he got, and cause he goes on about it, here we go.

Not long after they were off the rock and had Baratie, little Sanji suffered from nightmares. The boy has slept awfully since what happened on the rock, he used to wake up in the middle of the night, completely drenched in sweat and shivering, looking around his dark room in fear. He used to have nightmares back home also in the prison, about Judge and his brothers.

One night, Sanji eventually sneaks out of his room, tiptoeing through the ship and comes to halt at the chef's room.

The boy hesitates first, questioning why he did it, if Zeff would yell at him, if Zeff would lock him somewhere, but his fear of sleeping alone after that awful nightmare clearly outweighed that, so he opened the door with a creak and as quietly as possible slipped into the generous room.

There he finds Zeff, snoring to himself on his large bed, having no clue that the little eggplant just sneaked into his room.

Sanji stares a while at the elder man, then a child's dainty hand lands on the man's rough shoulder, shaking it while a whisper runs over his lips.

"Geezer!"

No reaction.

Sanji tries it once again and this time, he hears a grunt. Zeff's eyes flapped open, and his hand, out of old pirate instinct, grabs the child's arm a bit to hard, and the boy squeals in surprise, making Zeff raise his eyebrow in confusion as he realized it was just the eggplant.

He sighes almost relieved, lets go off the boy's arm and his tensed muscles relax a bit.

"Just your bratty ass."

"The fuck you doing awake on this hour?"

Zeff pierces the child with his look, expecting a good explanation for all of this.

Sanji hesitates, looks down, fidgetting with his shirt, scared out of his mind, 'What would he say? Will he throw me away? Will he call me weak? Scold at me?' his mind was filled with to many questions for a child his age.

"I-I...." he began

Zeff groaned, almost commanding him to go on

Sanji avoids his glance, ashamed and scared, looking to the side and mumbles some words under his breath.

"I uh..... can I sleep with you tonight?"

'Please, don't lock me up, its only tonight. I'll do everything you ask me to.I won't be a burden. Please, I'm sorry, just tonight.' where left unsaid

That was when the boy caught Zeff off guard completely. Another confused look and raised eyebrow alongside with a few grunts makes Sanji almost regret coming here in the first place.

"What? Is my leg gone not enough, brat? Stop bothering me and let me just damn sleep"

The elder man turns his back to the kid, pretending to fall asleep and simply waits for the boy to leave his room again, but then he hears a soft sniffle and a child's whiny voice.

"Please..."

He turns around again, seeing, how few tears glistened on Sanji's cheeks and another sniffle follows while a big eye (get it? the other is hidde-, i'm sorry, bad timing) caught the elder man's stern gaze. He told the little eggplant many times not to put on that look on his face, not to whine or cry, because Zeff hated whenever the eggplant did that and couldn't stand his crying. But there was also this feeling in his chest that he couldn't quite understand even up until that day and should he be damned for it, hell, Zeff somehow just couldn't kick the boy out.

So with a few reluctant groans and repressed self-pride, Zeff eventually makes a bit of space on the bed and Sanji's tears disappeared in a sudden when the little eggplant scrambs up to him under the blanket.

"But don't ya dare make a noise! If I hear even a single sniffle or whimp, You're back to your damn room, you hear me, damn brat?!"

Sanji curles into a little ball, snuggling into the blanket right beside the grumbling geezer who then hears some further whispered words.

"I won't, I promise."

Odd as it is, Zeff has laid awake for a while now and the sleepiness just seemingly dissolved with the little child pressed tightly against his back so he turns, hearing Sanji's soft breaths and little hands clenched into the blanket while he whimpers in his sleep.

If he'd stick to his words before, now would be the moment to bring the kid back to his own bed because Sanji actually broke his promise to stay quiet all night. But Sanji was, at the end of the day, still just a child, who'm he almost starved with on a damn rock some weeks before, for who'm he ate his leg for,

And that sure has nothing to do with the little eggplant crying in his sleep nor Zeff's hand carefully pulling the little boy a little bit closer to him or that warm feeling rising in his chest when his little eggplant snuggled into his arms.

I'm sorry, I'm not the bad at writing stuff.... anyway, should I make this longer? (ask my friend for even more)

[idk-whydoineedone]

Alright, cause I'm dead bored, I'll just write random things about Sanji and Zeff that come up in my head rn (This gonna be long, I love them sm) (this are all my thoughts, and some friends)

'Eggplant' part.

I love it sm, also cause, eggplants symbolizes Good Luck in Japanese. The Japanese believe that dreamin about eggplants could bring success or achieve dreams.(my friend is on about Sanji being Zeff's 'lucky charm')

Zeff's sacrife part

1. C4nn1balism. Cann1bal1sm is mostly like 'd3vouring the other one'(look at Aot, the titans) but it also can be as sacrefice, like, eating parts of yourself, to avoid eating others, what Zeff did. like using yourself to death, to keep the other alive.

2. they were trapped, togheter on that rock, only a small bag food, enough for just one of them to survive some days, they didnt even know how long they'd be trapped there. no help, no water, no one but each other

3. Love. alright, so, Zeff, alone with a bratty kid he knows nothing about,(except that they share the same dream) so why on earth would Zeff, a old, cold pirate, sacrefice himself for a bratty kid he clearly knows nothing about? love. he already loved that bratty kid. Zeff gave that kid all the food, and left himself nothing, not even one crumble, and ate his own leg to stay alive a little longer, but it's alright, the kid's fine, the little brat has enough food, as a elder man needs more food than a small kid. Zeff could stand the pain of losing a leg, he could eat it, the flavour is not that bad, he could stand the suffering, and need to puke of the injury and raw meat - all for that bratty kid who happened to have the same dream

so, I made that way to long, but my point is, Zeff already loved Sanji, even tough he didnt know nything about him yet, he loved him enough to make the sacreficec of eating himself, letting himself die for Sanji, whom he knew nothing about yet, 'C4nnib4lsm as a methapor of love'

anyway..... my point on Sanji's POV

Sanji, all ever since Sora died, nobody but his sister was nice to him. So when he found out Zeff gave him all the food, he was so confused,as he he believed himself to be to worthless for kindness,and a stranger just did one of the biggest acts of kindness just for him, he was so confused on why a stranger would ever eat their own leg for him, so he chained himself to Zeff, as he believed that he really owed Zeff his life,

Now, about a 'what if' I saw, if Sanji died. how would Zeff, the one that practically raised Sanji as his own, ate his leg for him, loved him since day 1, react to hearing that his son died?

He'd be devestated, or in some way, or completely. it's practically, like i said earlier, his 'lucky charm', the little boy for whom he ate his own leg for, the little man he raised and witnessed grow up, who he loved all ever since day one, his son, his boy, that died

the boy whom he always secretly hoped to return safely back to Baratie, had died.

there werent any words needed at the news, as when the crew came inside, and he didnt saw his eggplant between them, he'd instantly know.

anyway, this were just some random thoughts of me, don't mind it, (Zeff is Sanji's real dad, i don't know anything about a guy named Judge)