idiotbug-experiments

[idiotbug-experiments]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[idiotbug-experiments]

By the way, you can improve your executive function. You can literally build it like a muscle.

Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.

This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):

Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):

Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.

But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:

Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.

Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation

Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.

Meditation

Martial arts

Sports in general

Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)

Woodworking

Cooking

If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers

Things can be easier. You might always have a disability around this (I certainly always will), but it can be easier. You do not have to be this stuck forever.

[idiotbug-experiments]

[idiotbug-experiments]

One of those things about chronic illness nobody ever talks about is just how much it makes you feel like you have to apologize.

Sorry I'm late; I couldn't get out of bed. Sorry my weird breathing kept you up all night. Sorry I couldn't make it to your party; I was half conscious on the floor all evening. Sorry I keep forgetting everything you tell me; I promise it's not because I don't care. Sorry I seem so out of it all the time. Sorry I'm not "present" enough when we hang out. Sorry I need to be taken care of sometimes. Sorry my body is breaking and it seems like it's inconveniencing you more than me.

[idiotbug-experiments]

You know what? It’s fucking hard trying to get better. It’s exhausting managing doctors appointments, doing daily PT exercises, eating better, trying to exercise, trying to meditate, and doing ADL’s. I have had a bad crash per week trying to juggle and do all of the above.

It’s easier and less acutely painful to just coast and not actively work on ‘getting better’. Is the work worth it? I don’t know yet.

But to people who’ve tried and given up, to those who don’t even bother - you still deserve care and compassion.

[idiotbug-experiments]

I always see those “you’ll get better”, “it won’t be like this forever”, “you will heal”, etc. positivity posts and like- some of us won’t. Some of us will never get better, some of us will never heal, and for some of us things will be like this forever. We need more positivity posts for those of us with life long conditions and problems.

[idiotbug-experiments]

I’m a strong proponent of lying to get the help you need. I always try the truthful route first but if that gets me nowhere? Lying it is.

I think it’s important to respect other people’s time, wellbeing and money so I don’t do it in situations where I know I’m in the wrong, like if I want to get into a place just for fun and someone could get in trouble for letting me in wrongfully I’d rather not.

But sometimes people just don’t understand why something is important in your situation so you have to turn it into something they understand. When I lived in England I constantly lied about being pregnant so gas station employees would let me use their bathroom because for some reason they didn’t have public bathrooms.

Or when my doctor’s secretary couldn’t get it into her head that my stomach pains were very serious and concerning and insisted I couldn’t get an appointment this month so that evening I “found” a lump that I was pretty sure was nothing but it meant I had a reason to call her the next day and get a new appointment immediately and when the doctor told me the lump was harmless I could tell her what my real problem was and she immediately scheduled ALL the tests and examinations because she understood how concerning it was. I just had to get past the fucking secretary with a lie.

Fuck I even support that elderly man who lied about having four children who were stuck in a house during a flood but when the rescue team got there in a dinghy they realized it was four dogs. The guy knew he had to lie because he was too sick to help them himself (able bodied people in the area were able to save their own pets) and they wouldn’t have helped him if they knew it was “just dogs”. In the video the rescue team can be seen choking up and padding him on the back while he cries with his scared dogs in his arms. The team is clearly not mad because they can see how important the dogs are to him but I have no doubt he was right in thinking they wouldn’t have helped if he had told them the truth.

So do what ya gotta do and lie lie lie.

[idiotbug-experiments]

Even if you were a difficult child, you didn't deserve to be hurt.

[idiotbug-experiments]

A lot of people think that in order to have an alter or to even be a witch, that they have to worship something.

You don't.

You can ask the forces of nature to help you with something, or you can meditate while a candle is burning.

Or instead of worshipping something you can't see, worship something you can or did. I have a memorial of my childhood dog and family members. I wish them well when I can and burn candles in their honor.

There's no specific or special way of being a witch, and people who tell you that you have to do things a certain way are assholes.

Worship or don't, it doesn't make you any less of a witch.

[idiotbug-experiments]

I don’t think we are meant to fear the Gods. Not even Gods of storms, death, or war. To believe in them is to accept them as they are. Don’t let anybody convince you that polytheists should fear the Gods. Be awe-struck, be humble before them if it feels right, but in this modern day and age, spirituality shouldn’t feel unsafe.

[idiotbug-experiments]

Runic Divination: A Modern Invention

It is a popular belief (especially in certain Neo-Pagan and Heathen circles linked to Neo-Nazism and White Supremacy) that the runes of Elder Futhark:

Were the runes primarily used by the Vikings and represent a direct link to Viking ancestors

Have been used for divination for over a thousand years, representing a long and unbroken tradition, and that the way we use them now is the way the Norse used them in antiquity

Have ancient esoteric meanings that have remained unchanged through the passage of time

Unfortunately, none of these statements are true.

Around 98 AD, a Roman known as Publius Cornelius Tacitus wrote what was essentially an ethnological study of Germanic peoples entitled Germania. In Chapter X, he describes a system of divination used by one particular Germanic Tribe, an observation which later became the basis of what we consider today as runecasting and of the contemporary usage of Elder Futhark as an oracle:

"To divination and casting of lots, they pay attention beyond any other people. Their method of casting lots is a simple one: they cut a branch from a fruit-bearing tree and divide it into small pieces which they mark with certain distinctive signs and scatter at random onto a white cloth. Then, the priest of the community if the lots are consulted publicly, or the father of the family if it is done privately, after invoking the gods and with eyes raised to heaven, picks up three pieces, one at a time, and interprets them according to the signs previously marked upon them."

It is important to note that, at this time, the full inventory of the Elder Futhark alphabet was not yet finalized due to the fact that the sound inventory of Proto-Norse was not yet finalized. It wasn't until around 400 AD that all 24 runes can be solidly attested to within the archaelogical record. While it is probable that some letters of Elder Futhark were likely being used at the time Tacitus wrote his Germania, but it is extremely unlikely that the symbols carved upon the wooden tiles were Elder Futhark.

Additionally, there is simply no archaelogical or historical evidence beyond Tacitus' claims suggesting that the Proto-Norse or Norse used runes as a system of divination at all. Certainly the runes were used in magical contexts; there are many examples of runes and bindrunes being used as talismans and sigils inscribed on weapons, shields, jewelry etc. within the archaelogical record, but nothing suggests that these runes were ever used for divination as we know and use it today.

It is also important to note that Elder Futhark was not the alphabet used by the Vikings, as most proponents of runecasting claim; Elder Futhark was in use from the second century to the late 8th century (700s) in Scandinavia, when it was simplified to the Younger Futhark. The Younger Futhark WAS contemporaneous to the Vikings, and roughly corresponds to the Viking Age (793-1066 CE). This disproves the claim that the Elder Futhark is a direct link to Viking Ancestors -- the Vikings were using a different alphabet. It would be more accurate to say that the Elder Futhark runes linked the Vikings to THEIR Norse, Proto-Norse, and Germanic ancestors.

Finally, the meanings associated with the runes of Elder Futhark as we know them today were actually derived in modern times from the Norwegian, Icelandic, and Anglo-Saxon rune poems. None of these poems were written in Elder Futhark. The current theory proposed by modern linguists is that the Rune Poems were mnemonic devices used to help people remember the order, names, and, most importantly, the sounds of each letter of the alphabet. In other words, the Rune Poems were the equivalent to nursery rhymes. 

With this new context, the use of nursery rhymes to assign esoteric meanings or properties to each rune seems a bit odd. Consider how silly it would be if, a thousand years from now, a group of people got a hold of one of those long posters found in elementary school classrooms meant to help children remember the order of the alphabet and decided that not only did the letter A definitively meant 'apple' and B definitively meant 'book', but that we as a society used these letters in order to divine the unknown.

Additionally, if the runes were preserving supposedly ancient meanings, we would expect these meanings to remain consistent throughout time with no variations. However, if the Rune Poems were instead preserving the phonetics associated with each runic letter by linking them to words beginning with that particular sound, we would see variation in the poems due to the linguistic variation of meaning.

And variation in meaning is exactly what we can observe between the Rune Poems; for example, the specific word linked to the phoneme represented in the stanzas attributed to Uruz talk about dross, a by-product of iron smelting within The Norwegian Rune Poem, about rain within The Icelandic Rune Poem, and then finally an aurochs in The Anglo-Saxon poem. The same can be observed for the stanzas attributed to Kenaz: the Norwegian and Icelandic rune poems refer to ulcers (likely derived from the Proto-Germanic *kaunan), while the Anglo Saxon refers to a torch (likely derived from Proto-Germanic *kenaz).

As an aside -- from examining the Rune Poems and comparing them to the commonly used modern meanings attributed to each rune, it is exceedingly obvious that whoever did assign said meanings primarily used The Anglo-Saxon poem as a jumping-off point.

In summary, Elder Futhark runes as we know them do not represent esoteric, magical concepts; the modern day meanings assigned to them were derived from translations of nursery rhymes meant to help people learn the Elder Futhark alphabet and, in some cases, were not the magical meanings ascribed to them by those who originally used them. Elder Futhark was not used by the Vikings and is not a direct link to Viking ancestors as many authors claim. Finally, there is no archaeological or historical evidence to suggest the runes were used for divination, nor was there a long and unbroken tradition of runecasting. The use of Elder Futhark as a tool of divination is a purely modern invention that dates back, at most, to the 1970's. The runes as they are used today are not 'ancient' nor is there a 'tradition' of using the runes for divination spanning back centuries, representative of an 'authentic and 'sacred' and 'holy' practice linked to Vikings.

As far as I can tell, Ralph Blum was the first one to write about the runes as a system of divination. Eddred Thorsson (Otherwise known as Stephen Flowers, who studied Runology, Germanic Languages, and Medieval Studies in an academic context), a known racist and white supremacist strongly linked to 'folkish' beliefs, Odinism, Asatru, and the Neo-Nazi Asatru Folk Assembly (a hate group recognised by the Southern Poverty Law Centre), expanded upon Blum's work and incorporated many Neo-Nazi beliefs based upon volkisch & Nazi doctrine, and is responsible for the perpetuation of these three myths (and quite a few others) into the present day with the publication of his books regarding runes. The publishing rights to Flowers/Thorsson's books are held by the Asatru Folk Assembly. Much of Flowers/Thorrson's assertions regarding the usage of runes is ultimately just unverified personal gnosis unsupported by archaeological or ethnographic evidence.

The association between runes and Nazism is certainly not new. The idea that the Germanic race (and its descendants) was superior to all others was central to Nazi ideology, and German ultranationalists scoured the archaelogical record to find proof of a link to a mythic 'Aryan' Heritage. They particularly liked the Armanen pseudo-Runes (the meanings of which miraculously were revealed to a man named Guido von List in 1902 after suffering temporary blindness following cataract surgery), but ultimately they shifted their attention to the appropriation of the runes of the Elder Futhark. The most infamous rune used by the Nazis is Sowilo, the 's' rune representing the sun, which was renamed the 'Siegrune' (Victory rune) and was used as a symbol for Hitler's Schutzstaffel (ie. The SS). Other runes that were misappropriated include Othala (inheritance) which was used as a symbol for the mantra 'Blud und Boten' (Blood and Soul), and Tiwaz (Tyr), which became a symbol for war and struggle. To claim that the runes represent a long-standing tradition and link to 'the ancestors' is straight up Nazi rhetoric.

This doesn't make the runes any less useful as an oracle! Oracles and divination help us find meaning in our lives as well as help us explain the universe around us, especially when we're faced with the murky unknown or with things that cannot otherwise be explained by other models or paradigms of rationalization. Using the runes to seek out answers to otherwise 'unknowable' questions is actually a method of reframing and recontextualizing our experiences via the viewpoint of an objective outsider, providing new insight and promoting introspection. This is especially helpful if what we 'learn' might not be things we want to hear or think about, especially concerning ourselves. It also helps us elevate the subconscious into the conscious, and makes us aware of things we didn't otherwise give much thought to due to our tunnel-vision view and tendency to focus only on the things we think are important or relevant.

The lesson to be learned from this is that it is important to critically examine so called 'traditions', especially ones claiming to be ancient and representative of 'ancestral' practices -- oftentimes the people perpetuating such beliefs have done so for a reason. Unfortunately, because Flowers/Thorsson's work is so prevalent within the pagan community, and because so many sources regarding runic divination end up linking back to his work, the practice of runecasting and using runes for divination has become tainted with Nazi rhetoric. It is for this reason that I am highly critical of any source listing the 'meanings' of the runes.

So… what can you do about this? Don't buy Flowers/Thorrson's books, obviously. Be critical of all sources when researching runes. Evaluate whether or not this person did their own research, or simply took Flowers/Thorrson's work at face value. Laugh openly at anyone who practices Rune Yoga.

My recommendation to rune enthusiasts is to study the Rune Poems and research the etymology of each rune word and come up with your own meanings and extensions, just like you would when researching the meaning of tarot cards. By doing this, you'll probably also find that you feel even more connected to them than before.

And, above all else, make your space an unsafe space for Nazis.

ᚠᚢᚲ ᚾᚨᛉᛁᛊ

References:

Andersen, Harry. "Three Controversial Runes in the Older Futhark (2)". North-Western Language Evolution, vol. 4, no. 5, 1985, pp. 3-22.

Antonsen, Elmer H. "The Proto-Norse System and the Younger Futhark". Scandinavian Studies, vol. 35, No. 3, 1963, pp. 195-207.

Dickins, Bruce. Runic and Heroic Poems of the Old Teutonic Peoples. Cambridge University, 1915.

Hoppadietz, Ralf, and Reichenbach, Karin. "In Honor of the Forefathers: Archaelogical Reenactment between History Appropriation and an Ideological Mission. The Case of Ulfhednar." Reenactment Case Studies: Global Perspectives on Experiential History, edited by Vanessa Agnew, Sabine Stach, and Juliane Tomann. Routledge, 2023.

Imer, Lisbeth. "How the Nazis abused the history of runes." ScienceNordic. 13 October 2018. Translated by Frederik Appel Olsen. https://sciencenordic.com/denmark-forskerzonen-history/how-the-nazis-abused-the-history-of-runes/1459227. Accessed 28 January 2023.

Knirk, James E. "Runes: Origin, development of the furthark, functions, applications, and methodological considerations." The Nordic Languages, vol. 1, 2002, pp. 634-648.

Southern Poverty Law Center. "Asatru Folk Assembly." SPLC: Southern Poverty Law Center. https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/asatru-folk-assembly. Accessed 28 January 2023.

Southern Poverty Law Center. "Neo-Völkisch." SPLC: Southern Poverty Law Center. https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/ideology/neo-volkisch. Accessed 28 January 2023.

Tacitus, Cornelius Publius. Germania. AD 98. Translated by Alfred John Church and William Jackson Brodribb, Macmillan & Co., 1869.

[idiotbug-experiments]

pinned post go brrrrr

hi, im bug, my pronouns are he/him. i am over 18. i will be doing my best to remain anonymous otherwise. do not ask for more.

i have some very intense religious trauma from evangelical christianity, and i am trying to recover slowly by picking up habits from various sources, divine or otherwise, that may help me slowly mend my experiences. this blog is the product. i call it an experiment but it's more a potentially painful self-discovery journey and possibly an actual blog. who knows! ill be keeping it updated as i see fit.

im not sure if i should call myself pagan, or a witch, or any of those things, but maybe over time i will find a comfortable answer. thank you for sticking with me on this journey!

That said, please do not interact if you are a nazi, transphobic (TERFS, etc.), homophobic, or similar ilk. otherwise i dont really know what to include as dni criteria, i dont use tumblr normally.

Anons/asks are open if you so desire. please don't hesitate to tell me if I'm being culturally appropriative or inappropriate with practices, the last thing I want is to be. well. bad.