icarus-of-the-sun

[icarus-of-the-sun]

Fascinating ✨

do you guys think jesus, the son of a carpenter, smelt the wood of the cross & temporarily thought of home

[icarus-of-the-sun]

I have this fear; a fear that I won’t be loved.

And I know a lot of other people even in my personal life who deal with this problem, and though I can relate to most of where that problem is coming from I thing it’s also about me being gay.

When I realized I liked girls more than other girls did, I didn’t have a word for it; I didn’t know what the word “gay” was (small religious town problems).

I thought I was the only one in the world who felt like that, it was a rare disorder that could never be cured, alone in that problem.

I was in the 2nd grade when I realized this; and so I repressed that for as long as a could of course, but still my first memory of realizing I was gay was immediately, clouded with an idea that my love would be a one way street from me to them.

So this idea I could be loved, or more specifically, loved by another women is almost insane to me, I’m fine giving love; I know that, but I don’t know if I will ever really get the concept�� of another woman liking/loving me in that way.

I want to be loved, I really do but the world says I can be loved by a man and I can love women just keep it to myself,

Or at least that my perception sometimes.

[icarus-of-the-sun]

Sometimes I really hate being gay.

I use to have really good friendships with other women before I came out. Straight women in particular, and I always loved them and understood it was always gonna be platonic and I was happy with that,

I loved having them in my life.

So when I came out to them, I trusted them to understand I am the same person I was before, their friend that loves unconditionally and will stick by them.

They did say they will support me and that we are friends before our religious culture, it made me trust them.

But life can be disappointing,

They pushed me away a bit, I brushed it off, but the way they stopped talking about close matters we used to, stopped hugging me as much, and stopped jokely flirting with me.

And it wouldn’t bother me as much if they didn’t hug and jokely flirt with all their straight guy friends.

It mades me feel on the outside, like I did something wrong…

I know other countries deal with a lot worst for being gay, Ik so many countries still have prison consequences and even death penalties, but this is just my small little problem.

But this is for others who can relate if you’re having a hard time too <3

[icarus-of-the-sun]

Daisy Jones and the six:

The book is about a 60’s band rising and falling, it’s a wild ride. It’s amazing book and it brings you to a different time with a unique interview writing style.

It’s one of my all time favorite books so give it a try.

anyone have book recommendations? open to anything

[icarus-of-the-sun]

latin phrases i wish to remember:

♡ "veni, vidi, vici." - i came, i saw, i conquered.

♡ "vivamus, moriendum est." - let us live, for we must die.

♡ "ergo dum me diligis." - so long as you love me.

♡ "alis volat propriis." - she flies with her own wings.

♡ "sic mundus creatus est." - thus the world was created.

[icarus-of-the-sun]

— Margaret Atwood, from You Begin.

[icarus-of-the-sun]

| Knox Overstreet — "A Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns |

«my love is like the melodie

that’s sweetly play’d in tune»

[icarus-of-the-sun]

[icarus-of-the-sun]

i think that the reason why sharing your writing can be really scary is that writing is the most vulnerable form of art. even with visual art, i’ve always felt like there’s some level of disconnect between the art and the artist. it’s like: here is this thing i’ve made which interprets my views on the world. whereas writing is like: here is me. these are my views on the world. now just pls don’t make fun of me for them. *insert that one ernest hemingway quote here*

[icarus-of-the-sun]

not so gentle reminder that academia belongs to the queer, the weary, the women, the people of color, the poor, the ill just as much as it does the rich, the white, the privileged. if your academia isn't accessible, i don't want it.