ianworkss

[ianworkss]

Self Evaluation - Where am I?

Have you ever experience struggling with your own goals? ofcourse its normal but how about getting confuse if you are still on the right track? Sounds familiar? I will give you another one: Have you ever question yourself if you are having a progress? Or in the first place do you have specific target goals that you are achieving?

Actually, I am confuse. All I can say - I don’t know.

Sometimes I feel always selfless at the same time I feel always selfish. I feel that I’m growing at the same time not.

I’m 26 turning 27 next year. I’m working as a fulltime Web Developer and let’s say the job compensation is proper and can supply all my daily needs with bonuses that I can buy most of the things that I want.

I don’t have any complain with my family. I grew up poor but my parents didn’t let me feel that way because we can still eat, have a decent house that we can call home and can study and finish schooling.

Right now I’m on this chapter - I’m a full time employee. I do have a goals, to become a senior developer and at the same time to have a higher salary to fulfill my needs and give a better life to my family and my future ones.

I know what I feel right now is part of my journey but my mind is in a mix of full order and motivation, at the same time full of dissapointments, frustrations, irresponsible and lack of maturity.

I’m counting all of my blessings ofcourse but I always think the negative sides as well.

Sometimes I have improvement, sometimes none.

It always make me feel down if I always see someone make their own dream alive with the passion they have from day one. They keep improving and they keep doing what they loved.

and for me, I envy them. I can easily find motivation but I always get tired of being consistent. I always fight myself and my mind but I always lose. I know whats wrong and still I always do it. I just want to be like others.

Happy and growing, getting their best formed of themselves. I just want to balance but it seems like I’m always limited.

Please understand me. Even for myself, I can’t understand why I want all and get frustrated over it because I can’t become that all.

[ianworkss]

Thoughts 07/10/2023

Writing in the middle of the night and morning. I'm still awake. Not yet sleepy and I just want to accomplish something. I have this kind of personality, sometimes I like it but most of the time I do not. Why? because lack of sleep makes me not focus well in my daily job specially in the morning. So go back to my struggle, I decided to update my website portfolio but don't know what to do. I mean I have so many things on my mind but I don't know what to do first. So why I'm here? I'm here writing, to collect my thoughts. I'm planning to organize it all. I'm telling to myself to calm and do less with more focus. I'm a logical person so I want all things be organize. But I'm here writing in this language to practice my vocabulary. That's beneficial as well, and I want this to become habit. I don't want this to post on popular social media. I just want to express my feelings and emotions. Talking to yourself doesn't mean you are losing your sanity but to sometimes it keeps your sane.

[ianworkss]

Kuntento

Ang sarap mangarap.

Managinip ng gising.

Nakakauhaw kapag ang yong mga dasal

Ay bahadyang naukit na sa iyong palad.

Mula sa wala - hanggang sa mag ka meron

Dati napapanuod mo lang pero ngayon

Ikaw na ang gumaganap na bida

Masarap ang buhay na masagana

Lubos lubos na pinagpala

Naranasan ang hirap kaya't ubod ang saya

Pagkatapos ng init nakamit ang

Minimithi nating ulan

Pero akala ng lahat kapag dumating na

Tapos na.

Kapag nabigyan, busog na?

Kapag ang timba ay napuno ng tubig

Aapaw at aapaw.

Darating at darating padin na tayo ay

Mauuhaw.

Sa salitang 'Kung saan ka sasaya, dun ka liligaya'

Anung pinagkaiba ng saya at ligaya?

Hindi araw araw tayo ay sumasaya

Pero darating ang panahon

Mabibiyayaan tayo ng panghabang buhay na ligaya.