iamwomanhearmemom-blog - Tumblr blog

[iamwomanhearmemom-blog]

I don’t feel in control of anything.

I was hit head on by a man who fell asleep at the wheel, my child was in the car with me. I wasn’t in control. 

My car was destroyed and I had to replace my car with the amount the guy’s insurance gave me, the best I could get with my price range was not anywhere near a replacement for my car. I wasn’t in control.

I asked for a shoulder length haircut, and what I was given was EAR length. I was not in control.

I don’t regret getting pregnant, but I was definitely not ready to be pregnant again so soon. 5 years is not that long. I am not in control of my body.

[iamwomanhearmemom-blog]

First post ever?

So, I am 22. I am a full time college student/stay at home mom. I have decided to create this blog because I have LITERALLY no friends and no one to talk to at all, so I thought “what’s the harm in just typing it out? Maybe someone can relate.” I am currently 6 months pregnant with my second child and I am struggling with today already- it’s 8am. 

My boyfriend was extra passive aggressive and hateful with me this morning and it caused me to have a cry in my car with the song “Cutting ties-6lack” blasting in my driveway. I honestly haven’t cried in a long time. I put my son on the bus after getting him ready and then had to deal with my boyfriend acting like my 3rd child. Actually, he’s my second child and the baby currently in my oven seems to be my third. 

I’m really trying to balance everything on my plate and I am kind of succeeding? Maybe? The taking care of myself aspect hasn’t been too successful as I’m honestly just worried about my son, boyfriend, and bun in the oven being happy. My self esteem is CRAP since I found out I was pregnant and I casually look at the time yesterday morning on my boyfriend’s phone to find someone has sent my boyfriend STRAIGHT UP porn, skinny beautiful naked women, and not only pictures. Videos as well. 

I feel like I may be overreacting because pregnancy hormones seem to have a way of making you do that, but it really brought my self esteem further down just seeing it. I asked him about it, he says “Oh, that’s that pervy guy from work. He sends all of us that stuff. I don’t ask for him to, he just does.”

So I just let it go and went about my day. It was still in the back of my mind though. These women that are clearly and obviously attractive, naked on his phone for his viewing at anytime. Not to mention our sex life has been dead lately due to my self esteem being crap and his inability to turn me on. His idea of turning me on is randomly saying something jokingly sexual to me at the complete wrong time. How can I be in the mood when my son is awake in the next room, and almost always seems to walk in or knock on the door when we do anything sexual and he’s home?

I just don’t feel beautiful or sexy at all. And I don’t know how to anymore. That scares me.