iamjustsyd

[iamjustsyd]

Mor entering the Hewn City.

details @ paolo sebastian haute couture

[iamjustsyd]

This is my ex-roommate and I. She had a much more negative outlook on life than me. If all the rules are all made up, why should they stop you from living the life you want?

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE WAS GREAT

(thanks @the-l-spacer for the idea LOL)

[iamjustsyd]

I miss my girlfriend.

She's not dead, she just has Covid which means I can't see her face to face for another week or so.

Covid is a whole ho.

[iamjustsyd]

I break my own heart every time I leave her house.

How did this happen? And so quickly?

Maybe it is infatuation. But it feels so much more real than that. Like how the foundation of a house is unseen but you know it is there.

I could see us building a life together.

[iamjustsyd]

yall look at this shit ad*be is tryna pull now on ppl who have outdated software:

(note for context: i’m all for piracy, but in this case my copy of CS6 was downloaded years ago when they were giving it away to students. i got it totally legally.)

[iamjustsyd]

Damn. We are the villains. 😬

I mean the US, not me. My people were brought here under duress and now they keep telling me not to leave.

Abolish NATO!

Eliminate imperialism, (neo-)colonialism and foreign domination!

[iamjustsyd]

Yoooooooo! I wrote this some time ago just putting my desires out in the universe and I'll be damned if it didn't happen. Is this manifesting? Is this how this works

I want someone to send nudes to. Someone who will make charmingly crude jokes about my naked body and flirts with me. Someone who talks about touching me as an act of worship. Someone I could cuddle with and it doesn't lead to sex, just a deeper sense of intimacy. Our hands touching each other's bodies in a slow delicious lesson that leads us to learning each other more.

Is that what being in love looks like? This ache in my chest for these missing moments tells me these are acts of love. A build up of small receipts that show when we spent our most precious possession, time, on each other.

Hmm...

Something else I missed out on by being a Black woman. It wouldn't feel so bad if I just believed the lies they've fed me my whole life. But the lies didn't sustain me and when I found real sustenance, all I could think about were the years I spent straving.

[iamjustsyd]

I took some advice from a co-worker and download a lesbian dating app. I met someone the first day I installed it and we talked pretty non-stop for a few days. Then we met for a drink and immediately hit it off. Our conversation was a delightful meandering of topics that went around in circles. Our third date we cooked wine braised beef with mushrooms and a cucumber salad. We drank too much wine and watched Beyonce until 4am.

Today I told my homies I have a girlfriend.

Part of me is upset it took me so long to realize my queerness but more of me is happy I did now. I'm much more sure of myself and I wouldn't have met her if I wasn't looking right now.

[iamjustsyd]

I want someone to send nudes to. Someone who will make charmingly crude jokes about my naked body and flirts with me. Someone who talks about touching me as an act of worship. Someone I could cuddle with and it doesn't lead to sex, just a deeper sense of intimacy. Our hands touching each other's bodies in a slow delicious lesson that leads us to learning each other more.

Is that what being in love looks like? This ache in my chest for these missing moments tells me these are acts of love. A build up of small receipts that show when we spent our most precious possession, time, on each other.

Hmm...

Something else I missed out on by being a Black woman. It wouldn't feel so bad if I just believed the lies they've fed me my whole life. But the lies didn't sustain me and when I found real sustenance, all I could think about were the years I spent straving.

[iamjustsyd]

[iamjustsyd]

A memory just faded into my consciousness. I was at dinner with my cousin Kess last week. I usually only see Kess at Christmas as she lives in London. We were talking about my move to Germany and I mentioned being an immigrant. She told me not to use that word and said that I was an expat.

I told her I was immigrating to a another country thus an immigrant. She was emphatic that I wasn't an immigrant because 'those were just people who moved some where expecting to be taken care of". I was a bit shocked to hear a Black woman say that but then I remembered Kess and I aren't the same kinda Black. So much of her life experience is trying to make people forget she's different, so much of mine is demanding you never forget it.

[iamjustsyd]

Crying About Being Alone. Again.

While I’ve known this whole time moving to another country would mean starting over, It just hit me. I’ll be friendless again and I’d forgotten how much that hurts. Not having a social circle is a particular kind of heartbreak I  believe everyone is familiar with but no one talks about. Having gone through that once in life was hard enough but I guess it’s something I get to experience again. Yay for me I  guess. 

Of course I won’t be completely friendless. I text and video chat my friends with some regularity, but meeting up for happy hour or just getting together to watch a movie or YouTube won’t be a comforting activity anymore. It’ll just be a thing I do alone. 

And I always seem to be the one who is alone. 

What makes me so easy to leave?

[iamjustsyd]

Empanadas, Beef Patties, egg rolls, spring rolls, lumpia...

[iamjustsyd]

OMG, is this why the yts put raisins/grapes/whatever in dishes they don't belong in? Because they believe advertising?!

The whole horse injections to cure Covid makes more sense now.

[iamjustsyd]

I want to know everything about this woman and what led to this photo.

no thoughts only edwardian lady with sword

[iamjustsyd]

The idea that fat people don't workout is ignorant and just shows how much OP doesn't understand how bodies in general work. Thinness is not a measurement of good or bad health. Neither is fatness.

If you just want to be contrary to be contrary, just say that.

[iamjustsyd]

I wonder, more often these days, that if the reason I haven't met anyone yet is because I only just recognized my own queerness.