iamaugustyouaremyjune

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

one of the things that always gets me with merlin is how the show handles the concept of self-sacrifice/trust...

i think of the consequences of lancelot's sacrifice- it denied merlin the only friend that knew about his magic (gaius was more of a father figure), and i think that loss was one of the biggest factors in how sad and worn-down merlin gets in S4-5. it also denied gwen the chance to choose her partner, not to mention how lancelot decided to "sacrifice" his chances with her for arthur's sake well before his actual death.

there's balinor, who never went back for hunith. he had reasons to be concerned for her safety, but hunith knew the risks when she first housed him- wouldn't she want to know he was alive, even with the danger? it's another example of how this kind of emotional martyrdom denies their loved ones the choice to share their risks and burdens.

there's arthur. born into royalty, he was awarded many luxuries, but still denied the chance to safely choose whether or not he wanted to be king. so he makes the sacrifices leaders do, unable to make friends and love without the watchful eyes of the court & the constant threat of betrayal- after all, that's what kings do, right? in uther's words, a king must rule alone.

and of course, that leads us to merlin himself. he sacrificed everything for arthur- a chance for other magic-users to be free, a better position than a manservant, a home that wouldn't burn him for his gifts, and a million smaller pieces of joy he denied himself along the way. but what was it for? after everything, arthur still died, and it's unlikely magic returned either.

like all the other instances of self-sacrifice in this show, merlin had valid reasons- he loved arthur, and the prophecy gave him the purpose he'd been seeking his entire life, but he never confided about his magic due to incredibly real fears of execution or exile. so he chose to burn himself in silence, rather than risk arthur's feelings.

yet that's the thing about arthur- he doesn't destroy himself completely for the sake of camelot, doesn't follow uther's advice to he bone. he DOES learn to be better, to judge people based on their actions instead of labels, and to keep people he genuinely loves near him. i think arthur positively changes the most of anyone in the show, and it's largely because he actually opened up when merlin provided opportunities to do so. he didn't simply accept that a prince should suffer in silence, but learned to share his emotional burdens, which is why he got closer with many characters over time.

it's merlin that keeps himself closed off, locks everything away because he thinks it'll keep arthur safe & happy. it's the choices merlin makes at his most isolated that doom arthur in the end.

that's what i think the ending is trying to say.

to save someone, it's not enough to sacrifice yourself, to choose them over your well-being every time as it quietly kills you. because if you love someone enough to die for them, you should take a chance. do the scary work of being honest, and brave the uncertainty that follows. you've got a lot of good reasons for staying silent, but if they're worth dying for, they should get a say in it, too.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

"The destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man" - wdym rests? He got crushed, absolutely flattened. Destiny turned that man into a pancake

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

the thing about having long hair especially if you are a girl/perceived as one is people act like they will be personally offended if you cut it. INCLUDING! hair stylists who you are paying to cut it. double it if you have blonde/red/ginger/curly/etc hair. like the lack of autonomy ive been allowed to feel about my hair, even when its subtle still has me afraid to go to the stylist and ask for the haircut im paying to get.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

when animals look back at you like they’re the girl with the pearl earring

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

John Powell

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

It probably seems pretty frivolous that I'm all like YAY VIDEO GAME right now, but that was and continues to be a calculated choice, given that I decided not to give this administration and its court intrigues and bullshit celebrations one iota of my attention this week, or any other week if I have my way about it. Anything I learned about the inauguration yesterday was against my will (goddamn, Elon, how are you both evil and such a fucking dork about it). It felt like yesterday, they wanted everyone's rapt attention and our Liberal Tears™, so I said, fuck it, I'm beating monsters with a plank of wood and eating chocolate and existing happily as a queer disabled childfree woman in a red state while I can, with the TV turned off and the news apps muted, and a motherfucker can stay mad about it.

I do keep up with the news. If nothing else, I take ten minutes to read headlines at the end of the day, because I learn just as much as I would have from five hours of doomscrolling bad information and speculation and "This is a developing story, details to come." If I can tell it's a subject I need to know more about, I look into it. I want to keep up with the people who are affected by what's coming and how, not the pomp and galling circumstance of this asshole signing executive orders at an arena. I spent 2016-2020 feeling like a beaten dog and I choose, aggressively, to not do that this time.

I have the privilege of being someone this administration is not currently coming after this particular week. I can afford to sit here and not lie awake at night with worry. I can afford to choose to enjoy myself out of pure spite. And I'm going to, for as long as I can, so that when there is something I can do, I'll be fresh for it.

They are going to firehose us--they have been already, for years--with petty outrages to make us feel overwhelmed and hopeless and numb. "Did you HEAR what he SAID this time??" I gave too much of my attention to it before--I did it as much as anyone. The real shit is the stories of how deportations will affect people, for example, not what ignorant stunts this administration pulls ("Gulf of America," get the fuck out of here) and anything we can do IRL or, failing that, signal boost to help. Save your bandwidth for what you can do for yourself and for others. Your energy is precious.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

2025

ACTION IS THE ANTIDOTE TO DESPAIR

KEEP THE FAITH DO THE WORK

PASSION ABOVE ALL IS THE REMEDY AGAINST BOREDOM

EVERY DAY IS ALL THERE IS

WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

If you're feeling anxious or depressed about the climate and want to do something to help right now, from your bed, for free...

Start helping with citizen science projects

What's a citizen science project? Basically, it's crowdsourced science. In this case, crowdsourced climate science, that you can help with!

You don't need qualifications or any training besides the slideshow at the start of a project. There are a lot of things that humans can do way better than machines can, even with only minimal training, that are vital to science - especially digitizing records and building searchable databases

Like labeling trees in aerial photos so that scientists have better datasets to use for restoration.

Or counting cells in fossilized plants to track the impacts of climate change.

Or digitizing old atmospheric data to help scientists track the warming effects of El Niño.

Or counting penguins to help scientists better protect them.

Those are all on one of the most prominent citizen science platforms, called Zooniverse, but there are a ton of others, too.

Oh, and btw, you don't have to worry about messing up, because several people see each image. Studies show that if you pool the opinions of however many regular people (different by field), it matches the accuracy rate of a trained scientist in the field.

--

I spent a lot of time doing this when I was really badly injured and housebound, and it was so good for me to be able to HELP and DO SOMETHING, even when I was in too much pain to leave my bed. So if you are chronically ill/disabled/for whatever reason can't participate or volunteer for things in person, I highly highly recommend.

Next time you wish you could do something - anything - to help

Remember that actually, you can. And help with some science.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

"Be Drunk," Charles Baudelaire

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

i don't really know the difference between many music genres but that's okay because i listen to music with love in my heart and if i like the song i go yayyy and if i don't like it then i simply understand that the joy in this song is meant for someone else which means it's still good and makes others go yayyy n my opinions on a song doesn't make it or the genre it belongs to bad it just means my heart needs to grow more in order to love more music and that growth will come in time

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

Pangaea was wasted on the dinosaurs. Imagine the railway network.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

sometimes i’m amazed by what a contradiction i am. for someone who feels socially inept i certainly have a lot of people i love in my life. for someone afraid of travel i’ve certainly been a lot of places. as much as ive defined myself by my fear i have also defined myself by being stubborn as hell about facing it. despite being anxious all the time there are these hopes and ideas that insist on coming the the surface

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

i’m going to try to put my money where my mouth is and not just talk to the people around me but actually try to reach them. i want to offer books to borrow and ask about people’s families. there’s this weird barrier up, where i can talk to my coworkers and to my neighbors, but it’s socially abnormal to cross certain topics or invite them into my life. i don’t give a shit about that social norm because it actively works against us. so anyway i think i have to be brave

i need everyone to know that community is what will save us all in every single way imaginable. you forming a bond with your neighbour or coworker might help them move house or feel less alone or have the courage to leave an unhealthy living environment. you helping a stranger might provide them with hope. in turn, being able to lean on your community in times of need will save you. your broader bonds with your community are the revolution we need. our society seeks to divide and separate us in so many ways but we are all so much more united in our struggles and joys than you are made to believe. we need to hold onto each other very tightly.

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

I need to pull myself together in a very very very kind way

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

WHAT

does anyone know that the goose girl by Shannon Hale is being adapted into a musical

[iamaugustyouaremyjune]

You cannot live alone on the fantasies you feed to your mind, eventually you have to touch your life for real, assess and analyze your habits, understand your character, try not to hate yourself for your character as it was shaped when you were very young by circumstances outside of you, and begin learning how to cope with your character, how to build habits that work for you, finish small projects, finish big projects, expose yourself to more uncomfortable situations, assess why you want to leave that friendship before you leave it, raise your anxiety levels on purpose, so that you can grow, raise your work load on purpose, so that you can grow, so that you can build resilience, so that your life expands, and can be experienced by you in full and in reality