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[iadoreyourears]

I was not really eating well but was drinking heavily during the trip lol

Favorite of all

alcoholic drinks all day

mojito everyday

waxsurf food everyday

I didn't love meals as much overall. It was challenging to find good food to consume.

love, april.

[iadoreyourears]

7/5

It does not scream. It does not panic. It does not pump your body with adrenaline to get your attention. it is not angry. But a wave of clarity — my feelings can also be quiet.

[iadoreyourears]

Sunday Currently | Vol 5

I wrote this entry particularly for this weekend even though I know I haven't been doing a weekly entry as of recently.

After three years, I'm back in this tiny town. so long, already, huh? Oh well, I'm a keeper, which actually says a lot about who I am. Hello, Mati!

Currently staying at waxsurf as I'm typing this entry and so here it goes..

Currently

Reading

Before the Coffee gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. Very Interesting. Kahilakon ko... 🥺😢

Writing

Well this entry and some work stuff.. yes, I'm working and not doing a vacation lol

Listening

I miss you.. I'll always have that 1 person on my mind everytime I listen to this song.. how long has it been 3 years huh!? really that long..

Thinking

As to why I haven't been able to move forward even a bit from a person whom I have been loving for years and years. WHY SHEY?

Wishing

to be a little kind to myself.

Hoping

to be loved and appreciated as completely as who I am and not for anything else.

Wearing

my usual sleepware— Get Some Sleep shirt, black shorts

Loving

waxsurf and JT

Wanting

Honestly? I think I really want to see you.

Needing

a hug will do I guess, it's heavy and tiring recently

Feeling

Definitely I'm sad. It is depressing to finally realize that distance was never a concern. Simple because I'm not what you want.

Why does this entry feels so depressing hahaha well maybe it is... I'm sad right this very moment and funny how I still think of you, more and more of you.

So anyways, in other things.. I have been working and drinking for 2 days here... heavy drinking.. I'm not even trying to get drunk pero diosko.. na scam gyud ko sa cocktails ni Blossom... Really Good BUT deadly.. I'll be back on the 27th of Aug to settle the 16 Drinks Challenge!! Ni walkout ko on my 3rd glass! HAHAH Long Island drink! MYGHAD😂 whut a booze! karun pako naka splurge og 4k worth na drinks unya kutob rako 3 ka baso!LOL

Interestingly, Blossom and I share a LOT of similarities (we even found out that we went to the Coldplay concert at the same time) but the takeaway that night is how musch I admiredher journey in discovering her passion and living the dream... I just can't wrap my head around it.. it moved me in ways that I just want to CRY and persevere more.. discern more and just do more everyday.

I needed this trip but even so I was not able to see you, it's ok.

love, april.

[iadoreyourears]

6/30

How has my life been recently? Nothing new or intriguing, always that weird, distant girl who hangs out with the same core crowd of mates (Miggy and Yume)

But to be specific here it goes..

1. I unexpectedly traveled to Manila to pick up Miggy (pabadlung pa more dzong), who had returned to Cebu. He requires some adjusting. However, he will undoubtedly return to Manila, so for the time being until he gets firmly embedded in Manila, we will both be traveling back and forth

2.I had a side job doing training outside the city. Naks! I'm not very good at what I do, though. So, please, don't think this is a huge deal. however grateful of the Bantayan Training, which was short but incredibly meaningful and ofcourse and pinaka importanti.. 🤑 Joke lang 😂🤣

3. I watched Ben&Ben concert!! Not so me diba!? Well bc I'm not really a fan.. I watched it bc wala lang na curious lang as to why "someone" love this band AND bc My Friends wanted to watch badly.. so I just went. Too bad they didn't play "Nakikinig Ka Ba Sa Akin" but they are SUPER GOOD. nice naman..

But so far, so good. Although not actually most of the time. I constantly appear to be in a good mood to others, but I wish people could see how I really feel on the inside. But more than anything, I wish you cared, even though I know you don't truly care—it's ok. Why do I always still end up writing about you? haaaaaaay oh well.

love, april.

[iadoreyourears]

you realize that giving everything is the only way to love and receive love

3/29

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3/23

None really matters at all when you are deeply hurting. How do we live with feelings like that? How is it possible to survive knowing that someone is glad and content without having you in their life? The worst part is that they just don't seem to really care at all.

In this roller-coaster of emotions, loving myself is not as easy as just hating myself, it's more than that. I decided hating myself throughout the process. Otherwise, I'll just continue to enable your presence to thrive each day and that's something I shouldn't put up with any longer for you to treat me any less than what I deserved. I don't want your friendship, I don't want you to keep throwing me away.

april

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Water yourself. Nurture yourself. Watch how beautifully you grow.

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April on loop

[iadoreyourears]

"to the unknown"

how amazing the way my heart respond to what it sees and feels.

finding myself again gravitating towards more to the idea of you.

like ripples across the water,

chasing hues into the unfelt.

daunting on days to figure what's next.

-s

[iadoreyourears]

happy valentines day, luther! ❤️

[iadoreyourears]

You don't have to be a lost soul, everyone has periods in which you feel lost. Then you find your way, become content with your personal growth, and realize that's the only way in life to improve.

[iadoreyourears]

We can all be changed by SOMEONE forever. TO feel something you've never felt before.

[iadoreyourears]

hey someone,

Knowing you stopped caring about me broke my heart. I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't care for you—if only you knew how much I truly cared about you.

Everytime I try to open my heart to the possibility of committing to another person. I always think of you—how can I allow myself to be with someone, not you.

I love you in ways that I cannot describe to you. It hurts to love you and I can't be with you. In my next life, all I can hope is that I can do my best to find you first and love you in ways that I have never done in this lifetime.

love, april.

[iadoreyourears]

When you give it time, it helps, and you think about it and look closely. And eventually, with the thought, you can already smile about it.

-Thoughts for Robin-

[iadoreyourears]

that sanity saving conversations over coffee..

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Hello October Love.

[iadoreyourears]

❤️