i-write-things-sometimes

[i-write-things-sometimes]

[i-write-things-sometimes]

so you recently did a request for if a new ghoul student was mc's childhood friend. BUT what if.... mc WAS the childhood friend? gettin cursed then going to dw and realizing that their childhood friend (or crush 😎) that disappeared however long ago was actually a student there. a ghoul student, even.

(bonus points to star-crossed lovers/friends trope lmao *cough cough* jin *cough cough*)

or the pain that'd follow [insert zenji spoilers here], or the fact that leo and sho have known each other for years and mc's the 3rd friend in the group.

how do you think some of the ghouls would react to an mc that may have once been a childhood friend, now doomed by the narrative? (obvs since we don't have full background info on every ghoul and only crumbs of lore - let your imagination run wild, frend! love seein your hc's cross my dash (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠) )

Ahh, firstly, I love this idea. It's so cute and the deep potential for angst *eyes Rui and Zenji*

Also, I'm happy to hear you love seeing my writing <3

Fate Brings Us Together Again

You've been cursed, and you're going to die within one year if you don't get this curse removed. Things seemed overwhelming bleak, that is until you saw him.

There he was, your childhood friend, the person you had always trusted most in your life, the person you were so deeply in love with that when he suddenly disappeared it near broke you.

He was here, at Darkwick, and now you didn't know if this was the last year you'd ever get with him...

Featuring: Jin | Zenji | Leo | Sho

Warnings: Zenji angst, Zenji real name spoiler, angst

Jin Kamurai - You knew his family had ties with Darkwick, so you shouldn't have been surprised to see him there, but you still were. After all, that meant that Jin, the sweet boy you knew since childhood, had agreed to a deal with a devil.

When you first got to Frostheim, you were curious about this 'King' you kept hearing about. When you arrived at his room and were let in, you froze on the spot as you saw who he was. Jin froze too, staring back at you with wide eyes, cigarette half hanging out of his lips as they parted in shock.

Tears filled your eyes, almost against your will. Your family was wealthy, wealthy enough that you grew up around the Kamurai family, becoming close friends with Jin. You'd started to fall in love with him, but the timing was never right, his father trying to force relationships on him, and then his mother dying. Then he disappeared without so much as a word, and you'd cried for weeks afterward.

Jin slowly rose from his spot sitting, taking a hesitant step towards you, and that was all the motivation you needed. You rushed forward and threw your arms around him, his arms instantly trapping you in and pulling you closer.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Though the realization must have hit him as he hugged you even tighter, "You're the cursed honor student...." he whispered. It wasn't a question, but you answered it anyway.

"Yeah. I am." You whispered back.

He held you for as long as he was able to before finally letting go of you. "We're fixing this curse. I don't care what it takes."

You smiled at him, "If you're helping me, then yes, we're bound to break it."

He studied you for a moment silently. "MC..I'm...I'm sorry.."

"For what?"

"For leaving, for letting this happen to you, for not replying to you, for everything."

You reached a hand up and gently placed it on his cheek, and he leaned into your touch.

"Jin, it broke my heart when you left. But you're here now, that's what matters." You whispered.

You both knew how the other felt. The time had never been right. But now, your time was running out, and you were both here. Why not let it happen finally. After all, if you do somehow end up dying to your curse, at you die knowing you both finally got to love each other, at least for a brief moment.

Jin leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, and for a moment, the world faded away.

Zenji Kotodama - If Zenji had still had a body, he was sure he would have died then from the pain of his heart breaking.

He'd heard word of an inspector, an honor student, someone cursed to die within the year. He felt pitty for the poor soul, and when he heard their next stop was Hotarubi, he wanted to see them for himself.

He hadn't been expecting you. Anyone but you. You, the only childhood friend him and his sweet little brother Jiro had ever had. The person Zenji had loved from the moment he met you, and you were one of his biggest dying regrets, that he never got to tell you of his love.

Now you were here, cursed to die, and Zenji, despite none of it being his cause at all, couldn't help but blame himself. Maybe he could have done more, protected even you somehow, but now you were here and didn't even know he hovered close by your side.

Haku knew right away who you were, Zenji breaking into tears at the sight of you, had him asking the poet why, and his heart broke for the two of you. He kept silent about the presence of Zenji, unsure if the ghost's rule of never mentioning him applied to you as well.

At least, until you started to ask questions.

Haku, and Zenji of course, were walking you back to the catherdral one night when you turned to Haku to ask him a question.

"Haku? You know all the ghouls here, right?" You asked.

"Not personally, but I know who they all are. Why?"

"It's just...I know Jiro. I saw him my first day here, he didn't seem to recognize me though..I hadn't seen him in a long time, we used to be really close. I was wondering if, since Jiro was here, maybe his older brother, who I was really close with too, was here. His name's Taro, Taro Kirisaki." You pleaded.

"Oh my dear heart, I'm here." Zenji sobbed, a ghostly hand reaching for you only to pass through. He let his arm drop and turned to Haku. "Tell her, please." He pleaded.

"Okay, princess. This is going to be hard to hear, but I might be able to do something to help the situation a little at least."

~ ~ ~

The beautiful yet haunting melody of Haku's flute faded, and you hesitantly opened your eyes. You let out a gasp and tears filled your eyes.

Haku had told you about your dear Taro, or Zenji as he called him, and how he'd died last year. But, he'd told you that since you were so closely connected, he might be able to help you see him. You hadn't wanted to believe him, but when you opened your eyes, there was the ghostly form of Zenji hovering nearby, watching you with tears in his eyes as well.

"Oh my joyous heart, you can see me, can't you?" Zenji sobbed, and you nodded quickly.

"I'll give you two some time." Haku said gently before leaving the cathedral to give you two space to talk.

"I'm so sorry, Taro.." you whispered, tears falling down your face, "I didn't know you and Jiro...I-I tried to find you two and.."

"It is who is sorry, my heart. If we had just been with you, then you would not be here, cursed to meet my fate. But even bigger my regret is that I never told you what you mean to me." Zenji sobbed.

"I know." You whispered, "I always knew how you felt, but I wanted to give you space to figure out life and how to get yourself and Jiro away from your family. I've always loved you, too, even now."

Zenji reached out a hand to you and you held out yours, lacing your fingers togeather best you could, even though you couldn't feel his hand in yours, the gesture made you smile anyway.

Leo Kurosagi / Shoehei Haizono - You were standing with Kaito as the assembly to introduce the new ghouls began, and when you looked up to the stage, a shock went through you, seeing your two closest friends in the world standing up on the stage.

You were honestly kind of surprised that Leo hadn't told you, or at least posted about, the fact that they were both going to be students here. Even Hyde, when you'd seen him earlier, despite knowing you, hadn't mentioned that his younger brother would be here too.

You waited silently in the back as both of them got assigned to the same house, because of course they were. They were completely inseperable, and honestly, you'd thought you were inseperable from them too.

It hurt to know that they hadn't said a thing to you. Hadn't even told you that they both had made pacts with a devil.

When they left the stage, you slipped away from Kaito and Luca for a moment to make your way over to your friends.

"Well, looks like the gang's all here, glad to be a part of it." You huffed, and both males turned to stare at you with shock.

"MC?? What are you doing here?" Sho asked.

"Geez Sunshine, you really do follow us everywhere, huh?" Leo teased, but you knew him well enough to know that even he was shocked and worried.

Before you could answer, the Chancellor called you out to the stage. You left, the two watching you go as the Chancellor announced you as the new honour student, and announced about you being the new inspector, to find a cure for your curse.

By the time you made your way back over to your friends, both had gone pale and were staring at you. Even Leo, who really only cared about himself, occasionally caring about you and Sho, looked horrified.

"What the hell happened, Sunshine?! We leave you for two minutes, and you get cursed to die?!" Leo snapped.

"How did this happen?" Sho asked at the same time.

You explain to the two of them about the weird flower anomaly and how it would mean that you die in a years time.

"We'll fix this." Sho consoled while Leo was, uncharacteristically, quiet.

You nodded. It had been a long, stressful day, and your nerves were shot. Your friends had to go find their house, but before they could, you called out for one of them, the one you'd always had a thing for.

Leo - "Leo, wait!" You called, and he stopped, turning back to you. Sho glanced back before carrying on his way. He knew how you felt about Leo and would give the two of you space.

"What Sunshine?" Leo huffed, rolling his eyes. He was an asshole, but he was always soft on you, even giving you a nickname, though the nickname mostly came from his streams as a way to make his fans excited.

"Why didn't you guys tell me?" You whispered, hurt.

"We didn't want you getting hurt." Leo confessed quietly after a moment. "Though it would have made for killer views"

"Cut the shit. It hurt that you guys didn't tell me, and now I'm dying, so just... I love you, you asshat." You huffed.

Leo's smug grin faltered, and he hesitantly reached out to you. "I...love you too.."

Sho - "Sho wait!" You called, making him stop in his tracks to turn back to you. Leo glanced back too.

"Have fun lover birds!~" Leo sneered before walking off to let you two talk.

You'd always had a thing for Sho, and you both knew he had a thing for you too, but neither of you had ever made a move.

Maybe it was not wanting to deal with Leo's teasing getting worse. Or maybe it was not wanting things to change, to be happy how things had always been. But now, now, things had changed.

"MC-" Sho began but you cut him off.

"Sho-" You started before you both fell silent, staring at each other for what felt like an eternity before he pulled you close and pressed his lips to yours.

When the kiss broke, he kept holding you close, pressing his forehead against yours. "We'll find you a cure...I promise."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tag list: @cloudcountry @ventisimpilysm

Wanna be added or removed? Let me know!

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Edward Hart’s guide to getting the girl: how to get your rocks off without looking like a total geed.

This is because of Edward and Jin in the new chapter—blame them not me. (i will come back and edit it later)

Part one of six

Jin x MC

He’d been watching the little human prince fail for months. At first it was amusing but then somewhere between the fourth and eighth blunder it just became sad.

The first time he became aware of the little prince’s crush had been right after the Frostheim ball at the beginning of the year.

He’d heard about the ball after the fact. Not from you or the little human prince though. He’d heard it from a third party, a very drunk third party.

Second years, from any house but especially Frostheim, were not frequent occupants at Rui’s bar. Ed wasn’t entirely sure why but frankly he didn’t have the energy to care. Frostheim in general seemed to stay away from all other houses so, when he wandered down the stairs looking for Rui—he’d accidently lost the password to his Netflix account again—he was surprised to see the transfer student as well as the second year Romeo was always chasing around commiserating at the bar.

Rui wasn’t with them. The late hour as well as the slow day had sent him down into the cellar to clean and prep for the upcoming weekend rush. Leaving the second years to fend for themselves.

An untouched long island iced tea sat slowly warming in front of the brunet Ed suspected was called Lucas. Beside him the blond one was sobbing, practically supine on the wobbly bar stool and with three empty glasses surrounding him.

“He danced with her all night!” Wailed the blond. “I missed my chance.”

“It was only one song,” Lucas reassured, placing an awkward hand in the middle of his friend’s spine. “I’m sure there will be plenty of—”

“Did they look happy though?” The blond interrupted, lifting his soggy head from the table to look at his friend.

“It’s hard to say.” Lucas said frowning in thought.

This seemed to relax the blond, but this was only a temporary reprieve as Lucas immediately followed up with, “he was quite protective of her on the mission, and he did buy her a dress for the ball.”

The blond, coiled tight like a spring, let out a despondent sigh and let his head fall with a smack against the bar top.

“Three actually.” Lucas suddenly corrected himself.

“What? three!” snapped the blond then, seeing Lucas’s nod, he let out a grumbled, “of course he wins her over with money.”

The blond stared into the middle distance, swaying on the stool in a manner that sent Lucas fretting by his side. “How do you know all of this any way?” he asked, his voice taking on a dreamlike quality, “you spent the whole night with me.”

“I helped her pick which dress to wear.” Lucas had said it casually, almost flippantly but immediately realised his error upon seeing his friend’s crushed expression.

“What—you helped her…where was I? why did she ask you to help and not me.” His lip was quivering dangerously as fresh tears welled in the corners of his eyes. “Does she not trust my judgement when it comes to fashion? Does she think I dress badly? Because I just don’t have the same budget as—”

“No, no,” Lucas quickly reassured, trying to temper the immanent flood of tears. “You were just in your make up classes that’s all.”

The blond pouted and let out a sigh but thankfully didn’t begin sobbing again. Instead, he huffed and reached across to grab the untouched iced tea, only to have it snatched out of his reach.

Rui, having returned from the basement, deftly slid the drink out of reach and replaced it with a tall glass of water. Then without missing a beat he asked, “are you talking about the new honour student? She’s a real cutie huh.”

“I think you might have some competition from the little human prince.” Ed said from his spot in the shadows.

At the sound of his voice the two second years both jumped. With the blond falling from his stool in a heap and Lucas taking out a pair of twin swords, his boyish features transformed into a scowl as he readied himself for a fight.

Ed observed the pair—one battle ready the other cowering behind his friend—in amusement before turning to Rui who—used to Ed’s fondness for skulking around in the darkness—was staring at him unamused.  

“It’s just Ed, the captain of Obscuary, Luca.” Rui explained in a bored drawl as he cleaned glasses behind the bar. “No need for violence.”

“But—but isn’t the captain of Obscuary a dangerous v-vampire?” the blond squealed scrambling up to his feet as he hid behind the bar stool.

Rui just scoffed, turning to put away glasses while Ed stepped out of the shadows, putting his hands up in surrender. “Dangerous?” he purred, “I am a gentle and delicate soul.”

That earned a cackle from Rui, “delicate, yes. Gentle…not so much.”

Ed pouted at his friend, “Rui you wound me. I have never been anything but tender.”

Rui deadpanned at Ed and grumbled out a quiet, “tell that to my roses, Gramps.”

Ed recalled falling asleep in a particularly soft bed of flowers the other day but if Rui didn’t want them to be used as a mattress he shouldn’t have arranged them in such a pillowy way.

He left his vice-captain and turned to the two second years. Lucas or Luca as Rui had called him was still poised at the ready, one of his swords edging ever closer to Ed’s throat.

“Luca?” he asked. “Are you sure that’s your name?”

Luca froze, looking up at Ed as a myriad of thoughts, all baffled, swept through his head, “…yes.”

“How strange…” Ed hummed, joining the pair at the bar. He sent the blond a smile as he sat down. peering into his frenzied mind for anything of interest but, alas, there was nothing but fear, “and you are?”

“Don’t tell him Kaito,” spat Luca, his swords still at the ready, “he’ll steal your name if you do.”

 Ed stifled a laugh behind a gloved hand as he assessed the strange pair.

“You’re thinking of fairies,” Rui informed Luca, “besides you just told him Kaito’s name anyway.”

Luca froze, “oh!” an embarrassed blush coating his cheeks as, with his head down, he finally returned his swords to their sheaths.

Ed turned back to Kaito who had shuffled a few seats down his eyes still darting between Ed and the door. ��So,” Ed began with a smile, “you have a crush on our dear honour student?”

From his thoughts alone Ed could tell that wasn’t quite the case. Whether he himself knew it or not he didn’t really have a crush. The beginnings of one maybe but Kaito wanted for one thing and one thing only—a girlfriend. The girl in question didn’t really matter, the poor honour student was simply the first to smile at him.

“How could I not?” sobbed Kaito, “you saw her tonight she was radiant.”

Ed might’ve reminded Kaito that he hadn’t in fact been at the Frostheim ball but a glimpse into his thoughts and he saw the honour student just as Kaito had. Done up in an expensive gown, simple makeup and hair, and on the arm of the Frostheim prince.

That was when he first became aware of the little prince’s crush, but it certainly wasn’t the last. In fact, it was only a few days later when wandering the campus—and avoiding his chores back at Obscuary—that Ed was once again confronted with the little prince and his feelings.

“Tell me. While you were picking dumb fights, where was she?”

The Frostheim captain and that same second year from the bar Luca, were staring each other down in the courtyard just outside of Vagastrom. At the little prince’s side looking stressed and a little ashamed was the honour student.

Ed still hadn’t seen the honour student. He’d gotten glimpse’s from within other students minds but never in person, never up close. Seeing someone else through the mind of another was never an accurate assessment anyway. People, no matter how objective they believe they are, can’t help but let their emotions rule their minds.

Seeing her through Kaito, after the ball, the honour student was radiant, practically glowing as though she were some kind of angelic being. Kaito didn’t see her as a real person she was a concept to him, the physical embodiment of all his romantic hopes and ideals. So, when she walked through his mind she didn’t walk, she floated. When she smiled it was blindingly bright, and her laugh sounded more like wind chimes than any real laugh Ed had heard before.

And then, when his jealousy blinded him, her image changed again. No longer was she just dancing with the Frostheim prince she was fawning over him. Practically tripping over herself to hold his hand or touch his arm.

Seeing her now, with only his own mind to contend with she looked far more real. More in line with how Luca viewed her than Kaito. Still pretty and still with a glow, or perhaps warmth, but she was real. Not some mythical goddess.

The second year, brave as always—perhaps foolishly so—didn’t back down in the face of Jin’s glare. Instead, At the ringside, if I recall correctly.”

“Yes.” Jin spat, stepping forward as the honour student fretted beside the pair. “At the ringside, surrounded by the rest of the scum from Vagastrom. Alone.”

Ed almost laughed. Whilst it was true that Vagastrom could get rowdy they were hardly the most dangerous house, not when compared to Sinostra or Obscuary.

His comment seemed to break Luca’s resolve slightly, his scowl simmering as his eyes flicked over to the honour student. “If anything happened, I would have stepped in immediately.”

The little prince took a step closer and dropped his voice down to something not so outwardly threatening but far more dangerous, “after something happens is too late.”

This seemed to finally shatter the rest of the tension with Luca’s angry scowl fading away completely. He quickly turned to the honour student and bowed low. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put you in danger.”

Interestingly the honour student seemed to be even more concerned about Luca’s concern than she was about the fight that had just occurred. Quickly waving away his apology as she stepped around Jin to speak to Luca.

“It’s not your fault. You were just sticking up for a friend. Besides, I’m fine.”

Jin, who had been watching the exchange in silence, flared his nostrils in anger. Then, with a clenched jaw, he spat, “both of you stop messing around in other houses.”

Then he was turning and storming away, much to the surprise of the two second years.

“And stay away from the Vagastrom captain.” The little prince called out over his shoulder, “that’s not a warning. It’s an order.”

Ed smirked as he stepped out from the shadows watching as the pair watched the retreating figure of the Frostheim captain in confusion. But Ed wasn’t confused. For someone who had the reputation of being cold-hearted the little prince sure did make his affections obvious.

It wasn’t until much later that the little prince’s crush graced Ed’s doorstep again. Most likely due to his propensity to remain indoors he heard little of the prince and the honour student. Every now and then a morsel of gossip would make the deary trek down to Obscuary and he’d get an update. Like the rumour of the honour student becoming the prince’s new servant or how he had bought her a yacht on a whim one evening. But other than those small moments he didn’t hear much.

It wasn’t until after Lyca had joined Obscuary and that he got an insight into the situation.

With their newly appointed guard dog came frequent visits from the honour student, who, out of some wrapped sense of responsibility, had taken one look at the abandoned dog and decided he needed a best friend.

Their friendship was sweet, even the most cynical part of Ed’s heart was moved by their often-frenzied relationship. It wasn’t just the honour student who was charmed by Lyca’s brash nature though. He would never openly admit it but even without reading his mind Ed knew Rui appreciated Lyca’s company—and not just because it meant the honour student began visiting more.

Before Lyca had joined them much of the day at Obscuary had been spent in silence. Ed had been alive so long that now days seemed to pass by like seconds. He could go a month without ever having seen Rui and wouldn’t even notice it.

It wasn’t much better when they did speak. Their conversations often devolving into talk of curses and death. Neither topic bothered Ed, but Rui was younger than him and still easily wounded.

And when others did grace their hallowed halls, they made a direct b-line for the bar. Rui spent much of his days alone, lamenting the fact that he was now a danger to those he loved and when his friends did visit it was always through a heavy fog of alcohol.

So, Lyca’s presence—even though it meant more cleaning—was a breath of fresh air for the young reaper.

And for Ed, who had long since given up on the idea of being entertained, seeing the honour student’s bright smile was a soothing balm to his endless existence.

“When will you be finished?” Ed asked as he slinked his way into the bar.

The bar, only just having closed, was almost entirely empty. The only conscious occupants being the honour student, Rui and Lyca. With Rui desperately trying to help a horizontal Haru to his feet as Lyca and the honour student, who were tucked away in a booth, poured over Lyca’s homework.

“You promised you’d watch Kurosagi’s latest vod with me.” Ed whined as he slid into the booth seat beside the honour student and leaned his whole weight against her side.

“Leave her alone you moth-eaten Casanova, she doesn’t want to watch any of your youtub videos.”

Ed opened his mouth to correct the werewolf but was stopped by the honour student who tapped a light hand on his shoulder and offered him a tired smile. “We only have a few more questions to go over then I’m all yours.”

Ed made a dramatic show of swooning, “you tease me my dear.”

“Why don’t you help me get Haru back to Jabberwock?” Came Rui’s strained voice from the other side of the room.

All three of them turned to look at the struggling barman and the snoring Haru. Ed wrinkled his nose and waved Rui away, “I’m afraid I’m far too weak to carry someone as tall as him.”

Rui glared at his captain before, with a huff, he began dragging Haru from the bar. “Fine, don’t help. But don’t let the honour student walk back to Clementia alone.”

Ed hummed absentmindedly before turning back to the honour student. “You know…” He teased sliding closer so that his head now rested in her lap. “It is quite late.”

The honour student rolled her eyes down at the lethargic vampire but the warmth in her smile gave her away. Even without reading her mind he knew she didn’t mind his affection.

“Perhaps you should spend the night here?”

“Ugh!” Lyca spat across from them, his eyes narrowed at Ed. “Stop hitting on the honour student, she doesn’t want to stay the night with you.”

“Don’t fuss little pup,” Ed said sitting back up with a groan, “I would never dream of forcing her to spend the night with little old me. I’m sure Rui has a guest room prepared for her?”

Lyca still grumbling but not quite so outraged gave a firm nod towards the honour student, “the old man is right. It’s too late for you to walk back now.”

“Well,” the honour student looked between the two of them a smile creeping onto her face, “I’m not going to say no to a free bed and breakfast.”

Ed frowned, “breakfast?”

“Rui cooks us breakfast whenever I stay.” Explained the honour student, Lyca giving a nod of support.

“What,” Ed pouted, “he never cooks breakfast for me.”

“That’s because you never leave your room,” Lyca smirked.

“Or…” shrugged the honour student, “because you don’t eat.”

“I suppose that makes sense.” Ed acquiesced still feeling somewhat left out.

Then a trill from within the honour students bag sounded and with a sigh she collected her phone. She answered the message as a small dent of worry appeared between her eyes.

A series of flashing images appeared within Ed’s mind as he watched the honour student. He saw the Frostheim prince first. The picture of relaxation, stretched out with one hand under his head, the top few buttons of his shirt undone. And then her voice imbued with worry flooded into his mind.

I can’t believe I forgot. He’s going to kill me…Ed’s going to kill me for missing youtube night. Again.

“It’s alright my love,” Ed cooed putting a hand on her shoulder, “we can postpone our evening if you have to attend to your boyfriend.”

He said it simply to test the waters. To see how much or how little progress the prince had made. He hadn’t expected her reaction to be quite so intense.

“What?” she exclaimed, “Jin isn’t my boyfriend! He’s…kind of my boss—a jailer more than anything.”

Her defence came fast but ed couldn’t help but smirk because even though she was shaking her head, denying any attachment to the Frostheim captain her thoughts told another story.

There was frustration there, annoyance definitely and some anger too but there was also a hint of something. Longing, butterflies, affection. It tasted like warmth and fresh honey as it entered Ed’s mind.

So, he thought, the little human prince has a chance.

Jin entered his room as he always did, with a slam of his door.

Usually, it was just an indicator to everyone in Frostheim that he was not to be disturbed but tonight he was actually furious.

When he had messaged the inspector earlier that evening asking her when she was planning on returning his blazer it had been—what he had thought—a thinly veiled attempt to see her again. It had been months since their last mission together and with the chancellor constantly sending her out with the other ghouls, he had barely seen her.

Of course, he had her running errands for him, but she always ran off right after. Never staying for more than a quick hello. So, when he went to meet her at Clementia and found her with that Obscuary mutt he was more than a little disappointed.

He would’ve been fine though. After all, she seemed to only think of the young werewolf as a friend. If he had found her with Rui or Haku then he might’ve had a need to worry.

It would’ve been fine, if the werewolf hadn’t accused him of bullying the honour student.

She’s not your servant to boss around!

Even thinking about it again sent his blood boiling.

He fell onto his bed with a huff, resting his head in his hands. Even the werewolf’s accusations wouldn’t have been so bad. He didn’t care what that idiot thought, why should he. He was Jin Fucking Kamurai. He didn’t need to listen to a random first year.

But then the honour student had turned to him, her eyes half filled with apprehension half with embarrassment and had apologised to him.

Sorry, Lyca just doesn’t understand. Next time I promise I won’t forget to return your laundry.

She bowed. Actually bowed. As though he was her boss and she was worried about having her pay docked.

He’d thought that he’d been incredibly obvious, Tohma had told him as much, but even after everything. After buying her dresses, after asking her to the ball, after giving her a boat, and making every stupid excuse to spend time with her. Even after all that she still just saw him as the Frostheim captain.

“It didn’t go well then?”

Jin was up and pointing the tip of his sword at the vampire’s throat before he had taken another step out of the shadows. He scowled wrinkling his nose at Edward who, casually as though there wasn’t a blade at his neck, held up his hands and smirked.

“What are you doing here, bloodsucker?” Jin hadn’t seen the vampire since the night the Laurel Crown was revived and before that they hadn’t spoken since the clash.

“Now, now,” the old vampire coaxed, not at all threated by Jin’s sword, “I came to offer my assistance.”

Jin snorted, “what on earth would I need your assistance with?”

“I know you have feelings for our darling inspector”—despite himself Jin’s scowl twitched— “and I also know you are struggling to capture her heart.”

Jin quickly composed himself and let his sword drop, tossing it on top of his bed. “Who says I have feelings for her?”

The vampire simply gave him a knowing look, “Please little prince. You bought her a boat and bribed the school to find the Kyklos…it’s not as though you’re subtle.”

“Okay, fine.” He huffed. “But why of all people would I ask for your help?” he smirked. “From what I hear these days you spend all your time locked in your room…doesn’t scream romance if you ask me.”

“Funny,” the vampire said his voice cold, “I hear the same things about you.”

Jin swallowed back his anger. If it were anyone else, he would’ve picked up his sword again but as he was fairly certain loss of limb wouldn’t stop the vampire, he just clenched his fists instead.

“I’ll have you know I’ve become quite close with the inspector recently.” The vampire held out a hand. “It’s up to you of course, but from what I’ve heard there’s no one else willing to help you.”

Jin scowled at the vampire a moment, the pair staring each other down. Edward wasn’t wrong, aside from Tohma Jin was mostly alone at Darkwick these days and his vice-captain’s advice boiled down to tell her how you feel or get over it.

So, already regretting it, Jin stepped forward and shook the vampire’s hand.

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Hi! Can ı request something with tokyo debunker?

Where reader confesses them and they reject her. after a while Reader starts talking with someone to move on and they got jelous? With,Leo,Romeo,Ren,yuri,Jin and Subaru Pls? Like angs to fluff/comfort.

(Sorry for bad english)

The Sting of Deflection - Part 1, Yuri ⟢

ᯓ★ Synopsis: After deflecting away your confession, that same ghoul finds himself battling with feelings he tried to ignore. With Leo, Romeo, Ren, Yuri, Jin, and Subaru

ᯓ★ Tags: slight angst, fluff at the end, jealous!yuri, gn!reader, yuri x reader, jiro makes an appearance, yuri's emotional whiplash

ᯓ★ Word Count: 1.5K

ᯓ★ Notes: Thank you for the request! I ended up taking this in a slightly different direction, so I hope you still like it. I also wrote WAY more than I thought I would, so each ghoul is going to get their own post now haha, I also did not expect myself to write this first part so fast - I cannot promise the other parts will be uploaded as soon, but I will do my best ! (╥ᆺ╥；) Anywhooo, story below the cut! :3

── .✦

Yuri’s mind was racing - full of thoughts of his current experiment, the other three on-going projects he has paused, your curse and his never-ending theories for breaking it, watching the time to make sure Jiro gets his treatments when needed, and -

“Yuri, did you hear me?”

Your voice broke through the chaos of his mind, returning him to the present. You were standing next to him, holding a tray covered in various small medical tools for him. You were also shifting your weight back and forth constantly - so much so that the tools on the try began to slide around.

His eyes narrowed at you in annoyance, “Stand still worm! You are going to cause too many interruptions with all of this movement and I will not have my efficiency affected because you can’t get it together! What is wrong with you?” 

You immediately stilled your movements, your body going as stiff and rigid as a statue. “S-Sorry Yuri! I just got nervous because you didn’t respond to me..” You cast your eyes to the side, blush burning your face and the tops of your ears. Yuri observed your behavior with continued annoyance - this conversation was wasting his precious time! “Well spit it out then so we can move on!”

You took in a breath and hesitated before turning back to face Yuri. The disgruntled look on his face made your heart ache. Squeezing your eyes shut, you repeated your confession to him in one quick breath - “Yuri.. Ireallylikeyouasmorethanafriend a-and would m-maybe reallyliketogoonadatewithyou sometime..!”

Yuri’s face immediately flushed a deep red color as his heart began to pound in his ears. He didn’t understand why your confession affected him the way it did, so he reacted the only way he could - by not addressing it at all and deflecting the feeling. He let out a scoff to shake his nerves off, prompting you to peek at him through your lashes. “I am the great Doctor Isami Yuri! It is only natural for you to fall for me! But I simply do not have the time for a worm such as yourself when there are great medical discoveries awaiting me!” He placed one hand on his chest and gestured grandly with the other with those last few words. Standing up, he grabbed the tray from your hands and walked over to a counter behind you, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will no longer entertain interruptions from my work.”

From behind him, he heard you let out a shaky breath, followed by a sniffle - were you crying? A pang of guilt and something far heavier flooded his system, but he quickly shook it off and pretended to busy himself with the tray. You turned towards the door, making your way to leave. But before you shut the door behind you, you hesitated and said “Thank you for listening to me Yuri. I am sorry to have interrupted your work.”

With that, you shut the door with a soft click, and Yuri finally let out the breath he had been holding. He slapped himself with both hands to clear his mind. Why does it bother me so much if they cried? I have more important things to do than worry about such frivolous things. He squared his shoulders, turning around again to continue his work, only to immediately freeze.

The room Yuri was working in was connected to the larger lab, and had two large windows connecting the spaces for observation purposes. Yuri had expected you to have already left, so he was surprised to see you still there, and even more surprised to see you with Jiro.

The taller ghoul was looking down at you attentively while you gestured with your hands - no doubt telling Jiro about what had transpired moments before. He opened his mouth to reply, placing a hand gently in the middle of your back to guide you over to a chair for you to sit. Yuri’s chest tightened at the sight of Jiro’s hand on you and he felt a compelling urge to stomp out there and yell at Jiro to stop - but he held back the impulse, thinking instead about his still unfinished work.

Just as Yuri was sitting down to resume, movement from that area of the lab caught his eye again, making him glance up. Jiro had apparently left you for a moment, but had now returned. He knelt down in front of you and offered you a chilled bottle of water, and a small packet of tissues. You took both from him, immediately opening the tissues to wipe your face. Jiro watched you closely, then leaned over you to reach for the water bottle you had set aside. He opened it in one swift motion, and offered it to you again. This time his opposite hand held your shoulder as you accepted the water and took a drink. 

Yuri’s jealousy returned, full force, while watching the exchange. But it was the comforting squeeze of your shoulder and the small smile that Jiro gave you that sent him over the edge. Before he could really realize what he was doing, Yuri was up and across the room, throwing open the door to the lab. He marched over to you and Jiro, stopping to cross his arms over his chest and demand, “Would someone like to explain what is happening here?!”

You jumped a little, startled at Yuri’s sudden presence, but Jiro just looked up to Yuri nonchalantly. He released your shoulder and used that hand to gesture to you while saying, “They were experiencing emotional distress. As their doctor, it is my job to help ease their symptoms. Tissues to clean their face, water to make sure they stay hydrated after crying, and physical comfort to help bring them down from their state of distress.” 

You clenched the tissue you were holding and glanced down, embarrassment flushing your face. Jiro was being so kind, you couldn’t say no to his help, but you did not want Yuri to find you in this state. However, to your surprise, Yuri reached out a hand to yours and guided you to stand. “Let me remind you that I am their primary doctor, so it is my job to provide such care to them”, he said to Jiro, snatching the tissue packet from his hands. “And it is almost time for your treatment too, Jiro! Go get ready in the other room. I will be there shortly.”

Jiro stood up from the ground, looking between the two of you with a small smile, “Sure, Yuri.”

With that, Yuri grabbed your wrist and led you back into the room where you both were working. He brought you over to the chair he was previously sitting in, and returned to the door to close it quietly. He let out a shaky breath and turned to you, finding you watching him with wide eyes. He approached you, and knelt down in front of you, similarly to Jiro. Opening the tissue packet, he took one out and gently wiped your face with it.

The gesture was so gentle and sweet - making your heart melt. But it also made you confused - Why is he doing this if he just rejected me?

He let out a small sigh and said, “You are probably wondering why my behavior has been so extreme.” You blinked in surprise, Can he read minds too???

He stopped cleaning your face, glancing down, “I reacted to your..confession very harshly, and in a manner that was not true.” He glanced back up, meeting your eyes. You could see pain there, but also something lighter and sweeter, something like adoration. “Seeing Jiro with you made me, a-ahem, j-jealous- which made me realize how much I actually enjoy the idea of, ahem, s-spending more time with you.”

You watched his face flush with blush again. Holding eye-contact, you knew that this time he was telling the truth, and your heart began hammering in your chest. “Do you mean that, Yuri?”

He gently grasped your hand, “Yes, I do.” He looked at you for a moment before standing and flourishing his arms again, “And the great Doctor Isami Yuri never goes back on his word!” 

You rolled your eyes, but also couldn’t help but giggle at his theatrics. Standing quickly from the chair, you were able to grasp Yuri’s face and bring him down for a quick peck on the cheek. 

He jolted away from you, turning an even deeper shade of red all over, stammering out nonsense, “Why-! You- uh, I mean- we? Wait, no- I mean, us- ah-”

You smiled at him, picking up the tray from before and resuming your position next to his chair. “I would be delighted to spend more time with you, Doctor. But first we have an experiment to complete.”

He ran his hand over his face as if to rub off his blush. Giving a quick laugh he replied, “Yes, you are right. Let us continue.” He made his way over, taking his rightful place by your side.

── .✦

[i-write-things-sometimes]

i figured some of y'all would get a kick out of my outline for better off alone part 5. so here's some of my favs in it lmao

under the cut for the following cw:

-suicide mention -self harm mention -ableism comment

Ritsu:

Romeo:

Taiga:

Haku:

Zenji:

Subaru:

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Hii Aya!♡

Could I have a double espresso with a croissant and a red velvet cake, please? If it’s not too much(´∀｀) I’ll be visiting with Ren!٩(^‿^)۶

Order up! Double Espresso (University AU) and a Croissant (Roommates) [I only take two prompts at a time, sorry!]

The loud slam of the front door was pretty much all the warning you needed in regards to Ren's mood as he arrived in your shared apartment.

And if that wasn't enough to make the situation immediately clear, the way he scurried away like a frightened cat without as much as a hello and immediately shut himself in his room was a dead giveaway.

Ren didn't have a good day.

Not that he seemed to have ever had a single good day in his whole life, what with how grumpy he constantly was – complaining about his classes, complaining about his seniors, complaining about the fact that he had a roommate and so on and so forth.

But usually, he'd stop by the living room and make some snarky comment about whatever you were watching, or call you a nerd if you were studying – his unorthodox way of finding excuses to chat. You knew that deep inside that bitter little heart, he had some fondness for you, despite knowing he would deny it vehemently.

Regardless, he would spend at least a few minutes talking to you after getting home from classes or his part-time job, enough for you to know that he's okay (or as okay as his moody ass can be) before shutting himself in his room to play his countless mobile games or watch the worst movies imaginable. The fact that he skipped this whole part of his daily routine sent off alarm bells in your mind.

And so, without much thought, you got up with a sigh, kicking the cozy weighted blanket you always kept neatly folded on your side of the couch, and went to the kitchen, absent-mindedly looking for his favorite ramen packets and snacks.

Honestly, you don't really know when you started liking Ren. You just know that you do. Maybe you're a bit masochist, or maybe the consistent domesticity of living with him for months softened your heart, but you were pretty much aware of the feelings that were safely tucked there, in your chest.

But you didn't plan on confessing nor acting on them at all. Ren avoided every type of relationship like a plague (you never even remember if he ever mentioned friends beside you), but most of all: you didn't want to make your living situation weird – the apartment is comfy and rent is cheap; no way you'd lose that just to get a broken heart in return.

However, you still cared for him. Maybe more than what a normal friend (let alone a roommate) would do, and maybe more than what Ren deserved, but still. You liked him, so being gentle was more of an instinct than conscious thought.

Which is how you ended up in front of his door a few minutes later, softly knocking against it in an attempt to tear him away from his cave and maybe pacify the little monster inside his head.

You were positively relentless. Despite your knocking being careful and low enough to almost go unnoticed, it rang inside Ren’s head like a gong. It was annoying, like pretty much everything in his day, so he groaned against his pillow, curling himself into a ball to make himself smaller, trying to will his body into fusing with his bed so maybe that way he would never have to step outside ever again.

“Ren, come on.” You voice came through the door a little muffled. “I know you’re in a bad mood, but you need to at least eat a little. I promise I’ll let you go back to your room as soon as you’re finished.”

He turned his head to the side, glaring at the door as if he could burn you with a laser beam.

“I don't wanna go out, I want a trillion bucks, a mansion in an isolated island with perfect internet, and no one else to bother me ever again.”

You rolled your eyes and leaned your forehead against the small gap between his door and the hallway's wall, in order to make your voice reach him a bit louder.

“Okay, I get it, but you can't plan for your future total isolation in an empty stomach, can you?”

Ren groaned, rubbing his face against his pillow aggressively.

“Leave me alone!!”

“I even got you your favorite ramen packets. I know you were out of them, so I got some last time I went grocery shopping. I promise I won't even nag you to eat healthy. You can eat as much sodium as you want today.”

That made him pause.

It pissed him off a little, how caring you were sometimes. He was pretty sure you were a little off in the head because usually anyone else would have left him alone a long time ago due to his disagreeable behavior.

Ren knew he wasn't the most pleasant person to be around, but after a while, he wholeheartedly accepted his own nastiness as his own way of protecting himself. He truly didn't need a repeat of elementary school, when he still tried to make connections and was thoroughly bullied for being just a little off the mark. If no one wanted to accept him, then they can all go fuck themselves and he'll happily be the one to tell them that.

He wasn't used to someone trying to go through his barriers. He never even knew there were gaps in the walls that surrounded him before you managed to keep squeezing yourself through them day after day after day.

It was annoying. Disconcerting.

You knocked again.

“Did you listen? I got your favorite–”

“Yeah, yeah. I did.” Ren rolled his eyes and slowly pushed himself off of his bed with a sigh. “Just a sec.”

“Really?!” You gasped. “I mean, okay. Take your time! But, like, not that long either, I don't want the water to go cold.” You babbled, making him heave a long sigh yet again, as he quickly changed into his old and ratty loungewear.

The door flew open suddenly and you flinched.

“My god, I'm here, you're so persistent.” He mumbled, running a hand through his tousled hair.

You gulped and licked your lips as the scent of his cologne flooded your senses, being so close to his room and himself. You cursed yourself for thinking he still looked pretty despite being dressed like a homeless man.

“So?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Huh?” Your eyes snapped back to his face and you didn't even realize you were ogling the way his sweatpants hugged his hips a bit too low.

He cleared his throat and looked away, feeling his ears go warm when he noticed your lingering stare.

“The- the packets. Ramen. Where are they.” He mumbled.

“Oh! Yeah!” You blinked. “I set them on the coffee table in front of the TV.” You point at the living room as you begin walking towards it and motion with your head for him to follow.

Ren stopped right behind the couch and eyed the table with a squint. There was a teapot, steaming with boiling water, right beside the ramen packets, but you also had hooked up an old, dusty game console to the TV, which played the mind-numbing 8-bit tune of a crappy co-op game.

He tilted his head.

“I thought you said I could just eat and go back to my room?”

You shrugged, walking around the couch and plopping yourself on your usual seat.

“You can, I just turned that on in the off case you wanted to distract yourself with something else besides your mobile games for once.” you murmured with a pout and grabbed a ramen cup for yourself, immediately going through the usual motions of pouring boiling water into it.

He raised an eyebrow as he sat right next to you.

“I thought you didn't eat this type of food.”

“I mean…” you set a timer on your phone, staring at it as if it would make the time pass by faster. “Once in a while is okay, isn’t it? And I think you need some moral support right now.”

Ren pursed his lips in a thin line and grabbed the cups, reading each label. You really had bought all of his favorites. How the fuck did you even know his favorites?

He stared at you from the corner of his azure eyes.

“Why are you doing this?”

You stared back for a moment and grabbed the cup, pointedly ignoring how it still had 20 seconds to go before being ready to consume.

“You know,” you opened the lid, blowing softly “When you're really upset, you do this thing with your eyebrows and mouth.”

Ren tilted his head in confusion and you couldn't help but think he looked like a puppy sometimes.

“What thing?”

“Like… You scrunch your eyebrows and your lips are very downturned.” You mimicked the expression before dipping the hashi and mixing the noodles. He scoffed.

“That's called frowning. Probably a billion other humans do this when they’re upset too.”

“Noooo, stop. It's different.” You pursed your lips, suppressing a smile.

He hummed, suspicious.

“How so?”

You stared at him.

You couldn't say how he normally just pouted, slumped his shoulders and crossed his arms like a spoiled brat when he was his ‘usual flavor’ of upset.

You couldn't tell that when he was truly upset, like now, his eyes looked dimmed and unfocused, as if his gaze was lost, pining for somewhere distant. As if he was ready to be taken by a tidal wave and taken some place else; some place completely out of reach for you.

You couldn't say that. That would be too much.

So you just shrugged.

“I don't know, it's just different. Anyway. Do you wanna talk about what happened today?”

You changed the subject abruptly and Ren noticed, but his back was hurting and his stomach was growling. He didn't have it in him to pursue whatever thoughts were running deep into the recesses of your mind. Maybe you were right. Thinking on an empty stomach does seem impossible.

He sighed loudly, shaking his head as he picked up his favorite ramen cup, quickly opening the lid and pouring boiling water into it.

“Nah. Just the same stuff as always. Loud people, nosy people. Assignments and a job I hate. I'm just tired.”

You nodded.

“Just remember, you only need to put up with all of this for 4 years in total.” You held up four fingers. “After that, you can bid farewell to everything that annoys you, even me.” You said with a self-deprecating smile before taking a bite of the noodles.

Ren stared at you for what felt like an eternity as you ate. For whatever reason, he hated what you just said; and his own feelings took him by surprise.

The thought of being alone after those months in which you had been there with him as the only good company, the only one who understood him, the only positive influence in his days... it hung a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach.

A foreign bitterness coated his mouth, and he opened the lid of his ramen cup, taking a huge bite and almost burning his tongue in the process. But at least it took his mind out of his thoughts.

“… You don't annoy me.” he mumbled after swallowing and putting the cup back down.

“What?”

“You don't annoy me.” he repeated, louder.

“Oh. Really?” you widened your eyes.

“Yeah. Really.”

You hummed, pensive.

“Does that mean I get to be in your game's guild for more than 4 years?” You smirked mischievously, hoping you could hide how giddy you felt behind your words.

Ren grabbed one of the napkins on the table and threw it in your direction, scoffing, and immediately picked up his ramen cup again.

The steam rose against his face. For that short moment, he could blame it for the redness on his cheeks and the tip of his ears.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you as you ate, the 8-bit music still looping in the background, but the heightened awareness of each other being so close to one another made it less overbearing.

Ren placed the now empty cup back on the table with a sigh.

“Um…” he began “Thank… thank you. For this.”

You shrugged with a smile and placed your cup right beside his. “No problem.”

Ren fiddled with the string of his old hoodie, eyes flitting towards the tv and back to you as you leaned comfortably against the couch, eyes half-lidded as you stared at the screen as well. He began restlessly shaking his feet before finally speaking up after a whole minute.

“Should- should we try this old ass game then?” He mumbled and pointed at the tv. You immediately straightened up.

“Ohh, I was hoping you'd say that! I really wanted to try, but since it's co-op, I was afraid you wouldn't be interested in it.” You say, quickly getting up and grabbing the two old controllers. "It's split-screen, so I hope you have 20/20 vision, otherwise we'll have a hard time!"

Ren could feel the corners of his lips tug upwards at your enthusiasm and the way you rambled and handed the controller to him with the utmost care.

With an old, beat-up controller in his hand, and you happily sat by his side, Ren's heart lurched forward in the same way it did whenever he knew something important was about to happen.

It was then that he decided he needed to make sure you'd stay with him for longer than only four years.

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Guess what! Ya girl had a random spark of inspiration \(⌒0⌒)/ (don't expect this too often, if at all)

Hope

So basically, you decide to test out the theory that the Kyklos is strong enough to protect you against other curses. How you convince Rui to test it out? No idea.

Your gaze crawls from your linked hands, up his arm, and finally toward his face. Rui's face was lowered and turned away slightly, but you could tell his eyes were slammed shut. The tension in his shoulders seemed to tighten more and more with each shaky breath. You want nothing more than to reassure him that you're okay. Nothing bad was happening, but the cold lump in your throat wouldn't let you speak. As if the vibrations of your voice were enough to break whatever momentum was building.

This is a big breakthrough, was all the hope you could muster. Your year was almost over. Would it be too naive to hope now? Maybe just a little. Maybe for this tiny quiet moment, you can pretend it'll get better.

But Rui...

You squeeze his hand once. Noticing for the first time tiny scars and cuts all over the pale skin. His head shoots up suddenly before you can speculate further. His face was flushed and tense. Eyes nearly overflowing with tears that refuse to fall.

The seconds inch forward as his face morphs from grief to shock to confusion. Your eyes connect and you can sense a bit of a different emotion. Though there's nothing different about them, you swear you can see slight glow in his eyes.

"You're okay..." The question is more of a sigh than a whisper, with a broken shutter at the end.

Your face relaxes as the corners of your mouth rise upward.

"I'm okay."

[i-write-things-sometimes]

now that i've edited the last part (i'm fairly certain i gotta go back to the other 3 too to proof-read lmao)

it's time to start working on part 5 :)

man i love re-reading what i've written and noticing every. little. mistake. holyyyy i'm surprised this was vaguely legible in some sections lmao

[i-write-things-sometimes]

man i love re-reading what i've written and noticing every. little. mistake. holyyyy i'm surprised this was vaguely legible in some sections lmao

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Better Off Alone (Part 4)

context: mc gets the closure she needs from the vagastrom and jabberwock ghouls

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

mc pov: feminine 3rd person (she/her), frequent scene changes marked clearly

content warnings: conversations, mentions, and consequences to attempted suicide; the consequences of depression, self-depreciation, and general mental unwellness.

author notes: thank you all so much for your supportive words ;u; i really appreciate them. it helps me have the will to continue and not have yet another unfinished wip lmao, not as big as the last one, but still a hefty 9.1k words (i will make the note in advance that if any of the actions of the characters in this feel slightly ooc, that rash actions of a loved one can cause a person to act in that manner. i've done my best to convey what each personality type may do in response to the actions taken in part 2.)

THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER THE EVENTS OF CHAPTER 7 BUT BEFORE CHAPTER 8 (so mc knowledge reflects that)

================================================

On a typical day, Alan would have stood ground against Jin disciplining a Vagastrom student - a ghoul, even - the Vice-Captain, even! This was not a typical day, however, but a somber night where someone he cared about was giving them all a chance to say farewell. It was his turn to enter the building and offer up words of consolation, and so someone had to keep Leo in line. It could only be the only other somewhat responsible captain in the group - someone not afraid to stand their ground, not afraid to put a demon like his vice-captain in place.

He'd take care of it after he was done. For now, it was to walk through the door and hope that his biggest weakness wouldn't come back to bite him.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

"Alan, I want you to know just how grateful I am for all the help you've given me. Even without grand speeches and monologues, even without words in general. You were a good pillar of support for me, even if fear kept you from saying much - but I'm afraid that you'll crumble without support of your own. When I'm gone, I want you to not fear becoming close with another; find a pillar of your own, if you don't have one. I wish I could have been strong enough to do so for you."

+++

What would a man of few words say to someone who needed them to continue living?

What would a man afraid of himself say to someone who needed his support?

Alan's stride didn't waste time, he would think about his words and what to say once he's seen her. Once he's seated and next to her. Though her blank stare at the ceiling sparked a different fear in him - one that made him want to make his exit without another thought. Except he couldn't. He couldn't be the reason she had no chance to live, couldn't be the reason for her disappearance.

Her eyes fell to him before he snapped out of whatever trance made him focus on her like a deer in headlights. The soft smile she gave him had his heart crying out, had him wish he was more comforting, had him begging to something to give him the strength to send her off if she chose to leave. Then they moved to the chair beside her, beckoning him wordlessly to her side. He followed.

He sat down, fixed a pointed gaze at her neck. Without seeing for himself what transpired, he could still envision it. He's seen this before, he's sure; some poor sod either murdered and set up or felt so fed up with the hells on earth or an anomaly driving someone to an early grave. He's sure he's seen enough death to imagine hers.

It didn't make this any easier. Or better. It didn't even justify it.

He let out the heaviest sigh, weighed down by so many regrets. So many words that never made it past the filter of fear in his mind. Where was he supposed to start? He already knew the why of it, or most of it, at least. It was easy to see on the outside. Being forced on these dangerous missions without the ability to move nimbly, without the ability to stand for long periods of time; to be forced to go undercover without the aid of mobility. Then, being tormented by everyone about it. He could already picture the amount of pain she must have been in to be here. To him, it was blatantly visible... and yet...

"..." He closed his eyes. "...tell me what you're thinking." "Right now?" "Yeah." "How much pain I'm in, stuck suffering minute after second wondering if I'll ever be free of it. Thinking how I would love to just... be gone. To be forgotten. It hurts even more, the more people tell me how much they care - how low and wretched of a creature I must be to hurt all of these people I've done nothing but care about." "...while neglecting yourself." He leaned back in the chair, folding his arms over his chest. Breathed deeply on her behalf while he searched for the words. Thankfully, she spoke first.

"Y'know... you're one of the few who noticed. Who didn't push me to do more than I could. Always asked if I was doing alright. One of the few who didn't take advantage of my kindness." She continued to smile for him. "After everything I was told of you, you happened to be the opposite of it all. I feel like... you would still be like this, even if I wasn't so weak." "You aren't weak." "So it seems a lot of you believe." She tilted her head. "You're so gentle, soft-spoken. Even if you come off as gruff, it seems you're just as shy." "Shy is a new one." She laughed. It was beautiful, one that could make hearts melt - like his.

"Not shy as in timid, but... shy as in cautious. You certainly aren't timid of your thoughts... but you are of yourself." "I don't want to hurt you." "What makes you think you will?" "I always do. Past and present." "Well, your past doesn't define you. It's the growth from it that does. And you've yet to hurt me in the present." He blinked at her, the first to tell him something he agreed with but never applied to himself - as if he were the exception. But here she was, including him. He closed his eyes to think carefully his next words. They were as soft as she perceived him to be. "Yet. Would the chance be there if you stayed?" "I suppose, but you seem to have very little trust in yourself. Then, that leaves the if I don't stay. You can't hurt me if I'm dead." "..." When he grit his teeth, she could almost hear them grinding together. "...Like the rest, I... I want you to stay." "Even if there's the chance you could hurt me?" "Yes." "Why?" She knew the answer. She just wanted him to think it over. To come to the conclusion himself. To see himself in a different light. "...because it... isn't guaranteed that I will."

She smiled again, satisfied that he was able to speak the words out loud. She repeated them. "Because it isn't guaranteed that you will." For some reason, he couldn't help but return the gentle smile she gave him. "You can be manipulative if you want to be." "I can. Usually, I don't, though." She hummed. "What would you do if I didn't stay?" "I don't know." The answer was simple. How would he grieve a woman who wanted to be forgotten? How would he mourn her? Would he be able to come to terms with the loss of her? The loss of someone who seemed to understand him? Who respected and admired him without fear? The words fell from him again. "I don't know."

"Why?" "Don't I know?" "Yeah." "Because there's a piece of you in everything I do." Despite being a man of little words, he always seemed to know what to say. Seemed to know exactly what he felt and how to convey it. "I wouldn't know what to do, if everything I do is filled with you. You want to be forgotten and as much as I want to respect your wishes... I can't. I don't know what I would do if you were gone." "..." Her eyes turned back to the ceiling, trying to process it. The way he thought about her was so straightforward. He left no room for misunderstanding. Why did that make this even harder? "You don't fear me." "Why would I? You've done nothing to make me think you're dangerous to my well-being. ...Maybe an anomaly's well-being. But not mine." "You're a human. A general student with a fancy title. You're the first."

He wanted to believe her words. That he wasn't dangerous. She looked back at him and lifted a hand towards him. "Scoot a bit closer to the bed." Quietly, he did so. He kept his thoughts to himself for now, they weren't necessary. Not relevant. Whatever he was thinking froze completely when she placed her hand on his cheek. She could feel him tense up, every muscle held still; and she kept it there until he relaxed. Until he relented, leaning his head more into her palm. "If I'm gone, and you can't forget me, then... remember my words. Your past doesn't define you. Don't fear yourself. Continue to be kind and understanding." "... please stay..." "If I choose to, then... you promise me: you'll give me the biggest hug you can." He laughed under breath. "I promise." "Good. Now, when you leave here, you take Leo's phone from him until he's done. I don't want him recording or live-streaming or blogging or anything of the sort while he's in here." "Jin already did." Her laugh rang out again, echoing off the empty walls. It was funny how predictable she was to him, just as he was to her. She continued to smile for him, idly rubbing her thumb under his eye. He closed them, taking another breath, as if to steel himself for the inevitable, permanent, goodbye.

He pressed a gentle kiss to her palm. "I know it hurts you to hear it... I hope you can forgive me, hurting you like this. But. I love you." It wasn't the first time she heard it. Even though this was seventh time thus far, it still hit her ears in the same way a foreign language would. Too alien of a concept to understand. All of these people with their dramatic confessions (his was the least by far)... why couldn't they have done them earlier? Made her feel loved and whole and not... whatever she was. He stood up slowly, taking her hand from his face to hold gingerly. The gentlest squeeze was followed by two simple sentences. "You're important. If you aren't to them, then you are to me."

Then he was gone.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

When Alan stepped outside, he was met with Leo's phone being handed over to him. Either his demands to discipline those under his colors were being respected, or more likely, Jin knew that she would ask Alan to take the phone.

The screen wasn't locked, however. Open to Leo's social media. Jin tapped the edge of it. "You should read what he posted before I took it from him." Alan was more than glad it was already open to where it needed to be - god forbid he would navigate technology while this stressed. He looked down at it, eyes flickering over the words. Reading and re-reading.

"Sorry guys, I know I was supposed to stream for you tonight, but something important came up."

It was simple. Short. Most of all: it made no mention of her. No guilt-trips. No cries for attention. In fact, he straight up cancelled his stream instead of pushing it back for later in the night. It felt almost unreal. He was certain - they were all certain - that Leo would do anything to grow his follower and viewer count, including taking advantage of the position she was currently in. He locked the phone and approached his vice-captain - who peered up at him from the nearby curb with disdainful boredom.

"The sooner you get in there, the sooner you can have it back." "Ugh. Seriously? Let me guess, Ice Queen Elsa did it of his own volition and then Honor Roll told you to. Fine. I'll get it over with." He jumped to his feet and yelled at Sho, who was just about to take his turn. "Sho! I'm going next!" The man regarded him with nothing more than a smug smile. "Oh, is that right? Like her that much?" "Ew. No, she just needs to stop acting like she's the main character of everyone's story." "Go right ahead, I'm sure she'll love to hear it." Sho opened the door for his supposed friend, smile still plastered on his face.

+++

"Leo. I'd call you an asshole, but you'd probably only laugh at it. You relish in others' anger towards you, like it's all just the funniest joke to you. To be honest, I don't know what to say to you. My loathing of you has hit a level so high, that it has me feeling nothing towards you. Now, you're just an insignificant mosquito in what is left of my life. I'd wish for your misfortune if I had the ability to care that much about you. But I don't. So. I hope you had fun with your one-sided rivalry, and maybe you won't feel so insecure when I'm gone."

+++

No one wanted to get this done and over with faster than he did.

And as much as he didn't want to admit it, it was for more reasons than he simply wanted his phone back. His only escape.

From Darkwick.

From reality.

From himself and all the emotions that came with it.

From the disgustingly meaningless people around him...

How could she be the most meaningful meaningless person out there? It was infuriating just how much space she took up in his mind. He had other things to worry about! He could be thinking about so many other people - from his fans, to digging up more information on the ghouls and the Institute.

Instead, all of those thoughts were replaced with HER. This stupid NPC of his life, useless and worthless. Constantly in the way, constantly dragging everyone down - constantly dragging him down.

He made it to the room in record time, a brisk walk taking him to the chair beside her bed.

Why the hell should he care about her? Because everyone else wants him too? Because she continued to be in his way, continued to be kind to him no matter how many times he treated her like a roach, continued to look for ways to help even if it was nothing but a waste of time? Because she was laying in this bed in front of him, hooked up to machines, looking more pathetic than ever? Because she tried to kill herself? Why should he care about what she wants to do with her life?

Before he even had a chance to open his mouth, she spoke. "To be honest, I'm surprised you even showed up." "As if I was given a choice. So now here I am." "So now here you are." She sighed. "What are you going to do about it?" "Why the fuck does it matter to you, if you're so dead set on dying?" "You're right. Stupid of me to ask. Get out." "Like hell I'm leaving!" "Going to fulfill a time quota, then? Since when have you cared about what others think of you enough to cower behind a set of doors for ten minutes? If you think I'm pathetic, at least I'm not you."

He clenched his jaw, biting back his tongue when she dragged him down. Bit back the insatiable want of bringing her down with him. But how much further could he actually drag her? She already found herself worthy enough for the worms, lower than dirt, six feet under - it's not like he could do any more damage short of killing her, himself.

"You're a real piece of shit." Leo scowled at her. "Woe is me, my life is worthless. Pay attention to me, I tried to kill myself." A mocking, sarcastic, tone dripped through his teeth like a black ichor. His glare was met with the taciturn stare at him from the corner of her eye. "You couldn't even finish the job! Couldn't have done this sooner and saved us all the effort?" "..." She let out sigh out through her nose. "You're right. I should've. Would've saved me the effort too." "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" "Everything. Are we done here?" "You're not supposed to agree with everything I say!" "No? Then what am I suppose to do? Plea to a heart that doesn't exist? Apologize to someone who couldn't care any less about me? You're a joke, Leo. Fuck off."

She was really pissing him off. Angered to the point of silence, a speechlessness that could burst several veins. Why the fuck does he care so much?! She's nothing! A pain in the ass! An NPC that deserves no face and no name! "You really think you're important enough to--" "Fuck. Off. Before I call Jiro." "No!" She shook her head. "Why, then? Is this some sick form of entertainment for you? That's low, even for you." How was she taking up this much space in his mind - she pissed him off, and so he kept thinking about her, and thinking about her, and thinking about her. Thinking about how annoying she was. Thinking about how stupid it was to take her on missions. Thinking about- thinking about- thinking about--

All he ever did was think about her! He couldn't even enjoy a night of streaming, or a long bath, or anything because his mind was filled up with her! He's wasted months and months and months just thinking about her, and now she was threatening to make him think about her even more! If she died, that's all he'd think about! He'd think about how empty his life was without this useless useful girl - think about everything he said to her before she died - think about everything he could have said to her. He didn't even know he could feel remorse!

"You think I like looking at you laying in a hospital bed, playing victim? You think I enjoy looking at that eyesore on your neck? You think I want to be here?" "No, I don't think you want to be here. I never have." "Well, I do!" "...huh?" The sound fell flat from her mouth. She furrowed her brow at him. No, she definitely wasn't going to believe a word that came from his mouth. "Ugh!" He stood up, throwing his arms up with the exclamation. He turned himself away from her, but raised his voice anyways. "It pisses me off how much bandwidth you take up!" She tilted her head at him, even if he couldn't see the disbelief that painted her face. "...huh?" Now she was even more confused. Sure, she could piece it together - but anyone would've been thrown off by it.

"Uhh..." "You really are stupid!" When she came to from the brief state of catatonic confusion, she decided to use it to her advantage. She stayed silent. "If you had been anyone else-" His sigh sounded more like a hiss, than anything. "You really piss me off. I don't know how you do it. How you manage to make me angrier than anyone I've ever met. But I'm still here - against my will. I'm still here willfully, even, and that makes me hate you more. It's like a fucking cycle. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you and the more I fucking hate you the more I fucking love you."

She stared at him blankly - how else was she supposed to respond? They weren't the words she thought she'd ever hear from him, but it was somewhat humorous that he would rather admit that he was in love with her than to apologize for being a shitty person. The humor part hit her a little harder than the confusion, and all she could manage was a small laugh.

"Fuck you!" And in grand Leo fashion, he stormed off. "Leo!" "No! I don't want to fucking hear it - or anything you have to say." Still, he stopped walking. "If I'm gone in the morning, you have my permission to use my passing in any way you'd like." "My followers like you too much, so you better not be fucking gone in the morning. Not after this shit." Even though she couldn't see it, she could still hear it - how his voice cracked under the strain of remaining indifferent, beset by tears he said he wouldn't shed.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

Leo didn't even stop for his phone, he simply threw himself down on the curb away from everyone else. Even when Alan passed it back to him, he practically threw it away from himself. He didn't want the reminder when he opened the phone back up. He didn't want the "I hope everything's okay"s from his fans.

No, everything was not okay!

Why the hell was he so upset?! He knew why, but why?! "Fuck this!" He was the first to truly leave the area - the others stayed so far, if only for solace in knowing that they weren't alone in this. He scooped up is phone and kept walking back to Vagastrom.

Sho rubbed the back of his head. "That was... new. Somehow, not unexpected. Guess it's my turn, then."

+++

"Sho, when I first met you, I wasn't sure what to think. You attached yourself to Leo, and that alone made me mistrust you. Whenever you were away from him, however, you showed your true colors - caring and willing to help. I wish those colors shone more brightly on our mission together. Your hesitation nearly cost me my life... though I guess at this point it wouldn't have mattered either way. When I'm gone, if Leo keeps holding you back, ditch him no matter the consequences. You don't deserve that fate. P.S. keep pursuing your cooking career, it makes me glad to see you enjoying your own hard work."

+++

Where normally he would find his pace to be taken with purpose and confidence... he only found himself slowing down with each step. He didn't know what he was going to see, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. The words in her card were enough, maybe.

But what about his own words?

They all fell apart when he saw her, vanished when he took in what could possibly be the last place he'd see her. This scene of despair and helplessness. What could he have done to keep this from happening?

So many things, he thought. So many, many, things.

Keep Leo from being an ass, check on her more frequently when he noticed something wrong, take her pain and work into consideration... not hesitate when her life was in danger. In his defense, this was his first mission of this caliber - how was he supposed to know? Of course, there was the situation regarding the enhancement of his stigma, but...

Did it not work because he thought about how it wouldn't work? About pretending? His full belief that it wouldn't work, only to do so right afterwards when he believed it would? It was the feeling of relief that was strange to him - like his anxieties melted away for the briefest moment. He thought it was the ring, at first, but now... he realized, it must just be her.

His feet took him to the chair in a somber silence. Her presence was always soothing, full of life, fleeting like rays of sunshine at sunset. There was a crease in his brow when he thought of her like that - soon to be gone, replaced by a darkness that he didn't think he could handle alone. When he finally spoke, he tried to distract himself from the sadness in front of him.

"I tried bringing you meals, but they wouldn't take outside food." "Not to mention that I'm not allowed to have solids, at the moment. I appreciate the thought of the gesture, though. It would've been nice to taste your cooking again before I'm gone." "...do you have to go?" "Have to? No. Want to? Yes. I just want you all to forget me, but I seem to be having a hard time convincing anyone to." Sho let out a short snort of a laugh. "You've left more of an impression than you think, Senpai."

That didn't seem to be the correct answer, as she turned a skeptical gaze towards him. Perhaps an impression of annoyance, but nothing significant. Nothing so intense enough to warrant all of this attention. Attention she didn't want to begin with.

"And what kind of impression did I leave on you?" "I'd have to change the sign for the truck if you left. You picked the font, the colors, the size and details. Every bit of it would remind me that you'd never try anything new I'd make." "Simple changes." "You would think, huh? But that sign took forever. I don't think I could get rid of it - even if I took it down. I couldn't possibly forget the work you put into it. Not to mention..."

He turned his head away, avoiding eye-contact by pretending to examine the room. "Your strength to keep going has kept me going. If you're gone, where will that strength be? I... don't think I'm strong enough to face the future without you." "I know you are." "You should've seen Leo after he left. I've never seen him so... helplessly angry before." He let out a soft laugh. "If I had the guts to cut him loose, I would. But he's my friend, regardless." "A shitty one." "...yeah, most of the time. You always took his cuts and jabs in stride, it helped me do the same. Maybe one day I'll get tired of it."

She followed his eyes to the blank wall ahead of her. "In stride... right..." "We should've seen it. We should've known. You've always been so attentive of all of us, and we couldn't even return the favor. Now we're here, with a reminder that we may never see you again." "Maybe you should've, yes. It wasn't all that difficult to see how much pain I was in." "...no, it wasn't. And we all ignored it. Ignored the signs, thinking they'd resolve themselves. In a way, I guess they are... not in the way I'd like it, though." "In what way would you like it?" "With your hand in mine. Taking you for a ride on Bonnie. The wind in your hair could do you some good. Being stuck in here, then in a coffin - you'd never taste fresh air again, before you go."

He turned back to her, taking in the bruise on her neck - grimacing afterwards with the words that could've been seen as inappropriate. She only laughed. "Maybe that's for the best. I'm not sure I want it." "Why not?" "It would mean being alive still. Still in pain. Still suffering. If the air is stale, I'll feel more likely to take it away completely." Sho let out a heavy sigh, an apologetic smile crossed his features. "I wish I could take that pain from you. Suffer it myself so you could relax." "Me too."

How was he supposed to say it? How was he supposed to tell her? She wanted to be gone, and much like Alan, there was too much around him to remind him of her. If he was going to be constantly reminded of her presence in his life, he'd rather she be alive and next to him. He'd rather have her encouragement through words he could hear and not words he would think. Feel the comfort she gave him, the fleeting feeling of everything being okay.

Like the sunshine in the setting sun.

"...god, please stay..." He ground his teeth together. "To never see you again, I don't think I could do it. I'd see the ghost of you every where. In line at the truck, the side of the road while on a drive, walking to and from class and between houses." "Ghosts fade eventually. You should know that, we had a whole mission about it." She could only laugh, yet that seemed to spur something in him - something he couldn't place his finger on. All he knew was that it was something painful. "How can you be so damn carefree about this?!" He scowled. Her soft smile only made this worse. "So... so... apathetic to the thought of leaving us, to the pain you're going to cause." "Trust me... I'm keenly aware of the pain I'm causing. Whether I'm dead or alive. At least... if I'm gone, you won't be so focused on keeping me safe. You can focus on your missions. It's one less thing to worry about." "No matter what we say... you'll find a reason, won't you." "It seems so." He leaned his head back to look at the ceiling, letting out a defeated sigh. "...if you decide to stay... tell me what your favorite food is. I'll make it for you. I'd ask now, but if you leave, I don't want anymore reminders."

He stood up slowly, hesitating as much leaving as he had entering. She held out her arms for him, and who was he to deny what could be the last hug he'd ever get from her? When he leaned over, he pressed his lips to the side of her head - letting out a trembling sigh against her ear. "Stay... please stay... I love you too much to see you gone..." "Thank you, Sho. Please... forgive me if I leave. Or. Don't... maybe it'll make it easier. To think of it like a betrayal. Anyways. I have a feeling... it's... Haru, next?" "Nah, it's the vice-captain." "Really?" She couldn't hide her surprise, only to smile softly. "Promise me something..." "Yeah?" "Keep being everyone's friend for me?" "...I'll try. But that's your job, Senpai. So. Don't make me do your job for you." When he pulled himself back, he rubbed an eye with the heel of his palm - forcing back his tears, if only to see her off with a smile. "See you tomorrow."

+++ ++ + ++ +++

"Towa, I'm sorry that I'm betraying you like this. You don't deserve the pain of loss, and here I am, giving it to you. I... am concerned, though, that you may not fully understand what's going on. I feel terrible assuming the worst, but, there's plenty of other human emotions and social cues that seem lost on you - I don't fault you for them, but rather... that this makes it even more difficult to explain. I hope Haru can explain for me. When I'm gone, please be nicer to Ren - start with changing the nickname you've given him. And... keep being a good friend to Haru."

+++

Towa was another one a lot of them felt wouldn't put in the same effort everyone else was. Not due to an extreme ego, like Leo; nor extreme selective amnesia, like Taiga; but with an extreme innocence. How would someone learning social cues like a child understand someone's dissatisfaction with their lives and fate like this? Haru was put into the unfortunate position of not only the burden of knowing, but the burden of teaching too.

As anyone could have expected, his ability to grasp something of this nature was... lacking. A barrage of "why"s were asked, now filling up his mind as he peered around the corner of room. Why would she not want to be alive anymore? Why would she want to leave them all behind? How was he supposed to share all of his favorite flowers with her if she never came back? How was he supposed to learn more about romance if she wasn't around to teach him?

"Poor Dandelion..." He cooed softly, still loud enough to echo across the room from the empty walls. He tilted his head when his eyes trailed to the mark on her neck. Maybe he understood more than anyone gave him credit for. While he could never see himself committing an act like this, he's certainly seen enough unfortunate souls to know a doomed one from another.

He didn't, however, know that hers was one of them.

Here she was, wilting in the opposite direction of her namesake. No longer filled with happiness-laced eyes, no longer believing she was loved or could be loved. If there was ever an antonym for romance, it was this scene.

He sat down in the chair beside her, scooting it forward enough to lean his arms on the edge of the bed. He rested his head on them, turned towards her with a wistfully ignorant smile. "Come home with me, Dandelion. I can take care of you. I can protect you."

"I'm sorry, Towa..." She returned the expression, though she wasn't sure how to explain to him how she felt. She had read a few books to learn why he came up with such a name for her, and floral names for those around him - maybe she could use that. "Maybe... it's best if you change my name..."

"What would you change it to?" "Have you seen an asclepias before? They're beautiful. They attract so many butterflies. And they match Jabberwock's colors. I think that'd be a perfect name."

He understood, then. It was there that pain writ across his features, disbelief that she'd say such a thing. "No! No, no, Dandelion - that name is too much. Too tragic and painful..." "It's how I feel too..." "..." His eyes turned down, away from her face. Asking to be named that seemed to make him understand more than any words Haru could have spoken. "Of course, any flowers that speak sorrow are more fitting of me than anything romantic. But... I think that one fits the most. Because... I want you to let me go. I don't... think I can keep going." "They all hurt you, didn't they... they made you want to be forgotten and alone... but no dandelion grows alone." "Most of them did. Not all of them, but..." She wasn't sure how to explain that his liveliness and inability to listen also hurt her, physically, at least. She knew he didn't mean to. "If I did leave forever, I'd still want you to change my name... what would you change it to?"

Towa smiled a little more. "Forget-Me-Not."

Her smile fell into a pained grimace, where she could only cough out a sob. "Please... I don't want to be remembered... please don't..." "Why not, Dandelion? If you have a name, you'll always be remembered. Why does the name matter? You're already a pressed flower in everyone's journal." "It hurts..." She cried. "It hurts so much... how everyone only started caring when I tried to take my own life. Only when their useful tool was nearly taken from them. It hurts when they all tell me they love me, knowing that I've hurt them... it makes me feel worse. I'm a terrible person for it... doing this to all of you..."

He watched her curiously as she cried, as she vented out everything she had said before. "I'm in so much pain... all the time. In my body, my head, my heart... everything is in so much pain... I guess... Aloe would be a good name for me too..." "Marigold." "Fitting... in a twisted way." "You're feeling twisted anyways. I wish I could untangle you, Dandelion. I can do so many things if you ask me to, anything for you! But... what you want, I... I don't think I could do that." "I feel so awful, doing this to you..." "Then don't." "I..."

She trailed off, stopped moving as if she had stopped breathing right there. He turned his head away and sat his chin on his arms to look further down the room - there was a serenity to the contemplative expression he focused into the far wall. "What's your favorite flower, Dandelion?" "..." She let out a soft sigh. "...Snowdrops." "Then... that's what I'll name you. Snowdrop. It fits just as well, maybe even more." "Towa..." "I don't want you to leave, Snowdrop. You make me happy, I feel so happy when I see you. You make Haru happy too! To never see you again..." "...if you have to remember me... then, think of me like actual snowdrops. Maybe you'll see me again, eventually, far in the future." "If I see you again in the future, then you really will be my soulmate, won't you? How else would you know to find me again?"

She huffed a small laugh. "If we're changing my name, we should change Wolfsbane's too. He's not so bad, he's just a low-effort guy. If you can make him put in more effort into his work, then Haru wouldn't be so focused on him, I think." "Hmm... then..." He sat up to put his hand under his chin in thought. "Xanthium." She closed her eyes as she wracked her brain for the plant, not only of the plant itself but its meaning as well. "Oh! You mean, like... a cocklebur? I... guess... saying he's persistently rude is better than telling him he's the worst human ever?" Towa nodded in agreement, regardless of whether or not it was actually a better name. "Are you feeling better, Snowdrop?" "...better is subjective. I'm not crying anymore, so... I guess that's an improvement. But... I'll always feel like this... I'm sorry that I can't be stronger for you Towa."

Either the words she spoke really were lost on him, or he was taking it better than everyone else. She felt it was the latter, when she noticed the plaintive smile on his face when he addressed her again. "My soulmate deserves a happier life, she deserves to live without pain. So... if you are gone, Snowdrop... I'll keep looking for you again. But if you're not, you get to help me plant snowdrops everywhere!" He stood up, taking her hand with him. He pressed the gentlest kiss to her fingertips. "Promise?" "...I promise... thank you, Towa..." "Haru's next, Snowdrop. He's been crying a lot. It hurts me to see his tears. I know that what you tell him won't help. But... I'll take care of him, like you do." He set her arm back down slowly, and took his leave afterwards. Before he turned the corner and out the door, he looked back at her over his shoulder with a bright smile - sending her off with a little bit of weight lifted from her chest.

+++

"Haru, you've been such a good friend - it always brightened my day whenever I saw you. Your positivity, whether real or feigned, is infectious. I can't say it's all smiles, though. You're too quick to drag people into running errands and helping at the park - I never minded helping with the smaller ones, where all I had to do was sit and watch them. But all of the running around, the lack of awareness or neglect of it... it hurt so much. When I'm gone, I want you to practice giving others space - Ren included - enough so their physical and mental batteries can charge. Sometimes, sleep isn't enough. P.S. please don't bring Peekaboo with you, he doesn't deserve to see me like this."

+++

Maybe he shouldn't have had that energy drink before this. His heart was racing as fast as his thoughts, and with such a horrible scene in front of him, it made his chest tighten.

Haru knew when a serious moment called for it, he knew when cheery optimism could make things worse. Reading this room around him, he wasn't sure if it would or not. If maybe she did want smiles and happiness around her. He rubbed the front of his throat, subconsciously noting the bruise and how painful it must be. If she wasn't in pain before... she sure was now. He let out a heavy sigh, a careful pace brought him to the chair beside her.

Where was he supposed to start? Maybe something less heavy. Less attention drawing. "Towa changed your name, I heard." "We had a lengthy discussion about it." She offered him a soft smile, tilting her head. She knew he was stalling, but she let him continue - if only to gather his bearings in the conversation. "Whatever you said made him understand the situation, I don't know how you do it with him." He laughed in spite of himself. "Gahaha! One less thing to worry about with you around!" Those words made his brow crease and smile fall. He leaned back into the chair. "...you're not just some useful tool, y'know." She shook her head at him, but stayed silent when she saw his mouth open again. "I know I didn't help with that. Kept pushing you to do more and more until you couldn't. You're no beast of burden, but I certainly treated you like one." He leaned forward again, resting his arms on his thighs. His head faced down, but the shaking of his body spoke more words than he did. "For that, I have so many regrets. No amount of apologies will help, but... I'm sorry. I'm so... so sorry."

"Thank you, Haru. Trust me, most of the work I did for you was nothing compared to, say... Sinostra." A bare hint of a laugh left his lips. "Sounds about right." "Unfortunately... everyone realizing these things after I've tried to disappear... it..." "I know..." He lifted his head to smile for her, even with the tears. "I wish I told you all the things I told Romi and Mickey. How amazing you are." "I don't think I've done anything to warrant a compliment like that." "We needed a boat and you had the Frostheim captain on speed-dial!" "He owed me anyways, I guess." "And??" He made his confusion well known. "I don't think he would've done that for just anyone! He probably saw all of the things I did and do. Just how special you are."

As he thought, however, no amount of praise would help. It was all empty to her. Only given because she could be gone at any moment - when all it took to keep her here was to tell her how much they appreciated her before. She truly was special in his eyes. No matter the pain she went through to help, the animals loved her - loved seeing her! As if she was the one taking care of them all this time.

Towa loved her. He could even see that Ren did too.

He loved her.

It was so difficult to look at her and know... that maybe her own infectious smile and brightness wouldn't grace the world anymore. One less beautiful, wondrous, soul.

"I guess asking you to forget me would be too much, then..." "It really would. How could I forget, if Peekaboo would constantly remind me? How could I forget, seeing the dorm in disarray because you weren't there to help clean up?" He shook his head. "And I mean that in an affectionate way, not just because you clean. Every misplaced item would remind me that you've done so much for us, and we've done nothing in return." She watched him slowly break down, holding his face in his hands as he rested on his elbows. Watched him stifle a sob, pushing it back, trying in vain to grasp at his optimism. "I can admit... that I never knew how much I loved you, until the possibility of you not being here showed up. I never knew how much I rely on you to make it through each day. Never knew how much you made me smile every time I saw you. The thought of you gone, I..."

"I think you're the first to admit that." "You're so special to us. To me. You're an amazing, wonderfully talented, and gifted person - and no amount of saying so will make you believe it. Not right now. Not like this." "Thank you... I do mean that. It is nice to hear, regardless. Even if it doesn't change much." She held out her hand to him. "Chin up, Haru. Smile for me." He lifted his head slowly, noting her hand in front of him. Instead of taking it, he pulled the chair forward enough to rest his chin in her palm with a defeated huff. She laughed. "You look silly like this." Still, she idly rubbed her thumb against his jaw. The way he melted into her touch like Peekaboo would was endearing enough to keep a smile on her face. One that made him return it, even if it was filled with a heartrending guilt, even if it was filled with a sadness deeper than anything could describe.

"I love your smile. It always made my day." She spoke softly, fearing the chance that she'd only see it briefly again. "I can say the same for you. So... please... stay. Stay, and I'll give you a smile everyday. I'll tell you every time I see you, how much you mean to me." "If I'm gone in the morning... can you promise me something? Finish taking care of the animals and the park as fast as you can... and take a break. Sit down. You worry so much about everything, that you never give yourself any time to rest. And if you need help, ask Ren how. He'll gripe, but I think he'd love the chance to sit down as well." "O- Okay... I'll try... but..." He inhaled sharply as he lifted his head, taking her hand as he stood. "Don't go..." He leaned over to kiss her temple, squeezing the hand he held gently. "I'll do so if you stay too. We can rest together."

When he managed to pry himself away from her, he gave her an apologetic smile. "...Sinostra's next after Ren. I think their first year's taken the lead. ...Good luck." "Thanks, I'll need it. They're a handful." "Several hundred handfuls! Gahaha!" He left her with his boisterous laugh, echoing off the walls even after he left the building.

+++

"Ren, god, I don't know what to say. There's so much and so little. I wish you would put in a little more effort - I know it sucks, and it's unrewarding at first. But getting everything you need to done faster will keep Haru off your back and give you time to rest. When I'm gone, I want you to stop lying to yourself. It's okay to enjoy things. It's not a weakness to admit you like someone's company. Stop pretending everything is a hassle. ...and maybe bring up to Haru your fear of water, because I don't think he understands. P.S. force him to take a break too."

+++

Now, this - this - was the worst.

What the hell was he supposed to say? There wasn't much he could say that the others hadn't said yet. Maybe his own twist and version of it - but it was all the same. It'd do the same thing: nothing.

He knew what this slog felt like. The inability to move or go anywhere without expending a great deal of energy. The effort it takes to get out of bed in the morning. The effort it takes to get to sleep at night. When he sat down, it was with his typical heavy sigh followed by a complaint. The exact one she knew he'd say.

"This is the worst."

She smiled at him, still. There was a certain charm to the way he complained about everything. The more she watched him, the more he found himself sweating under her gaze. As if scrutiny crawled from her eyes, just to torment him - though there wasn't any. She was simply watching him and the growing redness on his face.

"Stop staring at me like that." "Why?" "Because it's weird! And creepy!" "I was just admiring your eyes." "Huh??"

He was a lot like Yuri, in the way she could make him fluster over the smallest things - the smallest compliments to rival his complaints. Before he could call her an idiot or stupid or any amount of others things to keep himself from stumbling more, she spoke again.

"We were in the same guild, y'know." He stared at her, bewildered. "I got kicked out for telling the leader that I'd be away for a long time, being sick as I was." "Wait... what?" "I thought it was cute, the way you were teaching me how to play a game I'd been playing for years. I let you continue, because you were so passionate. I loved that." She reached for her phone, pulling up the game that they'd been playing together.

He still wasn't sure what to say. She just dropped three major bombs on him in the span of two minutes. When she showed him her profile, confirming who she was, he gawked at it for a moment. "That's... you? You're a legacy player? What the hell! Why didn't you say anything?!" "Because I loved the way you got so passionate about it when you were teaching me." "...it's because I finally had someone to play with." He took her phone from her and opened up his own, adding her as a friend in the game. Then, after giving her phone back, continued on his - typing away. "I'll make my own guild, then. Like hell I'm going to stay with a group that kicks someone out for being sick. You can be my co-leader, and I don't care how long you're away."

She smiled a little more. "I appreciate it. I... don't know if I'll be back, though. So... maybe it isn't for the best." "..." The thought of her gone, even before knowing how long she'd been playing, just the thought of the only person who played with him... gone. If she wasn't there in the morning, he'd be reminded everyday - the day she died would be printed on her profile, "Last seen online". A constant, heavy, reminder... a chance that this burden would be on his shoulders, weighing him down. "...you'll be back. You have to. You can't leave." He stared at his phone blankly, unaware of the tears that started to splotch the surface. "The next update is coming soon. And I... I don't... I don't think I could keep playing the game if you left."

She put her phone away, turned her eyes away from him. "If not that one, then another. I know you can move on. You're strong enough for it." "The fuck I am. I'm no stronger than you - at least you put in the effort to do shit." "And look where it got me... maybe I should've taken a page out of your book." "Please... don't go..." He pleaded to her, much the same as everyone else. Nothing changed in the words spoken from each one of them, only the voice that spoke it. "We could hide somewhere, play games and watch movies..." "If I stay, I'd love to do that." "..." The "if" was still there. "If I'm not, then... help Haru out more? And teach him how to take a break." "..." He didn't know what to say. He knew what he should say, to get the weight off of his chest, but the words stuck to his throat in the way peanut butter would. Clogging up any other word that tried to escape.

"What are you thinking?" "...I'm thinking about... how much I love you." His voice trailed off softly, and if it were just a tad bit louder in the room, she wouldn't have heard him. "...how much I love your company. How much I... want to do things with you and be around you." "Just now?" "No... I..." He grit his teeth together, jaw tense with hesitation. "...you're right. I keep lying to myself... I... don't want to get hurt. But... if I... I'm never going to see you again, then... I- I at least have to face one truth." With another deep inhale, a preparation for the spew of words that'd leave his mouth. "You've always been such a breath of fresh air. Even when you force me to work. You were always so bright and cheerful, but not in the same obnoxious way as Haru - it... it's..."

He couldn't convey just what he thought of her. How it reminded him of a lemonade stand, draped in a plaid tablecloth and laced with sunshine. Like a cool breeze on a summer day. Something free and innocent. She was so much more to him than the game they played together, or the stupid B-movies they'd commentate together. She was so much more than the errand-girl of every house, more than the maid service she provided to the dorm.

"God, I... how the hell am I going to get by everyday without you?" "Like you did before you met me." "I barely did..." "Then take me as a lesson. Grow from it. You can do it." "... fuck! This isn't fair!" He gripped his phone tighter in his hands, understanding now why Leo had thrown his away from him. "You did everything they told you to, and all you were treated to was shit. Now- Now they're taking you away from me - away from a future I really fucking wanted." "Ren..." She reached out to him, placing her hand on his cheek to wipe away his tears. He kissed her wrist, choking back more tears. He was embarrassed to hell and back - admitting everything, crying in front of her, touching her - and he was so glad they were alone. So glad that she wasn't jabbing at him, laughing; instead she only smiled gently, watching him as she did when he first walked in.

"Stop looking at me like that." "Why?" "Because I don't need your pity. Watching me wallow and cry." "I don't pity you, I pity myself. How I've done this to you, I couldn't be any lower of a person. You deserve better than me, okay?" He clicked his tongue as he stood up suddenly, pulling himself away from the embarrassment and tomato-red skin. "I don't want anyone else than you. So you better fucking be here tomorrow."

He left her before he broke down even more, before he melted into a mess of tears, begging her not to leave. Before he looked even more pathetic than he already did.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

Ren stopped next to Ritsu, who had been trying to convey the legality (or lack thereof) of an assisted suicide to Yuri and Jiro with no fruits born from it.

"Dude, shut up. This isn't a court case. She's not your business partner, she's your friend."

He was so, so sick of him taking advantage of every situation like a golden opportunity just arose.

"I don't think anyone here is going to assist her. She's just gonna do it herself, so just... shut up and get in there."

===============================================

after prompt notes: wehhhhhh, super sad that this didn't get out sooner - but sho's really threw me for a loop.

so i hope his portion came out alright ;n; i didn't think haru's would be difficult, since i had a small outline already, and yet.... (ˉ▽ˉ；) hopefully that one came out alright too.

if the writing styles seem different for each person, it's probably because it was written on a different day and/or my meds kicked or wore off lmao

liberties taken with mc, because i think it's dumb that we don't get a chance to say "hey maybe she HAS played a mobile game before" i dunno, same with the chess thing with tohma. "do you play?" "YES I DO LET ME KICK YOUR ASS I DIDNT GO TO NATIONALS FOR NOTHING"

and hoo boy, the next two houses are gonna really (: really gonna test my ability to gauge a personality lmao

EDIT: made some grammar corrections, fixed misspellings figured i'd also add flower meanings for reference

dandelion - "love's oracle", faithfulness, happiness asclepias - sad remembrance, "let me go" aloe - represents feelings of bitterness and pain marigold - used to overcome grief and despair (also commonly used at celebrations of life) snowdrop - hope and consolation

[i-write-things-sometimes]

bweeehhhh was so close to finishing, but it's 9am and i have noooot slept yet. only haru and ren's portions left :)c hopefully, i'll be able to get it out before the end of the day 😬

not too terribly confident in sho's portion still, but hopefully the emotion is still vaguely there lmao

better off alone part 4 initially had a rough start of trying to figure out how i'd like to begin and tbh, i thought i'd have the hardest time with leo's portion. so far, it was the easiest one to write LMAO

really channeled the "main character syndrome" vibe with that one

hopefully it'll be soon (the next day or two?) that i'll be able to post it, now that i managed to successfully slay the writers block

EDIT: wanted to add, now that i've started my writing for the day - i'm realizing that sho's actually might be the most difficult for me. i can understand the appeal of him, but presence wise, he never made enough of an impact for me to really grasp at his character. it's not really him as much as he's just overshadowed by leo and alan's more robust and dramatic personalities. so yay. i get to replay those chapters again lmao

thankfully, i've already got an outline for the jabberwock ghouls - so once i feel like i can convey sho's personality better, it's smooth sailing writing after that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[i-write-things-sometimes]

better off alone part 4 initially had a rough start of trying to figure out how i'd like to begin and tbh, i thought i'd have the hardest time with leo's portion. so far, it was the easiest one to write LMAO

really channeled the "main character syndrome" vibe with that one

hopefully it'll be soon (the next day or two?) that i'll be able to post it, now that i managed to successfully slay the writers block

EDIT: wanted to add, now that i've started my writing for the day - i'm realizing that sho's actually might be the most difficult for me. i can understand the appeal of him, but presence wise, he never made enough of an impact for me to really grasp at his character. it's not really him as much as he's just overshadowed by leo and alan's more robust and dramatic personalities. so yay. i get to replay those chapters again lmao

thankfully, i've already got an outline for the jabberwock ghouls - so once i feel like i can convey sho's personality better, it's smooth sailing writing after that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[i-write-things-sometimes]

Better Off Alone (Part 3)

context: mc gets the closure she needs from the mortkranken and frostheim ghouls READ PART 1 HERE READ PART 2 HERE

mc pov: feminine 3rd person (she/her), as a majority vote from y'all, frequent scene changes marked clearly

content warnings: conversations, mentions, and consequences to attempted suicide; the consequences of depression, self-depreciation, and general mental unwellness.

author notes: we can now safely add the "mc x tokyo debunker" tag LMAO hello pain and angst. this is a hella long one at a word count of a whopping ~12k. I LIED GUYS I DECIDED TO BREAK THIS ONE UP INTO PARTS CAUSE OF REASONS LISTED AT THE END. so Better Off Alone will likely be 7 parts long, that's including both ending branches :) (i will make the note in advance that if any of the actions of the characters in this feel ooc, that rash actions of a loved one can cause a person to act in that manner. i've done my best to convey what each personality type may do in response to the actions taken in part 2. :)c there's a reason for the witnesses audience at the end of it.) THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER THE EVENTS OF CHAPTER 7 BUT BEFORE CHAPTER 8 (so mc knowledge reflects that)

================================================

The whispers and murmurs of soft voices out of reach of her ears caused the gentle dark that took her from the world to fade back into the drab, bleak, walls of the infirmary. Her view was grey, color drained from every surface - even the blue of the ventilator mask looked less saturated. Her eyes adjusted slowly, turning to the three figures standing some distance away. It took a good while for her brain to register that she was still alive. Still here. Still in pain. Still stuck in this horrid place. Still...

"...where...?"

Her voice was soft, audible only to the closest to her. Even the ruby red eyes that followed the sound lost their luster, when they came within sight. Jiro walked away from the conversation with Yuri close behind. She closed her eyes, choking back a sob, tears parting down her face.

"...why...? Please..." She could barely force the words out. "...don't make me suffer like this... I... I can't..." "Does being around us hurt you this much?" Even with the painful structure of the question, Jiro's blunt question was spoken with his usual dryness. He slowly reached for her hand, she noted the uncharacteristic tremble in it - the shaking of anxiety. "We..." He couldn't finish his own sentence for once, the words lost on a tied tongue, held back by the fear of misspeaking. Yuri did so for him, near collapsing to his knees at her bedside.

"We could have lost you..." The way he hid his head in his arms against hers, struggling to keep in tears of his own. She spoke her mind for once, spoke up to defend herself, however strained it was. "That was the whole point." The words made them both clench their jaws shut. Of course it was the whole point. To leave it all behind. To start over somewhere else, wherever the dark took her. To be free of the shackles of her bodily prison. Despite the conviction to leave life behind, of course she felt guilty - she felt like she had no choice in the matter, no say in what she should do with her life, especially with the single quiet word that escaped Yuri's lips.

"Why?"

There were a million different things she could've answered with, that she wanted to answer with. How painful it was to be taken down peg after peg, knocked the wind from her lungs, swept her three legs from under her; how painful each word was, the bruises left to her esteem, the realization that this all wasn't worth it. Her time at Darkwick was better than it was before, but not like this. At least before her curse, she could pretend to be well and fit in with her peers.

"...I wish I could tell you." She finally looked past them, her mind finally giving in to the acceptance that she would stay like this. There were flowers, cards, tributes to apologies she found empty.

Of course they'd care when something useful could be taken from them so quickly.

The sharp sigh of broken glass left her mouth, the barest hint of a laugh followed. Something sad, full of the painful truth. "Sometimes... the sticks and stones would be a better option than words. I live in a world where pain is my only friend, what's a little more?" "Are we not your friends?" Jiro hummed out the words. "Pain doesn't make for the best one, in my experience." "..." She shook her head slowly. "...you're my doctors. It'd a conflict of interest if you were my friends." "Of course it'd be a conflict of interest! Did you ever consider that some of us want that conflict?! That we'd-- that I'd--"

Yuri jumped to his feet with his voice raised, arms wound to hug himself. Her eyes only snapped to him, but she made no mention of being startled - confused, maybe, but the loudness of his voice sparked no emotion in her. Yet again, the guilt took ahold, took her hand as she had taken his before.

It doesn't matter what I do, I always hurt everyone around me...

It was like he could read her mind, see the words written in her eyes like a teleprompter. He closed eyes to think of the words, the apologies, the grit of his teeth kept the dam of every wrong thing to say back. He couldn't apologize for feeling this way. He wouldn't apologize for it. So he kept the words to himself. Changed the subject.

"Everyone felt this way." "A useful tool discarded would anger anyone." "A--" He clicked his tongue to keep himself from yelling again. "...Is that all you think yourself to be?" "...maybe you two are the outliers." "And those second-years from-" He exaggerated the disgust in rest of his sentence, if only to see the quirk of a smile in the corner of her mouth again - thankfully, it worked. "-Frostheim?" It only led her to sigh again, turning her eyes to the ceiling. "Feigned. Play pretend to curry favor."

"What use does currying favor have, if you were on leave for an indeterminate amount of time?" Jiro finally spoke again. "What use does seeking us out have? Lucas seemed adamant on taking your work to you." "..." She shook her head. They both knew no amount of proof could make her change her mind - someone so stuck in the mire of their thoughts, knowing nothing but the sting of distaste, the burn of betrayal, the suffocating need to disappear. "Please... just... I don't want to..."

After the longest pause, nothing but the sound of the machines attached to her and their breathing. He spoke the one word she never expected him to. He breathed it out, it was spoken with the most sadness and hesitation she had ever heard from him.

"Okay."

Yuri's attention whipped to him. "Absolutely not!" "She wants it. What we say won't matter. We should respect that." "No no no! I--" "Yuri." How was he supposed to salvage this? Tell her to live with the pain? Tell her to suffer for every moment of her existence until she tricked herself into believing it was all okay? His face turned away from her to hide his tears, though they only fell on the meager apologies written in the gifts that laid upon the table nearby. The news spread to the ghouls and no one else, instructions to not leave anything extravagant or anything that drew too much attention were given. It was surprising that no rumors had spread other than "she wasn't feeling well", that no one uttered a word about it. That should have been proof enough that they cared.

He had to craft an idea. Craft a way to make her see that she was worth more than useful tool, worth more than a stepping stool, worth more than the ridicule. "...Okay..." She let out a sigh of relief. Finally, freedom. "But. They all have words for you. Think about the choice... please... please think about it. Hear what they have to say, then tell us... and..." He had to believe it would be enough. He had to believe the closure would give her the strength to carry on. "..." She thought about it. What was there to lose? She didn't really want to hear what excuses they had for her, but if it meant seeing the end of this... "Alright... but. One-on-one. I have the right to kick them out. I'll give them a chance... one chance. One collective chance."

She already knew at least one of them was going to screw the others over. At least two, maybe even three. Even Yuri knew she was tilting the game in her favor. As much as he didn't want to, he had to trust that even the most condescending and forgetful of them would say the right things. Or at least skirt by with an acceptable thing. "...very well. It was recommended that you write thank you cards for everyone - you can use them to tell them to come here tonight." "Yuri... thank you."

If he heard that thank you under any other circumstance, he may have felt good about himself. But this one only made him hurt worse. This one only made the pit in his stomach grow larger. His eyes flicked to Jiro before making his quick exit - he wasn't sure how much longer he could live with the feeling, himself. Jiro nodded at him and brought the empty cards and a pen to her, helping her sit up. He sat by patiently as she wrote each letter. Every one of them ended the same.

"Please, just let me go. Say your piece after dark and let me go."

But each one started differently for each person, words she always wanted to say but never could. Then, came the rules, which she wrote for Jiro to take with him.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

"Rule 1: Everyone must be here before anyone can come inside." Jiro read to Yuri, which only made him nervously tap his finger against his arm. He didn't want to be around every hooligan on campus, let alone anyone he'd ever deem worthy of being by her side. Yet, if he and Jiro alone couldn't help her... if even the mere mention of having friends elsewhere couldn't help her...

He was more than surprised to see the Frostheim ghouls there first, of everyone. They were so early, in fact, that the sun had yet to fully set. Worse yet, it was Jin that made it there before anyone else. Jiro repeated the rule for him - an annoyed "fine" was all he got in response before striding back to the other three. Yuri wanted nothing to do with any of them, which left Jiro in the unfortunate position of organizing everything.

None of the rules said any of them had to get along.

Though it wasn't very lucrative for them to fight either.

"Rule 2: I'll see everyone one at a time, organized by house. Mortkranken first, Frostheim, Vagastrom, Jabberwock, Sinostra, Hotarubi, Obscuary - in that order. Rui must be last in line. Otherwise, whatever order is fine." He managed to sort everyone out - though the most surprising of it all was the fact that everyone did show up. Though it was more likely that both Leo and Taiga got dragged there by their ears by the others.

"Rule 3: Once someone exits, they aren't allowed back in until dawn." "Rule 4: I reserve the right to have someone removed from the building for any reason." Jiro read the words out loud for everyone. If anyone told her that this would have been the outcome, she would've called bullshit. At first it was somber and silent, barely a word spoken. But with 13 12 people (and an ancient doll), it was hard to keep it that way - especially when someone in the line complained about being hungry.

She would've called even deeper bullshit if she heard that all of them were sharing a meal together in one place, conversing to an almost natural degree. While no wrongs were righted and there was still violent tension in the air, everyone made the silent agreement to not speak anything to strike flint against stone.

"Lastly, rule 5: I may give special instructions to someone, and I expect them to be followed like the rest of the rules."

"Ugh. Couldn't get any more bossy could she?" Leo rolled his eyes, but that earned him a smack upside the head. "Hey!" "Quiet." The discontented stare from Alan only made him roll his eyes again. "That's harassment." "Gahaha! The younger ones love throwing that around, don't they?" Haru's laugh cut through the chatter, out of place though it was. "Don't lump me in the same group as him." Ren never looked up from his phone. "That's harassment."

Jiro glanced over at Yuri, still pacing back and forth, refusing to speak to anyone else; after reading the rules. "I'll go in first."

+++

"Jiro, you've been at my side since my second day at Darkwick. You've always helped me. Were always honest and straightforward. You've never given me a reason to not trust you. I wish there was a way I could do this without betraying you. A way where I wouldn't force you to feel the pain of loss. If I choose to leave, I want you to seek a friend elsewhere. Hotarubi might be a good place to start."

+++

His footsteps echoed against the empty walls, the bright overhead lights were switched off to not attract the attention of the staff - though with the crowd gathered outside, the point may as well have been moot - with the only source of sight being a pale glow from the moonlit window.

She could have guessed he would be first to walk through, with Yuri too busy gathering his thoughts and the need for someone to be at the ready to enforce the rules she set. She kept her eyes on the ceiling and only looked over at him once he sat down in the chair beside her bed.

"...You can speak your mind, Jiro. Any thoughts, it doesn't matter what they are."

He was silent as he sorted through them. It was already strange to have enough of them to sort out, now it was to prioritize them. What was the most important thing he wanted to tell her? What would he regret not saying the most? He knew what it was - and while he wasn't flustered in the same way he knew Yuri would be, it was difficult to get it past his teeth.

He didn't know why.

Yes, he did.

The words he'd regret not saying the most would be the same words he would regret the most to say. He stared at her with garnet eyes, pomegranate seeds dripping to her hand as he took it in his.

"I love you."

She blinked at him, mouth agape. She did say that it didn't matter what they were, but she wasn't sure if she heard that right.

"H- Huh?" "I don't think I've ever felt fear before. I... don't like it." He covered his mouth, the thought of it making him ill all over again. It took extreme willpower to choke it down while sprinting to her dorm, to swallow it down while helping Yuri stabilize her breathing - but now, when the image comes back to his mind... the sight of her body hanging freely by the noose she fashioned for herself, eyes open and staring at him from the window like the head of a fish judging the man eating it... he was certain it would haunt him for every sleeping - maybe even waking - moment of his life.

"You'll forget it, I'm sure..." "But I won't forget you. Even if I wanted to." He shook his head slowly. "Which I don't."

She let out a soft sigh, a pitied smile directed towards him. She wanted him to, badly. Even her eyes said that.

"I won't." He spoke with such unwavering conviction that she couldn't help but believe him - as much as she didn't want to. "I hope you can forgive me, but I won't forget you. I love you too much to." "Jiro... I..." She closed her eyes. He really was putting her in a difficult spot. "...I'm not sure if what you're feeling is love." "Yuri says it is." "I-- what?" "Unless he was wrong. Unless there's another word for it. The feeling of wanting to be at your side every moment I'm awake. The feeling that everything I do is worth it, if I get to see you sooner. Thanking every moment that I get to see you smile, thanking every moment that I'm there to hold you when you cry."

She couldn't think of another word for it. Love definitely was the correct word. She shook her head, but made no comment. Of course she'd hurt someone who loved her. Then again, it was inevitable where the loss of a life was concerned. He continued despite her runaway thoughts.

"The wish that I could've remained in your dorm with you throughout all of this. Though Yuri says that would be inappropriate."

Those thoughts skid to an absolute halt. "H- Heh!?"

Her reaction had him laughing. It was a laugh she never thought she'd get to hear again before she died, that alone-- no, it wasn't enough, but...

"Yuri gave me the same expression when I told him. Speaking of... I shouldn't take up all of your time, as much as I want to. Just... know that I'm sure everyone out there feels the same in some way." "I... wouldn't say that." He only offered a soft smile as he stood up, pressing his lips to her forehead before turning to leave. "Oh... one more thing..." "H- Hm?" "Is there a reason you told me to talk to Hotarubi first?" "No... I just figured they'd be the most welcoming of all of them." "I see... Okay. I'll talk to them if you're gone in the morning."

+++

"Yuri, I don't think I could've had a better doctor than you. You fought for me when no one else would, you stood up on my behalf, got angry for me, took matters into your own hands. I'm sorry that your efforts led you here, I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'm selfish for asking one more thing of you. If I'm gone in the morning, I want you to attempt amends with Frostheim. It doesn't have to be anyone specific, just one person."

+++

Yuri's footsteps were as rapid as his thoughts. He wanted to be at her side quickly - he wanted to steal her time away, keep her for himself at his side and...

When he saw her staring at the ceiling, breathing softly, he briefly considered never leaving at all. If only to keep her breathing. If only to make sure her pulse kept beating. Even if it meant her losing trust in him, even if it meant her hating him for the rest of her...

...her miserable existence. and she called herself selfish...

He took a seat beside her and inhaled deeply. "I..." She waited patiently. She always was with him - patient, that is. "...I'm sorry I yelled at you." It was out of character for him to apologize, but if that's what it would take to keep her here by him. "It's okay. I was more surprised by your words."

The expression Jiro had accused her of found its way back onto Yuri's face. "I- I--" He shut his mouth to keep from embarrassing himself further. "You aren't going to deny it?" "Why would I!?" "You... want the conflict of interest?" "Yes! I-- mnk." He leaned his head forward to hide his face. His voice turned to a whisper. "You're my favorite patient." "I think you mean specimen." An agitated huff escaped his nose. "No, Jiro is my favorite specimen." "I think you mean friend." He grumbled something intelligibly. Then let out another sigh.

"I know what I mean. Don't put your thoughts into my mouth." The surprising sternness of his voice quieted her, it was rare he ever got firm with her like this. Every time, she would attribute it to the same way a doctor would scold a patient - but after Jiro's words, now, it all sounded more like a partner scolding their loved one. It only tore her heart to pieces. Two people she betrayed like this. The guilt wracked her chest and weighed her lungs down, it was crushing.

"Yuri... what were your thoughts?" "My thoughts don't matter. They won't change your mind." "Maybe... but you told me to think about it. To give you a chance. Plus, it's not like you to keep your thoughts to yourself." He lifted his head slowly to look at her - his eyes fell to the bruise on her neck, his hand reached towards her. He retracted it, as if fearful that she'd shatter at his touch. He was trying to find the words to his racing thoughts. Find the words that ran away from him. He didn't know what he was thinking - and he certainly wasn't going to admit that.

He took off his glove, then reached back to brush his bare fingers against her neck. She froze, all the quips she wanted to make now stuck in her throat - the moment she thought he couldn't step any further outside of his comfort zone. "This must hurt you as much as it does me seeing it." His thoughts spilled out quietly. Sure, the color of his face made him look like a white rose Alice painted red, but it didn't stop the flood of thoughts he uncorked with just that one. "I was... so scared, so... I felt so helpless, powerless. I could bring you back from unconsciousness but... what if we weren't so lucky? Even just a few seconds too late... we-- I could have lost you. Either to have found you dead the next morning, or worse yet, you dying in my arms. God, I..."

His hand dropped to her shoulder, mimicking the motion of his head as he coughed out a sob, as his tears came back in spite of himself. "You just forced your way into my heart, gripped onto it like a vise. My thoughts refused to let you go, and it made me so... so... how are you doing this to me? I don't understand." She lifted her hand to take his off her shoulder, holding onto it gently. His words weren't enough, but they still made her smile. He barely registered it. "Why can't I just say it..." "Say what?" She wanted to see just how lost into his thoughts he was, bringing his hand up to gently press her lips into his fingers - something soft to soothe him quietly. "I... I- I can't... what if in the morning you're not there? What good would it be to tell you and then... never... see you again..." "To give you closure." "I love you."

He blurted it out, even if it wasn't the best time for the response. If he didn't, it would have stuck to the roof of his mouth like gum. It was afterwards that made him stumble, that he stuttered so much that he could barely get a word out - let alone a single letter.

"Thank you." "You're welcome!" He snatched his hand back and turned himself away, ready to leave. His response made her laugh softly. "Yuri... can you come closer." She beckoned him over to her side - and he followed her hands like a marionette - until he was close enough for her hands to take the sides of his head, bringing him down to kiss his forehead. "...Thank you. For doing your best. Keep doing that. If I'm not here in the morning, I recommend starting with Lucas and Kaito, I know they'd-- well, Lucas, at least - would like to be your friend. Kaito's probably easily scared of you."

She wasn't sure he registered her words, with the way his brain fried. He only nodded slowly and turned on his heel to let the next in.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

He stopped beside Lucas - who put himself at the front of the line - and clicked his tongue. He didn't lift his eyes to meet any of them, in fact, he refused to acknowledge who he was speaking to. He wouldn't have known just how many were listening to him speak, how many of them actually paid attention.

"Tread carefully. She likely didn't tell any of you. Her life rides on your words. She'll make the choice after she sees everyone."

+++

"Lucas, you've been one of the best friends I could have ever had, the most understanding and hardworking. But you're too trusting, too willing to make promises you can't keep. I'm afraid that you'll hurt yourself because of it. When I'm gone, I want you to open up more to Kaito. I always see the look on your face when you want to say something to him, to scold him or get angry. He needs to hear it and omitting the truth is still lying."

+++

The clacks of his shoes were almost meticulous, full of slow thoughts processing what he could of the information he knew. That night, Tohma had sent both he and Kaito a message about what happened - or vaguely of what happened. How their fears were well warranted. The guilt piled up in his stomach, he felt so wretched for not seeing the signs sooner - for being too late, again.

He wasn't sure what he would do if he lost her. He vowed to protect her... but how was he to know that he needed to protect her from herself. Those words he always kept to himself, those words that found themselves trapped in his throat, those words that formed on his knitted brow... he should have said them.

When he saw her staring at the ceiling, her eyes lost all luster - lost that spark of life he loved so much. The brightness of her smile faded into nothing but a flickering flashlight. His eyes fell on the bruise upon her neck, a cruel reminder of what happened after they left. That his last words could have been asking her if she was okay. He took a few more steps towards her, then shuffled to the chair beside her bed. She didn't speak, only looked over at him and saw the same regret in his eyes that she had in hers.

"..." He was almost content to stay here in silence. If he didn't say anything, then he wouldn't feel the pangs of remorse of saying the wrong things.

But silence was also the wrong answer to it.

"I... want to know your thoughts. What went through your mind to lead to..." He stopped, even just thinking the words made him shut his eyes tightly to stop the stream of tears.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes as well. "To be honest... I think this was all preventable. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. There were so many things that people could've done, could've not done. That in the end, it feels more like I was betrayed."

She shook her head slowly. "At the same time, I was holding everyone back. Forcing you all to hurt yourself keeping me safe... if only I could move faster, I would think, then you wouldn't always be ready to throw your lives away for me. I'm so weak... in pain... suffering every moment just to be of use to someone - anyone."

"Stop."

Lucas stood up suddenly, hands firmly planting onto the edge of the bed as he did so.

"Don't say such things about yourself! Your worth isn't determined by your use to the world! You aren't a ghoul, and still you're the strongest of us!"

She gave him the same smile she had both Jiro and Yuri - the one that said "I don't believe you, but I'm not going to say that". "The strongest tool, perhaps--" "Your perseverance, the strength of your will to continue, the amount of pain you endure--"

"And how much more pain do I have to endure? How much more do I need to be put down, pushed away, insulted and dragged around until it'll make it worth it?"

He stared at her with wide eyes, then grit his teeth. He couldn't protect her from anything, it seemed - not from anomalies, not herself, and especially not from the words of others. He was never there when these things happened - if he was, then...

"I'm sorry..." His voice quaked, tripped over it's own misspoken words. "I know you're blaming yourself right now, but... it's not your fault." "You don't deserve this. The weight entrusted to you. You didn't ask for this and yet..." He threw himself back down into the chair. "What would make this all better...?"

"Letting me go."

"..." He shook his head. "No... do not make us do that... please." "This is what I was talking about... no matter what I do, I hurt someone... and it hurts me even more. A cycle of pain that I want to break." "The cycle will continue, even after you're gone." "You'll move on. Move forward. I know you will. Your pain isn't forever." "And neither is yours! You- We- I..." He clamped his jaw shut. Words stuck in the barbs of mind, his voice breaking into a pained cough. "I can't say goodbye to you..." "Why?" "Because I love you too much to."

A third one. She already knew Kaito would say the same thing, but it wasn't enough - four wasn't enough. Her worth wasn't determined by how many people loved her - maybe it used to be, but now... She had no worth to anyone. A broken toy thrown into a bin.

"You were always the highlights of my day. Seeing you so focused in class, admiring your ability to adapt to the situation you were thrown into. You knew nothing of this side of the world, and now your highest grades are in the most difficult classes here. When we were told you needed rest, I forced myself to stay away - I didn't want to distract you. But I see now that I should have... what kind of friend am I that does not visit when you're not feeling well?"

"Luca... it's not your fault." "Then whose is it?! Who takes the blame for your pain! Who do I have to talk to, to make them see how foolish they are into making you believe you're nothing!" "..." She shook her head, keeping her answer behind tight lips. He took a deep breath of his own. "It's not yours either. You can't be at fault for something you're born with. You can't be at fault for the things others tell you. Please... as my friend... as someone I love... don't take me away from you."

He held tightly to her hand, bringing it towards him to kiss the back of it. She smiled softly at him. The flashlight flickered on. "Please forgive me, if I'm not here in the morning." "..."

He left her silently, a bare whisper of his affection given, after a brief moment of quiet reflection.

+++

"Kaito, from the start, you were willing to help me without asking questions. I'm sure it was just because I was a girl who happened to smile and be nice to you, though, and you stuck around because of that. Still, you sticking around and trying to stand up for me meant a lot. When I'm gone... I want you to be more confident in yourself. I know it's not easy. But you're strong, you could be so much more, I know you can. Stand up for yourself. And... don't be so reliant on social media to form your opinions. P.S. Let Luca in, he's your friend, not your meat shield."

+++

The nervousness in his footsteps was palpable, with the occasional squeak of his sneakers against the tile floors. What would he say, he tried looking up the best words online - but they were all different, nothing was static or the same, and none of them felt like her. She was different; a rainbow of sweet smelling flowers and soft fabrics, the light glinting off of the glaze on pastries, a mosaic of stained glass more beautiful than any painting - more beautiful and...

...more ephemeral, he learned.

That mosaic was nothing more than the glass he shattered when he received the message from Tohma. What would he say to the perfect girl? The perfectly tragic girl. Filled with nothing but a profound sadness as he berated Lucas for digging too deep. He didn't think he could feel any worse than he already did.

His hand instinctively rubbed the front of his neck when his gaze snapped to the bruise - and all he could think about was how painful it must've been. He'd seen the movies and TV shows, and all the media in between of people being hung as punishment for crimes unthinkable - or as a symbol of injustice, creating martyrs and saints. Would she have become one?

He couldn't help but think so. A martyr for the way Darkwick treated the cursed, the way they treated anomalies... the way they treated any student with a disability. If he thought about it that way long enough, maybe he could trick himself into believing that it would be alright without her but...

Behind every martyr were those that loved them. Those that suffered their absence, shed tears at their passing, knowing that while it was for good cause in the end... it didn't need to happen. He stepped closer to tragedy waiting to happen, stepping around the shattered glass of colors, and sat himself down in the chair. He kicked himself for his first words to her.

"How are you feeling?" "..." She couldn't help smiling some at the innocence of the question. The awkward shuffle of his feet when he noticed, and when he opened his mouth. "Don't. Don't backtrack. Don't apologize. The moment you start self-depreciating... I'll need you to leave." He closed his mouth to think longer on his words, if he had any to say at all.

"...I think the only thing that makes this worse is that I'm alive still. I could be dead, and I wish that I was..." Kaito clenched his jaw shut, a word barely escaped "why". "I have a feeling I'm going to answer that question more times than I want to. But there's just a point in which life isn't worth living any more." "When did you realize it?" The question spilled out unthinkingly - and while he wanted to tell her to not answer it, to reassure her there was no pressure in doing so, apologize for being so callous. She gave him the instruction. It was a rule now. And by god, if it meant keeping her alive and safe, if it meant finally being able to protect her from something, he was going to follow it.

He was sure he had been in her shoes before - feeling nothing but worthless and a waste of space. Feeling low enough to wonder if anyone would notice if he was gone. But he was too afraid to admit it, too afraid of the pain, too afraid of the unknowns of death.

"...After the fifth BB from Romeo, most likely."

The answer made him snort - of course it was Romeo's fault. He knew that it wasn't, but the joke landed well, even on her death bed. His laugh made her smile some.

"Though it was probably earlier than that, to be honest. I'd already been fighting the feeling for years, but everything here just made it fester... bottled it away until it couldn't anymore. Don't get me wrong, there was so much good here but..." "...I think if anyone knows what the bad feels like, it's me." He offered her a lopsided smile. He wanted to cry, wanted to feel sorry for himself, wanted to beg her not to leave--

Beg and grovel and plea, sob at her feet until she changed her mind, but he also knew that it'd make it worse. Yet the tears still came, the small cry of anguish that left his chest as he leaned his arms on the bed. "Help me understand! Please! What can I do... what can I do to take this away from you?! It's not fair! What did you do to deserve this? You've been nothing but kind and patient, nothing but an absolute saint and..." She watched him with the same patience he mentioned, a smile still stuck to her face. It was kind of him to cry for her like this, but...

"Kaito, there's plenty of people and girls out there that are kind, patient, and absolute saints. You'll move on, I know you will." "What the fuck are you saying?!" He jumped to his feet much like Lucas did, face red and tears still flowing like rivers down his face. His words came out through hiccups and barely contained sobs. "There's plenty of people and girls our there that are kind, patient, and absolute saints, sure-- but none of them are you!! None of them could even come close! All of those people wish and dream they could be you!"

She let out a small sigh through her lips. Just when she was about to respond with another question - he answered it before another word was uttered.

"How many of those kind, patient, saints have the same strength you do? How many of them are as empathetic, knowing just when someone is feeling off? How many of them would be willing to stop by every damn house to check on the ghouls that are often feared or overlooked? How many of them still care enough to check us for injuries? Not even Darkwick does that!" He shouted. "Goddammit! They didn't even do that for you!"

When he spoke those words, it was like he understood immediately. "...they didn't even do that for you... they really don't care about you, do they? They don't know how special you are. They treat you like us and instead of growing bitter and angry, you only blamed yourself until you couldn't anymore. Until it wasn't worth it anymore." He closed his eyes, shut them tightly. "And there's nothing we can fucking do about it..." "There is." "Is there?" "Don't let them do it again. Get angry and bitter and don't fear them, don't lay low and take the pain until you become me." A laugh trickled through the crack in his voice. "So become Jin, you mean." "Perfect." "Ew."

She laughed. A song in itself, he'd never forget it, he'd play it on repeat until it was his most played for the year - the most played for the next ten years. Twenty. A hundred.

"...I don't want you to be a martyr..." He whispered. "I want you to go to class with me. Cheer me up on my bad days. Laugh at my stupid jokes. Calm my nerves by holding my hands. Eat lunch with me. I want to have a third year with you here. If I have to carry you everywhere I will. Please..."

"Please don't leave me..." His voice became the softest she had ever heard. "I know I can't change your mind by myself... and the internet said giving words of affection could make you feel worse, but... if you're not going to be here tomorrow. I- I- I have to say it." "It's okay, you don't have to say anything." "Please, just... let me..." He tried to gather his thoughts, to say the words he always wanted to say to her. "I... I know I complain about being bad with girls. Complain about how undesirable I am. I know I keep trying my luck elsewhere... but it's because you're so far out of my league that I'm afraid."

He choked out another laugh. "I'm so scared of you. How much I love you scares the hell outta me. I never know what to do."

There was number four to break her heart. To make her feel lower.

"You don't owe me anything. I'm... I- ..." He tripped over himself. "...I... just needed to say it before you're gone..." "Kaito?" "Yeah?" "Thank you. You're doing so well, already. Keep your head high, you're important, always know that." "....so are you..." He wanted to kiss her, to leave knowing he did what he could; as he said, though, he was scared of her. She did the same as she did to Yuri, beckoned him closer to kiss him on the forehead.

While he didn't leave in tears, it was still clear that he was crying before; face and eyes stained red. He did as she asked him to. It was a rule now. He, unflinchingly, stared at both Tohma and Jin and nearly hissed. "Don't fuck this up for us." Likely the first and only time he'd address them with such hostility - he joined Lucas in talking with Jiro and Yuri after that, trying his best to keep her words close to him.

+++

"Tohma, I wish I had good things to say to you, but frankly, you're an asshole. I can tell you have good intentions, but they're lost on everyone around you. If you didn't keep using me to run your errands, taking insults on your behalf, I probably wouldn't be in this bed. When I'm gone, for the love of god, stop being such a snake - if you were honest to the people you trusted, your life would be so much easier. P.S. do your own dirty work."

+++

Much like Lucas's steps, Tohma's were meticulous and calculated. Slow, sure, and yet... tinged with hesitation.

It was never meant to go this far.

It was never meant for her to feel so obligated to perform errands for them. He assumed that she would eventually bite back, but she never did. She was patient. And for that flaw - for what should have been considered a virtue - she was taken advantage of at every turn. Of course, he never should have assumed anything. While he never regarded her as glass, she was fragile in the same way an overdone cookie was - crumbs of herself, chipped away at each bite into her.

Now, now, all he could see was the moment she hung herself - the moment her vision blacked out, the moment Jiro and Yuri came sprinting in. Sleep did not come easy - or at all. When he received a letter from her, where she wrote that he could speak to her, he fought over which words he would say, sleep-deprived as he was. And now her life was on the most dangerous balancing act, hinging on the words of a group of the most unstable men on campus.

When he saw her, he froze in his tracks - the image came back to him the moment he saw that bruise. Her hanging, swaying, toes barely scraping the ground. Instead of staring in complete horror as Jin did, he immediately contacted the second-years - the ones closest to her. The ones he got the information from. If he knew it was this serious, perhaps...

....perhaps it all could've been avoided. Perhaps she would have seen how much they cared for her. How much his teasing was meant to be just that. Instead, she formed the worst opinion of him in her head. He wished he came off more approachable - maybe he could've asked her to speak her mind and trust her to tell the truth, instead of hiding her pain behind a mask of smiles.

He watched her breathe softly, as if she'd stop at any moment. It didn't matter how rifted Frostheim and Mortkranken were - he thanked as many deities as he could think of that they were there to bring her back. That he didn't witness her death, witness the moment she stopped breathing for good. He took a breath of his own before sitting in the chair beside her. How was he supposed to apologize? How was he supposed to admit his concern? His-- She likely wouldn't accept it, no matter what. Would find cracks to squeeze reasons through, reasons why he'd lie.

She turned her eyes towards him, opened her mouth to speak until she saw the pallor of his face, ocean-deep eyes wide with an unusual fear. His composure slipped. Those thoughts from before, they played like an alarm reminding him with each loud beep:

You did this.

You hurt her.

You're the reason.

You- You- You-

His dismay flickered to the bruise. Another reminder. She was still alive and yet the ghost of her haunted him. She finally spoke.

"What are you thinking?" "...I wish I knew." "I'm there too." He took another deep breath. "You have always been there. In our thoughts. In my thoughts." "Was it me? Or was it something of use?" He clicked his tongue and closed his eyes. "I would not call you for every little inane, insipid, banal, trivial matter because I could not do it myself." "Then why did you?" "To see you again."

She shook her head slowly. "You could have just asked." "It was a weakness." "To see me?" "To be in love in a lion's den - where everything could be taken away from you with just a few words. Jin referred to it as a pit of snakes, and I fear I must agree." She let a short huff out through her nose. "It seems you fit in, then." "How else am I to survive? How else am I to keep you safe from them?" She slowly lifted her hand to brush some of her hair back. Idly noting how long it had gotten while looking for a retort. He was right, in a way. The best way to keep yourself alive is to blend in. But... "You could have done it without treating me like a mouse to served up as bait."

He found it ironic, that she should share the same sentiments as Jin. So much so that he couldn't help the broken laugh from leaving his lips. Even more so that he had made his admission and she brushed right over it - as he knew she would. The corner of her mouth twitched into the small semblance of a smile.

"Maybe if you had, you could have taught me how to play chess more." She found it funny - she already knew how to play. In fact, she believed herself to be rather good at it. He never gave her a chance to respond to whether or not she did play - and she was too dumbfounded at the out-of-place question and the rushing thoughts of his motive in it to interrupt him. If they could convince her to stay, maybe she'd catch him off-guard.

"...maybe, yes." He forced his eyes away from her. "Maybe if I had, we could have done many things together." He folded his arms across his chest as he leaned back into the chair, his posture laxing in a manner she hadn't seen from him before. "...if Jin had not asked you to dance, I would have." "Then... if I'm here in the morning, you can teach me how." "If..." With that large, heavy, word trailing off, the thoughts came back, the picture of her painted in his head - beaten, broken, bruised; dressed hauntingly in white, unblinking. Still standing. Her voice scraped like a broken record, slurring the question of why to him. Why did he not just ask her? Why was it a weakness? A flaw? Why was a simple question too much to ask?

"...If you... are not here in the morning..." He closed his eyes again, turning further away so she couldn't see his next weakness shed from them. Gentle tears of acceptance and guilt. His voice quivered, collapsing under the pain in his heart, with a softness he had always regarded her with when no one else was around. "...what should I do...?"

"Be a better friend. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume the worst in them. Above all, don't take advantage of their kindnesses. Maybe... you'd be more approachable that way." "To trust so easily..." "You don't have to trust them to be kinder to them." "...perhaps I should ask you for advice more often, with how wise your words are." He paused to correct himself. "...should have asked you." "...as many perhaps and maybes as we can speak, they don't change the past. They don't change the things you did to me." "It... It was never meant to go so far..." A foreign, choked back, sob clawed its way into his words. "I had never meant... I..."

As she said, any "should have"s, any "could have"s, they don't change what he did to her. How he broke her down, jabbed and prodded, forced her to work when she was already dragging her feet, taking advantage of her inability to say no. He covered his mouth, he needed to change the subject, needed to escape the scrutiny, needed to run away from the guilt that washed over him.

"Jin was more horrified than you would believe." "You're changing the subject, Tohma. This isn't about him." "I..." He slipped a curse under his breath, unable to pull back his thoughts. "...if I loved you as much as I claim I do... I wouldn't... would I? Would I have done this? Would I really... do something so degrading?" She let him answer his own questions, watching him with curious interest to his words. "...it seems I would." He stood up quickly, body still slightly turned away. "Now I cannot get the image of you scrubbed away - I will forever live with the knowledge, forever live with the nightmares." He occluded another nervous sob-laced laugh. "We saw you hang yourself, you know. We saw you go limp and unconscious. Watched the Mortkranken ghouls save you."

She blinked at him. "You did? Why were you there?" "To check on you. The second-years vented their anxieties about your well-being within earshot. While I contacted them immediately, Jin was frozen - would not move, even after you were carried away. I had no time to... to process it... to watch someone you care about do such a thing..." He inhaled sharply, trying to rein in his emotions to no avail. "Dammit... I wish I could forget it. Wish I could use a match on myself and live not knowing what your face would look like in death."

He fell to his knees. "God, please... please do not go..." His fists curled against his thighs. "God, please... please stay... please let me fix this..."

She didn't believe his words - his confession of love. If she watched him break down any further, maybe she could have. His tears, his pleas, they were convincing. Considering that she had a feeling he would have a hard time faking such an emotion in a different scenario. "Tohma... come here." The piper of her voice forced him to his feet, turning to her with the shine of tears in his eyes. He wanted to ignore them, will them away, but the more he thought about them, the more they fell. He dragged himself towards her outstretched arms, leaning awkwardly down to hug her. Pressing his lips to her neck, to the reminder. "Please... forgive me..." He whispered. "I'm sorry you had to witness it. If only I could have left you with the knowledge of being gone, instead. Please... forget about me. I beg of you..." "No. I... I apologize, but I cannot simply forget you. Will not." Jiro had told her the same thing. The idea of the lives she touched sunk into her thoughts - she wanted to believe it. Wanted it to be enough to bring her back. But it only made her feel worse. Sink even further into the swamp of onus.

"Then... keep me in your heart and do better." "...of course..." He took a step back from her watching her breathe for the moment. To help him pretend she would be alright. That she would come back to them. He turned away to leave, and halfway out, stopped to look back at her for a brief moment. Watched her give him a weak wave and a smile to match before finally stepping out of the building.

+++

"Jin. There's so much I could say, but honestly, all I can think of to write is... you're an absolute ass. If it weren't for Leo and Taiga, I'd say you were the worst person I've dealt with so far. I can see there's so much anxiety and grief and loathing stirring in you, but that gives you no reason to treat me and others the way you do. Maybe if your attitude was a fraction better, I wouldn't be in this bed. However you feel like you're assisting me, you always do it in the worst way. Like helping me is some inconvenience to you. I'm surprised you can even sit down with that stick so far up your ass. Everything about you pisses me off. ...So why the fuck do I care so much about your well-being? This ended up being more long-winded than I wanted it to. When I'm gone, I hope you can turn yourself around - be forgiving and kind and everything you currently aren't."

+++

There was a fury in him - out of worry, out of shame, out of so many emotions he couldn't even name. His heavy steps, much like Tohma before, stopped the moment he saw her staring blankly at the ceiling. He was thankful that only one person saw the absolute horror upon his face, someone he vaguely trusted, put in the same boat and caught off-guard as him.

Except now it was inching closer to coming back. He wouldn't let her see him like this. See him stare at her with a terror he had never felt before. He replaced it with an irritated scowl, anger clouding his thoughts yet again. He took it out on the table of "get well soon"s, kicking it over with enough force to send it across the room, every apathetic card and small gifts clattering and flittering to the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Surprisingly to him, all she did was offer him a smile that spoke her words for her: "how did I know you were going to do that?". The fact that he was now predictable to her made him even more upset. That she'd know him so well and yet would have no problems, not a single qualm, about taking herself away from him. He couldn't hide anything from her as much as he tried to close her off. Shut her out.

And still... he kept calling on her, just to see her face again. Already fearing that he may forget her gentle smile and bright eyes the moment they all fail to break her curse. If she longed to be remembered in someone's mind, she succeeded.

The life gone from her eyes, face colored a clash of red and purple, dangling from a cotton noose.

He knew lives were fragile and still he drove her to the edge. Still he continued to degrade her, made her feel like dirt was worth more than her - even if he went out of his way to help her, he never addressed it. Always covered it up with a thin veil of "this is for me". And maybe it was for him - to know she was taken care of, that she could succeed; to know that she could take advantage of him, as he did her. And still, she did not. She had everything at her fingertips, every answer, every material and materiel - she had him at her fingertips, wrapped around every one of them in a twisted cat's cradle. She never assumed that he was willing to help. Only called on him when she had no other option. He was almost certain she was an angel sent to him, to help guide him... only to drive her to seek heaven again.

She was the only one who ever noticed his anxiety. His hand trembling just the barest hint of too much. His hesitation, his fear, his inadequacies, all in one - a single squeeze of his hand, the most comfort he had ever felt from another. That's all it took for him to fall head over heels for her. To pull him out of his shell again, a little bit at a time. And now, she watched him, picking apart his emotions with her eyes like peeling flakes of sunburnt skin. Digging herself deeper into his mind, worming her way into his thoughts and heart and words. She finally opened her mouth - with the way his face twisted, one could have imagined him seeing nothing but bugs crawling out of a rotting corpse.

"A lot of things are wrong with me." "No shit." He spat out his response, tainted with irritation. "And I'm one of them." "You are." He didn't expect her to respond like that, to tell him head on that he was a problem of hers. A lesser man would've cried just hearing the words and the way they didn't miss a beat in responding. All it did to him was stun him silent. "You've been nothing but the third rudest asshole on this island. And that's only because you didn't try to kill me on sight, or felt so insecure by my presence that you created a one-sided rivalry."

She closed her eyes, letting out a deep sigh. "And still, I can't help myself but worry. You can barely leave your room on your own, and I unfortunately know what that feels like - what are you going to do when I'm gone? When your servant is no longer there to wait on you hand and foot in between classes and missions? No longer there to drag you out of the pit of monotony?" "If you're gone..." "Well, I'm still leaning towards "when". I'm not convinced of a lot of things. But if you're done throwing a tantrum about a life that isn't yours to control, I'd like it if you sat down next to me." He hissed at her but complied nonetheless, throwing himself into the chair next to her bed. She looked at him with the same knowing, soft, compassionate expression she always had when dealing with him - the difference being the weariness in her eyes, dark bags hanging under them as she had been under the loft; her cheeks slightly sunken from the inability to eat or keep anything down.

She looked like death would come to take her away at any moment, and still... still she regarded him with kindness. She thought upon her previous conversations, what questions she should ask or what she should say. "What would you do to keep me here?" "Anything." He answered without hesitation. He already knew he'd do anything for her while she lived and breathed, why would this be any different? "...anything, he says." It killed him inside to see her reaction. How his response didn't satisfy her. "What do you want me to say?" "I'm wondering if you know why I don't like your "anything". Why I don't want just anything."

His jaw tightened, teeth digging into his tongue - biting it just to think. Just to keep himself from digging a deeper grave. "..." Slowly, his features relaxed, returning to the stoic aloofness he tried to maintain. "...I'm sorry. You deserve better than this." The words dripped from his mouth slowly, a leaky faucet too stubborn to fix. They were hard to say. "...I appreciate it." She tilted her head at him. "I hope that the apology is good closure for you - that it won't become a regret." "It already is." His gaze went to the ceiling as he took a breath in. If only he told her just how much she was worth to him. If only he told her that he'd give up everything if it meant keeping her by him. If only he told her just how beautiful she was in that dress, and how endearing her attempt at following his lead was.

If only,

If only,

If only,

She continued to watch him. "...what were your thoughts?" "I should be the one asking that fucking question." "I think, out of everyone, you know what my thoughts were and are the most. But... you persist. You continue on. You're stronger than me for that. There's something out there that makes your life worth living. I wish I had that." "..." It was at this time he wanted to pull out a cigarette - to take the edge off of the stress of keeping her alive. Then, he was sorely reminded that suffocation was her choice of death - even if she didn't need the ventilator for the moment - when he looked down at her from the corner of his eye. He muttered softly in response. "I wish I could be that."

He looked back up at the ceiling, as if there was something worth looking at; if only to keep himself from staring at her. "I wish I could be that reason." "Convenient to say that, now that you know I could be gone in the morning. Some useful tool to make your stigma work again. A servant at your beck and call, brushed away with the back of your hand and some words that tell me just how much I'm really worth." "Tch. You really never considered the things I've done, have you?" "Oh, I've considered them. Considered them enough to determine it was simply to keep me indebted to you--"

The chair legs screeched on the tile as he stood up with more force than was necessary. It was as if she was purposefully rubbing him the wrong way, pushing every button until she found the one she was looking for - she was still looking for it, apparently, because all this really did was anger him with another emotion he couldn't name. The one that tore his heart to shreds, knowing her true perception of him.

"Then what part of "anything" do you not fucking understand?! Do you really think I'd give a damn about some little shit following me around like I'm Liszt?! Really think I'd just drop everything to the next ass to ask me for help?! Really think I'd even fucking give the time of day to someone who isn't you?!" If someone had walked in without context, they'd likely think Jin to be glowering down on a poor girl in a hospital bed, filled with a disdain that couldn't be named. That was the furthest from the truth. "If anything, I'm the one fucking following you around! Every-fucking-time I hear that you're going on a mission with another house, I have to know what it is - I need to know if I should be concerned for your safety. What if they can't protect you- what if they don't protect you?! What if, in a single moment of hesitation, I never get to see you again?! It pisses me off that I can't do anything about that!"

He looked like a madman, hair frazzled and out of place, breathing heavily as if he ran from one end of the island to the other. "You think some damn vase in the Frostheim hallway is worth more than you- and maybe if you had been anyone else, it fucking would be!" Despite his yelling, his aggressive words and all, she remained... passive. Face placid with the telling expression of "are you done?" in her eyes - even if he wasn't, she still spoke. No matter how loud he was, no matter what kind of sentence he was in the middle of; when she spoke, he stopped. A man mesmerized by every word, even if it was razor sharp, that cut into him with blades filled with tragic misfortune. "Then... why? Why would you treat me so low, if you put me on this secret pedestal?" "Because they'd take you away from me the moment they found out! You'd be stolen away by some other house, hoarded because I valued something. Stolen away by who knows what, if they felt you were distracting me too much - and goddammit, it wouldn't matter because you still do!"

Tohma almost said the same thing. His concern was regarding the general students and their personal reaches. But Jin's concern seemed to hint something darker - an unknown "they" forcing him to dance to an unrecognizable tune. She had a feeling he was talking about Darkwick or the Institute. If he didn't play along to their rules, because she didn't. If he truly meant that he'd follow her wherever she went, and she decided to riot, that meant he would too. She closed her eyes, letting out a short huff - she wanted to say something, but it was his next words that kept her quiet.

"Instead of dreams about having you next to me, filling some fucking hole in my soul and healing whatever pain I've endured - I now have nightmares of your dead body, staring at me, begging for answers. I go to check on you because the brats are so fucking worried about you, that it fills me with a dread that threatens to tear my throat out - and I get there just in fucking time to see the life leave your eyes! Just in time to spiral in the thoughts of how I was the one who did that to you!" He ran his hands up through his hair. "I don't think you know how that fucking feels! To be the reason that the person you treasure the most wants to die! It may have been your hand, but it may as well have been mine! Fuck!"

He leaned over to hold himself up on the edge of the bed, his body shook the same way an aspen leaf would - shuddering, quaking. His posture hid his face well, but it didn't hide the tears after they had fallen. "I owe you everything... from that moment I took your hand. I knew there was nothing I could ever do to repay you... it didn't matter how much fucking money or power I had..." He let out trembling laugh, brimmed with melancholy. "You are worth more than everything I own. It's terrifying, actually. My blood runs cold knowing that there's someone out there like that." "I'm sure there are plenty more, less unfortunate than me." "Did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, I don't care how fucking "unfortunate" you are? What the hell does your fortune have to do with this?"

She returned his words with a sad smile. "I was holding onto the hope that you would find someone who sparks this in you enough to forget me. It would be... so much easier if you just... forgot that I existed. I've done nothing but drag your life--" "Are you even fucking listening to me?!" He stood straight again, taking a single stride to get close enough to put both of his hands on her shoulders. "What. Part. Of. Anything. Do. You. Not. Fucking. Understand!? If I'm ready to give you anything just to keep you here - what makes you think I'd fucking forget you?!" She wished she could change the subject... take it off of how much these people would refuse to forget her. As her thoughts drifted towards the ocean of guilt she swam in, she was brought back by both of his hands on the sides of her head. He leaned in enough to press his mouth to the top of her head.

"What do you need me to do..." She closed her eyes to think some. "...I want you to back Jiro and Yuri." "..." "They've done so much for me already, with what little is available to them. Done more for me than Darkwick has. If I'm here tomorrow morning, then they're going to need support to keep up with my treatment plan - on top of their research into my curse." "...if only because they're caring for you." "Even if I'm not here tomorrow..." "...if only because they cared for and about you." "Thank you." "...please be here in the morning... please... I don't know what I would do without you... not as a tool or servant, but someone that I..." She could feel her hair rustle with the hesitant breath he let out. "Someone that I love."

He didn't let her speak after that, quickly pulling away to leave the sadness and heartache in the building behind.

+++ ++ + ++ +++

Jin stopped just outside of the door, before the next in line could even pass him. He pulled a checkbook from his pocket, flipped it open, signed it and took those heavy strides over to Jiro - the "not Yuri" half of the duo - to tear the blank check out of the book and hand it to him.

"What's this?"

"A gift from her. Don't waste it."

With that, his steps took him to Leo just to snatch his phone from him before he had time to process that anyone had approached him. "The fuck! What the hell is your problem- this is theft, you know." Jin held it comically high above his head, keeping it just out of reach. "Like hell I'm going to let a brat like you to take advantage of the situation for your social media. Until she says it's okay, you can figure out what to do with your free time without it. It's not theft, it's insurance." "Cap, are you seriously going to let him do whatever the fuck he wants?" Alan made exactly two seconds of eye contact with Jin before answering. "Yes." He could handle the rest after his turn was finished.

================================================

after read author's notes: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

finally. just to reiterate a two things: 1) this part took me 3 days to finish lol, that means if the writing style feels different, it was probably written on a different day. 2) i made the decision to break this up further because tumblr is dumb and my web browser lags like ass longer the post is - and this is obviously a very long one.

also, insert comment about agápē wordplay here lmao that was on accident and it's 👌

thank y'all so much for taking the time out of your day to indulge in my what was supposed to be a small series of prompts but actually turned into a full length novel LMAO

[i-write-things-sometimes]

SIKE! I LIED!

i will break it up into parts mostly because my entire web browser slows down the more i write LMAO so look forward to part 3a later tonight

i've been working on part 3 of better off alone for about.... 8 hours now. i'm at 4k words and i'm not even CLOSE to being halfway done

maybe i should think about breaking this one up into multiple parts too lmao

[i-write-things-sometimes]

man, took a break from writing to continue the main story of tkdb since i finally managed to get past case 70

spoilers for chpt. 21 of ep. 14

I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING THROW HANDS I STG FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY AND UNHOLY LET ME MAKE THE MC GO FERAL

i'd be like "nah, no more frostheim missions for me until the entire damn house gives my homie yuri an apology and 10k each"

poor doctor behavior but, fuck, i'd snatch that ointment from that man and let him figure out his own boo-boo

maybe even break a bone or two

tbh, in my area, doctors can kick patients out without treatment if they're being harassed or assaulted. so like. sucks to suck, get the fuck outta my office.

i'm so fucking mad about this that i had to stop reading just to complain

okay, have a nice day y'all, gonna finish this then deprive myself of quality sleep by writing more

[i-write-things-sometimes]

back at it again (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ decided i'm NOT going to break it up - y'all'll just have to suffer with me LMAO

breaking it up would get somewhat confusing when it comes to the order of reading, especially with the way tumblr lists its posts in searches - if it was a bit more organized, i'd probably break it up.

i've been working on part 3 of better off alone for about.... 8 hours now. i'm at 4k words and i'm not even CLOSE to being halfway done

maybe i should think about breaking this one up into multiple parts too lmao

[i-write-things-sometimes]

i've been working on part 3 of better off alone for about.... 8 hours now. i'm at 4k words and i'm not even CLOSE to being halfway done

maybe i should think about breaking this one up into multiple parts too lmao