i-was-once-a--tortoise

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

in the beginning all you could do was explode and move around. and then those 2 concepts fucked and new possible actions were born. picking your nose and combing your hair both have a common ancestor with scratching your ear with your back foot

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

northernlion: charlie brown had hoes? no he didn't. no he fucking didn't. what are we doing here.

northernlion two weeks later: charlie brown kinda had the most hoes out of anyone in the sunday paper.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

That day you realized you can just beat the shit out of people until they pass out or die.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

do you like fire trucks?

Since day one you stupid piece of fuck

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

man listening to a "song" on his "headphones" and enjoying a flavored handheld "snack": i am waiting for a "walk signal" to cross the "street"

stegosaurus in that same spot 150 million years ago: leafs in front of me

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

Hello 👋,

I hope this message finds you well. My name is Aziz, and I’m reaching out with a heartfelt plea to help my family find safety and reunite with our mother. 😞

The ongoing war in Gaza has torn my family apart. My mother and newborn sister are stranded in Egypt, while I, along with the rest of my sex family members, am trapped in the midst of the genocide in Gaza. We have not only been separated but have also lost our home and are enduring unimaginable hardships. 💔

Your support can make a difference. Whether by reading our story, donating, or sharing our campaign with others, you can help us reunite, find safety, and start anew. 🙏🕊

Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for your kindness, compassion, and solidarity during this difficult time. ❤🍉

https://gofund.me/58268669 🔗

https://gofund.me/58268669

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

kinda obsessed with the idea of going underground lately. like in a way where i know being down there would send me into a sort of animalistic terror, like the sort that causes drowning people to kill their rescuers, but i can't stop thinking about it. going down there. in the dark

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

I hate it when people ask me what genre of music i listen to because i genuinely have no clue. It's called Music I Like genre. The best genre out there

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

weirdest part of being an adult is the fact that you can put off watching a movie for nearly a decade and barely notice

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

every now and then i check in on the adventure zone podcast to see how they're doing and every time, as someone who loved the show's first two campaigns, it just kinda saddens me. four genuinely funny entertaining guys try desperately to recapture the magic and success of a thing they made almost a full decade ago now, unable or unwilling to pull the plug because they still get just enough of a consistent audience and money from it to justify continuing it, even though it's kinda obvious to literally everyone that none of them are really into it anymore.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

you probably thought today was a normal Monday. nooooope. strong as fuck ice mummy again, sorry.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

YOU ARE THE MURDERKILLER. You have been put on this Earth to kill HUMAN BEINGS. You MUST do this.

PICK ONE OF THREE KILLERS TO ELEVATE INTO THE MURDERKILLER:

THE OIL MAN: Filthy bludgeoner. Dwells in rust. STARTER WEAPON: Lead Pipe.

THE SPINE: Depraved bone collector. Still in her father's shadow. STARTER WEAPON: Hand Saw.

THE CUTTER: Sickly blood-drinker. He doesn't have long. STARTER WEAPON: Butcher Knife.

Harvest TROPHIES from your prey. Display them in your ROOM, or bend and break them into AMULETS that will aid you in your nightly hunts.

Collect TERRORCOIN from VICTIMS before MURDERKILLING them by terrorizing them. Make them FEAR you.

Give TERRORCOIN to THE HALF-MAN who haunts your ROOM, in exchange for new WEAPONS, TOOLS, and revealing new hunting grounds. Ignore everything THE HALF-MAN tells you.

WE ARE THE VOICE IN THE WALL. YOU ARE THE MURDERKILLER. THE NIGHT IS HERE. START KILLING.

started working today on a game idea called YOU ARE THE MURDERKILLER. the title i feel is fairly self-explanatory.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

started working today on a game idea called YOU ARE THE MURDERKILLER. the title i feel is fairly self-explanatory.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

hey man i'm going on vacation for 86 yoctoseconds can you watch my pet hydrogen-5 isotope while i'm gone

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

imagine how much more fucked up the history of the world would be if eating someone's brains reliably conferred on you their memory and knowledge