i-just-want-acceptance

[i-just-want-acceptance]

I had to stop restricting for a bit because I started having some health problems that increase my amount of migraines and dizziness for a bit. I'm trying to kinda get back in it slowly.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

Tw ed

10-24-24

150- chicken and rice soup and a little potato soup

120- cookie

400- ham and cheese omelette

170- four chicken nuggets

200- half of a strawberry lemonade

Total in- 1040

Total burned- 2140

Net total- -1100

Felt like I did bad today, but counting it all up, it wasn't as bad as I thought honestly. I've felt full most of the day, but soup is thankfully filling and low calorie.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

10-23-24

Tw ed

Donut - 200

Couple bites of vegan meal - 100

Third of a quesadilla - 200

Two tacos - 350

Orange juice - 150

Half a powerade - 75

Total in - 1075

Total out - 2068

Net total - -993

[i-just-want-acceptance]

We kinda back on my bullshit.

Tw ed

Some rice and vegan BBQ thing - 300

Three chicken tenders- 264

A couple fries - 50

About half a small chocolate frosty - 210

Total in - 824

Total out - so far 2034

Net total - -1210 so far

Weighed myself yesterday and I have gained fair more weight than I want to. This is just to get back down to an acceptable weight in my mind. I also have tried to get back into running and haven't been doing too bad when I do it. Just need to be better about not skipping it.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

I really hate being sick. I've been really sick for like 5 days now, and I think I'm on the tail end of it, but I really have been trying to eat enough just so my immune system isn't total shit. I definitely haven't restricted enough in the past week or two, and being sick really makes it impossible for me to fully do so.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

Really funny thing that happened yesterday is I asked a couple of friends how much I weighed and two of them separately asked if I was above or below 100. This is funny because I'm quite a bit above 100, and my arms and legs show it because I have quite a lot of obvious muscle. Made me feel pretty good about myself

[i-just-want-acceptance]

2-1-24

TW ED

6 small pieces brisket: 500

2 pieces buttered toast: 270

6 Hershey's kisses: 130

Bite of soup: 20

1.5 lattes: 500

1 cookie: 90

Total consumed: 1510

Total burned: 2520

Net total: -1010

Honestly today was kind of an awful day. I did homework for eight hours for the same class, and still didn't get through it all. Then, my hip dislocated pretty badly, and I couldn't walk without my cane. We big struggling.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-31-24

TW ED

Tea with honey: 65

Brookside chocolate with blueberry and acai: 720

Blackberries: 55

Chicken nuggets: 340

Fries: 150

Garlic naan: 340

A couple bites roasted potatoes: 20

Water flavoring: 5

Cookie: 120

Hershey's kiss: 20

Total consumed: 1835

Total burned: 2850

Net total: -1015

Honestly I don't know how I still burned over 1000 more calories than I ate because I ate way too much. I felt so much pressure from my fraternity brothers to eat especially at dinner which is unfortunate because I had plans to eat so much less. Honestly one of my brother kept talking about making me big and swole at the gym where I got a nice workout in which made me anxious because right now I'm in the skinny is best mindset. I'm just glad I was active today, or my calories would be so fucked. No tags because I'm disappointed I'm how much I ate.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-30-24

TW ED

Thai tea: 160

Half a chicken and cheese wrap with veggies: 210

Chips: 150

2 cookies: 240

Chicken cheese steak sandwich: 450

Fries: 150

Drinks total (sips of small things not much of anything): 20

Total consumed: 1380

Total burned: 2300

Net total: -920

I didn't get a chance to count calories very well yesterday, but I'm well aware that I ate too much two days in a row. I need to never go to the on campus restaurant because they only have unhealthy and fried food, but it's so easy. I've been too busy to think too hard about what I'm eating unfortunately, but I need to start doing that or I'll stop losing weight, and I really am scared of not losing weight at this point. I felt so sick after eating dinner because my stomach is not wanting to be used to full stomachs anymore which I guess is good because I won't eat as much.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

I don't have time to update food tonight. I'll try to for today tomorrow.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

I love when I start to lose enough that I can notice my stomach getting flatter even after eating a meal. It makes me feel so accomplished.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-28-24

TW ED

threeish pieces pizza: 850

Dr. Pepper: 150

Hug drink: 5

Water flavoring: 10

2 suckers: 140

Piece of king cake: 200

Total consumed: 1345

Total burned: 2390

Net total: -1045

It's crazy how many calories pizza has because I ate one actual meal at a meeting today, and have consumed so many calories. I know I ate snacks, but that's beside the point. Thankfully I walk around a lot at school, so I still burned over 1000 more calories than I ate, but still crazy calories.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

I know my body dysmorphia is bad because when I see myself naked, I want to cover up and think I look disgusting, yet people who have called me small, say I look skinnier after they haven't seen my in person in a month. I don't know how people see me as skinny. I am not. My stomach is a bad shape and has so much fat, and my hip bones aren't near prominent enough. The only way my stomach looks at all flat is if I raise my arms and flex my stomach, and even then, it's not like it should be. I hate it.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-27-24

TW ED

Waffle with a little syrup: 350

Burrito from Taco Bell: 400

2 and a half suckers: 260

1 and a half hug drinks: 7

2 coffees: 200

Total consumed: 1317

Total burned: 2193

Net total: -876

Someone I'm close to said I looked skinnier to them than I did last time I saw them in person, so that's good. Although my actual weight hasn't changed according to an admittedly shitty and unreliable scale (was also wearing bulky clothes though, so may be down a couple pounds who really knows)

Also wish small things in food didn't add up so quickly. It's sad

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-26-24

TW ED

Burrito: 270

Lemonade: 40

Mentos: 200

Bag of chips: 150

Bite of candy: 20

Total consumed: 680

Total burned: 2368

Net total: -1688

Did good today because I got to skip meals from traveling from school to my partners' house. Good job me.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-26-24

TW ED

soup: 100

Fries: 200

Sugar cookie: 90

Fancy coffee: 575

Piece of pizza: 250

Two s'mores: 560

Two iced cookies: 300

Bite of sorbetto: 50

Total consumed: 2125

Total burned: 2633

Net total: -508

I really feel like I binged today because I tried to not care about food. My fraternity had an event with food at it, so I felt like I needed to eat at it which is unfortunate because that was over 1000 of my calories. I'm glad I move a lot here or I would not be okay eating as much as I did without purging. Oh well. We will do better another day.

[i-just-want-acceptance]

1-25-24

TW ED

Thai tea: 120

Banana pudding: 120

Pizza panini: 550

Shin ramen: 510

A bit of pho: 50

Bite of grilled cheese and fries: 20

Water flavoring (2 packets): 20

Ramune drink: 80

Bit of sprite: 50

Hug drink: 5

Total consumed: 1525

Total burned: 2650

Net total: -1125

I ate more than I wanted to today, but I just needed energy to get through my classes because I had eight hours straight of classes. Honestly other than the two actual meals I had, my calories mostly came from drinks which I am mostly okay with. I know some people hate to drink their calories, but I prefer it to eating them. I'm also trying to let a hip injury heal for a bit, so we are going to see if eating a tiny bit more will help that heal because I walk too much on campus for my hip to hurt as bad as it did today. Maybe the hydration will help my muscles a bit. I definitely could have avoided meals better today, but it'll be alright for me to eat some food that I don't hate. If I'm burning more than 1000 calories more than I'm eating, I should drop weight easily.