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why does feeling depressed bring me peace? why do i always come back to my lowest point just because it’s familiar?

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bpd is so embarrassing it’s just being 13 forever

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psssst

hey moots

i got smth to show ya :3

twitter is an absolute dumpter fire but maybe this will take its place? idek if i'll use it but still go follow me if you have it

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You know this pic makes me want to redraw Ame as Babydoll from sucker punch…we’ll see if i actually get around to it.

Art is by @/itsironicmom on twt

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People only care about mental health battle stories if the outcome is successful. They don't wanna hear about you still struggling or can't control your symptoms

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woke up this morning to my fresh babies feeling more irritated than normal

they don't look infected? im assuming its just irritation that is finally catching up to me because i was walking around without a bandage yesterday because it kept coming off my leg, now im paranoid about infection and can't get back to sleep

i globbed on a buch of neosporin before and this morning so hopefully its not infected but good GOD i get nervous

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i wanna push everyone away from me so i can kill myself alone without anyone noticing

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the blatant tokenization of my transness by my theater teacher has inspired me to write a monologue of my own lmao

Dance of the Martyr

I've been wondering when it will be my school's turn to be part of some "national tragedy." It's something that's always in the back of an American student's mind. It happens all the time: all of a sudden, someone will say, "Turn on the news!" and you'll see arial shots of students fleeing from their school building with cop cars surrounding the area at all angles. People will call it "senseless violence," there will be some big call for gun law reform, and then the event will disappear from the public's memory.

The administrators that ignored our reports don't care about us. The politicians who get up and cry in front of their microphones and podiums don't care about us. We students are destined to be filled with lead, plunged into the earth, and swept away with the sands of time, because those who oppress us care more about their rights than their future generation.

So when that "national tragedy" comes along, I'm going to embrace it. I'll wear my pants covered in chains, I'll wear my nicest leather jacket with a thousand zippers, I'll wear all my low-hanging metal necklaces and spiked bracelets at once. Hell, I'll even pull out those little gold bells we put on the Christmas tree and wrap my fingers with them. When I hear that full lockdown announcement, I'll run out into the hallway. I'll jump up and down, I'll stomp my feet, I'll flap my arms, and I'll scream, "Hey, you cowardly little twat! I'm right here! Come and mow me down!" Why? Well, I was hoping I could buy my classmates some time to escape before they're erased from public knowledge, and as for me? Even when I die, nobody will forget someone so loud about being silenced for all of eternity.

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The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.

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How I look scrolling thru the same three apps and rotting in bed all day everyday

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Trying to not be jealous of people who actually cut deep challenge

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trying to teach myself to stfu.

its in my autistic nature to get very loud when i see unfairness. but it always ends in me getting hurt and/or no action being taken because i speak up.

now that my theater teacher is tokenizing my trans identity and treating me like shit because she doesn't understand a damn thing about my neurodivergence, i'm sooooooooooooo tempted to send a myriad of angry emails to people in and out of the college that shes affiliated with.

but not this time.

im learning to wrangle that energy in and take it out on myself. ive already relapsed and ive got a new jacket coming so self harm is how i'll cope.

though recently ive felt really sick when cutting myself. i don't know why, im only doing babies, maybe just the visceral "YOU CANT DO THIS, PEOPLE WILL SEE, THESE WILL BE PERMANENT (lol no and as if i care)" feeling i get but i'm working on it.

as of today there's 53 days left until my final class. 53 days to blow up and take out all the rage that BITCH inflicted on me. i hope i'm unrecognizable by the end.