i-eatgrassofftheliteralground

[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

imagine being a billionaire and never going 2 public school once in your life and becoming the secretary of education and priding yourself on taking away resources from low income children who actually do attend public schools. If that isn’t like, genuine evil i don’t know what is

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Me? Canceled.

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[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

someone: i love you

me internally: prove it prove it prove it prove it prove it prove it

also me internally: please dont love me i dont want to hurt you this is terrifying please dont love me

yet also me internally: good, everyone should love me. get on your fucking knees and worship the fucking ground i walk on.

somehow also me internally: THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME!!!!!

me externally: aww i love you too!!

[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order

and floridians are just as human as you and me!

and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska

you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones

it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford

i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 

we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 

they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 

i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!

archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.

sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it

archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 

once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too

the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska,  saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed

[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

english: this user liked your post french: :) english: oh boy french: this user added your post to their blows to the heart

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[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

hey hey hey you remember ratatouille? that movie was fuckin wild. in the first 20m a woman points a shotgun at the protagonist and tries to shoot him multiple times, brings down the roof of her own house, and subsequently gasses it. then the rat goes to paris and meets the bastard son of a dead chef and almost dies. again. several times. many times! almost gets locked in an oven. and then drowned. then some shit happens and he controls the bastard son by pulling on his hair. also the bastard chef gets drunk at least once. it’s explicit too like the scheming sous chef brings this 18 y/o or whatever into his office and gets him drunk because he wants the kid to admit that he’s a successful chef because of a tiny hair-pulling rat puppeteer who lives in his hat. and all throughout it the rat is grappling with the ethical conflict of whether stealing is right, and how to reconcile the wasted excesses of capitalism with his belief in private property and self-earned worth, especially when he comes from an impoverished background where stealing was necessary. and the underlying motif is how art isn’t an exclusive club, and how making art accessible to everyone is critical to the expansion and success of art itself, and the importance of honesty in relationships. also the human protagonist’s name is linguini

[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

i love when dudes are like “of course i respect women, i have a sister and a niece” like what does that even mean. there isn’t a person on this planet who isn’t related to a woman like what is Your Point

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if anyone ever tells you that english isn’t ridiculous remember that the reason why we have a silent b in debt is because a group of guys got together to standardise english spelling and got to the word debt, which at the time was primarily spelled either ‘dett’ or ‘det’. so they basically went:

‘everyone speaks latin, right? so let’s put a silent b in debt. like debitum, which is latin for debt. problem solved.’

also the reason why there is a h in ghost is because when the printing press first came to england the only people trained to operate it were flemmish speaking, and they put a h after g because that’s what you do in flemmish. they put shit like ghirl and ghoose, but the only reason why ghost stuck is because people saw ‘the holy ghost’ in the bible and were like ‘well, that MUST be right’.

so yeah english is a really stupid language with some of the most ridiculous spelling

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every horse movie: hi my name is kady and i am a Troubled Teen™ and i’m super frustrated because this ranch has no wifi. at least there’s a cute boy who i made eye contact with! ugh look at all these horses, especially that Troubled Horse™ who Only Lets Me Ride Him

[i-eatgrassofftheliteralground]

Peanuts, November 1, 1950

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When you’re on your way home from the club but one of you almost died

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friend: makes a typo

me: makes fun of the typo, repeats the typo for the next ten minutes straight, makes puns based on the typo, names my firstborn after the typo

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LOOK! HE’S BEEN HIDING THE TONGUES UNDER HIS PICKLE THE WHOLE TIME

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