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Slapping the dick out of my mouth until it cums and I get so scared I run into traffic causing a twenty seven car pile up that results in the antichrist being miscarried. St Peter considers this a virtue but upon setting foot in heaven I burst into flames on account of all the illegal trading that razes half of celestial kingdom. I reincarnate as an alpaca in the Peruvian Andes.

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Shitting cheerios in my bowl of piss

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Honking my Kazoo at the moon, wishing my wife would come back from as I trace this cool anklet she left me

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just poochin and prunin man utterly filleted and fried brah

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Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I used to gnaw through the bars of my containment but then they swapped it out with fucking drobrodar and I couldn't stomach the crap. Turns out it's really easy to just break.

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My dick is a click long and I fuck like a truck

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kamehameha

i'm like goku in the slop

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All my haters are just jealous that I shit in perfect pellets and it smells like pine needles

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Shlorpin' and suckalucking that thang stanky style

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I'm like if the joker was a clown

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I’m in love with you

unfortunately we are not allowed to leave the compound expect for rooting for truffles but they don't even remove the bear traps in the forest for that

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it's been turning a kinda brownish yellow and I spend seven grand a month on the AC but I already lost 20 pounds in the last two weeks. Doctors keep trying to chain me to the hospital bed but I just gnaw through the handcuffs.

Trying this new diet where instead of drinking water I just lick it straight off the giant ice cube in my bathroom

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You're the only real poster I think

I am hooked into a machine in a dark room that connects me only with tumblr and whenever I get a note they bless my tongue with one perfect dew drop

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Trying this new diet where instead of drinking water I just lick it straight off the giant ice cube in my bathroom

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I got 97 tabs open, one is shipping information and one is the wikipedia page the battle of borodino, the other ninety five are fetish porn of several varieties. Can't stop thinking about how Napoleon should have committed his imperial guard when I'm whacking it to a clown girl inflating a balloon with her farts.

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Took a shit so slick my landlord evicted me for pouring oil down the drain. Being homeless ain't so bad though, cuz now people give me fivers to do my special trick. Only issue is I'm down to fifteen teeth.

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I gotta 7 mile ball itch