hyperbolic-panda

[hyperbolic-panda]

eagle: so what do you think about stigmata

prometheus: you know we're in a pre-christian myth, right? like that word doesn't exist yet. your dumb joke is anachronistic.

eagle: stigma talons in your flesh

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[hyperbolic-panda]

getting kicked out of the mcdonalds because i didn't fuck the burger hard enough

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Babe, ever since I met you, your power level has been over 9000. With you, I know the cake won't be a lie. Together we can rule the galaxy, and all their base will belong to us. I can haz marriage?

[hyperbolic-panda]

my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called “daylight savings time” youll be zonked out of your gourd

Me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

1 hour and 5 minutes later: dude I swear it’s only been 5 minutes

my friend the oven, pacing: the smart devices are lying to us

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that's him

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beautiful women named excessive heat warning keep messaging me

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using the wrong password and still being asked if i want to save it is like the most insulting thing. little wrong password baby do you wanna save your goddamn wrong password for all of eternity. you stupid idiot

[hyperbolic-panda]

this is the funniest tweet ive ever seen in my life

[hyperbolic-panda]

[hyperbolic-panda]