hyenafarts

[hyenafarts]

Spyro's Reignited Movie

It would be so awesome, it would be so cool It would be the most incredible, epic dragon movie the world has ever seen The screen would light up with fire breathing and special effects Like a whole lot of special effects My wicked cool wings would be special effects And it would blow your mind

Cause it's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie It's all about me, yeah, it's all about me It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me

No longer a pipsqueak, no, that's not me Picture my bootie up in 3D I'll shake my bootie in my own movie

It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me

I'd have the most impressive, mean, and scary Big, dark, scalie adversary But not to worry, I'm the man in charge Yeah, I'd have an alter ego, I'd become legendary Toasting foes, give ‘em supercharge, and save fairies! (Save fairies)

Cause it's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie It's all about me, yeah, it's all about me It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me

No longer a pipsqueak (Curse you, Spyro!) Now I'm the purple dragon puttin' the villains to shame S-P-Y-R-O is the name!

Oh, and I have my own hero music, too It goes ba, da, da, da, ba, da, da, BAM! It will play every time I entered a realm Then I'd say my cool and popular catchphrase "I think I smell a barbecue!"

It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie It's all about me, yeah, it's all about me It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie They'll be lining up to see a movie all about me It's my movie, my movie, my reignited movie It's all about me, yeah, it's all about me It's all about me

[hyenafarts]

Ultimate Dragons (Spyro x Danganronpa)

Spyro - Ultimate ???

Nestor - Ultimate Carpenter

Delbin - Ultimate Figurative Artist

Tomas - Ultimate Bard

Argus - Ultimate Poet

Lindar - Ultimate Clockmaker

Gavin - Ultimate Barista

Gildas - Ultimate Mural Artist

Astor - Ultimate Scholar

Nils - Ultimate Sculptor

Devlin - Ultimate Baker

Alvar - Ultimate Chef

Thor - Ultimate Ceramicist

Alban - Ultimate Scribe

Oswin - Ultimate Librarian

Darius - Ultimate Actor

Nevin - Ultimate Art Dealer

Titan - Ultimate Field Marshal

Magnus - Ultimate Rikishi

Gunnar - Ultimate Mercenary

Conan - Ultimate Spanish Knight

Boris - Ultimate Cowboy

Ivor - Ultimate Aviator

Maximos - Ultimate Barbarian

Halvor - Ultimate Guardian

Enzo - Ultimate Warrior

Marco - Ultimate Prison Guard

Ulric - Ultimate Soldier

Todor - Ultimate Archer

Andor - Ultimate Brawler

Ragnar - Ultimate Blacksmith

Asher - Ultimate Sage

Trondo - Ultimate Assassin

Cosmos - Ultimate Wizard

Zantor - Ultimate Magician

Boldar - Ultimate Spellcaster

Zane - Ultimate Apprentice

Eldrid - Ultimate Alchemist

Kelvin - Ultimate Messenger

Zander - Ultimate Mentor

Cyrus - Ultimate Academic Tutor

Ajax - Ultimate Mage

Cedric - Ultimate Teacher

Jarvis - Ultimate Strategist

Hexus - Ultimate Traveler

Lucas - Ultimate Mapmaker

Altair - Ultimate Fortune Teller

Bruno - Ultimate Voodoo King

Cleetus - Ultimate Herbalist

Claude - Ultimate Chanter

Cyprin - Ultimate Fisher

Rosco - Ultimate Predictor

Damon - Ultimate Merchant

Zeke - Ultimate Fish Farmer

Bubba - Ultimate Body Builder

Isaak - Ultimate Spiritualist

Lyle - Ultimate Harvester

Jed - Ultimate Enchanter

Sadiki - Ultimate Summoner

Lateef - Ultimate Monk

Zikomo - Ultimate Timekeeper

Mazi - Ultimate Illusionist

Kasiya - Ultimate Sandman

Azizi - Ultimate Astrologer

Apara - Ultimate Night Guard

Obasi - Ultimate Jester

Bakari - Ultimate Sleepwalker

Mudada - Ultimate Plangonologist

Baruti - Ultimate Daydreamer

Useni - Ultimate Massager

Kosoko - Ultimate Storyteller

Lutalo - Ultimate Genie

Copano - Ultimate All-Nighter

Unika - Ultimate Harpist

Revilo - Ultimate Knitter

[hyenafarts]

By Kanchiyo

[hyenafarts]

Ladies Love Lindar

Lindar:

“People want to know what's the secret to Lindar's Ability to pick up all these beautiful women Is it your good looks? Is it those smooth scales on your body? Could be all that treasure you have? That I've collected and stored in the Dragon Kingdom, but You don't need to know that I say look I'm gonna let you in on a little secret My man Tomas, you know A lute-playing bard dragon from the Artisan world Made this thing called Music to make to your old lady by Gavin used to work Shoot, even Nevin used to work the way I was doin' my thing But man, you put this on And the chicks just go wild I'm telling you Music to make to your old lady by You know, you tried bug muffins Even tried givin' her some butterflies Shoot, you might've even tried healing elixir But ain't no sheer elixir until you try Music to make to your old lady by”

[hyenafarts]

The Souls of the Innocent

Gavin: Hey, Spyro. What do you want to eat?

Dark Spyro: The souls of the innocent!

Spyro: A bagel!

Dark Spyro: Noooooooo!

Spyro: Two bagels!

[hyenafarts]

I REPRESENT ALL DRAGONS!!!

Lindar: As a dragon, I can have self-control. And self-control is what you need to be the perfect dragon. This eye tracking video that I’m gonna watch, not only am I not gonna look at anything sexual, I’m gonna complete THE WHOLE EYE TRACKING CHALLENGE without looking at single butts or a single boob! This eye tracking challenge is gonna be the easiest challenge of my life, and I will prove to all the dragons in this realm that we don’t need to look at boobs! We can look at people for who they are! ME, LINDAR! I WILL REPRESENT ALL DRAGONS IN THIS REALM, AND I WILL NOT LOOK AT A SINGLE BOOB! AND I WILL NOT LOOK AT A SINGLE BUTT IN THIS VIDEO! LET’S GO! *looks at a video of Queen Finny*...FUUUUUUCK!!!!

[hyenafarts]

Revilo’s Sweater

Gavin: That attitude of yours is precisely why we're having this little shenanigan. Now pay attention, the lad's got a surprise for ya.

Revilo: Lindar, in honor of the dragon brotherhood, I present to you a gift. *holds up a sweater* Ta-dah!

Lindar: *reads what’s on the sweater* "I Heart you..."

Gavin: Try it on, Lindar! It's got YOU written all over it. *laughs*

Revilo: I wasn't sure how big to make the hole for the head, so I used a watermelon for size. *Lindar tries on the sweater* Do you love it?

Lindar: *starts scratching* It's a little itchy. What's this thing made of?

Revilo: Eyelashes! *Lindar throws the sweater at Revilo’s face, causing him to whimper*

Lindar: Now may I resume to my minimum-wage duties?

Gavin: After you present your brotherhood gift.

Lindar: I'll buy the knitting fart a Wumpa Whip.

Gavin: Oh, no, no, no, no, lad. You know the rules; you have to make the gift.

Lindar: *walks to the doors* The only thing I'm making is for the exit. *opens up the door and sees Revilo with a new sweater made out of a clear liquid*

Revilo: *sobbing* Is this any better, Lindar? I made this one with my tears. *Lindar sighs and walks to the back of Gavin’s cafe*

Gavin: I knew you'd come around, boy. Make something nice.

Lindar: Why can't I just buy something for the googly-eyed knitter?

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Copano’s Moist Tea

Useni: You know, I cannot remember when I had a sponge cake quite so...m-moist.

Unika: It’s very moist.

Revilo: The moistest.

Copano: I found the tea rather moist, as well. *Useni awkwardly looks at Copano* What? I can’t be uncomfortable, too?

[hyenafarts]

Cosmos’s Cake

Altair: Is Cosmos here yet?

Zander: No, Altair.

Altair: Oh, good. I got caught up at work and I barely had time to pick up this cake. I wanted to make our leader feel welcomed.

Lucas: Altair! That cake is from Delbin’s Great Dragon Bake Shop!

Zander: *opens the cake box as he takes a peek and closes it quickly in surprise* WHOOAAAA-HOOA!

Lucas: *opens the cake box to get a peek* Why, Altair, why, that cake is in the shape of…

Zander: Lucas, we know what it is.

Altair: I thought it was in the shape of a dragonfly.

*Altair, Zander, and Lucas all looked at each other and the cake for an awkward moment*

Lucas: That reminds me, I gotta get Asher a call.

Zander: If this cake reminds you of Asher, we can both give him a call.

[hyenafarts]

Showbiz Sheep

*Somewhere in Dark Hollow, Oswin introduces his sheep to Alban, Gildas, and Argus*

Alban: I will NOT have that filthy beast in my house! It belongs in the barnyard!

Oswin: This is not a farm sheep. Count Bessie is a showbiz sheep! Wait until you see this. *runs off to get something*

Alban: A showbiz sheep. What’d she do, play the piano?

Oswin: *comes in with a miniature piano* She plays the piano. You just wait when you see this. *opens the cage* Okay, honey. Come on, it’s showtime. Yeah, come on, sweetheart. *grabs the sheep and carries it to the piano* Oh, I know. I know. *puts the sheep down next the piano* Here we go. Okay, Count. Hit it! *the sheep plays the piano off-key* Isn’t she incredible? What do ya say, guys? Can she stay?

Alban: I guess so? Alright.

Oswin: Aww, thank you. Just be sure to keep her in her cage. *puts the sheep back in the cage* Maybe I can convince Darius to give us some live entertainment with dessert. Any request?

Alban: How about “Beep Beep, I’m a Sheep”?

*Meanwhile, in Town Square, Alban, Gildas, and Argus were at the table eating lamb shanks when Oswin suddenly comes in looking all worried*

Oswin: Guys! Count Bessie is missing! I came back to Dark Hollow to feed her, and her cage was empty! Where could she be?!

*Alban, Gildas, and Argus all paused with a lamb shank in their hands*

Argus: Uh...Alvar? Uh, where did you get this lamb?

Alvar: At Dark Hollow!

Alban: I guess this means no live entertainment with dessert…

*Alban, Gildas, and Argus put the lamb shanks back on the plate while Oswin grew in horror*

[hyenafarts]

Aku Aku/Uka Uka Hints, But It’s The Elder Dragons...

Nestor: *appears in front of Spyro* Welcome to the Adventure Arena, Spyro. Here, you can travel around this area and practice your driving skills. On this map, the dots, and stars represent warp pads that’ll lead you to races. If they’re flashing, they signify that they are accessible to play. Drive on to an active warp pad, and it’ll take you to the track’s starting line. Then win a trophy by finishing in first place. The more trophies you collect, the more tracks that’ll be available to you. Good luck on your quest, Spyro. *flies off*

Delbin: *appears in front of Spyro* Hold on there, Spyro! You can’t access this track yet! Do you see the number of trophies that are required to enter that track? To access a new track, you must first collect a number of trophies that meets the requirement to activate the warp pad. And in order to win trophies, you must come in first place in other tracks that are opened. *flies off*

Argus: *appears in front of Spyro* The boss is through this garage. However, you’re not ready to face it yet, Spyro. You can access the garage once you’ve won all four races of this area. *flies off*

Lateef: *appears in front of Spyro* I’m terribly sorry, Spyro. But I’m afraid you don’t have all four boss keys to open this door. Beat each boss of the four areas to get a key. Once you have all four, you can take on Oxide. *flies off*

Titan: *appears in front of Spyro* In order to unlock this door to the next world, you need a boss key. You can challenge the boss once you’ve won all four races of a certain area. Beat the boss in a race, and the key will be your reward. *flies off*

Tomas: *appears in front of Spyro* Congratulations, Spyro! You’ve unlocked a new area! Here, you will find four more new tracks to race. Good luck! *flies off*

Kelvin: *appears in front of Spyro* Remember that not all doors can be unlocked with just one key. You’ll need two boss keys to unlock this door. After winning all four races in an area, defeat the boss in the race and earn that key. *flies off*

Lindar: *appears in front of Spyro* In each of the world sections, you’ll find and come across a load-save screen. There’s approximately five of them. To load or save your progress, drive closely towards the screen and come to a complete stop, then follow the directions. *flies off*

Gildas: *appears in front of Spyro* Spyro, my friend! Here’s a hint on Hang Time. In order to get a turbo from hang time, you do that by jumping. The longer you’re in the air, the bigger the turbo you’ll get when you land. For the biggest turbo, get extra air time by hopping off jumps using the Jump button. *flies off*

Devlin: *appears in front of Spyro* Greetings, Spyro. Did you know that you can go faster through turns by power sliding? To access a power slide, press and hold the Jump button while turning hard. *flies off*

Oswin: *appears in front of Spyro* Psst! Spyro, wanna know a secret? You can get a turbo boost while power sliding. To get that turbo boost, wait until the smoke turns black from your exhaust then press the Boost button. Don’t wait too long because if you do, you’ll miss your chance for a boost. *flies off*

Cedric: *appears in front of Spyro* To get around tight turns or face quickly at a direction you’re heading, press and hold the Brake button while turning hard to perform a brake slide. *flies off*

Lyle: *appears in front of Spyro* Hey there, Spyro. When you’re collecting wumpa fruits on the track, your speed increases. Once you have all 10 wumpa fruits collected, you’ll be juiced up and your power-ups will become even more powerful to use. *flies off*

Boris: *appears in front of Spyro* When you get a TNT crate stuck on top of your noggin, start hopping immediately. If you react fast and hop enough times, the TNT crate will fall off of you before it explodes. *flies off*

Zander: *appears after Spyro enters a warp pad* Collect all the crystals that are scattered around in the arena. Once you have all of them, you’ll receive a special prize. *flies off*

Lucas: *appears after Spyro enters a warp pad* Collect the three letters - C, T, and R, on each track and finish in first place to win the CTR Token. Beware, for some of the letters are hard to find. *flies off*

Gavin: *appears in front of Spyro* Hey, Spyro! Have you been collecting CTR Tokens? Each one has a different color. If you collect all four CTR Tokens that represents this color, you can enter the gem cup. Score the most points in four races of a cup, and win a gem! *flies off*

Cosmos: *appears in front of Spyro* In order to access a secret track, you must first collect a number of relics that is required for it to be available to race. *flies off*

Bubba: *appears after Spyro enters a warp pad* Get the lowest time you can by smashing time crates and racing full speed! The clock will freeze in just a few seconds every time you hit a time crate. If you achieve a time that’s low enough, you will receive a relic. *flies off*

[hyenafarts]

Sperhüven Krispies

*Nevin and Thor comes in the kitchen and sees Devlin cooked something*

Nevin: Devlin, what in the hell are you doing? It’s 2am.

Devlin: Well, I couldn’t sleep. So, I decided to get up and make a batch of Sperhüven Krispies - it’s an ancient Scandinavian snack.

Thor: I guess after a night of pillaging, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.

Nevin: Well, it smells godawful.

Devlin: Yeah. Just when you’re about ready to throw up from the stench, that’s when they’re done. *carries the plate to Nevin and Thor* Who wants some? *Nevin and Thor back away from the plate Devlin carries*

Thor: Devlin, if these had been offered to the Beast Makers they still would have eaten each other.

Devlin: Don’t be silly, Thor. They’re delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand *holds his nose*, and you pop a Krispie in your mouth with the other. *grabs a krispie and eats it* Ooooh-mmm, it tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.

Nevin: *holds his nose and eats a Krispie* My gosh. You’re right. That is the best thing I’ve ever tasted!

Thor: *holds his nose and eats a Krispie as well* Oh, this is delicious!

*Astor comes in the kitchen and sees Devlin, Nevin, and Thor all three holding their noses*

Astor: Hey, give me a break! You can’t smell that from the hole!

[hyenafarts]

Cyprin’s Bed

Isaak: Oh! Claude, Cyprin, can I please share your electric blanket?

Claude and Cyprin: No!

Isaak: Oh, come on! I can’t sleep! My bed’s never been so cold, especially on a Saturday night.

Claude: Oh, alright. Get in.

*Claude and Cyprin scoot over for Isaak as he gets in bed and sleeps with the other two Beast Maker dragons*

Isaak: *hears an unknown noise* Listen, do you hear that sound?

Cyprin: Yeah, and as long as I’m in my bed I’ll do what I want.

*Both Isaak and Claude jumped in surprise and awkwardly look at Cyprin*

[hyenafarts]

Lindar Sings

Lindar: *joyfully comes inside the Artisans castle while dancing and chanting*  Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big ol' baddy. Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big ol' baddy. *leaves the castle while the Artisan dragons are confused*

Oswin: I guess he must have gotten the part in that play.

Nevin: Yeah. Either that or Tomas was right. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

[hyenafarts]

Lutalo’s Tuna Quiche

Lutalo: Time for today’s sensible meal. *opens the refrigerator door as he looks for something* Where’s my tuna quiche? *the Dream Weaver dragons grew silent* You heard me, I said where is my tuna quiche?! I get five ounces of solid food a day, and I want my tuna quiche!

Mudada: You mean that little pie?

Lutalo: *triggered* Little pie…? Little pie...?!?!

Mudada: I wanted a snack.

Lutalo: A SNACK?!

Mudada: I thought it was a little fishy.

Lutalo: Ah! *strangles Mudada* You ate my sensible meal! YOU ATE MY SENSIBLE MEAL!

Useni: Lutalo, stop! Lutalo! You’re out of control!

Lutalo: *comes to his senses* Oh, my God! Oh, Mudada, I'm sorry! What did I just do?

Mudada: This! *grabs Lutalo by the neck and shakes him*

Kosoko: Lutalo, we know dieting is hard. We've all been there. I remember the time Lindar and I went on that weight-loss-through-sex diet. The idea being every time you felt hungry, you would substitute food with some sexual activity.

Lutalo: Did it work?

Kosoko: I gained 18 pounds!

Lutalo: Well, fine. I won't have my sensible meal. Tomorrow's my anniversary, anyway. I'll just have my last shake tonight. *opens the refrigerator again and searches for a few seconds then closes it* Where’s my shake? *Mudada walks to Useni and hides behind him in guilt* You heard me, I said where’s my shake?!

Mudada: I needed something to wash down the little pie. 

Lutalo: *shocked* Aah!

Mudada: It was so fishy.

Lutalo: I don’t believe you!

Mudada: Well, if it's any consolation, I'm still hungry.

Lutalo: Oh, shut up! Just shut up, you babblin', bubble-headed, bleach-blond......

Revilo: Baboon.

Lutalo: Baboon!

*Mudada, Useni, and Kosoko look awkwardly at Revilo*

Revilo: He needed a “B”.

[hyenafarts]

Who’s Singing?

Lindar: So I told Mudada, “Nobody, no matter how famous these dragons are, nobody is allowed to climb on the riptoc.” But of course, this went right in one ear…

Useni: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint, I can pretend he’s Super Saiyan White.

Ajax: Oh, good. Another riptoc story. When are those gonna become extinct?

Halvor: If I was a superhero who could fly AND be invisible, that would be the best.

Gildas: What does Zoe see in this guy? I love Zoe. I wish she was my wife.

Todor: ♫ Da-dadada-dana-da-da-dana, da-dadada-dana-da-da-dun, da-dun ♫ 

Tomas: Who’s singing?

[hyenafarts]

You Flamed My Pot!!

*Two unknown strangers enter the Artisans castle as Spyro flames ‘em. Spyro turns on the lights, as it turns out the two strangers were actually Thor and Argus that walked in, and he accidentally flamed a ceramic pot*

Thor: *gasp in shock* You flamed my pot!

Spyro: I heard footsteps, and a man’s voice, and the alarm went off...

Thor: It was Argus! He accidentally set off the alarm!

Spyro: I’m sorry.

Thor: *saddened* You flamed my pot!

Spyro: I didn’t flame Argus.

Thor: I rather you flame Argus!

Argus: I think I'll pass on the nightcap, Thor. *leaves*

Thor: Go on home, you old fool.

*Devlin and Alvar comes in*

Devlin: What happened?

Thor: *upset* He flamed my pot!

Alvar: Thank god. I hated that thing.

Devlin: *to Spyro* What are you doing flaming people, are you crazy?!

Spyro: I heard a noise, I thought it was the blue thieves.

Alvar: I manage to live 80, 81 years. I survived pneumonia, two operations, a stroke. One night, I'll belch and the Dark Master here will burn my butt off!