hydrate-precipitate-mate

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i think it's my queer given right to have the most pathetic catboy alive as my pet 

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broke: doesn't drink water during the night

woke: bedside table with a glass of water for night time

bespoke: waking up going to the tap guzzling tap water then going back to bed

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meantime is a top tier word bc actually yh time is mean n someone shld say it >:(

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having a what if i just killed everyone type of morning does anyone want some

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you either die a spongebob or you live long enough to see yourself become a squarepants

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they shld Literally just invent eyes tht dont scratch at all

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not monogamous not polyamorous but a secret third thing

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pyromania is such a nothing burger classification like cmon man lighting fires are one of the most fundamental of human discoveries one of the things tht 'make us human' n u wanna make it a disorder n illegal get rekt man

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once u start mixing a fruit loopy type cereal with a cornflakey type cereal n eating them together there's no going back oof

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inflating the number of books ive read for the year by reading bilingual books which technically count as two books.

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i feel like january is september's evil twin. they're both about beginnings but september est plus doux more forgiving more encouraging

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99% of constipated ppl give up right b4 they poop keep trying <3

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no one:

me: *makes it weird*

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i feel like the reason a lot of different habits esp in terms of self grooming seem really weird n creates discourse is bc we're often taught those things by parents or adult authority figures who teach them in the way that x way is correct n anything but x is wrong

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man invented the wheel then he invented the ball n then he invented rules to play with the ball n took all the fun out of it

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subtraction is just evil addition

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yall remember like at the startish? of the blorbodemic when scrunglo pop n yk all those other made up words were like the trending thing every post was just an unslaught of senseless things tht was fun