hxoyl

[hxoyl]

Its been a while since i posted, and even tho i mostly talk about the triplets but im going to vent a little, im not even expecting anyone to read it or anything, im just wrtiting to feel better and vent, and im trying to improve my wrtiting style and im using my trauma as a topic lol, so if you're not intrested scroll!

(tw: sh, SA, mommy issues, mental health? + guys i know it might seem traumatizing but im okay, i guess.. 😭)

Im always thinking about it.. That line she said, the way she sceared it in my face.. I felt in that moment that my world ended, i knew that im not going to be the same again, ever

She acted like it was fine after a few hours, and i had to play along and push it under the rug, put on a smile and act like it didnt hurt.. For my mom its propably a random friday, but for me it was what changed my self esteem and my whole mindset..

"stop whining about it already! How many times do you have to cry about it!? You're so senstive and you make it bigger than it is! Stop trying to play the victim!! I swear if you say one more word im going to beat you up, just shut up and get over it it was years ago!!"

This was my moms words after i vented for her for the 3rd time in my life after years of being sexually assulted by my older brother.. Weird right? All i did was to go completely silent, not even sobbing.. Just tears running down my cheeks from my widened eyes, my body shaking slightly.. My first thought was (im never going to heal from this).

It was two years ago and a few months.. Since that argument i dont think i went one single day without it being on my mind, it was a literal stab.. I started feeling so unvalid, so unworthy, like im not sick enough im not hurt enough, like i went through nothing for years when i was fighting everything alone!

And that was how one day in 2024 may, during an overwhalming break down in the middle of the night about this topic, i was fighting myself and beating myself up because what if im actully "too senstive"? What if im actully "not hurt enough" and "not in pain" , i asked myself how to prove being hurt... How to get even more sick ? The answer was picking up the blade in the bathroom.. For months.. I stopped and im clean for 5 months now, but i still think about it every day..

If i didnt go through this since i was 11.. Would i be better? Would i be healthy? Actully living my teen years? Loving myself? Maybe.. Maybe not.. No one knows.

Will i ever change and feel better? Its been almost six years since everything started.. Its not ending.. But i really hope i get better when i grow up, and ofc im also hoping to get as sick as possible so people believe my pain.. Weird right?

Hope you guys are Okey, and im okay dont worry

[hxoyl]

i know!! But nah.. This fandom acts like they cant be friends with any girl its sad tbh

Okay now the shipping and shit can finally stop with the whole "Matt gave his jacket to her, they must be together"...like be fr

So King responded to a comment on tiktok 🙏🏻

Plus mikayla literally has a boyfreind, so stop being disrespectful!!

[hxoyl]

Matt with a flower in his hair makes me wanna squish his cheeks so BAD 😭

[hxoyl]

Okay now the shipping and shit can finally stop with the whole "Matt gave his jacket to her, they must be together"...like be fr

So King responded to a comment on tiktok 🙏🏻

Plus mikayla literally has a boyfreind, so stop being disrespectful!!

[hxoyl]

If i see one more openion on chris's hicky.. OMG this fandom is actully crazy like can yall take a break from invading every little privet detail in the triplets life? He is a 21 year old man, an adult.. Its Non of your buisness if he got a hicky it doesnt concern you, yall are acting like you own his neck or something

If i was the triplets i would be so sick of this fandom, bcs yes there some supportive funny great fans but god, the amount of babies in here is insane

[hxoyl]

I DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS A WHORE HOUSE OMG

[hxoyl]

Nick's comment to this Edite on tiktok 🥹

The Rose thing and how cute he looked in the vid!? I love him

He is so fucking cute and adorable and he would be such a gentle boyfreind/husband 😓😓😓🤍🤍🤍🤍

Edite from @mattcines on tiktok!

[hxoyl]

GUYS IM GOING TO CRY i love thisss its like my two worlds are coliding 🥹🥹🥹

Look at their comments to eachother and how sweet it is, they have became friends even if its not a collab 🫢

And im sure matt and chris also got along with them but they wouldnt comment bcs people will freak out

If there is a collab its definitely on the kalogeras channel, i hope its the new video 🙏🏻

[hxoyl]

His energy this whole video was the besttt he is so funny and goofy.. I love him so much 😭😭

i love being a chris girl. he’s so perfect. look at the SMILEEEEE!! ☹️☹️☹️

[hxoyl]

The Rose thing and how cute he looked in the vid!? I love him

He is so fucking cute and adorable and he would be such a gentle boyfreind/husband 😓😓😓🤍🤍🤍🤍

Edite from @mattcines on tiktok!

[hxoyl]

he’s so boyfriend

[hxoyl]

im so sorry right but ppl are saying that demi and sunday are wearing matt and chris’s hoodies in that one pic of them + eli …. what’s ur opinion on that cuz it makes no fucking sense demis hoodie is cropped for fucks sake and sundays doesnt look as cropped they look wayyyy too small to be matt’s and chris’s n it just pisses em off when people say that

Omg thank you!!!

I replied to like a hundred idiot on tiktok, its obviously NOT the same hoodies!! Its literally cropped 💀 but people love to act stupid and be dramatic about everything, they are literally shipping them for breathing the same air at this point

+ the weirdos saying that eli is too close or ship her with matt or say that they look "uncomfortable" .. Are you like.. Brainless?

1st She is a MINOR she is 17 and already has a boyfreind,2nd its just a pose,3rd No!! They are not uncomfortable! They are not babies, the triplets are 21 adults grown men, if they felt uncomfortable they wouldnt be there with them and they dont need you to defend them 💀

Also if they collabed it will benifit them with the views so much, at the end of the day its their job to get views to get money and live, so why not do a collab

[hxoyl]

"so, i chose to stay silent"

The face i stay silent with :

[hxoyl]

I KNOW RIGHTTT HE LOOKS SO FUCKING HOT

Nick looked so yummy and beefy and biteable in todays vid and not enough ppl are talking about it

[hxoyl]

Hello my friends! 👋💓

The situation in Gaza is worsening day by day, and my family is still struggling in very tough conditions. 😔💔

I only have $85 left to reach the $8500 goal, and I hope to achieve it today. 🇵🇸😢

I sincerely thank everyone who has supported and stood by us during this time. 💗🍉

https://gofund.me/abbc2759

Guys whoever can help, i hope you do and donate pleas!

[hxoyl]

hear me out on both of them.. Nick is literally simon!

And HOW UNFAIR that he is for men 😓 he is like insanely hot its not even funny guys

[hxoyl]

I FUCKING CALLED IT!!!!

ITS THE SAME DAY THE SAME OUTFITS OMG

Thats why demi's name is there!

This is for the people who were rude and called me Delusional 😋

Imagine todays video was a collab with them!? Omg im so fucking excited because if they met there would be a collab video sooner or later 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Or even if its just friendship tbh im just happy my fav youtubers met 🤍