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DAY NINE

Girl I was delusional ever loving that man!!!!! I am finally beginning to realise I was just so silly to put so much faith in a loser like him thank god it didn’t work out!!!

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DAY EIGHT

I forgot to do day seven but I’m actually beginning to heal thank god!!!!!!!

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DAY SIX

I miss him still I’ve not cried today and yesterday tho but I am still hurting and still longing for him to come back

Despite that I’m reflecting and thinking back as to why he meant so much to me

Like what did he even do for me lol

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DAY FIVE

I really really really miss him

This is very difficult honestly

Urgh I feel empty and alone without him

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DAY FOUR

I miss my maaaannnnnnn 😭

I really wish I could talk to him ffs this is very difficult I wish I could just run back to him but I wonder if he is feeling the same

What is absolutely killing me is I keep checking my phone to see if he’s reached out

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DAY TWO

I miss him so fucking much

This is different to the times before when we ended because we went deeper and I got to know him on such an intimate level I really can’t imagine now having to live with him

I’m so heartbroken I’ve started watching downtown Abby loool

It’s not funny but I’m doing what I can to not go insane and to not reach out to him

I know I need to leave him alone but I’m like addicted to him

It’s like a type of of love that’s so intoxicating

It’s toxic but also very deep and I love him so much

Anyways that’s the update

[huunov]

DAY ONE:

Again we restarted and officially ended yday it really hurts no matter how many times.

I still love him unfortunately so I’m gonna have to restart the fucking days apart again 😪 as tired as I am of this cycle I also love him so much idk how to let him go but I will truly focus on me and I’ve been doing awful at work so I gotta stop slacking and work harder and this year I have to qualify and graduate.

I deeply miss him it’s wild how much I love him and I need help forgetting him so count this day one of forgetting him.

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We restarted things about three weeks ago and I finally ended yesterday for good.

It’s over, chapter closed.

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So it’s been about two weeks since we ended and I can honestly say I don’t really miss him much.

I feel like ie healed from my situation with him, I feel at peace and my career is going amazingly at the minute. I just feel like this is finally the end of me and him and honestly I’m not that sad.

I’ve reached an acceptance stage and I’m totally okay with this ending.

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So we officially took a break yesterday.

He told me he had a convo with his mum and she wasnt supportive of him marrying outside his culture.

That basically ruined everything we had going between us and honestly I had to put a stop to whatever we were.

Normally I’d run but this time I asked for space and I told him if he was sure about us to message me by the new year and if he doesn’t I will take that as an answer.

Honestly I’m kinda over it all, I don’t want to go into new year with confusion, I want to qualify and live a simple life and he’s getting in the way of my happiness.

I don’t think I wanna marry him anymore if I’m being honest, but to avoid regrets I’ve decided to try one last time.

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It’s only been 17 days since I last wrote but omg does it feel like a fucking century.

Firstly I started a new job!! It going really well and I am two weeks in.

I am so close to becoming a lawyer I’m super excited to get my career fully back on track .

And with him. We still talk and I’m still in love with him, we have such a deep connection it’s truly difficult to overlook it.

I don’t know what the future holds with me and him but what I have made peace with is that it doesn’t matter because what’s meant to be will truly be.

I’m loving life right now I’m so so happy and I’m making money lol so yay me honestly

Thank god for everything

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Now it’s been officially a year since me and him have met.

Today is the first time I feel a real detachment from him, I don’t feel like I need him in my life like I did before.

I’ve let him go in my heart but we still talk.

I want to live for me now.

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It’s September and it is now almost a year since me and him met and began our journey

I still love him so much and I never thought this would be how I’d feel a whole year later

I don’t know what the future will be like for us or if I will eventually have to let him go for good

But for now I wanna continue having him in my life and I want to continue to be in love

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So we started speaking again on Saturday

And I know I know I KNOW I said we were done for good but I really fucking missed him

Right now we just are cool with each other and honestly I’m beginning to see my toxic traits and my flaws

Maybe I actually won’t be a good wife or partner

Maybe that’s a life I can’t have because my issues with trust is so deep rooted

I’m sorry to him though because I do think I judged him harshly and it’s hard to take accountability but in this case I actually will

Urgh it’s sad man we had something so special and now I truly regret my self sabotaging ways that I’ve had since I was a child

I’ve always ran away

Because when I keep people at a distance I feel like I can’t hurt them and they can’t hurt me

I’m sorry honestly I really am

I’ve been crying regretting my mistakes and this is probably the first time in my whole life with a guy where I have part of the fault for why it’s gone to shit

Yes he has made mistakes and has hurt me but I also should have trusted him and worked things out with him

Now he’s guarded and clearly is keeping his distance which I respect although I know he obviously cares for me still and loves me I just think something has changed in him since the last three months that we’ve stopped talking

I really have to change my ways, I have to be better person and I have to treat the people around me with more love

I got to stop self sabotaging my relationships

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The idea of him moving on with someone else is actually making me sick, like you’d have no idea from the outside just how much I’m dying on the inside.

It’s been two months and I’m still hurting so badly.

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Urghhh I miss him so much honestly

Life isn’t the same without his love

It just feels empty

I wonder if he’s over me by now and moved on with another girl

I guess I also have to move on sooner or later

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Still want to spend my nights with him

Still want to spend my life with him