hurricanelaurens - Tumblr blog

[hurricanelaurens]

peggy: :(( okay

peggy: it's just like, ugh, i don't even think about things sometimes, i just say them and then i realize i said them but it's too late so i'm split between speaking freely saying the wrong things and realizing my mistakes too late it's like a constant cycle of not doing the right thing

peggy: no it's cute don't apologize he's your boo

peggy: i am always here if you need to talk about him constantly, free of judgement

peggy: i'm just trying to do my part

peggy: JOHN YOU IGNORANT SLUT it's brian

peggy: it's what dreams are made of tbh

peggy: now how do we submit this idea to the noble prize board

john: .................. this is actually the most accurate text i've ever received and i'm sort of baffled because of it tbh

john: he iS MY BOO AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT HE IS MY BOO AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYONE EVER COULD IN A MILLION YEARS AND BY ANYONE EVER COULD I MEAN MORE THAN ANYONE COULD EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET.

john: i'm ok i promise

john: and thank

[hurricanelaurens]

Ah, yes. The sentence I dread hearing.

Honestly, baby. I know that seems like a shit ton. Because it is, I mean, you know it is. That's a shit ton of money for a cake. I get it. I know it is. But really, I mean, with the amount of people we're going to have to have at our wedding, that's probably one of the cheaper cakes. Wedding cakes are absolutely ridiculous, babe. Absolutely. Just to feed 100 people, cakes are usually, give and take, around s600 dollars. Weddings are expensive babe, even if we're not having the biggest one possible.  Don't worry about it-- I know you're going to, don't give me the face. -- But try not to, this is supposed to be enjoyful. We'll get it settled with. We'll be fine.

But also, yes. You have to love capitalism.

– Okay, I know I talk a big game about knocking nearly everything I do out of the ballpark (which still rings true, for those of you who still have your heads up your asses), but. I think I’m a little lost on this one. In an attempt to get some wedding planning crossed off the list, just to settle my mind during some downtime, I ended up at a bakery off of 65th. And I told them as much as they needed to know in order to get a feel of what kind of things I could look for and expect on a wedding cake, and the draft price they gave me was well over $300? They were almost offended when I up and left, acting like I’ve done them some kind of disservice when they’re trying to swindle me into blowing my money on a fucking cake. A cake.

Is this the world we live in? Is this 2016 at it’s finest?

[hurricanelaurens]

peggy: yeah i guess

peggy: but i need to start thinking about it i'm an adult

peggy: i mean...if you really wanted to...i'm sure you'd give a /very/ in depth biography

peggy: but i don't want to seem creepy when i know everything about him w/o getting any of the actual info from him

peggy: OMG i was /just/ telling eliza we should find a way to donate natural beauty so we'd win a noble prize

peggy: i 100% think that the schuyler-laurens disney experiece program would win the noble peace prize - what could /possibly/ beat that?

john: i know what you mean. it's okay, though. alright? don't beat yourself up over it.

john: ...... yeah you have a point i'm sorry i just get really excited whenever i think about talking about him constantly ok

john: ..... (nerd from breakfast club voice) you're so vain... you're so vain

john: i forgot his name im ngl

john: honestly i don't think anything would. it's an all inclusive trip to disney world for pete's sake i mean??

[hurricanelaurens]

TEXT MESSAGE → LAMS

ALEX: [ sad emoji ]

ALEX: i miss you

JOHN: baby i'm in the next room

JOHN: ....imissyoutootho

[hurricanelaurens]

Honestly, I think I channel Leslie Knope far too often. I mean, there's no such thing from me, but my mom says that I turn into a petite white blonde woman far too often for her taste. I think it's a true superpower, honestly. Of course, of course. I have, I have millions. I think I could follow a theme, though, you know? Per page, and everything, depending on the time of the issue. Like, for election season, I'll probably be doing mostly the conspiracies of politics and government. Am I making sense? -- Did you just say deadass?

Apology accepted, darling. I don’t really mind it that much, I just never really liked that nickname. However, I will appreciate the Andy Dwyer impersonation. As someone who’s guilty pleasure is binge watching Parks and Recreations, I definitely will be expecting more of that from you, kiddo. – Well, I am expecting the page to talk about more than one possible conspiracy theory since I want you to take a wide range of those kind of theories. Kennedy Curse can be one of them, really. Like deadass, if you prefer that kind of lingo.

[hurricanelaurens]

It's okay, not everyone can just know about my intensive good luck and brilliance when it comes to calligraphy. That's the cutest thing I've ever heard! That would be a brilliant wedding gift, let me tell you. I'd cherish it forever. I'd have an entire water bottle covered in those stickers, product placement to Nalgene. Thank you for making bomb ass water bottles, your country thanks you.  Hey, you'll be the first person we would come to to take her place, to be honest. I'll keep you on speed dial, I promise Honestly? I think I could get behind that. Do you think their Jimi Hendrix is dead? Do you think they have Woodstock every year, still? Do you think space is the permanent sixties?

My bad – beautiful calligraphy it is. Listen, I would love to see the small versions of his face because then I’d take them and make stickers out of them and voila – your own personal wedding gift. Alexander stickers to stick all over your folders and desk. That’s fair but I’m just saying, I’m her stand in. I am prepared to make it rain flowers down the aisle in the event that she can not. I’m convinced their beer is green and you can hear Jimi Hendrix in the distance when you drink or the alien equivalent to Jimi Hendrix. And then we all end up at their version of woodstock. 

[hurricanelaurens]

peggy: right, yeah. ugh why am i so oblivious sometimes? now i feel like i flaunted schuyler wealth all over him :((

peggy: okay that also reminds me i need to get to know him better

peggy: i need like, hamilton trivia or something. a fact sheet or quizlet would also do

peggy: this is why this concert is so important!! it's a chill environment where i can leech info from him!!

peggy: WhY NOt iTs nOT FaIr

peggy: we should set up a fund to send people. they deserve more disney.

john: hey, i'm sure he doesn't think any less of you because of it or anything. it's not something you've ever had to really think about you know?

john: ..... are you asking me to talk about alexander hamilton free of judgement & scrutiny? bc this can go on for hours.

john: ..... oh nevermind u wanna get it urself okay that's cool that's fine we're okay i knew that's what you meant

john: honestly do u think we'd get a nobel peace prize if we did that

[hurricanelaurens]

peggy: i guess i just thought he was a man of the world

peggy: he knows so many things but he's never been to a concert ???

peggy: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE HE'S A GROWN MAN

peggy: you haven't lived until you've high fived mickey mouse

john: he's brilliant, he truly is. and i mean, yo have to think about the fact that he's never really had the money to go? and he's always busy. always. unless he's with me.

john: NOT EvERYONE IS PRIVILEGED LIKE US PEGGS

john: honestly, not a lot of people actually do get to grow up going to disney world. i went to school w/ a lot of people who hadn't.

[hurricanelaurens]

peggy: john, you're fiance just told me some very jarring news

peggy: so apparently he's never been a concert...

peggy: this needs to be rectified asap

john: i know, i know.

john: he's never done so many things.

john: you know our trip was the first time he had ever been to disney world?

john: he deserves so much more.

[hurricanelaurens]

...... I never meant for you to actually hear that nickname, I'm so sorry, ma'am. Highest of keys. My apologies. 'I wanna say from the bottom of my heart, my bad.' End Andy Dwyer impersonation. Yeah, yeah, of course. Just forget I even brought it up, I know it was a stupid ide-

..... Really? Like really really? Like I can have an entire page to talk about the Kennedy curse? Like one hundred percent, no bullshitting? Like deadass?

Excuse me? The compliments isn’t that new from you, but darling, if you need a familiar way to call me, Genevieve or even Gen would be more appropriate. I never liked ‘Wash’ all that much. Your column was indeed beautiful, excited to see it on paper in front of me once we print the copies out. As for your suggestion… I have always wanted our paper to be as correct in all sense of the word as possible. Theories is not something we do… but I’ve seen people’s interest, generally, in conspiracy theories and I gave it a thought. What if I have you a page to write, about the whole conspiracy theory thing in general… and the readers’ response will definitely let us know if a column is worth a try or not.

[hurricanelaurens]

Hey, there really may be some truth to the whole tin hat thing. I'm just joking, there's no way that tin foil can keep aliens from reading our minds. They're too fucking genius for that shit. ..... I have no idea. Let's be honest, I'm just good at government assassination and space conspiracies.

I hope not. But, you see people put on the tin hats the the craziest situations so I’m not putting too much hope in humanity. Is that not one of the most popular ones?

[hurricanelaurens]

Hey, thank you? That means a lot. I try to love him enough to give the world diabetes, it is my true end goal. Hey, hey, hey. I do not doodle, I write beautiful calligraphy. Get it together, Reynolds. Jeez. Not to mention, I like to draw very intricate mini versions of his face, actually. I would show you sometime, but with the teasing manner you're giving me, I don't know if I will. Honestly, if I didn't have a ten year old little sister who would kill me, I'd say yes. I bet it's something like chugging alien beer for ten minutes. Do you think their beer is like, psychedelic and shit? Sign me up. -- High key, we are if we'd go onto their planet. We're all aliens in some way or another.

Oh my goodness, Johnny boy. Your love for Alex is so saccharine sweet, it hurts my teeth. Ooh, do you guys sign your text messages with little hearts? When you write do you doodle Alex’s name everywhere? That’d be adorable. Can I be the flower girl at your wedding?  Yes, yes and yes. The “C” thing would so make sense! I wonder what their gang initiations are like. What do you think they protest? Hey – well, maybe we’re the aliens. 

[hurricanelaurens]

John has to bite the inside of his lip to keep the laugh from coming out of his mouth. Of course, why did he even think it was necessary to bring him up? The world was never going to know, and John was quite possibly never going to understand why he thought it would be a good decision. A hand immediately outstretches to his head, his fingers stroking and threading through Alex's hair, trying to calm him down. He knew he was joking, but truthfully? John knew all it had to take was for one bad memory to sink in and the rest was history. "I know, I know, baby. I'm just saying, I think that's the price we would have to pay for him to do our entire wedding for us. But I mean, really, I just want you happy. We can have a wedding that is as casual or as over the top as you want, as long it's the one you want." John replied, his tongue darting out to lick his lips as he watches him settle.

John tries not to laugh at the feeling of his hands at his shirt, and he flashes a wide smile. He was putty in his hands every time he looked at him like that, and he knew it. He shook his head as he praised him, his looks, and everything in between. It was surreal to hear him say the things towards him that, in all honesty, John could never stop saying about Alex. John loosens his grip on him, letting his hands slide to grip each hip and his thumbs to slide underneath his shirt. "I know, baby. I know. Trust me, that's all I'm constantly thinking of, every second of every day." John visibly bites his lip then, his hands sliding up a little bit farther. "I'm not planning on it. Besides, I'm sure there'll be a partition. And if not, it wouldn't be the first time we'd had to be quiet in a car." John reminded him, that first day back, that day coming home being something that he would never be able to forget.

The widest, purest, and possibly most unadulterated smile that had ever graced John's lips was now showcased on his face. His heart skipped a beat, and he let out a shaky laugh. "I know. We're getting married. We're going to... We're going to have a big wedding, and a honeymoon. And everything." He said, his head tilting to press another kiss against his lips. "I love you, the most."

“A speech?” He sighs, head falling back dramatically as he does so. “The guy already stalks us, babe. He literally snuck into our offices to turn them into pride floats. Plus! He’s a shit head who’s had nothing good to say about me in four years outside of our relationship,” he pauses, pressing a hand to John’s chest. “He’s a menace. And you wanna let him talk about us on what’s gonna be the most important day our lives?” His lips pout softly, eyes wide as he does so. “I thought you loved me.” He’s teasing, of course, his smile cracking a moment later as he leans up. “If it’s gonna happen, make sure I’m drunk when he goes on. That way, I can tune out of whatever bullshit he’s gonna make up on the spot. And if he tries to wax poetic about our years of fake ass friendship, I’m kicking his ass to the curb. High key. No refunds, no exceptions.” He relaxes when John’s arms wrap around him completely, his eyes soft as he turns. His legs curl up, settling as he bends at the knee, and his head moves to duck onto John’s shoulder, his own arms falling into his laps as fingertips trace the thin material of John’s tank top. His words cause is stomach to flip, his lips quirked into a smirk as he does so. “Can you blame me?” He asks, brows raised as his head tilts back, their eyes meeting in a warm, familiar gaze. “You’re gonna look fine as hell. You already look nice when you get all dressed up and shit, but knowing that you’re dressed up for me? That I’m gonna be kissing my husband for the first time?” He pauses, lips rubbing together as warmth blooms in the pit of his stomach. “Just try to ask me to contain myself. I already know I won’t be able to, and whatever happens in that car ride to the reception is not my fault, but – merely – an act of fate. And little to no self restraint.” Chuckling, he leans up, pressing a kiss at the corner of John’s chin with a dream-like sigh. “I still can’t believe we’re getting married. It’s actually happening.” His eyes drop to his hand, again, eyeing the ring with the same sense of joy he gets upon remembering just how lucky he is to have him. How lucky he is that John loves him so completely, so deeply, so wholly. “I love you,” he adds, apropos of nothing. 

[hurricanelaurens]

You're welcome and I love you too, you nerd. Then, I'll make sure to never call you that, but I'll appreciate being called that by my bae, so it's all good. Hey, you should always think of things how I think of things, they tend to go over much better if we're being honest. Since I am, of course, nothing short of a genius in every meaning of the word. Hey, all I can ask of you is to try, that truly is it. Pierce Brosnan definitely should have been Poseidon or Zeus, honestly. We deserved to see more of him. As a man who is proud of the fact that most of his taste in men, although I truly do not see any of them being as attractive as a certain someone, my taste in men is basically that of a middle aged woman. I'm proud of that, highkey. I just, no. I don't see it. I don't get it. I'll be nothing but polite if he is at the wedding, though. I promise. I may even hook you two up.

Ugh, fine. Thank you, love you. That very well may be, or is, true, but I dunno, my connotations for “celestial being” outweigh the good. Hey, hey, I just needed some clarification on your meaning vs. mine. And yours is much more favorable so that’s how I’m going to try and imagine it that way in order to improve my standard of living. Keyword is try, because it’s going to be a struggle. Um, you better be kidding. That movie was so miscasted I can’t even begin to explain. The only thing I’ll say is that Pierce Brosnan should have been Poseidon if he was gonna be in the movie. He does not look fishy! Stop lying! Okay, yeah, him and Alex share no physical similarities, but you can’t objectively say that this man isn’t attractive. And I still need a plus one to your wedding, so if Vance Joy is ever in New York, I will snatch him up.

[hurricanelaurens]

Okay. Call him stereotypical, but John loved this shit.

By the time they dated for a week, John already knew what their house was going to look like. He already planned out the colors, planned out the decorations, the feel of it all. Of course, it was going to be their house that they built together, that they were supposed to make a home together. But, truthfully? John knew Alex wouldn't care, as long as he was happy and the house didn't look... horrible. Which, it wouldn't. At least not with John's eye for this kind of stuff. But when it came to their wedding? He had no clue. Ultimately, he wanted this wedding to be everything that Alex wanted. Deep down, he knew that Alex didn't care as long as it was the two of them hand in hand during the ceremony, but after everything they'd been through? After everything John had put them through? He deserved everything. He deserved the world. He deserved the fairytale.

Of course, Alex's words brought him out of his head quickly, thankfully. John didn't want to know how bad the guilt would swallow him up if he kept thinking about it. Taking a deep breath, he smiled widely, reveling in the smile that Alex had on his own lips. John leans down, brushing a small kiss on the top of his head before placing the magazine next to him. "I mean, I'm sure we could get him to do the majority of it. As long as he gets a toast." John said, a laugh coming out at his next words-- and then immediately being caught at the feeling of his nose against his jaw and the words that followed.

John let his now free arm wrap around his waist, meeting the other as they clasped together. "I'm sure that's all you want and will be thinking about, knowing you. I can't promise I'd be thinking any differently." He replied, a grin wide against his lips.

@hurricanelaurens

He’s leaning back against John’s chest, his ankles crossed at the edge of the bed as his hands attempt to hold the magazine upright. He didn’t think he’d have to do this. Not that he’s upset about it, per say, but. It’s not his forte. Interior design, color schemes, seating arrangements – it sounds back, but Alex couldn’t care less about the finely tuned details when all he could think about was the fact that he’s marrying the love of his life. Every so often, his eyes flick to his left hand, the ring a constant, heavy weight against his finger as he smiles. He never forgets it’s there, but the remind is nice. The visual of it gives him hope, his stomach fluttering the same way it always does when he’s reminded of what they’ve been through together. What they’ve created, how much longer they have to go, to enjoy each other for the rest of their lives. And then some. Tilting, he nestles his head just underneath John’s chin, eyes blinking slowly as he turns a page. “I dunno what any of this means,” he admits, shrugging as he smiles to himself. “Like, with how TJ talked about this entire thing, do you think we can actually pay him to just.. do all our dirty work?” His words are nearly shocking, and they’d rattle him to his core if he didn’t know them to be true. He’d gotten the whole speech himself, he would know. “Besides, the only thing I wanna think about is the tux you’ll be wearing.” A beat as he turns, his lips turned up in a smirk as he nuzzles his nose along John’s jaw line. “And how quickly I can get you out of it.”

[hurricanelaurens]

.... But I liked it. That's like, the highest honor I've ever gotten. I wish I was that good looking. And that smart. And that good in bed. And that amazing. And that brilliant. Okay, I'm gonna stop before I talk for three hours. Honestly, me too. Do you think they have Bloods and Crypts up there, too? Do you think they have political parties? Do you think they also hate their government? Imagine those protests.

Nope. I totally called you by your name. Alex did not leave my mouth. We’re going to ignore that. Even if NASA did mess up like that, I’d still go with aliens tagging rocks to mark their territory. It’s a lot more fun to believe and it’d be great way to explain any C shape scabs people have. 

[hurricanelaurens]

Gotcha, Wash. Already done, beautifully, if I may say so myself, like always. Just like you. You're looking great today. -- Have you ever thought about having a conspiracy theory column? Just you know, something I've thought of off the top of my head. You know.

Ah, July 27, the day when Vincent Van Gogh took a bullet in the name of art and insanity. What a beautiful Wednesday morning, right? To my dear writers, I need you all to submit your articles and columns to me by the end of the day. To the rest of the world, I hope you’re having a brilliant day. It’s promising to be a great one.