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if tumblr shuts down we should all develop car crash fetishes and form an underground community that reenacts famous car crashes for sexual pleasure

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Honestly bizarre that tomatoes get all the flack for “not being a vegetable” because they're technically a fruit when:

A) There are a ton of fruits that get categorised as vegetables. Like this also applies to pumpkins, squashes and cucumbers.

B) The fucking mushrooms are standing there at the back of the crowd in this witch trial, trying to look inconspicuous because they somehow got into the vegetable club with no fucking controversy despite the fact that they're not even plants.

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in some aspects tumblr users see a like but no reblog in the same way a business sees piracy as lost income

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real snitch hours if you a narc hit that like

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cant afford a new lighter just been carrying around a constantly burning candle to light my cigarettes on and #YUP it has an eternal flame

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some of my current favorite responses to weird/confusing sentences:

“many such cases”

“we love/hate to see it”

“honestly, work”

“many are saying this”

“love them or hate them they’re spitting straight facts”

“you conjure a beautiful world”

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rip magneto you would have loved killing elon musk

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TIL that Gothic literature makes a distinction between “terror” and “horror.” Terror is the sense of dread and apprehension that precedes an experience, horror is the sense of revulsion after an experience.

via ift.tt

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I JUST WANNA GET FACKED

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The Last Dragonborn wasn't originally born as such, but became one by the blessing of Akatosh during the Incident at the Watchtower. With Akatosh's blessing, their bloodline was changed retroactively to have always been Dragonborn.

It works by the same principle as Talos's blood becoming Divine when it was shed before his apotheosis. By the same principle as the Nerevarine only becoming Nerevarine by passing the trials to prove they were. By the same principle as Cyrus the Restless being able to slay Nahfahlaar because he was the HoonDing, before wielding the Blade of A'tor and thus becoming them (both to his denial and displeasure)

By choosing to take up the mantle, it becomes predestined they always would. Prophecy is just weird like that.

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muffy’s lunch consists of three sandwiches and a bread roll

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tools in my toolshed have started expressing rudimentary emotions

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If you don’t get pulled over, it doesn’t count