howdyfriends - Tumblr blog

[howdyfriends]

Resiliency

Subscribers around

follow this and follow that

Awareness.

Moon eyes like a cat

Not defining myself by that

Curiosity, surrender, wisdom

I’m ok with being misunderstood...

Not telling myself how to react.

Allowing myself to be free from the need to react.

[howdyfriends]

Yaaaa

Tomorrow maybe? Bed Frost

[howdyfriends]

Back to the typewriter

Back you see

I need to write poems

My soul needs to bleed

Bleed out bleed out for the pain I can’t bare

Bleed out onto the page

avoid the suffer and scare

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done

Insomniacs in the day, I can’t let go of my mistakes

Maybe I feel the shame and it’s pushing and pulling me

And maybe I have no control

Yeah probably that

One day my body will be an ancient artifact

Maybe that’s good enough

I wanna see my dog I wanna get hugged

Sooner than later I’ll have it all figured out

Probably not but I’m not one to doubt

[howdyfriends]

Life is so funny

But still I’m scared

I know I should trust

But can’t help but feel bare

I guess nothing ever grows without a batter or scrape

If my wounds could heal yes that would be great

Or maybe they are scars

Not far from once were wounds

And cause I keep punching them in self suffering

Bruises do seem bigger in the mirror

I’m here and I’m sad cause I miss my dad

It’s been nearly 3 years now I long for a sign

Everything right all in due time

[howdyfriends]

The uniqueness of experience

Let me be clear

I’m not unique

This much I fear

I wonder sometimes how I even got here

Could things have changed with a couple small tweaks

Or this life am I gratefully doomed to eternally repeat

You see

I wonder if the nature of it matters

The details can be different but the proof is in the pudding

Like a ship in the night

Regret stay put and

I think I have grown, in sanity and serenity

But I am eternally tethered to the teetering and delicate harmony of that which I can’t control

I guess the best I can do is

Cultivate the awareness

[howdyfriends]

A lot

A lot is a beautiful thing

A lot of space and the memories sing

Some happy and joyful

Some filled with despair

I try to find peace, will the courage be there?

Maybe being okay is easier than being troubled

And locking myself in a self hate bubble

And drowning myself in regret and confusion

Sometimes my own lies can create a delusion

Like I’m not beautiful or blessed or lucky to be here

Like my problems aren’t small, like I can’t see quite clear

This poisons the mind - the phone with 5G

Watching my friends thru the internet yet feeling disconnect from the inner net

The webs that makeup this brain of mine

And scars that makeup this pain of mine

Maybe I’m blind and maybe Gods there

And maybe just maybe he truly does care

Sadness you see is such a silly thing

I’d much rather be happy, I’d much rather be free

But I forget often the choice is with me

Maybe I should refocus and fix my clouded judgement

Get outside and breathe fresh air and hugs for my cousin

Yeah that’s what I gotta do to get out of this funk

Not smoke or drink or rage inside

If I look in my soul, it’s really quite wide

I have passion for justice, and a longing to be free

Now if only I could be still as a tree you would see

That I am growing, and I am happy

[howdyfriends]

Doing it

This is what it feels like. Going against the grain. Fighting thru the pain. Making my own lane. Trying to stay sane. Quiting playing game. Not in it for the fame.

Or the fortune.

Fuck if I know, I just want to make my mom proud

Self doubt in my head screamin so loud

Wow

The mind is a powerful thing, you see

Sometimes you have it and sometimes you’re on your knees

Cursing, crying, wondering why

Next moment

Dreaming, wishing, reminiscing

Maybe I am truly ill in the head

I’ll rest when I sleep and I’ll sleep when I’m dead

[howdyfriends]

How it feels

It hurts

I’m not really sure how it works

But it hurts

I’m not really sure where it hurts

But it hurts

I’m not really sure why it hurts

But it hurts

A dull aching hurt

With the occasional sharpness

Like an itchy scab

Or a sprained ankle

Like stubbed toe

Or an ice pick to the back of the neck

It hurts, but I’m still here

I’m still fighting

[howdyfriends]

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[howdyfriends]

I feel you

I feel you in my skin

I feel you in my bones

I feel you in my feet

I feel you in my toes

I feel you when I’m here

I feel you when I’m home

I feel you when I hate you

I feel you when alone

I feel you when I’m happy

I feel you when I’m glad

I feel you when I really really really miss you Dad

I feel you when I wonder

I feel you in regret

I feel you when I’m stuck

I feel you when I doubt

I feel you when I do it if only for the clout

I wonder do you feel me

Do you miss me too

Do you see how hard I’m trying

Do you see how much I knew

Do you see how much I struggle

Without you by my side

Do you see how much I doubt myself and stay awake all night and cry

Do you trust me

Do you doubt me

Are you with me as I go

Do I hold on to impermenance even though I know

One day one day soon I hope

I’ll trust it all some more

Until then I’ll just stay here

Whispering at the door

[howdyfriends]

RNS

Early in the morning

Twisted and yearning

Barely even earning

No harness

No safety

No fallback

NxWorries

Digging deep

Trusting it all

Breaking down

Feeling small

Deep breaths to set the pace

Just for today

This ain’t a race

[howdyfriends]

Shut the FUCK UP and breathe

Chaos around - it stays on the creep

30 hours in, still can’t sleep

Stomach grumbling

Brain mumbling

Paranoia - it’s seeping out my armpits

Barely ate lunch so I can’t take a shit

A month without alcohol, 31 hours since my last dance with Mary Jane

Not craving the pleasure, not fearing the pain

Talked to my ma, told her what up

Sticking to Buddha; I don’t trust a slut

Feeling myself on the much higher plane

Way beyond Pluto, talking soul leaving brain

[howdyfriends]

Running

Not sitting

Not standing

Barely stoic

Questioning and digging for nothing

Answers inside

Outside’s a mess

Know that I’m blessed but can’t afford the stress

Know that I’m made and know what I’m worth

Know that on a good day, my scars barely hurt

Not really afraid

Well maybe a little

Not really sure

Can’t play the fiddle

But I know the baritone and in my own home I’ll roam

Free

[howdyfriends]

Booty on my new bitch

Same as my old girl (Booty)

Booty on my old bitch

Blonde wit Tim’s n fur

No e cause you I know I got the j

Old weed cause you know I

Horton hears a who

My rhymes too lit for u

[howdyfriends]

Author in my own regard

hold the key yet still I’m starved

Sleepy , weary, discontent

Think of morning I could have spent

Energized, feeling fly,

touch the sky, brand new guy

Fire burning, fueled and gassed

Changing lanes and speeding fast

Flint stones style, with the rock for the brake

Roomba for my ma cause she said jetsons fake

[howdyfriends]

The panties

I’m tryna be smart

But these women hurt my art

Got me so distracted

Got me so attracted

Focusing my thetons on the photons

And my theories on the truth

[howdyfriends]

Did

Mingling with the dark secrets

Question whether I can keep it

Or forced to share that which is Known

With that stolen far away from Home