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housesorrowsupdates · 3 months ago

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Note from the author about House Sorrows

Hi. Hello! Been a while. This is Pyrr.

There are a few things about House Sorrows that I think are important to state, especially if you have not read Sendlingur og Sandlóa (which again, is not required) and aren’t familiar with how I write and the viewpoint I see the world from, which I think strongly colors the way you may consume this story.

If you have read Sendlingur og Sandlóa (SOS), basically expect more of the same as what you got, but with slightly different topics explored from the point of view of someone who is slightly older now and with the emotional intensity cranked up to an 11. If you are not familiar with SOS, please read this; I do not generally like to openly discuss author intent with my work unless specifically requested as part of a private conversation with people who have made an effort to befriend me. I am generally uncomfortable talking about my work in detail openly because I need readers to clearly understand that I prefer to hand my work over to interpretation rather than spell out every single intent behind everything (and my intent does not mean you cannot interpret a different meaning from my work, and I will say that quite often there are multiple and contradicting lines of intent I am putting forth at the same time intentionally to purposefully convey a plurality of meanings). However, I do think it is necessary in this instance to set things straight and speak to you directly in this way at the beginning so you understand where I am coming from, especially since the world is very, very difficult right now, and will likely get increasingly more difficult by the time I finish this story. I ask that you read this fully and completely before making any decisions you may or may not take.

In my view, in trying to have an honest and complete realistic discussion on what the ramifications of demi-immortal nationfolk inherently means, you have to talk about real serious topics like death/violence, mental illness/neurodivergence, difficult moral choices, sexuality/reproduction, substance abuse/addiction, the root of politics, and other such topics that are often viewed as difficult or taboo to talk about, especially in their extremes, despite being very much part of our objective reality (whether we like it or not, those things are not going away from the world).

As a wildlife biologist, wildlife rehabber, and museum taxidermist, it has been my job for over a decade to think about living organisms, their lives, their bodies, how they function, and the environments that support them. I cannot help but see the world through that lens. Humans are still biological beings at the end of the day and although we feel we are special and excluded from the rules of the natural world because of our technological society and sense of domination over the planet, we still are beholden to the same organic origin of the same nature that we once came from. We’re no less flesh than all other animals around us, and we are by no means the only intelligent or self-aware forms of life on the planet, either. I am also someone who has held countless things while they have died in my hands while trying to save them, I have seen bodies broken and contorted in truly horrific ways while still being very much alive, I have seen first hand what intentional cruelty mankind can inflict upon the world, and I have been in the difficult position where I, as an act of mercy, have to make the decision to euthanize wild animals that cannot be saved and cannot be comforted in their pain, crippled beyond repair as an unintentional byproduct of the actions of humans, over and over and over again, day in and day out, year after year after year. Sometimes, that even means ending the individual lives of an threatened or endangered species, despite knowing it is very possible and entirely likely that the entire species will be extinct and gone from the earth before I die myself. I may be one of the last people on this planet to know that organism in such a close intimate way, I may be one of the last people who gets to hold that living species in my own hands. I have to take full responsibility for taking that individual life as kindly as I can while also knowing in the back of my mind the horrific peril that species faces outside of that singular moment. I know that my efforts to conserve life on this planet may ultimately be in vain, and I will likely lose more battles than I win, and I will likely never see my efforts come to fruition in my lifetime. But I’ve done it anyway, because somebody has to at least try to stop it.

It is a brutally difficult thing to carry sometimes.

It is also the greatest honor that I get to hold the memory of what soon may be gone for good, of things that most people won’t even know they will ever miss, won’t even know are gone, won’t even remember.

I think these personal experiences give me a unique perspective on what being a nation must be like. I live and breathe in a world of life, death, complicated choices, complicated humans, complicated nature, and what I see as my duty to protect something much greater than myself, even if it pains me at times and causes me personal suffering. I have done this for a long time and it makes me feel very old and tired sometimes. And yet, I am still very young! My daily existence is inherently baked in with complexity in which there is no right answer. I think about it a lot. And my personal life outside of my work has been tumultuous, traumatic, and I have gone through many unfair and unforgivable things that no human being ever deserves to experience, and even then my experiences pale in comparison to some others who have suffered even more unimaginable horrors than mine. I have a very troubled understanding of what humanity is capable of and I have possessed that knowledge from a very early age. I have been trying to make sense of it all my entire life. And yet, those experiences are what lead me to this point, and are exactly why I am talking to you now! I have lived, despite it all, even if it has been messy, even if I haven’t always handled or conducted myself well. At the end of the day, we living beings, be us human or not, are all just trying to survive as best we can muster with what resources we have available to us.

Nationfolk, due to their relative immortality, must live in a similar framework of thought. I don’t think you can’t truly honestly seriously talk about nationfolk, humanity, immortality, the absurd timescale that nationfolk live on, and the philosophic ramifications with Hetalia (or ANY countryhuman content for that matter) without talking about difficult subjects and the varying attitudes humanity has towards them. I think in stories like this one, which is intentionally exploratory across so many topics, to NOT do so is a disservice to the reader and a disservice to the world we live in. But let me be very clear: it is my aim to discuss the world with as much grace, respect, accuracy, and empathy towards my fellow man as possible, while factoring in my own personal experiences when relevant, and I will not tackle subjects that I do not feel equipped or knowledgeable enough to tackle. If you have read Sendlingur og Sandlóa, you will already be familiar with what I mean and my style of approaching difficult things. You cannot see the light without acknowledging the dark. You cannot understand the world for what it is if you run away from the difficult parts of it. You will fail to understand yourself if you don't call into question why you feel and think about certain things the way you do. If humanity wants to build a better future, we need to be much more honest and open. With all of it, even the painful bits. It is sometimes good to be uncomfortable. Sometimes it is necessary to be uncomfortable. That is how we grow.

I also know that there are a lot of things that are completely normalized to me that are not normalized to most people. I hold the things I love most as they expire in my hands and to me it is yet another Tuesday. There are aspects of life, death, and all that entails that make a lot of people very uncomfortable that I am extremely comfortable with because I have been in this field since I was a young teenager. I personally think it is extremely important to face those things head on in a respectful way instead of shying away from them, but I also understand that not everyone is in a place where they can do that. I may be totally comfortable talking about death, but maybe you aren't. I may be comfortable with discussions of sexuality, but maybe you aren't. Maybe you can't engage with a character, a topic, a ship - I get it. Our sensitivities are individually complicated in ways few others can understand. It is up to you to navigate your own personal daggers – but I am not responsible for your own knife fights, just in the same way you are not responsible for mine.

This is how I am going to be handling content warnings (and tagging): I think they are absolutely necessary given some of what I wish to write about as a courtesy in these difficult times, but I also want to give people the choice to go in blind (as I think the story is more effective that way, and would be personally how I would like to consume it as a reader). I will not be stating before each chapter anything about it, but here on this blog I will be listing any potential triggers/additional tags associated with each subsequent chapter, and I will update some major tags on the story with each chapter release too (including characters, ships, etc. as they appear). This allows those who want to keep things a surprise to enjoy the story that way, while also protecting those who may be sensitive and need a forewarning about certain topics (and I do include myself in this group, for the record). There is no wrong or right way to consume this story. There is no wrong or right way to interpret it, either. It is yours to experience and consume and take away from it what you wish, if anything. It will not be perfect, as no work ever is perfect. I will do my best to be respectful and responsible to the well-being of others. In return, I ask that you please be respectful of me, my very complicated perspective on the world, and my efforts to convey to you a piece of art that I hope will bring many of you either a sense of peace or a greater sense of appreciation for the messy beautiful terrible world we all call home. This is our contract with each other.

If you have read the final notes of SOS or know me personally well, you know that SOS was written from a deeply personal place influenced by my own personal challenges. It started as a story I thought was conceptually interesting and it only became infinitely more personal and a reflection of myself in retrospect, and sometimes those self-realizations only occurred years after I wrote it. It is, and was, a deeply personal work.

House Sorrows is yet another case study of this phenomenon. In the simplest terms imaginable, House Sorrows is a by proxy unraveling the entirety of my lifelong unresolved grief and trying to figure out what to do constructively with the deep damage that I see in myself and in the world at large, as seen through the eyes of a young conservation biologist tasked with trying to solve seemingly insurmountable environmental problems while living in an age of growing global distrust and instability, and trying to find unconditional love for humanity anyway through a philosophy of radical hope. Part of the reason why this chapter has taken so long for me to write is because I suddenly have had a series of physical, mental, and emotional breakdowns that lead me to learn things about myself that I didn’t know had always been there. I have had to leave behind what should have been the apex of my professional career and stop working entirely in order to start tending to the deep wounds I didn’t know I had. Art imitates life. Life imitates art. And so it goes. I, ultimately, have always wanted to create something meaningful out of my suffering. I say all of this to you up front so that you can understand me better, and so that we can all have greater empathy, sympathy, and/or compassion for one another. And, remember that at the end of the day, this is a piece of fanfiction – I am not doing this for pay or prestige or attention and I have very little to gain no matter how you look at it. I am doing this because I need to tell this story for myself, and I also fundamentally believe that sharing this story will truly help a few people out there and make a positive impact on their lives. That, to me, is all that matters.

If I get something wrong with history, culture, or language, please tell me, as I am not a historian/cultural expert by any means and I have to re-teach myself a lot of what I have forgotten since I wrote SOS, as well as teach myself new things. I will try my best, but I cannot possibly hope to get things right 100% of the time even with my best efforts, and it is ultimately improbable to realistically ask me to do so for everything, again, for a piece of fanfiction. I am open to critique, corrections, and the like and will take any I receive with serious consideration, but at the end of the day my aim is towards the purpose of serving the greater narrative and messages rather than complete accuracy in all things (although I will do my best to accomplish that too).If you are interested in me writing about a historical/cultural topic/character/etc. and incorporating that in the story, I do take suggestions during this early period and may write it if you ask and I feel I can make it fit! But I do have clear aims, goals, and all the main story beats have been planned. I already know how all of this ends, and the very last chapter was written well before anything else was. So I may not explore everything offered, but I will consider it.

Writing this story will take me time, and it will be slow. Please be patient with me. I am trying to recuperate from many things, but I am working on it every single day, whether I write a word or not.

Know it is never my intent with my work to do harm, only to offer the honest way I see the world and express the difficult but genuine love that I have to have for all of it. I do so with the hope that it helps people who have suffered in the same ways I have suffered. I do so because stories like this one are what I needed to read at one point in my life and never got to read, and I feel that it is my duty is to pass on what I have learned to those who need it so that they won’t feel like they are in the dark alone in the same way I once did. Please remember that if you are also struggling, even if you feel alone, you are not alone, and you are never truly alone. Take care of yourself. The world will need you when the right moment comes. Thank you for being here with me, regardless whether this is your first time here or not. For those of you who have been here before, I am sorry it took so long for me to come back and finish what I started. I love you and I hope you have been well. I hope I can again be worthy of your time.

We will be together until the end.

- pyrrhocorax

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