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[hotafterlife]

14 - The Garden of kings

The skeletons were huge. Varied in size, but the smallest of them was 20 feet tall at least. It was hard to gauge for sure, because the were all shackled to, equally large, monoliths.

The monoliths were engraved with tiny, human sized, writing. The first one we checked was covered in what looked like simplified cave drawings, but the next one had completely different writing, that looked like arbitrary lines, crossed at different heights and meticulously arranged in straight lines. One of the largest skeletons we came across had its monolith inscribed in Egyptian hieroglyphs. He seemed to be almost 50 foot tall.

As we carried on, the monoliths grew more numerous and gradually large, and, every once in awhile, the inscriptions on the monoliths were almost readable, having been written in an almost English letters. Eventually we climbed a hill and surveyed the landscape before us.

The monoliths grew larger and larger. Far away, there were some who looked almost mountain sized, and those did not have skeletons in them, but giants who seemed alive and, so it seemed, in terrible agony. Standing atop that hill, we could catch some of their roars of pain, all these miles away.

"I've heard of this place", whispered Walter in an uncharacteristic awe, "This is the garden of kings!". I looked at him quizzically and he continued, motioning at the thousands of different sized skeletons strewn before us leading to, and quite possibly going well beyond, the horizon, "this is where all who ruled men, those who led, those whose every whim affected the lives of many, come to... all these skeletons were rulers at some point in history! The size of the skeletons probably relates to the size of their empire, or how many people they led and the inscriptions are the stories of their rule! Remember that larger skeleton whose monolith was inscribed with the Egyptian hieroglyphs? That must have been a Pharaoh of some sort! And those" he pointed at the mountains with the live, writhing, giants, "must be more recent rulers!.. why are they screaming though? there doesn't appear to be anything around them"  He finished.

We made our way towards the monolith mountains and the giants. Along the way, we noticed how the inscriptions became more and more recognizable as modern languages, although hardly any in English. Some of the skeletons were no longer skeletons, but decomposing bodies... although far too down the line to be recognizable. Quite a few of them,were female!

The screams and moans of agony grew louder and louder, although we were still quite far from the mountains, and the bodies seemed fresher and fresher, although non of them were recognizable.

We were passing between two chained bodies, with one who looked fairly freshly dead. The one who was worse to wear - like an old zombie, was around 40 feet, that had thinning blond hair and a light beard with a long, drooping mustache. He had a peculiar expression on his face as one of his eyebrows was higher then the other, making him seem doubtful and his neck had a deep gash in it... The other was three times his size and looked of Mediterranean descent, having brown skin and black, short cropped hair. Something in his face looked familiar, although I was sure I have never seen him before. Then, he opened his eyes. One of them was brown and looked crazed. The other was missing and through the socket, a few things crawled out. The giant moaned in pain and lurched in his chains. "Good god" exclaimed Walter, excited, "do you know who this is?!?" He asked, grabbing my arm as if I needed my attention diverted to the gigantic human before me, "this is Alexander the Great! I've seen his face in a mosaic in a history book!" I realized I knew exactly the one he was talking about, as I've seen the same picture of that mosaic and the likeness was spot on.

The tiny creatures that  crawled out of Alexander's eye, were making their way down his body, when there was a ripple under the skin of his leg, just above the knee (a few dozens feet above us), which broke open and more creatures crawled out. This time I was able to see what they were. They were ants, the size of children, with the heads of men, only with mandibles... they were chattering amongst themselves when they seemed to notice us and made their way down. A few other places on Alexander's body burst open and the ant like creature crawled out, making him cry out in pain every time. With reviled fascination I watched the ant thingies crawl down to us. They were disgusting, but not overly terrifying. They came down the leg to our level, which was somewhere on the foot, and it was then I realized they had no eyes, from their eye sockets sprouted antennas, just like you'll expect to find on the heads of insects... only more disgusting... and very unsettling. We stood facing one another in silence for a minute or two. They were waving their antennas in agitation and then the one closer to us spoke. "Hello there" he said, in a very pleasant yet surprisingly high pitched voice. "We don't get many visitors here, so we were curious... who are you?" He finished with a polite smile. It always caught me off guard how nice and polite were the native denizens of hell... it was with the spirits of the dead that I had less pleasant encounters... "Ah, well" I stammered, but Walter continued, "My name is Walter, and this is my young ward Danny. We're not dead yet, you see, and are both on the way to paradise, to try and reunite Danny with his lost love". It was weird to hear him sum up the journey so concisely and dispassionately, I could do nothing and just stared at him. The heads of the ant people moved from him back to me, the lip of one of the ant things was trembling. "That is one of the nicest, loveliest things I have ever heard!" Said the head ant guy, smiling warmly.

Just then, Alexander jerked and stumped his foot suddenly, roaring in pain. The ant people bounced and a couple of them fell off of Alexander. "Will you shut him up, please!" Screamed the head ant guy upwards. "Sorry!" came a faint cry from above, "it's Bob, he's still new", "yeah, I'm sorry" yelled, whom I assumed to be, Bob.

"So how come you're still torturing Alexander the Great? I mean, he's been dead for awhile now...", I asked the ant men after they settled down. "Ah yes, Alex here has been providing us with some very high quality soul matter for, just over two millennia now, has it?" he turned to the ant guy next to him to confirm, the ant nodded vigorously, its tentacles waving, "and as long as he is remembered and celebrated, we can keep on harvesting him". "And whose this guy?" I asked, motioning towards the much smaller giant. "Oh him?" The ant man cocked his head, as if trying to remember, the entire group of them waved their antennae as if searching for the answer, "that's Harald Hardrada, a great Viking king... well, at least he was. Judging from his condition, only scholars still remember him. He'll dry up in a decade or two". I had no idea who Harald was, but the fact that he was still remembered surely meant something about him.

"And who are those over there?" I pointed at the mountains, "those are the newer guys!" was the excited answer "with new technology making it possible to influence lives around the world and weapons and transportations to end those lives, these guys really are a treasure trove! Some of them are still remembered by living people! That really makes the soul stuff we harvest, extra sweet!" He groaned in mock pleasure, as if he could taste that sweetness and his antennae quivered in a revolting manner and, suddenly, I decided I didn't have any more questions. Me and Walter thanked the polite ant people and carried on. Towards the mountains and the really giant giants.

The shackled former rulers, generals, dictators, kings and emperors, grew bigger and bigger. There were no more skeletons and the writings on the monoliths became more and more apparent as modern languages. I even recognized a few faces, The 1st queen Elizabeth, 350 feet high, writhed, nude, her old skin wrinkled and cracked, Napoleon, 400 feet high, screaming, his voice muffled by ant people, gnawing in his mouth, I saw general Patton, screaming obscenities, his skin crawling with thousands of the ant men, larger figures loomed ahead still, chained to mountain sized monoliths, hundreds of feet tall, leaders of nations, dictators who fought and caused the deaths of millions. They were all covered with a much larger, red tinged, type of ants. Those giant ant men (about 20 feet high) looked far less friendly than the ones we met earlier and had huge mandibles, which they used to tear at the flesh

I saw giant Hitler, half a mile high, screaming, half his face had its flesh gone, ants filling the eye socket, his tiny mustache quivering, the white folds of his flesh bloody from both the red ant men and the sharp rocks of his mountainous monolith, covered completely with writings in German, his skin buckled as swarms of the ants poured out, some dragging parts of his internal organs to the outside.

Larger than him still, was a thousand foot Stalin, mad with rage and pain. The ants were eating him alive and I could see that they dug deep enough to expose bone... I was unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of what used to be genitalia, and it made me throw up.

We passed Gaddafi, Kim jun Ill, Nixon, and, what I'm pretty sure was Genghis Khan and they were all horrible to behold, but non as the ones who were in the middle. All of them once men to whom the commoners were as insignificant as ants, I thought, as the irony of the ant people struck me. Walter was strangely quiet, and I was in no mood for talking. We walked, each of us deep in his own thoughts and when next I looked up, the gruesome garden of kings was long gone.

[hotafterlife]

13 - The Suicide Bombers

A great noise was building while Walter and I were making our way up a hill. Surprisingly, it was mostly women and children voices that we heard! 

The women were laughing and chatting excitedly and the babies were mainly crying.

When we cleared the top of the hill we stopped and took the sight in.

We were standing atop a large bowl shaped valley, where I could observe separated groups of dozens of people each. While the groups seemed to be chaotic, they all seemed the same size, indeed, after several quick counts it seemed every group had 73 members. At first glance, it seemed like the groups were all of either small babies, laying in cradles carved in the rocks, screaming their heads off. Tall and slender, gorgeous looking women, draped in long and flowing black robes, that clung to their bodies with every movement the made, making it clear that they were wearing nothing underneath, their faces hidden behind veils however. Those women were shimmying about in a slow and seductive dance. 

The last group was of decrepit old hags, they looked horrifyingly ancient, barely alive... they were chatting loudly amongst themselves. The noise they were making was very distracting and, as I discovered later, when we passed near them, loud enough to hurt the ears... also, they smelled rotten.

It took me a while to see, however, that in every groups there was one man. They all seemed oblivious to all the different groups, paying attention to their own group only.

The men who stood amongst the babies were running about, caught in a nightmarish race to tend to the babies, who didn't seem to be able to stop, either shrieking very loudly, or peeing & pooping... also very loudly. The men we were passing looked to be in his early twenties, he was stained in excrement and piss, carrying a pile of dirty diapers and wipers, his brow sweaty and his tears wet with tears.

As we went through the group of the dancing women, we saw the man in their midst, he too, looked young and clean shaven, his eyes though, were mad with lust... the rest of him seemed mad in lust too actually, the mouth was foaming and his erection was uncomfortably visible through his loose fitting cloth pants. He was chasing the dancers about while they, gracefully and easily avoided his grasp, once he actually caught one, but she burst into flames and he jumped back, while the women were laughing a tingling laughter all the while. It seemed the guy was losing it, he was snarling at them, and yelling in what sounded like Arabic, he begged and then, defeated, he sank to his knees and sobbed. However when the dancing women came close to him, he suddenly sprung to his feet, managed to grab one of them and wrestle her to the ground. I started towards them, thinking I should rescue the woman, but Walter stopped me and we both watched as the man started to tear off at the dancer’s robes, pulling them to the side, only to discover more robes and more and then some more, all the while, the woman beneath him wriggled and laughed mockingly. He started beating at the cloth, trying to hit the woman, but couldn't make any actual contact with her. After a while of that, he broke and cried, sobbing on the ground while the empty black cloth swirled around him for a second, reformed as the beautiful dancer, who, exclaiming a sigh of mock sympathy, danced away from him. We left him sobbing in the dust.

The guy in the midst of the horrible chattering crones had blood streaming from his ears. He was pushing a cart of rotten sweets and a fetid teapot with some steaming liquid that was definitely NOT tea in it. The crones seemed to be talking about the man, as they kept pointing at him and cackling. Those who were the farthest would beckon and call him to bring the refreshments to them. They would help themselves and pinch the guy in mock affection, but with enough force it would tear off his skin. Then he would be called by a different group of crones and had to hurry to them. Once, he didn't hurry, stopping instead to catch his breath. Immediately, the crones near to him started scratching and pinching and one of them tried to bite him, but he already was running to serve the ones who asked him over. The crones laughed at his pain and continued to berate him... We moved on.

[hotafterlife]

12 - The drug dealers

The land became more rugged and jagged volcanic glass rocks started jutting from the ground, growing finer and finer the longer we walked among them, from looking like giant, black, shark teeth, to semi translucent needles, the height of tall trees. 

Not for the first time, whenever it became apparent we were about to go through somewhere unpleasant, I asked Walter if, maybe, we should go around and as always, his answer was that there are no shortcuts in hell and that as long as I held on to the desire of meeting Betty again, we'll reach paradise eventually, so not to waver... 

Bringing up Betty's name would have an almost euphoric effect on me, her image smiling and laughing, would pop up into my head. So real it would make me cry sometimes... it was amazing to me that I could imagine her alive and happy, only when in hell. While I was laying in my bed, injured, she would appear distorted... but not in hell! Here, she was perfect.

We made our way amongst the giant needles and were hit by a strange sandstorm. The sand was bright white and very fine, I swallowed a bit of it before I put my sleeved hand over my mouth and nose. Even Walter, who had no nose, clamped his mouth shut. The sand tasted very bitter and, for some reason, made me feel lightheaded. It was a very lucky thing indeed that Walter was glowing, otherwise I would have lost him in the sandstorm, my eyes were barely open and the sand was whipping every exposed piece of skin so hard, it felt as if I was being skinned alive. Every once in awhile, it felt as if something was brushing against me, for just a split second, but when I reached out with my hand, there was nothing there.

I'm not sure how long we wondered in the sandstorm, but eventually we came out at what looked like the eye of the sandstorm, as if it was a hurricane or something.

The calmness was so sudden I didn't realize that I wasn't seeing anything because of the accumulation of white sand on my face, being held by my arm covering the mouth. I started coughing and retching, stomping the white powder off of me , then I looked around, shook my head a few times, blinked forcefully and looked again... every time I thought I was accustomed to the weirdness of this place, it seemed it strove to prove me wrong. 

The entire place looked like a spiders colony... there were blood red webs everywhere and they were full of writhing humans, the spiders themselves were brightly colored, in many shapes and sizes (the biggest were tall as me), with extremely long legs that seem to end in long needles… looking at them made my head hurt and made me feel like I was hallucinating, as they flickered in and out of site They were clambering through the webs in frightening speed, stopping every few seconds near a hapless human entangled on the web to stab him with a long needle foot and drain him. On second look I could tell which spiders were feeding for long because their bodies became almost perfect spheres and were shaking like a water balloon as they walked about.

On the ground, between the webs there were groups of people that seemed melded together, like something out of a fucked up Dali painting. It seemed like they were not enjoying being playable and each tried to break away from the "people soup" they were stuck at, but to no avail, as those who tried to be left behind were just dragging on the ground behind the main group and those who broke free of the group and tried to get ahead of it, would falter after a few steps and were absorbed again. It seemed like that, even though they were partly liquid, their bones and internal organs were not and were continuously being torn and broken... and that the pain was amplified if they merged with another. 

Just as I managed to tear my eyes from them, a scream came from the white storm around us and a man ran out. He was shaking and shivering and also skinless, as if the storm skinned him - as I'm sure it would have done to me if we'd stayed in it for much longer. He was very thin and his lips (or what would have been lips) were taught into a wide grin and his teeth were chattering and his nose was a gaping hole that gushed blood, that flowed freely on his naked front, washing away the white powder. Walter stood closer to me, maybe to protect me, but also, maybe he was taken aback by the appearance of this... man. I knew I was taken a back, and as the man was advancing on us, we both started taking steps "aback", stopping only as I started to feel the sting of the storm. The skinless man was mumbling to himself, coupled with the violent chatter of his teeth, it was impossible to understand what he was talking about, until he screamed, almost spraying us with blood, "FLY! FLY With Me!!! I AM THE LORD OF THE SKIES!!!" He started laughing hysterically and reached for us, only to be swept away by a gust from the storm, his laughter turning to a scream growing fainter in the second it took him to be swallowed by the storm. Shaken, we made our way away from the storm towards the farthest end, making sure to avoid the liquefied groups of people and the webs, but soon were lost in the maze. Taking a wrong turn we were faced with a gathering of the needle spiders, converging on one person, it reminded me a scene from a nature movie I saw once where a queen bee was being attended to by hundreds of drones, this was just like it, if the drones REALLY hated the queen bee that is...

Spiders of all sizes practically covered the man, they seemed to be biting him and stabbing him with their needle legs, tearing at his skin with millions of pricks. Drops of black, viscous blood was streaming from them, dripping to the ground under him... there was quite a puddle. "Listen!" Said Walter, placing his hand on my shoulder, "the spiders are talking!" I listened and, true enough, woven among the insistent chattering, the spiders were whispering "Escobar, our king, king Escobar, we love you, more, more"... I shuddered, it seems that the man strung up in the webs, being caressed by the spiders and slowly torn apart forever more (or until his memory is gone forever from the earth... which should take awhile), was non other than Pablo Escobar... "What's an esco-bar?" Asked Walter, closer than I expected, making me jump “Some sort of candy?”.

"No, not candy Walter, it’s someone not nice, I'll tell you later, let's get the fuck out of here" I stammered pushing him to go faster.

I wish I could tell you that that was the end of it and we marched right out, but on our way to the far side of this "eye of the storm", we encountered a woman, laying tied with webs to a large flat stone, being molested by a large, fat black spider, and a person who was blinking in bright colors, who seemed to be electrified... we couldn't get out of there fast enough.

[hotafterlife]

11 - Playthings

The cloud of dust grew closer, it was apparent that this was a group rather than an individual coming towards us. But before I could even see who they were, I could hear happy whoops and laughter, and a faint groan, or muffled cry of pain. Half a dozen, or so, figures became visible when they were about a hundred feet from us and I recoiled in horror. The whooping and laughter came from these 12 foot monstrous looking children. They were chubby with huge arms and happy smiles. They were also covered in blood. That in itself was disturbing, but I recoiled because each of the "kids" had with him a toy and the toy was made out of a grown human, horribly twisted and torturous... there was a man who had his entire front open, from sternum down, his ribs were broken and thrust outward, his penis and testicles were split in half as well and flapping in the wind... I say flapping, because his skin was stretched, taught to a frame and he was floating behind one of the monstrous kids like the sickest kite you could imagine. The string, by the way, was his intestine, dangling down and held by the monstrous child. Another man had his limbs torn off and to the bones of the stumps someone fit large wooden wheels, and he looked like the worst toy car imaginable... he was being dragged around by a coarsely tied rope to his neck, held by another of the giants. A couple of other people were tangled in a long jump rope, getting crushed, hard, into the ground every time the monstrous girl thing skipped (she never stopped, by the way, but strangely the number was always the same... she kept on repeating "one hundred and twelve, one hundred and twelve" over and over again). There were a group of men and women tied tightly to a ball and were kicked around by the biggest of the kids and one man who had a pole run through him, going in through the anus and out through the mouth... he was being ridden like a toy horse... every time he slipped down on the blood slicked pole, the giant kid riding him, dragged him forcibly back up again. The most terrifying aspect of that terrible scene was that, no matter how mangled they were, all the men and women tortured were still alive and fully conscious! Even Walter looked taken aback although, strangely, he had his furious orange glow going... it's kind of hard to discern a facial expression when the face in question is a globe of black smoke with a mouth though... I found. By now, the group of giant monster kids were right beside us and they all stopped their running and jumping about and closed in... it was very disconcerting, believe me. "Look guys, it's two STD's together!" Said the one with the kite in a very loud voice, pointing at us "in the name of god, help us!" groaned the kite man. "You be quiet, father Geoghan!" Yelled the kid carrying him and jerked his intestines violently. The man screamed as more of the contents of his stomach were pulled out, "In the name of sweet Jesus, please stop!" He screamed, the giant kid just laughed and kept yanking, "did you stop, 'your holiness', when the kids begged you to stop?! Did you?!? Nooo, father Geoghan kept on going and guess what, we're gonna keep on going, on and on and on, so you better enjoy the view from up there" he ended with a scream and yanked violently. With a scream of anguish, father Geoghan's entire intestines slid out and he floated even higher, raining blood as he went up. 

"Filthy degenerate" hissed Walter at the priest kite. I stared at him quizzically. "Your friend has got the right idea" said the biggest of the giant kids, placing his huge foot on the ball made of humans who squirmed and cried in pain, I could hear bones crunching and popping and a pool of blood formed under the so called ball, "these boogerheads all took advantage of small children while alive, didn't you, you kaka whores?!" He screamed and put his full weight on the ball of humans, who screamed and screamed as some of them popped and squirted blood and organs... "This" he motioned to the tangle of bodies at his feet, "is one big happy family, the happy go lucky Goler clan. A couple of generations no less... always so close" I looked at them with renewed disgust, "and those" he said, pointing at the giantess with the jump rope that never stopped jumping (one hundred and twelve...), were a group of teachers who just couldn't stop themselves!.. guess how many kid's lives they ruined?" The giantess smiled a gap toothed smile at me and kept on counting. I felt sick.

The group of giants grew increasingly bored and the giant with he human impaled on a stick started banging it at the ground and groaned impatiently, making the human flail helplessly as he bounced up and down. The largest of the giants looked around at the group, turned back to us and said with a bright smile "it's playtime for us again you guys, here we go!" That last part was to his fellow giants as he motioned with his hand for them to follow him and gave the ball of humans a great kick, sending them flying and crying in pain. In a minute or so all that I could make of them was a dust cloud again. I thought of something and turned to Walter, "how come they were tortured? I mean, if there are no god or devil, what's the point of punishment?" I asked. "As far as I could tell" started Walter after a moments reflection, "the way they extract nourishment and energy from the soul, usually have some sort of connection to the  defining actions the person took in life... the more people your life touched, the longer the process of extraction is, and they like irony here, let me tell you, so they usually treat the soul in a way that is appropriate to it's defining actions... I think they are usually spot on" he grew quiet... "of course" he added in his usual cheerful voice "that means that when it's my time to come here permanently, I'll get the royal treatment! I made so many people happy! Thousands upon thousands! Millions even!" He finished thoughtfully, nodding. "Who in the, literally, hell are you Walter?!" I asked him, "tut tut mustn't dally about now!" He said, ignoring my question. "This way!" He said, pointing towards the horizon and started walking briskly. I had no idea how he knew where to walk, but I followed.

P.s. - So far I haven’t interacted with you much, dear readers, I was more busy with just keeping my sanity, somewhat, intact... But now, Walter tells me that there are no maps on the road to paradise, and that the way will not be straight. We are to wander about and when the time is right, we will get there... at least that’s what I managed to glean from Walter’s long explanation. So, if any of you have any recommendation on where should we go through, someone you know who we might visit perhaps? Let me know, and me and Walter will do our best to drop by!

[hotafterlife]

10 - Belly of the Beast

We were gulped down by the (huge and terrible) left head of Cerberus and found ourselves falling through a dark tunnel. I'm not sure how the inside of the mouth was, because I, soaking wet from dog drool, was busy occupying the fetal position and screaming hysterically and in high pitch... mainly because that was the only thing that made any sense for me to do just then. "Easy sonny, you can stop screaming," said Walter's voice reassuringly, convincing me we were, probably, not about to get digested to oblivion right away and that I could open my eyes.

"See? It's not so terrible, right? We're on our way out!" said Walter with a smile. "Hey," I inquired, "what if Kenneth meant the head on Cerberus's left, not our left?" "I..." started Walter and stopped suddenly. "Are you fucking kidding me?!?" I screamed. "There's no need for profanity Daniel," said Walter, still trying to sound calm. "There's EVERY need for profanity!!!" I screamed hysterically back. The thought of being digested for the rest of my life and then turning into a mindless shadow, to be consumed or utilized by whatever local who wanted to was a pretty hard concept to accept. I started weeping when Walter yelled "Get ready! I see a light down there!" Through my tears, I could see a bright spot down below, that grew and grew as we fell closer, "hey, how do we land..." I managed before being shot out and crashing into the dusty, reddish ground. I got up, brushing the dirt off me, and looked around. I was standing outside a small stone ruin, surrounded by a red plain. On the one standing wall, there was a chipped and cracked engraving of Cerberus, it wasn't very big or anything, but as I looked at it, it rippled and Walter was ejected, hitting me and making us both fall down, Walter on top of me. I fought to breathe, this was the closest Walter and I were physically and he stank of cigarettes something awful, his smoky bits causing me to cough and wheeze and my eyes to water as we both scrambled back to our feet. "Are you ok?" asked Walter, as we regained our footing, me still breathing hard. "I'm ok, I'm ok," I assured him. "Hey, how did we end up exiting here?" I asked, pointing at the, incredibly flattering, engraving of Cerberus on the wall. "As far as I can tell," said Walter thoughtfully, "there are some ideas, that are so ingrained on human consciousness, that every representation of it is, in some way, the thing itself. Thus, we entered a three-headed dog, and we exited a three-headed dog." "Fantastic!" I said, "let's not talk about it ever again!" Walter sighed, "You got it." We spent a couple of minutes looking around at the monotonous wilderness around us. "Where to now?" I asked. "Not really sure, but it doesn't matter," came the reply "the geography outside the city is ever changing, close and far have no meaning here, it's the willpower and conviction of the traveler that dictates where you get to, so as long as you stay focused, my love struck friend, on your lady love, we'll be on the right path and..." Something caught my eye and I stopped listening to him, a dust cloud was moving towards us, "Look!" I yelled, stopping his explanation, "someone's coming!"

[hotafterlife]

9 - The Dog with three heads

In all truth, I didn't plan anything beyond escaping the hospital. No thought was spared to whether I would appear in the gates again, outside Dis, or where I left... this all occurred to me as I was floating in total darkness for quite a while, what if I've made a terrible mistake?!? There was no way to reenact my steps in Dis, or find Walter! It took me awhile to realize that the fact that I am still aware of myself and thinking, was a good thing, as all the "soul shades" seemed completely mindless and unaware. Then, a tiny dot of blue light, far away. I tried to will myself towards it, pretty sure I made swimming motions with my arms and legs, but I needn't have bothered, as I was now being sucked towards that blue light in great speed, this time making swimming motions to the opposite directions. The light grew and took the shape of a human. In a couple of seconds I could see that it was Kenneth, and as it seemed, he was just finishing taking the breath he greedily started taking from me all that time ago. It seemed that in hell, it was only a moment ago... Suddenly I was back in my body again, trying to push Kenneth off of me. It wasn't until Walter intervened, yelling "that's enough Ken!" and pushed him away off of me, that I could breath again. Kenneth's smile was huge and gaping and the blue flames covered most of him and his skin was crackled, with blue light pouring through the cracks. He was panting heavily. "Now THAT was a good breath," he exclaimed in elation. "You fucker!" I yelled, still reeling from the whole experience and too weak to try and hit him, even though I really wanted to. "Easy now" he said, raising his arms defensibly, his smile still gaping, "a deal's a deal. You gave me a breath and now we'll tell you where you can find the exit from the city. But you should hurry, exits tend to move around and who knows how long you have if you want to use this one," he said. "Tell us," said Walter, moving closer, and Kenneth did. A quick succession of lefts and rights and go arounds and straight throughs followed, I couldn't keep up, I found myself thinking about the hospital, what would my poor parents think, but most of all, the last image I had from my second life (it just occurred to me that I died twice already), Aurora's face in the moonlight, beautiful and sad and cold... Then, Kenneth's last piece of directions snapped me out of my train of thoughts, "when you get to the Cerberus, make sure you are eaten by the left head's mouth, got it? It took me a second to digest (excuse the pun) what he was saying, and realize that, weirder still, Walter just nodded and turned to face my shocked expression with a calm "What is it?" "What?" I shrieked, "you're asking me what?!? This fucker just told us to get eaten as part of the directions we should take to get out of the city! How is that even remotely appropriate?!?!?" "Language sonny," said Walter in an infuriatingly calm voice, "sure, this is not the most pleasant of ways to take, but don't worry! It'll all be fine, I promise you," he finished with his reassuring Walter smile, that was anything but reassuring. Ken and Robert chuckled and it sounded horrible. "Come on sonny, we don't have time to dawdle!" urged Walter. "Out we go!" he said, taking hold of my hand and leading me. Once out, he started at a very quick pace and I had to practically run after him. "The exit of the city moves around at the whims of those who call the shots here," explained Walter, "sometimes it's to fit their needs and sometimes it's just to mess with those who can't control its placement." "Of course," he said, stopping for a second as a thought occurred to him, "there's also a chance that, whoever claimed the exit's in Cerberus's left maw, just wanted to feed the damned dog..." Wordless, I kept running after him as he mumbled Kenneth's instructions. "And didn't it occur to you that they lied to us and are just trying to get us eaten?" I half said, half panted. Walter chuckled. "They know better than to lie to me," he said. "That breath and blood you gave them might keep them unconsumed for years to come, but if they crossed me, they'll be ash and beetle droppings in no time and they know it," he finished, grimly. "Who are you, Walter?" I asked, awed. "Doesn't matter", He said, cheerfully, "we're here!". We passed through a clearing between houses and stopped. In front of us was a clearing, miles wide, and in the middle of it a hill that seemed to be made of flesh. Then the hill rolled on her side and I was faced with the largest and most horrible set of dog testicles, topped with a tower sized dog penis. Then, it got worse. From the far side of the hill, three heads emerged. They were basically giant dog heads, but each seemed half eaten and corrupted by all sorts of horrible diseases and maggots large as train carts. Then, it got worse. The dog licked himself, as only dogs do. I threw up and even Walter averted his gaze and looked disturbed. After what seemed like forever, the three-headed dog Cerberus finished "his business" and settled down. His three enormous, and very ugly, heads resting on the ground. We started our way towards the left one. This one had small horns and no apparent eyes as the areas where those should be were giant scabs and clusters of maggots... every time I looked up, I felt like throwing up again. The left head was napping, a small lake of yellowish drool surrounding the snoring mouth, but the other heads were quite awake, growling at each other and, every once in a while, sniffing the air. Whenever they sniffed, me and Walter would drop down. Walter was all black smoke now, no orange glow anymore and it occurred to me that that's how he is when he's afraid. The thought failed to make me feel any better about our predicament.

A couple of hours of creeping later, we were gazing up the mountainous dog face, its jaws huge and terrible... actually, its everything was huge and terrible... as its (huge and terrible and) wet nose started twitching and sniffing a low growl emanated from its (huge and terrible) mouth. The head rose a bit and let loose a bark that almost threw us off our feet. Incredibly, Walter rose up and said loudly "who's a good dog?" in a tone suggesting this was a lovely puppy, the jaws (trust me when I tell you they were huge and terrible) opened wide and a large, black, tongue shot out and scooped us both inside the hugely terrifying, mouth. I was screaming the entire time, in case you were wondering what my part was in this undertaking.

[hotafterlife]

8 - Back in the world of the living

I forgot about the pain, but there it was again, all-encompassing and ever present. The pain came first, the old familiar pain, then the sounds. Several beepings of heart monitors (one of them was mine), the hushed tones of doctors and nurses doing the rounds and the occasional sobbing of visitors. I didn't dare open my eyes while there were people around me - no way I am staying here while there's a chance for me to see Betty again! The hardest thing to do was pretend I was still incapacitated while my parents visited. I couldn't help but cry when they were talking to me, and while the doctors assured them that it was a good sign and that I was still in there and to keep on trying and talk to me, all I could think of was how I can kill myself without dying again, so I could continue my journey in hell. I knew it would seem like I was trying to go through with my original suicide and what absolute torture and pain it would put my parents through... But, obviously, I couldn't explain any of that to anyone. Pretty soon I learned that I was in "The Garden," which was how the nurses, jokingly, referred to the vegetable ward in the hospital. There were eight of us in that room, of which I was the newest arrival, because, as I realized in a shock, I was there less than a week! It seemed time was going at a different speed in hell than it was in the world of the living... It was only at night that I dared to open my eyes and look around, I felt strong enough to get up, but didn't want to alert the nurses monitoring my heart rate. During the day I had nothing else to do but listen to the doctors making the rounds and making remarks on each and every one of the patients, from Mr. Esposito who had a wooden beam collapse and hit him on the head while renovating a house, and only his hard hat prevented it from being completely crushed, to Ms. Rabinowitz who almost drowned in her bath, because she slipped on one of her cats... there were a few  others, but the one who intrigued me the most, was a Jane Doe who apparently was the longest staying patient here in the Garden. The nurses and some of the doctors called her "Aurora", or "sleeping beauty"... This woman, apparently around my age, had been in the Garden ever since she was a little girl and was something of a medical oddity, being perfectly healthy other than being comatose. No one knew why. By nightfall I already had a plan. By my calculations, being off the life support systems for a few minutes would be enough for me to lose consciousness and slip back to hell. The fact that I was in a hospital would work to my advantage, as the doctors and nurses would, probably, be able to stabilize me before it's too late - killing myself without dying. So, I get up, and only when I'm actually out of the bed, will I take all the wires off, to delay the alerted nurses as much as possible, then limp somewhere in the room that will take them awhile to find, enough, hopefully, for me to go back to hell. At what I perceived as the middle of the night, and around 20 minutes after the night nurse made the rounds and continued to, what I hoped was, the farthest reaches of the hospital, I opened my eyes and tried to get up. A wave of pain and nausea almost overpowered me to unconsciousness, but I forced myself up somehow. I had to catch my breath for a few minutes after that. I looked around the room, my bed was closest to the door but running out was out of the question, but maybe I could make that work to my advantage. There was a small night dresser I could probably hide behind at the far side of the room... here goes. After making sure I heard no one outside and as hard as I could, I flung my blanket towards the door, hopefully making it appear as if that was the way I went, then, very carefully and slowly I pulled out my IV drip and unplugged the rest of the wires. As soon as I did that, the heart monitor started blipping like crazy and I knew it wouldn't be long till someone would come in. Fighting the pain, I stumbled towards the far side of the room, supporting myself on the beds along the way. Feeling dizzy and sick, I got to the last bed and started to go around it. This was "Aurora's" bed and even though I had seconds before the arrival of the night nurse, I couldn't help but stop for a second and stare, she was very beautiful, almost looking like a marble statue in the moonlight... However, one second was all I got, because trying to stop and stand in my condition was too much apparently, and I stumbled forward, the side of my face crashed into the floor and my jaw made a funny clacking sound when my cheek met the cool floor. I felt warm blood gushing from my mouth, but no sound came out. As I was slipping away, I could hear the nurse come into the room and then run out, yelling for someone (the security guard most likely), that I escaped the room and that I couldn't have gotten far. I managed a smile and then I died again.

[hotafterlife]

7 - Dis Friends

According to Walter, we've been looking for someone he thought knew a way out of the endless city of Dis, so we can make our way to the "paradise" part of hell and find Betty, my dead love. What would I do when I found her? I had no idea, but ever since the possibility of meeting up with her spirit or soul, became a possibility, nothing seemed more important to me than finding her. The streets we were going through now seemed more human sized, with less giant structures and more tunnel like underpasses and passageways, it all made me feel like we were going in an ant's nest. The locals were also smaller. Some translucent snake creature, electric blue, floated slowly above us, and a flat cockroach with human face (the antennas came instead of eyes) sat on a wall above us, his antennas whipping about. "I think it's this way!" said Walter cheerily, as usual (his constant cheerfulness cringingly out of place), as he turned a corner and jumped back shrieking, making me jump back and fall on my ass, and the roach thing to scurry away quickly. His entire body glowed orange, as it did (so I discovered) whenever he was scared or angry. A five-foot-tall humanoid creature looked at him inquisitively, as Walter tried his best to push himself back into the wall as much as possible. The thing looked like a rat without any fur, bright pink and walking on his hind legs, balanced by his tail. It squeaked at Walter, but that only made him cower more into the wall, it was almost comical. The creature shrugged and moved around Walter, watching me distrustfully before going his own way. "You ok?" I asked Walter "was that thing dangerous?... It didn't look dangerous," I continued. Slowly, Walter peeled himself from the wall, and with a shudder said, "I HATE MICE!.. In every shape, form and size, I can't stand them!" 

I picked myself up, laughing, "Not too long ago you stood up to that horrifying hood thing and now you scream like that because of a mouse? Sure, a big mouse, but nothing compared to that other thing!" I concluded. "Yeah, well, they make me retch, and that's saying something, considering I hardly have any organs left," said Walter, returning to normal. "It's this way!" He finished, and led me down a flight of narrow stairs, through a passageway and into a tiny square. Walter looked about and made his way to a door on the far side, motioning me to follow. With his black smoke arm, Walter knocked on the door, once slow, three fast times and then three slow times... Very clandestine! The door opened for a crack, and a heavy-set figure with a bald head filled the doorway, framed by a flickering blue light from the inside of the room. "Hello Walter, who's the new guy? He looks weird." The voice was deep and smooth, but had a strange echo to it. "He's with me, Robert, this is my young friend Danny, he's a STD visiting for a while, and on an important mission no less!" he finished with a smile and a flourish. "What kind of mission?" asked the person in the door. "Oh, shut up already and let them in!" sounded a voice from inside, this one sounded as if the talker was smiling widely as he talked. The bald figure grunted (which echoed as well) and let us in. The blue flickering light, apparently, came from the other person in the room... his hair was made off of blue fire, just like an oven flame (or was his hair the fire? I couldn't tell).  With a light source so strangely provided, I could finally see the face of the guy who opened the door for us and understood the reason for the echo, his entire head was a huge, cavernous, gaping hole and where the opening that leads to the throats was supposed to be, another, human mouth was talking, echoing inside the gaping hole. Other than that, he appeared very human, wearing a black suit and tie... 

"Danny, I would like you to meet Kenneth Lay" he motioned to blue flames for hair guy. "Just call me Ken" interjected Kenneth, his gaping mouth was filled with broken teeth like glass and quite horrifying, "and this is Robert Dwyer", continued Walter, ignoring Ken. Robert extended his hand and, instinctively, I shook it. A strange rustling came from him as we shook and suddenly something pricked my hand! I yelled in surprise and let go of his hand as Robert retracted his arm quickly, but not before I could see he had a crack in the palm of his hand with a large centipede squirming madly, mandibles extended and several large bugs also fell through that crack and scurried out of the light. I retched. "Sorry! sorry!" said Robert, "I'm having some bug problems," he said, smiling, his mouth inside mouth looking very strange. "Damn things will be the death of me," he continued with a short laugh. "I think it's best if we all kept our hands to ourselves," said Walter testily. The prick in my hand hurt and as I looked at it at, a drop of blood emerged from where I was bitten. I blew some wind to cool it off and prodded the wound a bit, when I realized everything grew very quiet. I looked up and all three figures were staring at that one, tiny, drop of blood in my palm, no bigger than the one you might get from a pin. "Keep your hand to yourself," repeated Walter, this time talking straight to me, his smile wavering ever so slightly. I clenched my fist immediately and kept the arm close to my body. This seemed to break the trance a little bit, as Ken coughed a bit and said, "Walter said you're on a mission Danny, why did you come here?" "To business then," said Walter, rubbing his hands together, "gentlemen, we need your assistance in getting to paradise." "Yuch," said Robert, "why would you want to go there?!? it's the most boring place in existence!" "Love, gentlemen!" exclaimed Walter, raising his arm as he said it and then pointed at me, all very theatrically. "Look," I said, "the woman I love is there, so I have to get there." "We don't care about that," Robert interrupted me with his echoed voice, "all we want to know is what's in it for us?" he rustled as he motioned at himself and Ken, "You want out of the city? fine, we'll help, but our help comes with a price," his words hung ominously in the tiny room and I took a step back while the two of them stared at me in silence, the flickering blue light casting dancing shadows on the wall. "What did you have in mind exactly, gentlemen?" asked Walter in a serious tone. "It's really not that big of a deal!" said Ken, exchanging looks with Robert, "I want a breath," "and I," chimed in Robert, "want that one drop of blood, that's all." 

"You ask for too much, gentlemen!" started Walter. "Wait!" I interjected, "that doesn't sound like much to me, if you guys can help me find paradise, then it's a deal," I finished, extending my hand for a shake. "Danny! You don't have any understanding of what you agreed to!" cried Walter. "It's a deal," said Robert, smiling from deep within his head, "me first!" he continued and pressed his rustling palm to mine. Even though I expected the pain, I was still surprised at the ferocity of the bite. My entire arm went numb with the pain and the room went dark for a moment. I heard echoes of strange voices and beeps, but then came to, reeling from the experience, like taking the first few steps after riding a roller coaster, the pain in my palm was the only thing that was keeping me focused enough to remain standing. Robert, in the meantime, was staggering, like a drunk, swaying as he took a few steps back "oh yes!" he said in his echoed voice, "that's the good stuff," his inner mouth was smiling contently. "My turn!" said Ken, and moved in, his huge smile growing even wider. I wanted to say something, have a moment to regain a bit of composure, but Ken grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me close, as if for a kiss. I tried but couldn't pull back. I tried to tell him to stop, but all that came out was a weak sigh. Our lips didn't even touch, as Ken sucked my breath out of me. His flame grew brighter and brighter, cracks appeared on his blackened skin, like lava from under the crust of the earth, showing that the fire was consuming him from the inside. I was losing my consciousness. As I was blacking out, I remember thinking how strange it was that his flaming hair gave no warmth, although I could see and smell it was burning his skin. The world grew dark, I heard Walter saying something, and then there was only black. I opened my eyes to find myself in a hospital bed...

[hotafterlife]

6 - Dis People

We were traveling the streets of Dis, grandest city in Hell (and let's face it, probably in the whole of existence), while Walter was trying to comfort me after the whole "glowing tree of death" episode... With partial success. We were making our way through what appeared to be some sort of a bazaar. There were all sorts of creatures showcasing all sorts of wares, it took me a second to realize, that they were all humanoid like and none of them was overly huge... I asked Walter about it. "Ah, well, most of the souls end up as the shades you've seen all around you. However, if, in life, the person had an effect on a lot of other people, then their soul is more potent and gets siphoned more slowly, the more profound the influence they had in life, the more potent their soul is, the more time it'll take for it to be consumed completely. Sometimes the way you die has an effect as well - like in the case of your lady love, when people die in an instant, without expecting it, and especially if they were in a high spirits when it happened, then they are usually taken to the paradise section and the process can take a long time." "I've been meaning to ask you Walter," I said, "how come there is a paradise in hell? Isn't there a place where all the good people go to after dying?" "As far as I can tell," started Walter thoughtfully, "this is all there is. All souls come here and are being processed one way or another... The righteous may be processed a bit differently than the wicked, sure, but there is no reward waiting," his voice trailed off. "How about God, or the Devil?!" I asked incredulous. "I couldn't tell you," was the answer. "There is some hierarchy here, I think. Some of these beings are older than the others, you can always tell by the quantity of souls they consume or manipulate, perhaps, but these are all theories, I never met anything to suggest a god or a devil..." This was pretty big news... I mean, unless Walter's lying to me, and he had no reason to, then no religion got it right and all depictions of the afterlife are all wrong, even if you're an atheist... The knowledge hit me like a ton of bricks and I was so lost in thought, I didn't watch my step and bumped into a hooded, human like being with a long cloak, half a head taller than me. Walter didn't even notice and kept mumbling to himself as he carried on without me. The hooded figure turned to face me and I found myself staring at a ruined face with a, way too, big mouth... That broke into a, way too, wide smile as it saw me, which was alarming because there was a hole where one of his eyes, sort of, should go, and a small bulge where another would be... It seemed to have no problem seeing me though. Still smiling and with a voice that was a raspy, hoarse whisper, yet still somehow smooth, he said "Hello my young friend! Albert Fish's the name, I can tell you're looking for someone, aren't you? someone pretty!" He took a shaky step towards me and I took two back. "Check out my beauties!" he said in a louder voice and with a flourish, opened the front of his robe and I jumped further back and shielded my eyes, yelling in surprise. "I truly loved them, you see?" the whispers continued, "more than their parents ever did!" Still fearing a monster penis, or something to that effect, I was reluctant to open my eyes, but I could sense there was light coming from him and a soft tingling sound... Either this was a most spectacular dick, or I was faced with something new. I opened my eyes. Albert's bare chest had a huge hole gaping in it, and inside was a cluster of golden spheres that looked like eggs. As I watched, a few of them dislodged as balls of light and surrounded Albert. He cowered from their light "I can feel their pain now!" He yelled as whisps of smoke were coming of him as the lights burned him, "they're a part of me now, eating me from the inside, just like I ate their sweet asses, long ago... together! together!" He finished with a shiver, a single, tar like, tear streamed from his ruined hole of an eye, while his monstrous smile never wavered. In the light of the globes, his nakedness became all too visible and it seemed that beyond the burned parts, he had nails, pins and needles stuck everywhere (EVERYWHERE). I puked in my mouth. That's when Walter came back, making his way through the crowd. "What do you think you're doing?" he yelled at the hooded thing, the Orange glow inside of him intensified and it looked like his entire body was crisscrossed in lines of flame. The hooded figure stepped back, startled and, thankfully, closed its robe. "Now see here you, I demand that you refrain from addressing my friend here," Walter yelled, pointing a black smoky hand, that now had an orange glow to it. The hooded thing looked indignant and collected his robes around himself, rose to its full height and shrieked "He came to me! he was teasing me with his sweet fat ass, on purpose, acting all shy. He wanted it, the filthy little monster," he hissed at me now. His distorted version of how things happened was revolting, I stared agape. Walter was still advancing on him, making him step back "Any day now, you'll be nothing but an empty husk," said Walter, "eaten from the inside by your precious lovelies, get the heck out of here, before I burn them out of you!" roared Walter, making for the Albert's chest. Albert the creature shrieked and hobbled away, clutching at his chest.

"I, I don't know how to thank you Walter," I stammered, still shocked from the whole encounter. "Not at all, my friend, our fates are bound together, and I will be gosh darned if I will not see you and your lady love reunited! I am a sucker for happy endings, I am," he finished, smiling, the orange glow inside him returned to its regular slow pulse. "Come on!" said Walter, as I was searching for the words to thank him (realizing it's been awhile since I've thanked anyone. I was such an ungrateful asshole), "still a long way to go."

[hotafterlife]

5 - Dis streets

"What's that contraption?" asked Walter, pointing with a smoky finger at my phone, after noticing me taking some pictures with it, sounding very interested. "Oh this? This is a phone and a camera," it had occurred to me that if Walter was here for the past fifty years, there was a lot to catch up to, but the thought of trying to explain the internet to him seemed too daunting. "Incredible!" said Walter, clearly very impressed. "So small! ... The world of tomorrow must be a fascinating place! ...Tell me about it! How fast do flying cars go? Do people live on the moon? How about Mars?" He carried on with his questions and I didn't have the heart to burst his bubble, so I made some stuff up... My Cadillac “Skywalker” went from zero to sixty in five seconds, I had an aunt on the moon, but Mars was still under construction... stuff like that. "How positively wonderfully wonderful" he exclaimed. I took a picture of Walter, who raised his arms saying "oh please don't, I always hated having my picture taken". "Oops, too late!" I said laughing. "I don't know why you bother, my young friend, it's not like they have where to develop photographs here" chimed Walter. I just smiled, saying nothing. "So tell me a bit about yourself, Walter" I said. "Well" started Walter, "my memory's not what it used to be. I remember being sick. A bad cancer, the doctors said, I smoked too much. Tried everything, went to all and every specialist, they all said it was too late. I don't remember all that happened next, but I'm pretty sure they were desperate measures. I woke up here and have been here ever since. I knew it has been awhile, but had no idea it's been this long..." His voice trailed. "I've met many Soon To Die's before, sooner or later they all pass on though," he sounded genuinely sad saying that and I felt sorry for him. "But you" he continued, sounding almost cheerful, "you have an energy about you, and purpose I haven't seen in a long time" he concluded, smiling his smile, that felt both reassuring and creepy. As he talked and we were walking, I was taking pictures of everything that seemed strange, which basically meant I was snapping pictures constantly. Strange faces, buildings... things.

 A great stream of souls swelled into a turbulence not far from us, the souls swirling about like dead leaves, the center of the vortex seemed to condense and shapes were being formed. We both stopped and, as I took some pictures, Walter said "you see, this is what they use the souls for... They build all sorts of things with them, it can be a building or a vehicle, heck! sometimes it's a creature that stumbles out of one of those soul clouds!" We stood back and watched as the cloud soared and pulsated, in less than a minute a large form was visible inside, a large tree like structure, bright blue with globes of light floating inside... Like a freakishly huge lava lamp. I looked in awe as the last of the souls were absorbed in this new, I wasn't even sure what, a plant? an alien life form? maybe a building? Whatever it was, it was hard to take your eyes off of it. Colorful globes of light floated inside the trunk and the branches, when it got to the end of the smallest branches, the globe of light would "drip" out and reform as a shiny fruit... Beautiful really.

I would've probably stayed there for quite a bit more time, transfixed, but Walter nudged me and pointed towards someone other transfixed characters. They were some of the smaller locals, brightly colored insectoids mainly, but some half formed souls as well. As I watched, a couple of them made contact with the glowing trunk, and as I watched in horror, they were absorbed inside... I could see them floating inside for a few seconds, then the globes of light descended on them, very much like a school of piranhas, engulfed them, and a few more that wandered inside. It took around ten seconds for the lights to consume the creatures... It was almost hypnotic and I was totally engrossed in what could may have been the best National Geographic scene ever when I felt Walter's unpleasant touch on my shoulder and it yanked me out of my trance. I was shocked to find myself standing five feet from the trunk and the lights! "I think we should carry on our way sonny," said Walter in a quiet and urgent tone.

 I could only suppress a shiver at the thought of how close I was to being devoured and gone forever in hell... I also had the sinking feeling that this will not be the last time I'll face "devourment"... I'm pretty much helpless here. Thank god for Walter!

[hotafterlife]

4 - Dis city

It was when the snakes were close enough for me to smell them, when - "STD entity identified, temporary entry approved, demise pending" screeched the voice of the gate, almost knocking me unconscious. But then the terrible light vanished and the pressure inside my head lifted. The snakes hissed their way back to their holes and I, still on my knees, managed to lift my head. The Gorgon's head looked like a serene and beautiful woman's face again, then there was a sound of a loud crack and half the head swung towards me as the gate was opening. In the cross section of the huge door, I could see the inside of the Gorgon's head, the skull, the brain, all the nasty stuff. I picked myself up, struggling to stand straight, and stumbled inside, before the gate changed her mind and I walked into Dis...

Being inside the city of Dis felt like being swallowed alive by a large animal that the decided to run, frolic and roll over... A lot. An assault on the senses. From buildings that looked like medieval fortresses, only dozens of times bigger and made of some shiny black material that pulsates and was warm to the touch, to structures that looked like someone turned a cat inside out and made it as big as a skyscraper. The souls of the dead were everywhere, a constant stream of them flew silently by me. Some entered buildings, some flickered in and out of view and a few were picked up by one of the innumerable variety of the beings that walked the streets. Some of those beings looked like some weird humanoid/animal hybrids, some were insect like, while others looked like inanimate objects come alive, some were a mesh of limbs and heads, some looked blurry to me (and part of me felt thankful for that), there were abstract creatures that looked like vortexes of shapes and light... It all made me feel dizzy.

I ducked into a smaller street, looking for a place to rest my senses for a bit. I entered a small nook with nothing but a silent stream of souls (I was trying hard not to think of them as dead people).

In front of me was a small patch of black smoke, inconspicuous amongst all the weirdness, and I thought nothing of it, until the smoke smiled that is. Seriously, if this happened a few days ago, I'm sure that my reaction would have been more extreme than sighing and a raised eyebrow, however, considering everything I've been through since I landed myself in hell, that was the extent of what I could bring myself to do. Then the smoke talked, and as it talked it formed itself into a human-like form, flashing a stained tooth smile floating in what was the head, somewhere inside the body there seemed to be pulsating glowing embers that showered sparks every few steps it took (not unlike a flicked cigarette, I thought), smoky tendrils formed into fingers as it waved and, in a surprisingly warm and courteous voice it said "Why hello there, sonny! I can see that you're a bit lost, I know how you feel! I sure was dumbfounded by this vexing place" The smoke thing extended its hand "pleased to meet you, I'm Walter!" it said enthusiastically.

"Um, hello" I said, unsure how to react. I gingerly extended my hand and it was enveloped by Walter's smoky hand that felt strangely warm and made my skin tingle. "When did you get here?" he asked, "just now," I said. "Marvelous!" cried Walter, his smile widening, "it's been so long since I talked to a fellow live person" he said. "Do you mean to tell me that you're a STD too?!" I asked, surprised. As far as I could tell, I looked like my live self still, how long has he been here?!!? "Please don't use that term my boy!" said Walter,"it's in very poor taste!" "As for your question, yes, I have a live body waiting for me back in our world. Gosh I don't even know how long has it been! What year is it nowadays?" he asked. "It's 2017”, I said. I was suddenly hit with nostalgic memories of Christmases past, spent with Betty, curling up under a warm blanket with her, kissing and giggling. Making a snowman as a kid. Opening presents... Fucking tears... "2017!?!" yelled Walter, "God almighty, it's been fifty years! Fifty years!" He kept on muttering "fifty years" a few more times, his voice trailing off. I was too shocked to react. To be here, in Hell, for half a century. Trapped. How was this even possible?

[hotafterlife]

3 - Going Downtown

The closer I got to the stone arches, the bigger they seemed. By the time I was close, they were as big as mountains... LARGE mountains. Miles above me, in the middle of the arch, was a glowing blue rune and even though the opening was vast, I could not tell what was going on, on the other side. It was all blurry and shimmering, as if I was looking through rippling sheet of water. As I was passing through the arch, surrounded by the shadowy souls of the suicides, just thinking about the fact that one of those "corner of my eye" shadows was, just a few minutes ago, a confused and frightened teen, ran a shiver down my spine... The fact that I could have, easily, been one of those shades, felt even worse. The moment I emerged from underneath the arch, the landscape came into focus and my jaw dropped (not literally!). I was staring at, what I supposed was a, city. It seemed unending, covering the horizon and parts of it tall enough to vanish in the red haze above. It took my mind a moment to register it as a city though, because the word "architecture", was only loosely fitting. Some of the buildings were definitely living things... They had no faces, that I could tell, but they were moving and some of them had orifices and appendages of sorts... Feelers and tentacles mainly... It was not a pretty picture. The entire city looked as if someone dropped a huge pile of garbage over a large mound... there were glimmers of beauty, some tall and delicate towers, but next to them would be a large pulsating tumor-like construction. All around and in between it all, there were things I couldn't focus on... It felt as if my senses were not enough to comprehend it all and that, in turn, hurt the eyes and consequently my head to look at it all for long, so I started to follow the stream of souls who seemed to be making their way to the city... It wasn't as if there was any chance of missing it, and going back was not an option. My encounter with the Harpy made it clear my autonomy was on borrowed time. Sooner or later my body would die and I would turn into a faceless shade. I had to find a way out! To wake myself up... Now that I know what happens to you when you're dead, I decided I would like to stay alive for as long as possible. Lost in thought as I was, I wasn't really paying attention, but suddenly I was close.

There was a wall around the city. From far away it was easy to miss, as the enormity of some of the constructions dwarfed it, but from up close it was the size of a skyscraper and seemed to be organic. It was of pinkish with textures ranging from coarse skin, scales and raw meat. There were large, nail-like spikes, orifices would open up and vanish, sometimes eyes would flicker open suddenly, look about for a while and then close up, only to flicker open someplace else. As the souls were nearing the wall, mouth-like openings would gape open and close behind them. The group of souls surrounding me was getting close and a cavernous opening was formed in front of us. It was lined with sharp looking spines and thin black tentacles... I was having second thoughts about going in and stopped as the souls poured to my sides and through without hesitation. Surrounded by the last souls of the group I took a deep breath and walked in. Pain! The spines on the floor slowed me down, being soft and sticky, but then the black tentacles whipped (they were going straight through the souls) at me and I felt them slicing me... It felt like a thousand paper cuts, all over my body. I was held fast until the last of the souls passed through, which didn't take long but felt like forever. There was a cough-like sound, the tunnel contracted around me and, after a moment of being sure I was done for (for real this time), I was violently spat out of the wall.

Lying on my back, shaken and hurt (both physically and emotionally!), a cluster of eyes opened on the wall where the opening used to be, some of them humanlike (but beach ball sized), some were multifaceted and some were completely alien and looked like shapes, writhing, spiraling, shapes inside the iris... "Can souls throw up?" I found myself wondering... My concern grew as several of the larger eyes split horizontally and turned into mouths... that informed me in a tired tone ... "STD's are not admittable in the soul holes, stop trying to shove yourself in!". "Amm, did you just call me an STD?" I asked, surprisingly offended. "STD - Supposed To Die, yeah, we get you every once in a while. Why don't you ever try the front gate and instead try shoving yourself in through the walls? It's disgusting really!". Ok then! I guess I AM an STD here... "Where is the front gate? can you give me some direction? Sorry about the whole hole thing too... " "Ugh, we better get you there before you try shoving yourself through another hole you're not welcomed to... And I'll bet that's not the first time you hear that, am I right?!" the voice was actually snickering by now. "Hey! what the faaah!" was all I managed to say, before a violently pink, tentacled, tube emerged from the wall and swallowed me. I was sliding fast inside that thing, screaming the whole time. It was like the worst waterpark attraction imaginable... any quandaries about my ability to throw up were unfortunately answered three times throughout the journey. Slimy and disoriented, I was ejected from the tube and was plopped to the ground. I coughed and got to my feet, disoriented. When my vision stopped swimming, I found myself standing in front of "the gate"... and it was NOT what I had in mind. Towering in front of me, the gate, was a woman's face, beautiful and a hundred feet tall. There was a line, splitting the visage in the middle - where the gate swung open. Around the face, on the gate around it, were large openings, about twenty feet in diameter, eight or ten of them, it was hard to tell what was going on around the top. here I was, staring into this colossal face that comprised the "special STD" entrance to the city and while the face was grayish yellow - not unlike a corpse, not to mention it was split in the middle, it was subtly moving. The subtlety ended when the eyes flared open. I was bathed in scorching, yellowish, sickly, light.

It was impossible to meet that gaze, in fact, I could hardly move. Somehow I knew that if I had been staring into the eyes of the gate, something terrible would happen... To me. My gaze being shifted to the side as it was, I was looking at one of the huge, round, orifice looking openings that surrounded the face on the gate. It was pulsating, some viscous ooze was dripping from it and it was disgusting. A second later a large grey snake thing wormed out... and kept on worming out, my gaze following the head of the thing - at one time I almost met the gaze of the gate, but managed to quickly close my eyes at the last second. I was able to see, however, that the rest of the holes in the gate had also sprouted snakes. The entire process took about fifteen seconds, from a large, dead-like, woman's face, to a several hundred feet tall Gorgon's head. Then it spoke. "Reasons to visit?" The voice boomed and echoed all around me, and from the inside of my head as well, so it seemed. "What?" I asked in a weak voice. "Do you have any weapons, and if not, would you like us to provide you with one?" the thunderous voice continued, almost without pause. "Excuse me?" I blurted out, not sure I understood. The light of the eyes was becoming unbearable, I was shivering and my head felt as if it was splitting in half. "Any outworldly fruits or vegetables?" By now the voice felt like a physical entity that was violating me. I felt something dripping down my face. I was crying and there was blood streaming from my nose. "Please stop" I sobbed, through my tearing eyes I saw the snakes rear up, and lower themselves, ever so slowly, towards me. Mouths open, black tongues flailing...

[hotafterlife]

2 - Welcomed to Hell

I came to eventually. No idea how much time passed... I was lying on what appeared to be a very hot stone, above me the sky was glowing red without any apparent light source... the light itself was harsh and hot and hurt my eyes, which I shut. But even with my eyes closed, I felt something flutter by my face... although there was no sound, other than a soft acrid wind... There it was again! A few seconds (minutes? hours? time was hard to quantify) later, I opened my eyes slowly to what seemed like an endless orange plain, far in the distance there were, what seemed to be mountain sized, natural gates, there was something moving all around me, it felt like an endless line of man shaped shadows, but wherever I looked I couldn't see anything... It always stayed at the edges of my peripheral vision. But, dominating this entire scene, towering over everything, was a thing... a creature? a monster? A bird of prey, the size of a ten story building... from its chest cavity, bulged a blood red woman's head, hauntingly beautiful, and four red arms. The raptor's head eyes were shut and it had a strange, flaming, symbol hovering above its head.

There was no way of not looking at her (it?) and there was nowhere to hide too. The red plain went on and on in both directions. Behind me the ground seemed to go for a dozen yards and then end in darkness... there was nothing else behind me. A familiar tune was playing softly. It took me a few seconds to realize I was listening to "Oops I did it again" by Britney Spears... What the hell? Literally. Without even realizing it, I was dressed in "pre- accident" clothes and, as was my habit whenever I faced something slightly out of the ordinary, I reached to my phone, took it out and snapped a picture... it felt so normal, the absurdity of it all didn't even hit me... as I took the photo though, the singing stopped and what DID hit me was a voice. It came from the inside of my head and reverberated around me simultaneously. It said "Hi there"... I was thrown off my feet by the force of the sound. In a rapidly diminishing volume it said "Woops, sorry! Is this better?", It sounded like the voice of a young girl. I stumbled back to my feet, a bit winded, and froze. Both heads of the giant bird lady monster thing were staring at me. I nodded slowly... "Good!" the woman's face smiled cheerily, "Come closer" it said, and I found myself complying. Faster than I thought possible, I found myself staring up at the enormous crimson face. It was looking down at me, smiling pleasantly. "So... do you come here often?" asked the creature and burst into laughter... It was all so absurd, I chuckled. "Ahem, where AM I?" I asked meekly... "Oh wow," said the giant red face in surprise, "Really? Can't you guess?" I looked around. A red wasteland, sky that looked as if they were on fire... a huge (and surprisingly polite!) monstrosity. "Oh my GOD! I'm in Hell!" I exclaimed. The creature frowned "We don't say the G word here" she said, her voice growing in louder again, menacingly. I cowered for a second, but then she burst out laughing: "Just messing with you, you can say whatever you want!" She smiled and continued "So... tell me who you are. I can tell you tried to kill yourself and that you're not dead yet... we get you here from time to time". "Hi, yeah, I'm Danny... Nice to meet you? I guess?" I smiled weakly "Who might you be? and how did you know I tried to kill myself... Or that I failed?" "Hi Danny", said the creature with a smile "I'm Aella, the Harpyiai. I know you tried to kill yourself because this is where the souls of suicide come through, and you're obviously not dead because you're still not a ripe shade like them" she spread one huge wing, motioning at the endless stream of shades. "We get you every once in a while... Look! here's another one!" she said, pointing behind me. Out of the black nothing, a young woman appeared, looked like she was 16 or so... she was pretty. She had a wild look in her eyes and her hands were red with blood, pouring from her slashed wrists. She started screaming and running towards us. "Woa! Easy there!" I said like an idiot, but it worked and she stopped, staring at Aella, mouth agape. "Hi" said Aella, waving three of her arms. "This can't be happening" said the girl, "there's nothing after, nothing... no, no, no" she continued mumbling, rocking back and forth, and then suddenly "What's happening to me?!?" She was looking at her arms, the blood turned black and seemed to be oozing and covering her. I stared in horror at her scared face. The whole thing took about ten seconds... Then she was covered in darkness and suddenly it was hard for me to focus my gaze on her... five more seconds and she was swallowed with the rest of the shades... I didn't even get the chance to ask her name.

"And that's what happens when they don't manage to save you in time" said Aella and I shivered... I guess if mom and dad were not able to save me, I would have been just another shade! "So now what?" I asked the Harpy. "Well Danny, you being not so dead means you have two options, you can stay here for whatever time you've got left, or use that time to wander about, and explore a bit. Go through one of the gates, visit Dis... Maybe I'll see you again sometime" she said smiling... a smile that made me feel very uncomfortable. After a second of contemplating, I decided to leave. Yes, I know it's into Hell, but this place seemed very boring (and as nice as Aella was... it seemed she was losing interest and it was getting a bit creepy)... So I picked myself up, thanked the Harpy (no response), and started towards the huge stone gates. Reading these words here I sound very cool and calm, but trust me, I was shaking and my voice, while talking to Aella was squeaky and weird... For the first time in many months though, I think I'll cut myself some slack though... I think I've earned some slack.

[hotafterlife]

This is the story of what happened after I died, why it sucked, and what I eventually did about it

When you read these words I'll already be dead... One would think the worst that can come out of writing these words with serious intent is pretty obvious... shows how much you know. Ever since the accident, I wrote this sentence seven times, and deleted it six times. Six months ago me and Betty went out to celebrate our 3 years anniversary. Took her to a nice restaurant, we smiled a lot, held hands and told each other the biggest clichés in the world - they all made perfect sense at the time. I pulled out the ring, got down on one knee... it was all like a dream... she squealed, hands over her mouth, she never looked more beautiful... yeah well, that changed fast. We were on our way back home, one hand on the wheel, one hand holding hers... I remember everything so vividly! Her hand was warm and soft, she was holding the ring up to admire it (you really had to hold it close to your face to actually admire it) and it was sparkling... David Guetta & Sia's "Titanium" was playing on the radio and she was swaying to the beat, huge smile and all. She turned to me and said "You know, I... and that was it. There was a flash of light... screech of metal... one of us screamed... darkness. I woke up to beeping. They said I was lucky to be alive, I just broke both my legs, shattered my right shoulder and arm, 3 ribs and cracked my skull. It was pain that woke me up and it stayed with me, mocking the morphine, or whatever it was they were feeding my veins. Worst of allwas the headache. The other driver was drunk and swerved and died in the crash. Betty was dead. The drunk driver hit us on her side and she never had a chance. I missed her funeral because I was out for 2 weeks... Everything around me looked fragmented and tinged in red. Reality itself was broken... when I looked at photos of me and Betty (including ones from out last evening) we didn't look human anymore... everything was nightmarish... I stopped looking in the mirror. Everyone just assumed they knew how I was feeling. No one asked really but the psychiatrist (and I didn't answer, I just stared at him). I hated them. All. The more they cared for me and fussed about and got me fruit baskets and put up "get well" signs the more I hated them. They were all fakes. I think the first time I thought about ending it all was when they told me they already buried Betty. It just felt so unfair. I went to see the grave when I could, being pushed there on a wheelchair... very classy. It was just a stone... I felt nothing... empty. 2nd time was when I re-broke my leg in physiotherapy. 3rd was when my mother was crying by my bed when she thought I was sleeping... Seriously, it's not like it was hard for me to come up with good reasons to kill myself.

This is us, about 40 minutes before Betty was killed...

Love of my life, now gone. They never did find the ring I gave her in the wreckage...

Fast forward 6 months. Half a year of physiotherapy that led nowhere but pain (as I managed to slip and re-break my leg). Psychotherapy where, what I assume was a professional (the diplomas on the wall were the only indication), tried to reassure me that the driver that killed Betty and crushed my body (and soul too really) was to blame and not me (I blocked out his voice and just nodded every time he stopped talking). Friends came and tried to "be there for me"... no one looked human to me anymore. I saw no point in continuing this "mock life" anymore... I knew my parents were suspecting something of the sort, because they did not leave me alone with any of the assorted painkillers and other pills, they would bring me my dosage every time I was supposed to take it... I started hoarding the pills that were supposed to make me sleep (grey, oval and flat with a line in the middle)... trust me that was NOT easy. The pain, even after painkillers, was never gone, and it felt that it was always just bad enough to keep me from sleeping... so I hardly slept and reality became even more twisted. My pile of sleeping pills grew bigger, so were the headaches. Combined with the lack of sleep, I would pass out sometimes, which was good, because my parents thought I was sleeping and would leave me alone. It also made me impatient to get to the point where I thought I could do it - 10 pills. 10 days of not being able to sleep more than a delirious few minutes at a pop. It was like a countdown! 10 more pills, 9 more pills, 8, 7... Eventually the final night came. I had a glass of water to crush the pills into. A laptop to type my suicide note with (a last moment decision, because although I couldn't stand hearing or looking at them towards the end, in the final night I felt it would be too cruel to just leave without saying nothing). I crushed all the pills into the water, propped myself up a bit (almost blacked out from the shooting pain) and started to write the note. I got all the way to: "When you read these words I'll already be dead" That's when my mom got in the room. She had a flower vase in her hands (she would put fresh flowers next to the bed every night, when she thought I was asleep, so I'll wake up to fresh flowers every morning, only for me they stank and looked black and twisted). She was surprised to see I was awake and as I slammed the laptop shut and she looked at me, sensing something was very wrong... I said nothing, just reached for the drugged glass of water and gulped it down, finishing it all before she dropped the vase and got to me. She was screaming for my father, but it sounded far away... an amazing calmness washed over me... For the first time in six months I felt no pain at all! I think I was even beginning to smile as sweet, sweet, darkness washed over me... a few seconds later something amazing happened. My vision cleared and I was seeing my body, laying down on the bed underneath me, not moving, with my mother shaking me, screaming for my father to dial 911. If she only knew how serene I was at that moment and that the pain was gone, I'm sure she would've been far less distraught... As mom was trying to give me CPR and as I was going to tell her not to bother, another thing happened. Just like I read dozens of times before in the accounts of people with near death experiences, an opening in the ceiling appeared and blinding white light was pouring through... the light felt GREAT! and I was drifting into what appeared to be a tunnel of that white light. Last thing I saw before I got in was my father burst into the room with a paramedic (how long WAS I floating down there?!!?). Last thing I thought was that, quite possibly, I have just written the crappiest suicide note EVER and maybe shouldn't have bothered. I was floating up, surrounded by white light and it seemed as if it was washing away all signs of the injuries I suffered, scars disappearing, metal rivets gone and all dark thoughts forgotten. If I knew that that's how it feels to die, I would have done it ages ago! Then things started to go wrong. The white light flickered a couple of times and my ascension faltered until I was just floating there. Not worried or anything, just curious. Then black blots appeared on the white tunnel walls, spreading like inkblots on white cloth... Soon enough there was no more white light... The blots opened up like sores and oozed something red and bloodlike and a low moan, not unlike that of a strong wind started getting louder and higher in pitch, until I was deafened by a wail that felt like it was going to tear me apart. I'm pretty sure I was screaming at that point. I started falling. The tunnel was now all black and oozing red and pulsating as if I was in the belly of something... On my way down, I flew by my room again and for a split second saw them trying to revive me before whooshing past and further down. I may have fallen for a few seconds or it could have been decades, I have no idea, but, just as I thought the noise and wind would make my eyes pop, ears bleed and the flesh to be torn from my bones, it ended in me going through some black smoke and an audible "splat" that knocked me out...

Happier days: