hoshimari

[hoshimari]

Gonna post this in my room

[hoshimari]

[hoshimari]

I'm tired, I'm hungry.... Nakī so

[hoshimari]

There was a time when we had recollection in our class and the mentor was a practitioner, then we've got an activity where we're divided into two groups of boys and girls. They separated us into the room where I was with other girls with our girl mentor, and then she discussed topics regarding women. As she is discussing I didn't realize that I was already crying, however what made me cry even harder was when she sang "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars where she quoted

When I see your face

It's not a thing that I would change

Cause girl your amazing

Just the way you are

And with the last sentence I felt like a weight in my heart had vanished like a bubble that had suddenly popped. It's like I was just waiting for someone to say that to me because for all the hardwork that I've made, all the achievements that I've achieved I've felt like it wasn't that appreciated and like it is just for nothing, though they all congratulated me I felt like it all came out on there mouth without any sincerity.

But with her, just by singing, tears that Ive been holding on flowed without hesitation. She of all the people made me shed tears that i don't in front of many people. I felt like I found comfort

[hoshimari]

Hey, been inactive lately. Whenever I look at the moon, I always remember your words

"the moon is beautiful isn't it?"

Now that I think about it, I didn't reply back to you and I'll for sure forever regret it.

[hoshimari]

My emotions are building up

How to put this heart at ease

When the problems are encircling me?

[hoshimari]

Don't get too hopeful

[hoshimari]

If only i had known that this would be so f*cking tiring then i shouldn't have been like this in the first place.

[hoshimari]

Time check 11:11 and I'm halfway through sleeping hahaha, so sleepy.

[hoshimari]

Started at 8:50, let's see how long I could last doing this f*cking work.

[hoshimari]

Natalie Wee, Least of all

[hoshimari]

So jeje

[hoshimari]

You are never alone in this world. Someday I know for sure you'll find someone who'll understand you wholeheartedly. Cheer up!

I cried infront of my mother today

i cried infront of my mother today

instead of hugging me, she walked away and left me to sob

uncontrollably and sorrowfully in the kitchen.

so I started punching my legs maniacally, leaving my skin

black and blue and purple, her favourite colour

the bruises hopelessly attempting to imitate her absolute incapacity to care.

instead of comforting me,

she got angry at me for making her life more stressful than it already is

my tears merely ignored

like an inconvenient garden weed

So instead I sought comfort from my well hidden blade and traced a line for each word that hurt me most

my arm now dripping and limp

wine pouring out of my veins

when will you stop making me feel like an injured and weak animal

being hunted for fun.

19/02/24

[hoshimari]

Ngl, this is fcking right

[hoshimari]

Missing those moments when still talking with you.

[hoshimari]

Is that right? You stopped because you felt you're not important? Well, I'm sorry. After all, I am not the kind of a person who shows feeling, I'm not affectionate person; I'd rather stay quiet than talk about this. I'd rather have my heart be burdened just not to talk about it and make me feel embarrassed.

[hoshimari]

Me and my eyebags rn against the world.