hoppyhornbeam - Tumblr blog

[hoppyhornbeam]

[hoppyhornbeam]

Jeanette Winterson

Art by Andrew Wyeth

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they should invent a way to disappear without anyone even knowing you existed in the first place

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I just wanna focus on being a full human being. The plague of comparison is so insane and can play out so quietly. The reality of idolising things or making them seem out of reach is genuinely the most insane thing in the world, like this has never led to anything besides disappointment. There is nothing outside of your experience that is better than what you have. Ever. Someone else’s joy isn’t more joyus than yours. I am full and looking no where else

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guy after having a completely normal social interaction: i made things weird again and they hate me

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I really feel tremendous grief for friendships that kind of petered away in the face of life's currents. There are people with whom I formed deep, unique, vibrant, life-changing connections, and then we had to go our separate ways and it was too hard to maintain long-distance. There wasn't a fight, it just sort of faded. And I feel like I have more friendships like this than friendships that have endured, so maybe I just have to get used to it. But if grief is all the love we have left over - well, I never did get to finish loving them. I love them, and I miss them, and I probably always will.

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thinking about edvard munch's "The Sun" (1911)

like yeah thats how it feels. thats what it feels like to exist sometimes. he gets it

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bell hooks, All About Love

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NEVER LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED BY WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF YOU STARTED EARLIER!!!!! THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE IS NOW

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Seeing the discourse about Men Have Called Her Crazy is making me come to the embarrassing realization that all of my issues in life might be because I simply think about myself too much. BRB Gotta go think about how this makes me a deeply terrible and unlikable person 🩷

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anybody else in here feel like they're constantly and involuntarily calculating their every thought and action. and doing it wrong

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I wish I could scream my loneliness to the world. Take everyone by the collar and yell in their face that I feel so lonely and forgotten. Beg people to just please tell me why we can’t reach each other. What about me makes me hard to be close to. What about me makes me hard to like, to love. And why are there those who claim to love me who I can’t reach in return. Will this plane of glass between us ever break. Will I ever feel the depth of connection that I know can exist but whose absence constantly mocks me.

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fake ass idgafer. I saw you gazing off into the distance like you were looking at something far away, something no one else could see but you

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Birthdays just sort of end up making me sad. Which feels goofy because I actually received a lot of love today and was certainly not shorted of a good day attention or love. But despite the good that exists in my life, for some reason birthdays just remind me of lost connections. People who would once be ones to reach out who no longer do. People I used to wish happy birthday to and people whose well wishes I once hoped for, and now nothing is said. In a year where I have felt so disconnected from people and lonely, my birthday just reminds me that I really have lost touch with so many friends and that I have become more disconnected from people. It was a nice and wonderful day with the people I do have, but the sadness still permeates.

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As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty, dir. Jonas Mekas, 2000.

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Our mother Jenny Slate

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Hardest drug is the weight of God’s indifference