hope-wise

[hope-wise]

What the fun. Bliss.

As of now am angry and want to scream wtf in my mind to feel relaxed.

So WTF.

[hope-wise]

Deepavali.

I would possibly have not come back to Tumblr and written if not for this unbearable sounds during the Deepavali.

So there are these almost explosive like fire crackers going off which made me experience a couple of really bad panic attacks or something.

Suddenly my heart pumped blood and it all flew in on portion, right side of the body. I had experienced it only a couple of times before and once was in a similar occasion where suddenly an extremely loud fire cracker went off.

Other time was during an anxiety inducing period when a few times I was shocked to find myself experiencing this phenomenon physically along with a few moments where it was sort of emotionally stressful. I couldn't find what's this by looking up on the internet. But she experience scared me. I had later checked for BP etc at a very later point of time. Everything was fine. So only explanation was finally the urban stresses of life has brought me to have this panic attacks.

Eventually I adopted a life style with more mindfulness and a bit of meditation, light of but with simple expectations which made me get over the work related anxiety.

In fact that was so helpful that when a lot of people around me got agitated about the fake news or political issues, I was more resilient as I can see there is absolutely no point degrading your quality of life on things that are out of your control. The best is to have a better, balanced, honest response during conversations that trouble us and avoid the news that's unnecessary.

So just when I was all fine comes this Deepavalis or festivities that are loaded with unwanted sound. Rather unhealthy or sometimes the ones that can scare us showing us something extremely unpleasant about it.

Leaving all that unnecessary thoughts aside, I only get anxious worrying what if one of those fun firecracker gets me disabled, I get a stroke or some kind of a problem. I called up police who seemed helpless as they noted that even those loud, noisy firecrackers are within the approved decibel limit. I asked does that also mean it is not harmful to me? The guy who went on with that explanation was surprised at that question. He said I won't say that but we can't say it's illegal. So somehow in a time when whatever comes to mind or whatever is fun is called culture I also got a dose of what is or can be legal.

I am sure whatever rushes blood through your veins, what you can't stop voluntarily is a bad thing. Not a culture. So I missed those silent, but lit up Deepavali days of my childhood.

God save India from the people who think that's culture or fun is what festival is about. In a time of extra ordinary technological evolution and equally appaling threats, this country being so weird and going on happily adopting a lot of things which are no where close to normal human celebration amuses me.

I found the police and the emergency operators very helpful and understanding, though one of the three police officers (including a lady) who arrived was amused why am I even complaining. But two others and also eventually when I explained my problem they were understanding.

So what's the best way a country evolves? God knows. Nature knows.