honeybee-0

[honeybee-0]

grown f*cking man

TW: s*xual assault, r*pe.

Hi. 2.5 years after being sexually assaulted multiple times by the same man & now 17 days away from my wedding to my best friend, I am finally allowing myself to process my trauma. God does trauma just pick the worst timing.

This is something I am terrified to talk about out loud very much. Not bc I don't think people will believe me (thankfully), but because the reaction I feel in my own body when I talk about it is just more than I can handle at the moment.

I just need to post somewhere that feels safe & semi-anonymous. Anyway, here's a poem I wrote. It's ok if no one reads this. I just need to scream into the void for a while.

Though, if you're reading this & know me irl.... it was a guy B who graduated our high school in 2012 & had a sister M who graduated with me in 2014... I am not afraid to drop names in DMs.

Went to the doctor the other day

For a pain I couldn’t explain

All that I knew

Is it felt like a fist

Was squeezing my insides

Til they split in two

She said maybe it’s this

Maybe it’s that

You could see this specialist

To rule out some disease, 

But we didn’t know

That in fact.

It was just you.

You & what you chose to do

To me & my body

I never knew you could be this cruel.

My therapist sat with me in shock.

Helped me breath through the pain

I thought my heart would stop

She told me you should be in jail

When I finally said the words out loud.

I shook in fear

When she asked me to picture

How I’d feel if I saw you in a crowd.

I thought you knew better 

You’re a grown fucking man

Thought your heart was soft

But instead you kept going 

til I finally got the guts to push you off.

You made me hate a part of myself that I held so close.

You made my life a living hell.

You should be in a prison cell.

I don’t know why, but I still wish you well…

My boyfriend hates you

My mom fucking hates you

My dad fucking hates you

My friends fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

So why does it make me feel guilty?

I thought you knew better 

You’re a grown fucking man

Oh god, do I hate you

You & what you chose to do

As soon as I was alone with you

I swear to God I’ll fucking sue

You’ll always be that person who

Tore my body into two

You 

perverted 

selfish 

disgusting 

scum

Ripped me to shreds 

just so you could cum

You nasty motherfucker

I thought you’d be a lover

Not a devil undercover

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

.....

No thanks to you, 

I’m healing. 

No thanks to you,

I’ll be ok.

I wrote you a letter

Putting this shit on blast

Unsure if I’ll send it

But it gave me release that will last.

At the end of the day

All I really have to say

Is I hope you never experience this kind of pain.

And also.

My boyfriend hates you

My mom fucking hates you

My dad fucking hates you

My friends fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

I fucking hate you

Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

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Gotta say, BG3 really knocked it out of the park on murderous, evil, bastards with the biggest, wettest, saddest, eyes

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"pasta only fills you up with empty calories" have you considered that it also fills me with love

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eveeyones got it wrong your mid 20s arent for going to the club or partying or picking up new crafts. your 20s are for discovering how much more autistic you are than you thought you were in high school

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as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

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as a lesbian my shameful crush is tom cruise. i think it's mostly a competency thing tbh. and i think he'd be a calming presence during a crisis

Tom Cruise? Calming? You think Tom Cruise would be calming? A calming presence? Tom Cruise? Competency? You think Tom Cruise is competent? Tom? Tom Cruise? Calming? During a crisis? Calming? Tom Cruise? A calming? Presence? Tom Cruise? You think during a crisis Tom Cruise would calm you down? Tom? Tom Cruise?

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Demonstrators and artists have taken the steps of the met museum unfurling an ENORMOUS (30 x 50 foot) quilt created by artists around the world in solidarity with Palestine.

The quilt was collectively created by 64 artists from around the world and shipped to New York City.

They're demanding the met museum:

(1) cut ties with board members profiting from Israeli bombardment + occupation of Palestine

(2) support an immediate + permanent ceasefire

(3) aid the preservation of Palestinian cultural heritage sites being destroyed by Israel

In addition to the quilt, demonstrators reclaimed and redistributed Met flyers, stickered with movement messaging and demands.

cred

source

[honeybee-0]

I can't stop thinking about this "gently used" banana holder listing on my local facebook marketplace

😸