holysadwetcatbatman

[holysadwetcatbatman]

i know there are infinite funny ways people travel in the DC universe but i'm incoherent with laughter every time someone's hauled around in superman's cape like a sack ESPECIALLY when it's batman because you get to see. his little ears.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

There is a debate between people of Gotham and Blüdhaven. Both claim Nightwing is THEIR hero and will fight anyone who says otherwise.

A sign war starts between restaurants in both cities. Gotham tried to put up a Nightwing statue and it was stolen and set up in Blüdhaven within a day. When new people move to Blüdhaven, they get asked where Nightwing is from and if they don’t answer correctly they are shunned.

The Justice league sponsors a bunch of shelters across the country. When one is opened in Blüdhaven Nightwing is at the opening in costume. The people of Blüdhaven take this as proof he belongs to their city. When he is also at the Gotham opening the Gothamites think they have won. Someone is live streaming under the name “SuckitBlüdWingisOurs”.

A News reporter ask Nightwing where he is from Gotham or Blüdhaven. Nightwing responds “Neither. I’m an immigrant. Came to Gotham when I was a kid. Stayed here for a few years then moved to Blüdhaven. Both are my home.”

Somehow both places take this as proof they were right. It is the twitter fight of the day.

“He left as soon as he could 😂”

“Its okay Wing, we adopted you, you never have to go back to THAT place again”

“Nightwing might play hero in Blüdhaven, but his home will always be here”

“You can take the boy out of Gotham but you can’t take the Gotham out of the boy.”

#AdoptNightwing is the number one tag of the day.

Even other cities get in on it.

Iris West Tweet “Central City would like to put our hat into the ring. Nightwing, please let us adopt you. We will treat you so much better”

Lois from the daily planet replies “Can we co-parent”

Oliver Queen adds “Starling would love to have him for holidays”

Eventually it gets so big that Bruce holds a press conference holding up adoption papers asking Nightwing to meet him to make it official.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Batfam + References to being family (Part 21)

Part 20

In Detective Comics #982, after Duke survives an explosion, but the one he was trying to save dies, Bruce comforts him: “Steady, son… You’re going to be all right.”

In Batman and Robin Eternal #10, Azeael calls Tim and Jason “two brothers in red”.

In the same issue, Jason calls Tim “kid”.

Truth and Justice #18 features Ra’s offering Damian immortality. Babs tells Damian they are all his family and Bruce supports him.

In Batman & Robin Eternal #2, Dick refers to Tim and Jason as “two men I know like brothers”.

In Batman & Robin Eternal #16, Jason says in a message to Dick: “We started as an army. We chose to be a family.”

Duke refers to Cass as “sis” in Batman and the Outsiders #11:

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Bruce “is not an obsessed helicopter dad” Wayne’s Google history

I plan on doing it for the rest of the batfam later

Yesterday 11:06 PM

Batman and his sidekicks

Batman and his sidekicks cute

Bruce Wayne and family adorable

Bruce Wayne and his butler

Young Bruce Wayne and his butler

Damian Wayne, rare leaked smiling pics

How to tell family you love them but still seem cool and unemotional

Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon break up

Who is Dick Grayson dating now

Who is Barbara Gordon dating now

Can I sue people for dating my children

Tips to frame someone for murder

Today 9:47 AM

How to raise an emo zombie son

How to raise a murderous assasin son

Is coffee dangerous for health

Stopping child from drinking too much

Stopping child from drinking too much coffee

How to sue all coffee

How to sue all coffee if you are Bruce Wayne

Today 2:54 PM

Is dab a new type of drug

Is memes a new type of drug

What is a meme

Why are memes funny

Why does my child keep saying same whenever they see a trash can or a fallen object

Guide for teaching child that they are wonderful and not trash or a fallen object

Ballet

Everything you need to know about ballet

Best ballet teachers in Gotham

Best ballet teachers in world

Today 11:22 PM

Superman dumb

Superman looking like an idiot

Reasons why Batman is 100000000x better than superman

[holysadwetcatbatman]

why is he so sassy here

Batman: Shaman #4

[holysadwetcatbatman]

what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

[holysadwetcatbatman]

So You Want To Read Batman Comics But Have No Idea Where To Start

So: you’re new to the DC Comics fandom and are interested in Batman and his family. Maybe you already know a bit about them and are just looking to figure out where to start reading actual comics. Maybe you know nothing. Maybe you know a whole lot about one character but want to start reading more about another one.

Whichever it is, I’m here to help! There’s a wide range of Batman/Batfamily comics (for all ages, moods, and types of people), and I’m happy to meet people where they are and help people dive into comics. On that note, brace yourselves, because this is going to be a long post. Recs start under the cut.

—IMPORTANT NOTES ABOUT READING COMICS—

Superhero comics are traditionally written in what’s known as runs; an author gets to have an extended period on an ongoing (or limited) title where they (traditionally) write in 4-8 issue story arcs; think of these arcs as chapters in a potentially never-ending book. These individual issues are colloquially known as floppies. So when I talk about “Tom Taylor’s run” on the Nightwing title, for example, I’m talking about the main author on the Nightwing title from March 2021-September 2024 (Nightwing (2016) #78-118). Every so often, titles end, the principal author on the titles switch up, or they’ll have “guest/interim authors” come in to do single issues or a single story arc.

These story arcs are then collected in hardcovers or ‘trade paperbacks’ (generally referred to as trades, occasionally TPBs); both collect the entire story arc (plus bonus/behind the scenes material, in some cases) in a single paperback/hardback book. Trades are super useful if you want to read an entire story at one time, want to be economical about your comics spending, and/or want to read things in order. Occasionally, if a writer has a particularly long run on a title or a big company event happens, you get published omnibuses that collect an entire event or run (or part of it, if the event is big enough); omnis are very expensive up-front, but ultimately they tend to be good deals and are often curated well. These collections are all generally also released digitally. Frankly, unless you’re into comics collecting, want individual issues for their pretty covers, or are supporting a currently ongoing run, I would default to buying trades/omnibuses where possible. It’s simply cheaper and easier for reading.

List Notes: Each character list is sorted vaguely chronologically according to a combination of IRL publication dates and the character’s personal timeline. Big caveat that these are not all-inclusive reading lists nor are the inclusions inherently indicators of quality; I’m just trying to hit major character highlights. You should also note that many comics contain multiple Batfam members due to the ridiculous number of crossover events and the solid integration of the Batfamily as a whole into each others’ books in the post-90s era. Comic rec tl;drs are given at the end of each character’s list. Most of the links will take you to Amazon/Comixology, but I also talk about various ways to access and read comics at the bottom of this post.

Secondary Note: DC Comics works in three universes: the pre-Crisis universe (everything published from the beginning of DC Comics until the Crisis on Infinite Earths event in 1986), the post-Crisis universe (everything published between 1986 and 2011), and the post-Flashpoint universe (2011-now). 

In 2011, DC completely rebooted their universe following the ‘Flashpoint’ event. This new universe (interchangably called the New 52 universe, post-Flashpoint universe, or Prime Earth) drastically changed many characters’ histories, personalities, and relationships with each other (sometimes for the better, most of the time for the worse). The early years of the post-Flashpoint universe are an absolute incoherent mess continuity-wise; DC’s been trying to sort it all out over the past few years with the Rebirth and Infinite Frontier events (with varying degrees of success), and there are definitely some bright bits and pieces, but it is not my favored universe (though I will certainly recommend it where needed or when it’s good). 

Now: let’s get started, shall we? Lists below the cut (please click here to view the most updated version of this post on desktop via my blog instead of on mobile/the dashboard, for easy readability and formatting purposes):

Keep reading

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Hello everyone! We've noted that in the past few weeks there's been some issues with the reading list, as Tumblr seems to still not support pages on mobile (😔), so we decided to put the reading list in a carrd as well, in case that's more helpful. If there's any broken links or if it's hard to read, please let us know and we will change font, sizes, and more so everyone can use it ^_^

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Incorrect batman quotes.

[In which Puimoo is avoiding writing because writing is hard (boo), and so she is just being stupid instead]

Jason: Heard you went to the circus on the weekend, Dick.  I bet you had a great time.  You must have just loved the clowns – they’re so fucking hilarious, right? You know, the way they juggle and make jokes and killed your younger brother.  Absolute riot.

Dick: How’s the whole crime boss thing going for you, Jason?  Killed any acrobats, recently?  Maybe left their child alive purely by accident, forever traumatised and at the whims of an emotionally crippled billionaire?

Bruce: …

Bruce: Actually, I was only a millionaire at the time.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Diana: *showing up to the Justice League meeting with her next updated costume*

Bruce, under his breath to Clark: Women, right? “Oh this is a nice costume. I’ll take one of every colour.” Pfft.

Later, at the Manor:

Alfred, dubiously: You already have enough trouble keeping up with Master Dick, and you’re thinking about adopting another?

Bruce, browsing the orphan catalogue: He’s a good sidekick, Alfred. I’ll take a bunch - all in the approved colour scheme, but slightly different sizes.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Tim: Oops, sorry, I forgot to be a human being. Dick: I...don't think that's something you can forget. Tim: Hypocrite. Dick: I didn't forget, I just decided that physical and mental limitations actually don't exist for me. Tim: Right, sorry. I forgot to pretend to be a human being.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

"I love you, shark bait", said Batman.

Bruce calling anyone "chum" as a term of endearment always feels wrong because that word, to me, has almost exclusively meant "bloody meat you throw in the water to attract or distract sharks". So every time I read him calling his kids that, there is a split second, before I mentally correct myself, that it reads like this:

Batman tugged Robin into a hug. "It's okay, cannon fodder. I've got you." or Bruce frowned at Tim. "When's the last time you slept, meat shield?" or Damian scowled. "Hn," said Batman. Then after a moment, "There's always tomorrow, bait." But I do know what it actually means so I mentally course correct and it's fine. xD This isn't a complaint, really. I just think it's funny. I don't think I've ever read 'chum' as an endearment anywhere else, so I'm curious how widespread this is in the comics, or if it's a fanon only thing, or if it's from a particular show? Is this a regional use of the word chum? Am I just the only one who primarily thinks of chum as shark food??

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Bruce: Jason, we need to talk. Jason: I know. You're not mad. You're just disappointed. Bruce: I'm actually both mad and disappointed. Jason: What? You can't be both! You are either Mad Dad or Sad Dad… Pick a lane.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

I can’t help thinking that this is so Dick and Jason when they’re older.

Possibly Dick and Bruce when he quits being Robin.

Or Jason and Bruce after the whole murder thing.

Really, it’s a diverse song for the Batfam. But so funny to me to imagine them power ballading each other.

[holysadwetcatbatman]

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Steph: Do you or do you not feel Bonita? Bruce: *wearing a sparkly purple suit* Bruce, deadpan: I feel bonita. Steph: Wonderful, because you look bonita!

[holysadwetcatbatman]

Bruce: *eating a burger with a fork and knife*

Tim: Wow, that’s weird. Glad I eat like a normal person.

Tim: *proceeds to eat a donut with a fork and knife*