hluyen

[hluyen]

"Trong màn đêm đen

Khi cơn mưa lạnh kia

Đang xối đầu đường

Sẽ có những ngày đầu của em

Cần tìm một nơi ngả

Ngày mà những âu lo

Cuộc đời này vùi dập em tơi tả

Em rơi

Ngã vào trong những lo toan

Phổi em không có thuốc

Nhưng bởi vì bị chèn ép mà ho khan

Nhạc của anh em nên nghe vào đêm

Và khi mà em đang cuộn mình lại

Trong chiếc chăn mềm

Và khi mà em không biết mình

Nên vui hay buồn bã

Và khi mà em không khóc

Nhưng nước mắt cứ tuôn ra

Khóc đi, cười đi

Tuôn ra đi cho hết một lần

Không còn cảm xúc

Nghĩa là em đang chết một phần

Đâu cần chèn lòng mình lại

Muốn trở thành một Hoa Mộc Lan?

Nếu đời không cho em là hoa hồng

Thì em hãy cứ vui làm đời hoa mộc lan"

[hluyen]

[hluyen]

, things I hope I could tell you

My teacher stumbled upon a word and decided to teach about it in school. "Jeong" she said, "is the most difficult concept of love that I had to explain. It's directed to all living things as well as non-living creatures. It's unselfish, you cannot calculate its worth because it's not rational. You cannot expect something in return."I thought it was always the pain we were getting over— the pain that comes from an absence, from a tremendous need for seeing their face, the pain that has always been there and will always be there like stars in the night. My first letter to my Mother is still in her cupboard. Sometimes, my hands reach the cellphone and I almost type 'I miss you'. But I told her the last time that I was going to be dead to her and it has been five years since I have heard her voice. Sometimes, she comes in my dreams and sings a beautiful lullaby and sometimes, she apologizes for breaking my heart. But the truth is that I'd take her back even without her apologies because since I have left her, I have been hungry constantly. I eat a lot but nothing fills me anymore. I search the symptoms for a disease sometimes, and other times, I search for warmth. My best friend was a guy I'd tag in every video, every meme I ever liked. He would call me and laugh and we'd talk about it all. We would exchange an inside joke without even saying anything to each other, and he'd look at me and I'd know what he's thinking about. There are times when you become so close to people that you are almost transparent to them. They see you and you know that you are known. He'd listen to me even when he looked as exhausted as a zombie. I'd tell him to sleep but he would follow me and tell me that it's okay to let it out. And I would never do that, but he would still always sit in silence waiting for me to burst in tears. When he left, he told me that it's nice to be needed and he never felt that with me. I wish I told him that his face was the only reason why I never cried. It was because I could never bear to see him looking helpless. What gave me strength was his smile. I could cry on my own, but I can't smile and be okay. That's something I needed him for. I should have told him that people love you in ways that you are incapable of understanding at times, and I think that's why they say that to be understood is even a better feeling than to be loved. "You help an old lady whether you know her or not, and a restaurant owner never puts pea in your food because they know how much you dislike it. You don't even have to ask, but your landlady prepares dinner for you on Sundays and asks you about your school like a parent. Your cousin cried when they had to leave your home after you've been together all summer, and you saw a person and you immediately wanted to know them and be their friend, and a woman loves her ex-husband even when they are divorced because there's some love that stays. It may not be romantic, but they are tied together even if they hate each other because there's jeong."It's weird to think that I have spent my birthdays with people I don't see anymore, and there are people whom I knew better than anyone in their life but I don't know anything about them anymore. My sister says I swear the way my ex did and I always seem to laugh when I think about him. I swear in my mind and hear his voice. I think I loved him so much that he still exists in every nook and corner of my very heart. I think we can never completely lose anyone, because when we love we decide to carry a part of them with us always. Whether we want it or not."And then there's miun jeong which is basically how friends miss each other even when they let go of each other. Sometimes, it's a feeling about someone or something when you've spent a long time together. I think you have a certain softness, some kind of warmth for people even when you lose them. That's jeong," he concluded. And I realized how much I remember being loved by people and loving them. I realized that I almost forgot everything else about them, but I can't forget their little things because at that moment, I loved them so much that I wanted to remember everything everything even when it was hurting, even when it ached. Maybe, I have got it all wrong. Maybe, we weren't getting over the pain after all.Maybe, what we are getting over is love....—

Rae Pathak

, things I hope I could tell you

[hluyen]

[hluyen]

Everyday.

[hluyen]

Thật ra, em vẫn rất đau lòng.

[hluyen]

[hluyen]

Nói chung là những tin nhắn dễ thương nhất trong cuộc đời một đứa thô lỗ và cục súc như tôi có thể soạn được, đã gửi hết cho c.

Mỗi mình c.

Đương nhiên rùi, với tôi, c. mãi mãi là favorite.

(Và đương nhiên rùi, nếu mãi mãi không là một lời nói dối thì mãi mãi là mãi)

Tôi không thích nói dối đâu.

[hluyen]

[hluyen]

[hluyen]

29 Dec 2019

she.

[hluyen]

Dear favorite human being,

I'm gonna chill the celebration, alone tonight.

[hluyen]

bữa nay bạn bè gửi cho thông tin của Tenren. mình cũng hơi bất ngờ là trong mắt mọi người mình thích Tenren nhiều vậy hả. thật ra Tenren không phải favorite của mình. Tenren là favorite của bản. bản là favorite của mình.

[hluyen]

thì thôi em đi vội vàng

rồi ngoài kia nắng vẫn nhẹ nhàng

ngày đông đến ngang trời

một mình anh ôm mãi kí ức nhạt nhòa

đến đây đành thôi vấn vương

đến đây thì đành thôi nhớ thương

giật mình mất em rồi

tiếng yêu kia đành thôi

[hluyen]

if nothing lasts forever.

if nothing lasts forever

let me be your nothing.

[hluyen]