history-is-biased

[history-is-biased]

Snowflake feelings

To put this out front, I feel like a "special snowflake (derogatory)" for feeling this way. In a first-world problem, "woe is me" (derogatory), type way. I feel like my political opinions are too fuzzy grayscale to express to my friends. My opinions are fuzzy because they are not shored up by concrete facts and know-how. At least from my perspective. For example, take the current situation:

There was an encampment on my university campus, which in name at least, was pro the nation killing the least people. Both sides' governments' have killed the other sides' civilians and soldiers, but one nation has committed civilian genocide at 10 to 20 times the other nation in response to the initial attack. On my campus, the pro-one-nation protestors were attacked by counter-protestors and the police. The attack was horrific and an affront to free speech and one's right to be safe at home.

I don't support any sides in this struggle. From where I stand, it's a black-and-white way of things to say it was either the nation's government or its people who are responsible for the violence. As in, "Russia is abhorrent" vs "Putin is abhorrent, the civilians are innocent." Don't the civilians of the nation that--in name--committed the violence have an opinion? Maybe even a layered opinion? Did some of them want this? Did most not? Or is it flipped? Or even half-and-half?

Enough graduate students on my campus want to hold a strike that a vote is being held on whether to go on strike, citing ULPs the university has committed. Some of the ULPs I agree with. Others I don't. I don't think I'll strike even if the vote goes through. I can't talk to anyone though.

My opinions are:

I don't have a side, except for everyone to stop killing people and to let the civilians have agency over their own homes. Leave the soldiers and politicking out of this.

The encampment should have stood. They should not have been attacked for protesting genocide.

No, I don't think the all the ULPs (as charged) are sufficient to justify a strike under our current graduate workers' contract. And it's the ones I don't agree with that are driving everyone.

My friend has opinions. Let's call them M. I don't know M's opinions on everything on the events as of late, but I know some of them. And my opinions are not theirs.

One that has not just come up under current circumstances is "police are pigs." Pigs. Not people. Pigs. Inhuman.

I recoil whenever a "police are pigs" joke is made. It dehumanizes them. The police might not be good people in the States. They might have a culture of racial discrimination and white superiority and be upholders of an unjust system. But they're people.

I want to scream.

"Eat the rich," they say.

"Like cattle?" I think. "Like pigs?"

I don't like the people they talk about, but I cannot tear my eyes away from the very real human face on their visage. And I weep. I cannot hold allyship with a side that dehumanizes people. Any people. Good or bad or angelic or evil or so murky in shades of gray that they are but a ghost. I don't care. Everyone in the damned war and this damned encampment and those that attacked them and those that are protesting the attack are human. They're people. FUCKING STOP ACTING LIKE ANY OF THEM AREN'T.

[history-is-biased]

Hair braiding is hard

Today I decided I really wanted to do a partial front row braid for my hairstyle today. I've been practicing doing french braids and various overhand braids but they've all been practice and quickly undone right after. Because they've all been hideous. Today I made the effort to do one I wasn't ashamed to be seen in public in. ...it's still a bit, ergh, the bad side of decent for anything resembling a french braid. But I committed (it took me an hour and a half), so I'm wearing it to work today where I have research meetings and lots of people who will see me in public.

[history-is-biased]

Mundane things

It's Thursday. I'm a third year astrophysics graduate student. I am GSRing this term. (For my future self's reference, "GSRing" is the act of working as a graduate student researcher for a quarter. As opposed to "TAing," which is working as a Teacher's Assistant.) I ran out of coffee yesterday. (Oh woe was me!) Instead, I made earl grey tea and added cream and sugar to it. It was good. There's weather in the City today. (Future me: you know which city.) It shouldn't be gloomy on a random day in May, but it here are the clouds. Overcast. Hopefully it will burn off as the day goes on. I remember eight years ago when I first moved to this city. I didn't see clouds for months. Surprisingly the real heat isn't June or July: it's September. In other regions of the States, September would mean golden and red leaves and way too many whirligigs on the sidewalk. Somehow I wound up on at the University. (Future me: you know the one.) And on this campus, we don't have whirligigs. We have figs. Figs that fall and are crushed underfoot and leave a sticky mess on the concrete. The maintenance staff only scrape this unintentional fruit jerky off with shovels about once a week during the dropping season. God help whatever soul walks on the fig-sidewalk-jerky after the sprinklers go off. I've never seen a more surprising slide-and-slide.

[history-is-biased]

About the current police presence on campus

Two weeks ago, there existed on my college campus an anti-war protest encampment against a particular overseas conflict. They were peaceful. They shouted. They were inconvenient. But that was all. No fights, no threats, just people asking other people to stop killing civilians. One week ago, counter-protesters (counter-counter-war protestors?) attacked them in the night. A four hour siege from 10 pm to 2 am, or so I'm told. Punches and mace and fireworks. When people called the police for help, the police chose not to answer. For four hours, they stood by. Then, the police came in and forcefully disbanded the counter-war protestors. Attacked them. Ripped apart the encampment. With flashbangs and tear gas and tasers and bodily force. Both counter-protestors and the police assaulted peaceful anti-war protestors. The anti-war were the victims of the assault. But they were the only ones arrested. Now, today, campus is lifeless. All classes have been moved online for the week. There are scattered other graduate students around. There are more police and "security personnel" around then students and faculty and staff. I don't like this.

[history-is-biased]

Journaling

First post, first entry: I'm feeling dramatic. Every time in the past wherein I have attempted to chronicle my life in some kind of consistent manner, it has failed. Or maybe failure isn't how I should describe it. "Fleeting" may be a better word. In the times where I put pen to paper, I did in fact create entries. Whether another entry anytime sooner than a year was also created is another matter entirely. So, perhaps a blog will help. We shall see.