himbeereule

[himbeereule]

sorry i woke up in my rantsona. but like seriously isn't it fucking twisted that every child in almost every country are basically legal property of their parents. like their parents have complete control over where they can go, who they can talk to, which words out of their mouth are truth or lies; they're allowed, encouraged even, to be the sole interface by which the child connects to everything else in this world. like isnt that extraordinary. like how is it a mystery to anyone that children are constantly dying under parental abuse or growing up into utterly dysfunctional traumatised adults. why are we talking about these nebulous narratives of "the unstoppable and nuanced cycle of abuse" instead of looking straight at the reality we've built specifically for this purpose

[himbeereule]

those funny little side effects went on for about three weeks, after that was one week of intense depression, and then it worked sort of fine for a while - still constant horrible nightmares, but stable sleep and no side effects. Except it eventually worked less and less and a week ago I had to stop taking it altogether - it barely worked anymore, and my psychiatrist decided not to try any other meds either since she's convinced I'll react even worse to them.

Which means I'm now stuck with waking up 2-3 times per night again from all the horrible dreams, which I can't really compensate with after-work naps anymore... maybe I'm just paranoid (well, I am, but usually not in this way), but I feel like my psychiatrist is intentionally withholding any meds that could help now, in order to let my sleep situation finally force me into extended therapy (which I can't do for various reasons). Like, she spent years trying to talk me into SSRIs, and now she suddenly tells me meds "just don't work on people like me"? s u s

Once again sorry for going off-topic, but this blog has always been 50/50 between traumadumping and devlogs, so hopefully you're used to it by now.

Anyway, fingers crossed that I get my projects done/the other project demos out before I finally go full insane or off myself c:

I'm really trying hard

my psychiatrist finally talked me into trying antidepressants (trazodone, my sleep issues/constant nightmares finally broke me) - tried it for the first time yesterday, and it was absolutely horrible. same feeling as sleep paralysis, vision problems, and I still had mild (but extremely stressful) nightmares in the end. plus, I feel like a zombie today. good times.

don't know where I'm going with this, apart from making excuses why updates for my projects are so slow ;_; sorry

[himbeereule]

Sorry ;_;

may you find solace in the fact that I suffer greatly from every day I don't post an actual update (especially since the Орлёнок finished prologue and the full release of @perceptron-failure-if have been so close to completion for months now)

the core issue is that, in order to be able to write, I need to be just miserable enough to be inspired, but not miserable enough to be paralyzed; and I've been very much swinging to the latter for quite a while now. like, I don't mean to whine, but I'm constantly veering dangerously close to a forced grippy sock vacation, and still have to try to somehow stay alive, keep my job etc., which is really hard

(fun fact: I've even lost my voice at this point because I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks)

[himbeereule]

Another small update :(

I have been really sick the last weeks, but you can finally choose your first name!

https://dashingdon.com/go/16963

[himbeereule]

I've never actually seen a maid in real life, but based on the way people post about them here, I gather that they're basically like a praetorian guard with cuter outfits and a better weapons load-out.

[himbeereule]

they are back

[himbeereule]

Mostly working on Project Four at the moment.

MC is such a precious little cookie, working hard on getting relationship advice ;_;

(slight spoilers I guess)

[himbeereule]

I was finally able to sit up without getting dizzy yesterday evening and directly wrote for a few hours (for a non-IF project though... sowwy)

Anyway, progress is progress. Now here's hoping that running out of SSRIs yesterday and not being able to get new ones until November 7th won't mess me up too bad :')

Good news: I got two weeks of vacation! So theoretically, I can write a lot!

Bad news: I got pneumonia on the very first day of vacation and have to take antibiotics. So practically, I can't do anything beyond lying around and coughing.

But I should be fine by next week and will definitely put quite some hours into writing then (I'm home alone anyway and will get very depressed if I don't have anything to do)

[himbeereule]

Good news: I got two weeks of vacation! So theoretically, I can write a lot!

Bad news: I got pneumonia on the very first day of vacation and have to take antibiotics. So practically, I can't do anything beyond lying around and coughing.

But I should be fine by next week and will definitely put quite some hours into writing then (I'm home alone anyway and will get very depressed if I don't have anything to do)

[himbeereule]

btw, if you need help with or have questions about coding, feel free to message me!

(doesn't matter if ChoiceScript, Twine or whatever, I'll either already know my stuff or quickly get into it)

I'm always happy to help, and it's a win-win because helping people gives me a lot of motivation to continue with my own project.

(also, I promise that I'm a) competent and b) wouldn't even dream of stealing your ideas)

[himbeereule]

Hi, how many chapters do you have planned for your game?

Hi There will be six chapters in total, one for each region you visit plus a special one in the middle.

[himbeereule]

Hello! I'm absolutely so excited about this story you have written. Like yassss strategy, dress up gameeee. Speaking of fashion I was wondering what are the enemy soldiers rocking for the most part?

Hi!

There's a lot of variety in that - there are "militia-y" factions using random thrown together stuff, ones modeled after certain White divisions, one modeled after the Kwantung Army, and there is a not necessarily enemy faction using Czechoslovak Legion uniforms.

[himbeereule]

Hey everyone.

Life is bad and my head is full of network topology, but I'm still working on this project, and actively so.

The goal is to finish the prologue before the end of the year (meaning: scenes for all ROs and MC's siblings will be added).

[himbeereule]

Whenever Americans use Cryillic like. That. I just. Instantly shrivel up an cry

[himbeereule]

guess who got a really bad cold on the day before the exam :)

apologies for the long silence, it will continue for a while longer

i am very much not well both mentally and physically, and i have the first part of my final exams in 7 days, so...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[himbeereule]

It's even hardcover!

This years writing competition (ignore my damn name), and I dont have high hopes of winning this (just one example, there is a typo in the autobiography which I now cant change, how fun!).

However I have one chance at earning a spot among the finalists: selling a few hundred copies.

And thanks to @capcavan I will so win the cover points!

I tried to cram as much story in there as I could (they have very strict amounts of letters and sadly spaces count as well so I had to decide on what to focus), if you enjoy urban fantasy and Angst with a... hopeful ending you might want to give it a chance!

Now, is it as good as my WIPs? I will be honest, probably not, I didnt have enough space to dive into anything really deep. Still, I enjoyed intervining parts of all my games and quite like the results!

[himbeereule]

This years writing competition (ignore my damn name), and I dont have high hopes of winning this (just one example, there is a typo in the autobiography which I now cant change, how fun!).

However I have one chance at earning a spot among the finalists: selling a few hundred copies.

And thanks to @capcavan I will so win the cover points!

I tried to cram as much story in there as I could (they have very strict amounts of letters and sadly spaces count as well so I had to decide on what to focus), if you enjoy urban fantasy and Angst with a... hopeful ending you might want to give it a chance!

Now, is it as good as my WIPs? I will be honest, probably not, I didnt have enough space to dive into anything really deep. Still, I enjoyed intervining parts of all my games and quite like the results!