high--functioning-timelord

[high--functioning-timelord]

(via majtague)

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*gets penalty* “that’s bullshit” *watches replay* “.. yeah okay”

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man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

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“When I imagined kissing you, I pictured a full body reaction. Tingling, languid movement, a sudden jerking motion. But when in actuality, it was the exact opposite. Numbness.”

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😈😻🌹 #tattoo #rose

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100-200 years ago, people ate organic unprocessed food and didn’t have vaccines and lived to the ripe old age of died in childbirth

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#cats eat better than me 😻🐟

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This is my favorite picture

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So this lady came in this morning and walked up to the front desk to greet us before gasping loudly and saying “I forgot my dog”

She forgot to bring her dog with her

To the vet

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this show is real

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#justpark #actually22 #uknow #dontwannabragbut

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When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage

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the malayali-indian version of siri beat boxing 

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i would trust captain ron with my life

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Let it pour from the heavens, that hot dark rain! Bathe me in red! I will drink the wine of their sacrifice!

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me: *impulsively tells someone a fucked up thing about myself*

them: that doesn't sound healthy

me: yeah lol

me: *thinks about what i told them for 5 hours*

me: why the fuck