heyzheeer

[heyzheeer]

I cant sleep. I also don’t want to go to sleep yet.

Because the moment I start to pray tears just come down on their own and I cant stop.

[heyzheeer]

Atleast im gonna be prepared if that happens lol

[heyzheeer]

I don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts, it is so dangerous and scary

[heyzheeer]

Atm Im hating myself for creating a mess just because I didn’t get the attention I wanted from him which didn’t make me feel good and we ended up fighting. But I’m also proud of it because I am creating my boundaries and telling him that I did’t appreciate his behavior and it made me mad.

But he made me feel like sumosobra na ako, which made me feel worse. So what did I do? Hindi ko sya pinansin the whole time and was cold to him. That was my response. I know I should have been more understanding and I also tried to talk with him about that but it made it worse.

I wanted him to know that what he did and said was not acceptable. I know what I deserve. And I get what I deserve.

If a man isn’t able to do that, ain’t my problem. If a man thinks it’s too much, ain’t my problem. If a man can’t make a way, ain’t my problem.

I don’t lower my standards for just someone that thinks na “sumosobra” na ako.

Now he thinks that not talking to me would make me run to him. He thinks that doing what I’m doing to him would make me feel bad and think about my actions. Honey, you’re sabotaging yourself.

That pulls me AWAY from you.

Let’s make it clear; the more you don’t talk to me or you don’t have the urge to make up with me, the more I feel like you don’t care. When I feel that you don’t care, it’s fine. That shows me how much this relationship means to you. And if it doesn’t mean as it does for me then, okay.

It’s not my loss. I would cry for a while.

Not crying for you, duh.

I would cry because I let myself be so dependent and so vulnerable, again. But then when I’ll finish crying all I’m gonna do is wear my best smile and go on with my life, without turning back.

Honestly I sometimes feel like I should just be the rich and single one of the family just because I’m “too much” for a man and I don’t like making a man feel like he is forced to make me feel good.

That’s why it’s best that I make myself feel good nalang, right? I can do that on my own.

Stop with the overthinking, self. Matulog ka na.

[heyzheeer]

Please Lord, teach me how to be strong.