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Missouri is hell

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You know what, since I'm thinking about it anyways, let's talk formalwear accessories. Most of these are traditionally menswear but a bit of gender fuckery is good for the soul, and frankly most of these are about making your mass-produced clothing fit and lay properly without having to go to the tailor.

Shirt stays: these go around your thighs to hold your shirt down, so that it stays smooth and tucked in. They're usually elastic, with 1-3 clips, and if you wear skirts frequently this is a GREAT way to make sure your top doesn't ride up. The clips will be visible if you're wearing something tight, so loose pants or skirts are where these do best. There's also an insane version that clips to your socks, but that is for lunatics. If you wanted, you could also use one of these clips to hold up thigh-highs.

These do a great job of smoothing and narrowing the waist area by keeping your shirt from bunching there.

Sleeve garters: usually metal, leather, elastic, or silk. These are usually worn with button-down shirts to adjust where your cuff falls on the wrist or hand. They're properly worn on the upper arm, and you pull the fabric of the sleeve above the garter until you cuff is where you want it. Because this creates a puff of sleeve at the bicep, it also broadens the appearance of the shoulders. It's great if you're working with your hands or if your sleeves are often too long for your preference.

Waistband clip or belt adjustment clip/buttons

Three different ways of tightening the waistband of a pair of pants or a skirt. You're not going to get more than an inch or so tighter without weird bunching, and for most of these you'd want them to be hidden under a shirt or jacket, but they do the job if that's something you're having issues with.

Collar pins: There are so many fun ones out there, both with and without chains. They're not terribly practical, though the slight weight may help keep your collar where you want it. Also consider collar tips, which pin (surprise) to the very tips of your collar points.

Sweater clips/guards: meant to hold your sweater or cardigan mostly closed. Great if your cardigan doesn't button, or if you don't like it to be buttoned all the way.

There's tons of other stuff out there like this--etsy is a great place to find this stuff. A lot of these are old solutions to the very modern problem of mass-maufactured clothes not being as one-size-fits-all as advertised, but they're also a fun way to put a bit of personality into businesswear.

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IMPORTANT ADVICE FOR NEWLY OUT TRANS GIRLS

If anybody tries to isolate you, cut you off from other friends, or convince you that they are the only person you can trust or who can be capable of loving you, run extremely far away in the other direction

While transition is a process that takes place over time, it is so important that you love yourself for who you are in the present. You are lovable now; there's only harm in believing otherwise or deferring your happiness until you feel like you've "earned" it

You can perform a double jump to reach high places by pressing the jump button while in the air

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Remaking this post since I’m pretty sure it got deleted, and a lot of people found it very helpful. This is a medical diagram of before and after bottom surgery for trans femmes.

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If you’re someone who says testosterone gel “doesn’t work,” please stop saying that.

It’s not true whatsoever. I get that not everyone has the same reactions to it and some people don’t fully absorb it but it has worked wonders for me. It has improved my life x10. I used to struggle and DREAD doing my weekly testosterone shot.

The night before I was going to start gel, I decided to go on Reddit to see what people were saying about gel because I had no experience with it. All I saw was people talking about how it “doesn’t work.” It was hurtful to see all that shit. So please stop saying these things.

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How to formally dress masculine

When I was younger the only formal event aside from prom was cotillion, so when I got a black tie invitation to a distant cousin's wedding, I was conflicted. I was recently out as trans, and while my cousin had said it was fine, I didn't know how to dress up in a masculine way. I hounded the internet for so long, trying to figure out what to wear. I struggled to buy stuff as well, since I'd never had to measure myself for a tux before, and all the ones at the closest mall looked cheap, and I wanted my first look to be one to remember.

Apparently, there's a lot that goes into deciding what to wear. The event changes the type of outfit, the venue changes the vibe of the fit, suits vs tuxedos, color scheme, color combos, pocket squares vs boutonnieres... let's just say it was more stressful than it had any right to be. So let's begin just at the type of event.

Event

White tie, black tie, black tie optional, semiformal, cocktail... and many more event types exist out there. I'll quickly sum each up. White tie masculine means you're dressed to the nines, but as if you were in the 1800s. Tailcoats, waistcoats, gloves, the works. Black tie masc means its an event the paparazzi will stake out so you gotta look Nice. Tuxedo, patent leather shoes, preferably bow tie with studs but long ties work. (Also, black tie doesn't mean your tie has gotta be black, just a dark color.) Black tie optional events are where you can wear a suit if you'd like, long ties are preferred, and as far as I can tell this is where belts start getting worn, and they gotta match the shoes. Semiformal is the same as business wear. Suits are preferred. Cocktail is like tuxedo casual, ties aren't required, sports coats can be worn, pocket squares preferred. If you're looking for a specific type of event, I'd check google.

Venue

Venues can surprisingly change your vibe pretty easily. Think about it, you won't wear the same thing to a museum wedding as a barn wedding. Same hat, essentially. Thankfully, it can be explained pretty easily: if it's inside, typically it's gonna be nicer than an outdoor event. There are outliers of course, I mean, have you ever seen the kentucky derby? But usually that is a pretty good indicator of outfit vibes.

Keep in mind you can always google "cocktail wedding masculine outfit inspo" and check if your fit, well, fits.

Color Scheme

Pay attention to the venue of course, but also look at your calling cards/invitations. What colors are prominent? If it's a wedding, does it specify colors for you? If not and you've never done this before (like me) an all black fit with a white shirt is pretty standard and fits a good amount of events. If the invitation has earthy colors, maybe look for a green tie and brown suit. If it's navy blue and gold, maybe a navy jacket with black pants and gold studs and cufflinks. You judge.

Color Combos

On that note, all colors look good but not all colors look good together, you know? I'll just go ahead and list common color combos here in a sec, but a good piece of advice is try and do the same color hue. Dark blue and dark grey, or tan and pale green or pink are good combos, but dark blue with hot pink? It would only work in a specific and unique circumstance, yeah? Just keep that in mind.

Good combos:

Blue, grey, and black are standard colors and look good with a lot. Steel blue and middle grey. Light grey and a sage green. Terracotta and tan. Of course, black and white.

What is what

Suits, tuxes, sports coats, and blazers are all different things, apparently. I guarantee not a ton of people know this anymore, but if you wanna get technical, there are a few telltales on which is which.

Suits have buttons that are plastic or wood, and you see the holes where they are stitched to the jacket. The lapel (the folded part of the front, where you see your shirt underneath) is the same as the rest of the jacket. The fit is more rectangular than triangle. Suit jackets match the fabric of the pants.

Tuxedos have buttons that are covered in cloth. The lapel is usually a satin in a similar color as the rest of it. Tuxedo pants have pleats and don't have belt loops to my knowledge.

Sports coats are patterned, and you don't have matching pants, but instead have pants that compliment the pattern.

Blazers are a solid color and have metal or wood buttons. You don't match the pants, but instead compliment the jacket.

Pocket Squares vs Boutonnieres

It used to be that pocket squares were worn at every event, folded nicely and tucked into the breast pocket. They have since fallen out of style, and replaced with boutonnieres (thank spell check for that btw). Boutonnieres should complement the rest of the outfit OR stand out from the rest of the outfit. An ivory ribbon with an ivory shirt, Never wear white with ivory unless that's the specific look you are going for (it looks dingy). Blue flowers with blue suit. Pocket squares tend to match the tie. They can be worn at the same time, but one must be understated to allow for both without looking "overweighted" in your pocket.

How to Measure for online orders

This is a sizing guide I just mocked up that follows the majority of formal wear websites that I looked at (it's not perfect, I did it on my phone). Some sites may differ, so double check it, but I'll walk you through measuring.

The first measurement you should make is red, going around the base of the neck where it connects at the shoulders. Don't measure too tightly, but also don't measure too loose. You should comfortably be able to stick two fingers next to your neck without choking you out.

The second is in blue, beginning in the middle of the neck where the spine begins protruding (if you're wearing a t-shirt, look where the label sits and go just above it), extending to the left outer shoulder on the back, then to the part of the elbow that's boney, then to the meat of the thumb, stop it just before the first knuckle of the thumb

The third and fourth are both green. The third will stretch across the widest part of the chest over your arms. If you're trans, wear the binder you will be wearing when you dress up, or else it will be too big. If you're cis, the measurement will cross over where most folks have their nipples, but I gotta say prioritise the widest part of your chest over your nipples when measuring. The fourth will be almost the same measurement but under your arms, oftentimes in the armpit. Take a deep breath.

The fifth, sixth, and seventh are all a hot pink color. The fifth measures around your natural waist. This is your typical "dip" in your sides, and should cross over your belly button. The sixth will be where you tend to wear your waistline of your pants. The seventh will crosses over most folks' crotch area, and will go over your butt, across the widest part of your seat.

The eighth and ninth are a purple color and the only ones got top to bottom instead of left to right. The eighth begins at the same place the sixth line ends, at the right of the waistline of where you wear your pants, and will extend along the outer leg, and will end where the knob of your ankle is. The ninth begins where the crotch is, and extends down the right side of the inner leg, and ends where the knob of the ankle is of the same leg that you measured for eight.

The first and second measurement will be for your shirt, for example a 15 inch neck and a 34 inch arm seam will be 15x34. The third and fourth will be your chest measurements and will make sure you don't hulk out of your jacket. They tend to have an 8-10 inch difference, such as 48 overarm and 40 underarm. The fifth, sixth, and seventh will ensure when you drop it down low you don't split your pants wide open, and tend to be similar to the underarm measurement with a 5 inch difference. So a 40 chest will be a 40 hip/widest part, with a 35 waistline and say maybe a 37 natural waist. I noticed some companies prefer one over the other for the eighth and the ninth, so check for OUTseam vs INseam when looking at their site.

How to check if an outfit fits correctly

Well, first put it on. If you can't get it on, shockingly I don't think it fits (haha).

The top shirt button, even if it will be covered by a tie, needs to close and not choke you out. It may be uncomfortable if you aren't used to them, but there is a difference between uncomfortable and choking you out. The neck typically is the determinator of the rest of the shirt aside from the sleeves, and doesn't usually get smaller/bigger without getting a smaller/bigger size neck. Some companies do offer a fitted version of their shirts, so check when looking online if you think you need one. The sleeve of the shirt, once buttoned, should rest on the meat of your thumb and around your wrist.

The pants should feel comfortable, if not a little thick, and you should be able to sit without them riding up past your sock or threatening to split. While standing, you shouldn't see above your ankle knob and the pants should have a little crease while resting on top of your shoe, unless you're showing off your shoes.

While wearing the jacket, you shouldn't be able to pinch more than an inch of fabric at the shoulder seam. The sleeves should let a little shirt peak out but still rest on the wrist while your arms are at your sides. The lapel shouldn't bulge or stretch once buttoned. The bottom of the jacket should rest at about your palms when you stand tall and relaxed.

Wow. That was a lot more information than I thought I knew. Maybe I should look into being someone's tailor /j. Anyway, I ended up renting from https://generationtux.com/ since they are totally online, and really like how I looked, but maybe check for in person rentals, since if something had gone wrong I wouldn't have been able to fix it.

If you're trans and wearing a formal look for the first time, wear the stuff you'll be wearing under your suit while measuring, and you should look fairly masculine, especially since suits don't tend to have a feminine cut.

Anyway, happy formalwear hunting. :)

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Hey our picrews look like twins! Just wanted to pop in and say hi

Oh haha they do! Hello back

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Howdy

Nice to see ya, call me Max. He/him pronouns, please respect them

I've been on Tumblr for years, but recently figured some stuff out (trans) and recently got diagnosed with a couple of things (POTS, EDS, Anxiety, OCD to name a few). Since I'm the only out trans person for about 50 odd miles, I figured I'd go ahead and start talking online, sharing my adventures and experiences as I stumble through this mess.

If you have questions about anything, please don't hesitate. I'd rather get an odd ask than have someone make the same mistake someone else has done. On that note, if you're trying to figure stuff out or are trying to understand for someone else, my DM's are open to talk. Keep in mind I owe no one anything and can, will, and have utilised the block button many a time, so be polite and don't act a fool.

I plan on sharing how-tos for everyday things that have changed for me recently, like morning routines and showering, to say the least. If you have requests just holler.

I hail from the US Midwest, where people are considered stupid and overall on the poorer side. I may have different experiences from y'all. If I say something upsetting by accident or on purpose, please let me know. I'd rather learn and move forward than stay stuck without getting the chance.

My tags are #bigsibhasananswer, #bigsibhadanexperience, and #bigsibfiguredsomethingout, if the tumblr gods decide to work and let you peruse them they'll have my content.

Overall, spend as much time here as you'd like, and have a good day :)

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How to Shower...

...when you're too dysphoric to.

Personally, I struggle with showering on my bad days since this body doesn't quite match what's up top you know? I'm a big guy too, over 6' and more than 200 lbs. So showering in of itself tends to be an event every time. I had issues growing up and stumbled around on the internet enough to get comfortable in this. So without further ado, lets begin. How do you shower...

... when I can't stand seeing myself?

First, we gotta figure out the boundaries of "seeing myself." When you look in the mirror, can you stand there and feel confident? Is it cause you're not wearing your preferred clothing? Is it cause you can't stand seeing the wrong reflection? Next, stand where your reflection can't be seen. Now look at yourself. Can you stand seeing your hands? Your outline, your belly, your legs? Is it the finer details of your body your can't stand, or is it the greater amount. There is no wrong answer here.

It's not fun, but figure out the extent of seeing yourself. Once you've done that, it's time to get creative.

If you can look at yourself not in the mirror, but your reflection sets you off, then we get rid of the mirror. Not actually get rid of, mind you (unless you can, then be my guest), but rig up a towel or shield to put over the mirror. Cover it up, and that should ebb the issue enough to ignore it.

If you can't stand your body in general, what you should do is turn off the main lights. Don't do pitch black, that's dangerous once it's wet, but maybe crack the window shade enough to safely navigate but not see yourself. If there isn't a window, get some waterproof string lights, and either dim them or cover up just enough of them to safely navigate. Maybe get a darker shower curtain.

If you can't stand yourself without your preferred clothing, then we get shower clothes. Robes are great for covering yourself up, and there's an endless amount of possibilities for what that robe looks like. Do you have a favorite media? Chances are you can find one online styled with that. I have a TMNT robe I use when it's cold. If robes aren't your cup of tea, shower aprons are another option. A shower apron is basically a cloak someone out there made for folks who have issues bathing themself or need assistance bathing but want some privacy. This one is the first one to pop up when I googled it, but there are far cheaper options out there. (https://www.buckandbuck.com/mens-terry-shower-robe.html) If those don't interest you, swimwear. Swimsuits are designed for water. While wearing them, it may be harder to clean some areas, but we're trying to get you to bathe what you can first. Clean the majority of your body before you clean your problem areas. If you don't have body dysphoria around the "normal" areas, but instead have issues with say, your hands? Spas have a couple great options out there, like exfoliating gloves. Or if you have issues with your feet, shower shoes.

Do what you can to minimise sight in the safest way possible. I should mention, 'cause I'm sure someone out there won't think it an issue until after the fact, but don't shave in the dark. If you have issues shaving, DM me and we can talk in private. Shaving in the dark is akin to running around at night with a pocket knife. A bad idea for everyone involved.

... when the bathroom is the opposite of how I present myself?

If you are masculine presenting in a feminine bathroom, or the opposite, or something in between, then we try and get the bathroom to reflect you. Do you share the bathroom with anyone? Can you seperate the problem items while you are showering? Growing up, I had issues with my mother and sister's smelly products, so I went out and bought some shower organisers for the back of the door, where we started putting things instead, so they weren't being perfume-y while I showered. I also set things on the counter while I showered and replaced them after. If it's a design issue, and your bathroom compatriots are okay with it, maybe swap out the shower curtain or decor. My ma used to have the bathroom cat themed (idk why, but she did), and it was rather pink and cutesy. After I came out, I asked if we could redo the bathroom, and she and I compromised with a beach theme, and we disguised it as a chance to renovate the features in general, to our more conservative neighbors at the time. If that's out of the question (or budget), maybe introduce crates or a cart or other organization just to cover your ass with whoever you share with. If you can stand them, try candles or scent diffusers. There are masculine ones out there! Bath n Body Works used to have a coffee and bourbon scent I adored, but they recently discontinued it, so I got a plug in one from Walmart that's scented fresh linen. My sister moved out a while ago and has a ton of flowery scents around her apartment. My dad likes citrus. Find something that works for you.

... when my intrusive/impulsive thoughts get pretty loud?

Then we get louder. I have OCD, and struggle in particular with intrusive thoughts. My friends, let me introduce you to... waterproof speakers! I got my first one for $7 at a nearby Walmart. My latest one was $20 from Amazon. We didn't have Wifi until the Pandemic, when the cable companies realized they could exploit the town further and laid the underground wires through the town (promise this is related). As such, before we had Wifi, I would steal my sister's radio and pop in one of my discs, usually something upbeat and fast so I could dance and distract myself. My brother uses our dad's old walkman and hooks it up to a mini speaker he got at a Christmas Party about a decade ago. My ma sticks her phone in the sink's cubby and it amplifies the sound and puts on her news station. If nothing else, you can hum out loud and just try to distract yourself.

... when I can't stand feeling the wrong body under my hands?

Then we get assistive devices! Washcloths, loofahs, sponges, pomis stones, exfoliating nets... there are so many out there, all we gotta do is look! I mentioned earlier exfoliating gloves. If you need help searching, let me know and we can brainstorm together!

Overall, bathing is unfortunately a necessity, and we gotta figure out how we can trick your mind into making it easier. Feel free to comment questions or concerns or other tips if you've also dealt with this.

And keep in mind, this may seem an embarrassing topic or something otherwise taboo. Be kind. The bravest thing to do is ask for help, and if I can then I fucking will. The block and report button is easily accessible; you control your internet experience. If you don't want to see this, leave my blog. Easy. Simple. If you find something wrong with this, then feel free to DM me and we can talk personally. But if you decide to shame someone on my post then be ready to get blocked and reported. Hate will not be tolerated here.