hey-lil-fighter

[hey-lil-fighter]

Being mentally ill is just: *repeatedly punches self in the thigh at any minor inconvenience*

[hey-lil-fighter]

I had one shot at life and it got royally fucked. The first two decades of my life have been a bust and i will never get that time back.

[hey-lil-fighter]

[hey-lil-fighter]

Perhaps a child failed by their parents has their own failure ordained.

original writing by @traumacure | do not repost

[hey-lil-fighter]

not to dredge up old wounds and sound bitter but when I was 17 my dad died in a house fire and the very next week we had a huge geometry test I hadn’t studied for because of the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation so the extremely kind kid sitting next to me let me cheat from his test since the answers were multiple choice, but I was SO stressed about the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation I didn’t even notice we had different tests.

My teacher handed them back the next day with an obvious zero written on mine, and when I started crying in class he told me that’s what I get for cheating, in front of everyone.

Most things from my teenagehood I have let go, but if I ever run into this man in a grocery store I 100% will ask him what is problem was.

[hey-lil-fighter]

[hey-lil-fighter]

Being a very traumatised human can be so embarrassing.

Things that ‘should’ be easy & fine are hard & scary & hardly able to cope with.

Making decisions that don’t make sense to others because of trauma responses & looking weird. Worst case scenario coming across as rude or ungreatful.

Not getting help that’s really needed because of fear & trauma responses, either wanting to stay small, not waste peoples time, be a bother, or the help needed is too triggering, & easier to avoid & hope the issue goes away.

Crying because of feeling abandoned by someone, who is just going on holidays for a few weeks.

I constantly want to/feel the need to explain myself, justify myself. But at the same time, I know no one really cares or understands that as a valid reason to respond like this.

I don’t know how many others feel this way too. But maybe I’m not alone.

Just to note, you shouldn’t need to feel embarrassed about these things, it’s just unfortunately how I often feel about my experience.

[hey-lil-fighter]

Not so hot take..

You cannot love someone's mental disorder or chronic illness away. That's not how that works..

..and as a pagan you cannot smudge or cleanse it away. Do not replace your meds with spirituality. I'm so tired of seeing people do that or try to give that "advice".

That's incredibly harmful and should not be done. Especially if you or the person you're trying to "help" has a disorder/illness that causes them real difficulty.

It's dangerous to their/your well being.

[hey-lil-fighter]

I come with mental illness. My mental illness comes with me. I can't turn it off or put it to one side just because you want to have fun without it getting in the way. I want to enjoy myself too, but I can't and I'm stuck with it 24/7. Adjust your expectations, please.

[hey-lil-fighter]

Tfw you were staying alive for 1 thing and then your 1 thing goes away

[hey-lil-fighter]

Will I ever sleep again? Seems unlikely

[hey-lil-fighter]

[hey-lil-fighter]

Did anyone else grow up trapped in their abusive house. Nowhere to run except their head. So they'd day dream to escape and now they dissociate any time they feel trapped and they wanna run away from the world?

[hey-lil-fighter]

this was supposed to be funnier than it actually came out 

[hey-lil-fighter]

Everyone goes out and does stuff with people and I'm so lonely

[hey-lil-fighter]

*sees anyone interacting with anyone other than me* wow I guess you just forgot all about me. I guess it was all just lies and I read too much into it but I actually thought you liked me? what a fool I am

[hey-lil-fighter]

There is nothing and I am nothing and I might die on a generic Thursday afternoon and this Thursday afternoon seems pretty generic