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We looked inside some of the posts by hexebaked and here's what we found interesting.
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i see fragments of you everywhere
guess everyone's a little
touched by god
signs outta town towards where
my heart grows
a white egret orchid
in a forgotten coastal cave
.
her curls
stallion pant
dark clouds at dusk
i see fragments of you everywhere
.
but no one, nothing is you
sweet and playful and violent and kind and mysterious, vast, understanding
darkness
||hex||
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blasphemer schemer teaser tease her bedroom eyes vapid lies whore soaked in lye cast in gold where are her eyes?
on your robe
painted guilded set in stone
perfect beauty dead before decay
devour her forever softly scream
mine mine mine mine MINE
never leave never stray
phallic nails in my coffin
thrust them thru to my heart drown in sea men softly moaning loam and cast out body parts syrens singing sweetly, softly hungry holes to trap and tare teardrops drowning sandy pools
candy tools to lick and like and loose
blasphemer schemer tag team her gang rape thatbitch and leave her bloody beaten broken compleated build a bear out in the woods chopped up harpy downed dragon treasure box pandoras socks are wet now wear them out and on around crazed mumbles craven tumbles sweet and warm flesh in my teeth pheromone daydream dagger gently stab myself to sleep
||hex||
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wake up tired
didn't even do shit
what's wrong with me
knee hurts feet sore nose cold
suckd into inner worlds inner whirlpool
like why haven't i jumped yet
what is love but a violent maw of longing
a soft surrender
sehnsucht
a sneakerwave that shreds your soul and wraps the ribbons round you tight
could get over you
don't wanna
rather stay in this limbo of maybes
don't wanna try again
worried next time the line will snap and ill be left swinging out in a sea of eyes
prefer this gentle suffering
hopeful oblivion
humble worship
devil grin
animal heart
||hex||
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admitting weakness. failure. pain.
what is art and what do i want and does that matter do i matt3r
i seem to fail at most things i try but im learning i think
how do you measure success
how do you measure happiness
good enough?
desire?
how do you let go of dreams of names of dead selves of family of roots of god of morality of eternity of dreams
easy to spend all my life running away from any real sort of effort and making excuses for my own lack of responsibility at what point is it too much and the god complex too complicated to maintain no manic energy enough to sustain just bad rhymes and broken signs and rage
if i give myself the time it is far too easy to hate my father i wish this cancer had more meat on her bones that hating him i could justify with bitter words bored into flesh bored mesh of thoughts and feelings and dehumanization of years and refusal to hear to see me as anything other than adorable and small and disobedient as a mark of divinity of piety of passion i wish i could personally gut him and revel in the pain as he might try and fail to take back years of being too wrapped up in his own pain and overwork and disregulation to give a fuck but what does it matter all my anger is little justified so what i feel is mostly pity and that burns more and my mother that bitch how i hate her and hate myself for it and know in my bones i am the ungrateful daughter and negligent son never respected and not wanted as i am but can you blame me she would force me back into childhood forever carrying little for the dark cavern of my mind as long as she could hold its host captive never to sin so others would know
so perhaps ill be exactly what they fear their own personal satan
black sheep lightbringer truth seeker blood eater
calling down fire cursing god refusing to die
rejecting the strongest ties known to man making my own bed and throwing it away and trying again and again and again until I find one that suits my fancies and then starting over again
and
cutting them out like a tumor
little humor
stupid rhymes and mud in my eyes and where do i go from here
no anchor
no ship
sirens gods and monsters
i have chosen the way of pain
||hex||
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slipping back into the pit
familiar grooves mark my misery
try 2 look on the bright side recognize emotional tides inner worlds a storms coming but I think it's a cataclysmitic event can't keep up the charade much longer not stronger clogged the vent lost the fervor
guess I get how you feel maybe I was wrong to force it dont know how else I'm fucking loosing it time to be a hermit
spent all my credit on coffee and tips but money's not so hard to get or is it measure my wrists guilty pleasure feeling better if you feel bad when you see me wonder why I'm losing weight would your heart ache pat my head just an animal whyd you leave me know im a bad rescue but I just needed some time to test you mess you up take out my pain while you tried to escape any which way
let me love you im great at loving myself or at least im getting better I think like I don't drink anymore it was starting to get scary consequence only so much my body can carry think I'll have to cancel this show not manic or flush enough just a dumbass cunt hope you don't mind if I crash your party I'll be quiet and good and leave before you don't talk to me don't feel bad I understand I'm a loser and an outcast and a fucking cad come around to my point of view let me love you
||hex||
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i would love you if you'd allow it and don't care that you don't
rows of teeth like talons do my best to turn away from you
against those whod harm you
would I harm you with this terrifying fury of passion of one too many times rejected neglected no longer able to keep it together must resort to signs and portants each one more deranged and embarrassing and pathetic
desperate to not loose the meaning i have finally carved for myself in the discovery that i am not alone that you see me
that you fear me?
that you want me?
would you speak to me
i will devour you like i have all the oth3rs
you must kill me
mill my bones for flour and drink my blood, it's rich and angry
||hex||
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matricide
she gives it to me nervously
hungrily
hoping for the closeness presumed
some small sense of warmth
of forgiveness
i take the gift but don't know how ill wear it without remembering
i don't have much love left to give her
nor hate
a path to repair i've lost and burned in the fires of my rage
righteous?
what about me ever was
holy?
perhaps
but what does it matter
she is alone with her creeds
no music
no grandchildren
no father
some husband
i imagine still angry
still drinking
still a misery
her misery
chosen comfort better than freedom
i can't help her
never could
so i kill her again and again out of my life gone forever
with harsh words and little mercy
compassion shunned for fear no pride no self respect?
i don't know
am i right am i wrong?
i don't care
im free
||hex||
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(from a year ago or so)
self destruction to feel anything
but mostly i feel shame & fear
embodiment, ecstasy, presentation,
fantasy, obsession
going 100 over bumpy country roads
scrollin thru life
bored, scrolling faster
letting go of all my illusions,
contusions,
fusions
losing all my fantasies
losing my grips on realities
numb again, scared of feeling nothing
scared of feeling anything
but mostly i feel shame & fear
embodiment, ecstasy, presentation,
fantasy, obsession
going 100 over bumpy country roads
full bladder so i can dream,
drowning
blood, cold, there's an old man
in my bed again
angry, disappointed, ashamed,
denial, delusion, RAGE
lost moments & blacking out again
i chase a feeling of free
of vulnerability
of intimacy
of love
my memories are hidden treasure pieces
of golden light
that can only be held in a child's
innocent purity
i'm not pure anymore
i remember being small but only in the sense that
the world was big
||hex||
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so. ok. i can do this. i understand. fuck.
| | | |
so. ok. i can do this. i understand. fuck.
| | | |
so. ok. i can do this. i understand. fuck.
| | | |
i remember the night you raped me in your apartment because it was the day my sister got married
i was dancing around sex because i knew it meant god and i would have to break up
and suddenly you were inside me abrupt,
and jagged and small before
my brain could form the no hanging like
a child's baloon in my skull
and all i could get out was
"please slow down"
i remember when you said i guess lets give it a shot by the dumpsters after puking
and the first time you yelled at me in the car
i remember when i forced out i love you
after fucking you hard, empty cavern
of dark misery and desire suffering
and how you said it felt fucked up
i remember when you broke up with me
after we moved into your nana's backyard
"i want someone who can beat me @ pingpong"
but really it was because you
found out you raped me and then
how you convinced me it was my fault
because i was sober
fucking liar, you threw up all that liquor
you thought it was sweet
sometimes i fantasize about clawing
my fingers into your chest, rip out
your pulsating pump & take a bite
but all i'd taste is bile and dust
your blood dried up a long time ago
||hex||
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never said i deserved you
as you wish
just wanna be your bish
imma loyal dog
ur stuck w me now don't care if u kick me out
i luv the cold anyhow
howl at the moon
howl at you
who said i des3rve anything
little fucking nazi whore
carve a swastika in my skull
and then put me out to
glue factory
human battery
ill sleep when im ded
and if i don't she'll cum fastR?
chug another redbull, 1more creamer in my cup
wonder how long i can run from morpheus this time
holes in my heels
dance the pole in my feels
serpentine
clandestine
kandide, kalypso, kassandra
tie me up for personal drama
bring me home w ur korean face masks and turkish rug
tuck me behind the encyclopedias and
stuff a sock in it
i won't make a peep
sing myself to sleep
frantic laughter high up in the keep
pollys tired of crack3rs
she want dick now
but guess she'll settle for pine needles
spine tingl3s
just kiss me one more time
ill kill myself happy
||hex||
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SF love letters
my god my god why hast thou forsaken me
why will you no longer hold me
in your arms
fall asleep inside me --- hard angles of hip
melting into soft flesh
i will entrap your soul in sparkling webs
dewdrops gently rest
i cast my spell with all the kindness, all the
longing i cannot turn off
...
i wish you well
...
it kills me to see the light gone from
your eyes
...
you are not spent yet
i believe in you
i love you
...
take some from my storehouse and carry it
within you take a little everyday i can give
you more --- as much as you'd like
...
it's ok if you hurt me again
please hurt me again
...
i want to see you smile
...
gv
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SF love letters
serrated raw soul
your voice is the only thing getting to the
center
but also ripping apart the insides
leaning into the pain always seems the
best course of action
but it hurts
im hurting
do u care
how do i make u care
how do i get rid of u
how do i get u out of my head
how do i get rid of my head
hamster wheel of feelings drowning wave after
wave after wave after wave CANT
BREATHE
wont breathe
haha can't make me
...
gv
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SF love letters
im always too much and im always
never enough
...
cutting out the crime only
makes more
wiping away the grime --- it's not working
it's smearing
...
blood on my hand
blood in my eyes, ears, veins, entrails
...
thank you for the pieces you left behind
i think they've floated up to my brain is that
why she's been so kind
lately
...
i miss u
i'll leave a flower at ur altar
you like blue too,
don't you?
...
gv
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SF love letters
i want to suffer. to crack open ribs
unstick puzzle pieces of skull
a pair of lovers peer up, drowning in air
a ferocious devilman, a bloody ofelia
i'll bloody again
i am bored
scared
exasperated
easy
wet
tired.
i fling out stardust--->--> spinning
in and out memories that are
you.
...
a broken pomegranate, bloodstains + buzzing
crisp october breath
...
in the caverns of my mind, i build you a castle
no a lighthouse
come and go as you please
i have no wish (any longer) to bind you
blind you
bend you
mend you
i love you and let you go
tumble each memory until
they are soft, sweet; slightly bitter
icy mango
...
gv
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