hesh-w

[hesh-w]

Why would you tag me Lou? We had a deal!

;-;

Chiquito, I heard you and Hesh are using Duolingo to learn Spanish.. Is this true?

— @lt-hernandez

@hesh-w BRO THEYRE ONTO US

[hesh-w]

This is.. very, very accurate.

When the Smoke Clears

Hesh's thoughts aftermath after Logan gets taken

Horror.

I didn't know how to feel after Elias was killed in front of me with a bullet to his brains. I had watched the way the blood pooled around him, the same blood that was pumping through my veins, through Logan's veins.

Actually...

How was I supposed to react when he told Logan that he was proud of him as his last words? Why not me? Why not us? I had always tried to be a better person by taking care of Logan, I loved him dearly as a brother. I was there for him when dad wasn't.

So why was he given all the credit? What did I miss through the years to not even get a single word of appreciation?

How come the mask was given to him instead? Was I not worthy to inherit it?

Did I not resemble dad enough to even be considered to be given it?

Was I lacking something? Did I try too hard?

I didn't know.

All I knew was that I wanted Logan back. Even if I did envy him a little bit after Elias's death. Sure, I was angry at Rorke for killing him - but I was even angrier that dad never told me that he was proud of me, that he actually cared for me, to tell me that he was glad that I held my ground and gave support even when the world was crumbling around us, Odin.

That I had taken care of Logan when he wasn't there to do it himself. That I had taken the responsibility even if I didn't have to, there was no need to yet I did. My brother looked up more to me than Elias.

So why?

What did I get in return?

Nothing.

Just death.

Just the sight of dad dying and Logan getting taken away from me.

I failed.

I failed to protect both of them.

I failed to be a good soldier.

But most importantly, I failed to be a good big brother.

How could I have been so careless?

How could I have been so sure that Rorke was gone? Dead? How?

I should have known better that Rorke could come crawling back immediately for revenge. I knew how he was, we all knew, so why? Why couldn't I have been more cautious to prevent this?

Why couldn't I have been stronger to go after him?

Why did my body lock up?

Why?

All of these were questions I didn't know the answer to. No matter how much I tried to think, to figure, to solve, I couldn't come across a conclusion.

Besides one.

I wasn't worthy enough to be any of the things I was.

Logan was, he was ruthless, silent. There was a reason why Rorke took him instead of me. He reminded him of Elias - of himself. That same silent courage Logan showed, and I didn't.

I tried, I really did. But I failed.

Was all of my effort for nothing?

So far, it's being proven that way.

No matter how much me and the team are trying, we can't find Logan's location. His last known location was more than half a year ago, who knows where he could be now.

Who even knows if he's still alive or not.

What if he had already been turned into a Fed and was being trained to hunt the rest of the Ghosts down right now?

I don't want to think of it like this, but the dreaded possibility is starting to become a true fact as the days pass.

I don't want to lose Logan, my baby brother. I just can't.

I have already lost dad, and I can't lose Logan, too. Hell, even mom isn't with us anymore. She would have known what to tell me, what to do.

But she isn't here anymore either.

It's just me.

I would have to step up to bat, to be the lone player, and score the point.

To be the one who gets a headshot.

A bullseye.

I've prayed to God, even though my belief in him had been teetering on the edge of completely dissolving. But after everything that happened, I found myself clasping my hands together, on my knees, and mumbling the prayers mom had taught me. After all these years, I still remembered them by heart.

I've prayed for forgiveness, for Logan's health and well-being, that he's still alive, still fighting, still being stubborn to not turn into a Fed.

I don't know what else to do besides pray. I know it's a desprete action, but who else can I go to for help? There's no one here for me.

No one.

God, Logan, please be alive.

I miss you.

We all miss you.

Dont worry, we're all coming for you. We're searching, planning.

And when we do find you, God will, I will fucking kill that motherfucker Rorke and burn the Federation bastards down to the ground. For dad. For all of us Ghosts.

For you.

[hesh-w]

Doing pretty good, Riley too. :)

Ay, how are Hesh and Riley doing? Can't seem to find 'em on here.

~ @k9-parker

Hello Parker. They're doing fine last i checked. Hesh is somewhere around here

@hesh-w @the-best-walker

[hesh-w]

*hug*

@rookiecritter

Hey you, what's up?

[hesh-w]

What's your favorite TV show?

Hm... I don't watch a lot of TV nowadays, but Logan and I used to watch Star Trek with dad sometimes. :)

Or run through movies, like Star Wars or Jurassic Park.

[hesh-w]

father i am upset can i hug?

@rookiecritter

Of course, c'mere you. :)

[hesh-w]

hi

mwah

bye

I- Thanks-?

[hesh-w]

I am platonically married :333 sorry I forgor to say that :3333 also hi daddd

@rookiecritter

Oh nice! Hi bud. :)

[hesh-w]

Father why must I be brought to med bay I am ok :(( (also why are you being called mom???)

@rookiecritter

Because you had wayyy too much caffeine in one sitting. Wanna make sure you don't keel over on me. :P

And I have no idea why I'm being called mom.

[hesh-w]

Mother, i beg for arm pictures.

Why do you want pictures of my arm? :p

[hesh-w]

I have a band event in the morning and I'm super nervous. I wanted to know how you deal with nervous events?

Well, personally I like to remind myself that whatever happens, it'll be okay. Box breathing really helps if things feel too overwhelming, too.

If you have someone coming with you, either a band mate or family or friends, think of it as just playing for them. Nobody else exists, just your band, that person, and you.

It always seems worse when you think about it, but in the moment, it'll be a lot easier. Trust me.

Just stick to the routine, focus on the people you're playing for, and remember to breathe.

Good luck with the event, Logan and I believe in you! Even Riley does, too. You absolutely got this, anon! :)

[hesh-w]

Nope, we're going. I'm not gonna let your heart explode because you downed a six pack of monster energy.

C'mon, Critter, Riley can come too.

Father- I was given energy drinks- and now- I-I holy fuck my eye- it may have been a bad idea- my visions getting all weird-

@rookiecritter

Okay, let's get you sitting down and hydrated...

[hesh-w]

Okay. Yeah, we're going to medical.

Father- I was given energy drinks- and now- I-I holy fuck my eye- it may have been a bad idea- my visions getting all weird-

@rookiecritter

Okay, let's get you sitting down and hydrated...

[hesh-w]

Definitely not- how much have you had??

Father- I was given energy drinks- and now- I-I holy fuck my eye- it may have been a bad idea- my visions getting all weird-

@rookiecritter

Okay, let's get you sitting down and hydrated...

[hesh-w]

Father- I was given energy drinks- and now- I-I holy fuck my eye- it may have been a bad idea- my visions getting all weird-

@rookiecritter

Okay, let's get you sitting down and hydrated...

[hesh-w]

Is that why he was all weird?

What are some things Merrick has said?

He doesn't really say anything odd or really funny, so I'm not too sure what to put here. :/

"Don't touch the soup."

"You boys need to figure this out."

"What the hell is a 'skibidi gigachad' and why is that remotely important right now?"

[hesh-w]

Mother, i crave more riley pictures.

I guess I'm a mother now??? :p