hersmilehereyes

[hersmilehereyes]

Happy Diwali to the lighthouse herself

The sparkle of her eyes >>>All lights of the world.

#CheriCheriLady

[hersmilehereyes]

Am I the only one who want to participate in this experiment ? I must be, bcoz that was my idea nd they stole it🧐

[hersmilehereyes]

[hersmilehereyes]

If everything is already writen in destiny

Then why??

Why we shared that much.

Why I smile always during photoshoots bcoz once someone teased me for kbhi hanste nhi ho kya

Why there was #samehere's

Why even a small word #Dhakkan reminds me of her😅 (kaju katli also)

Why I recieved that much cute cute random photos of her

#saree #AjeebAjeebHairstyles 😅

#ThePredictions

Why I discussed Low of attraction

#VCs

#DurlafPranies

#Buddhu

#latenightcalls

#GpayRewards

#Trucktoy

#7thFloorCoffeeNights

Actually the questions are for God u r just reading the passing by thoughts in my head sometimes in everytime.

[hersmilehereyes]

The world is full of two faced ppl

So plz🙏🏻

[hersmilehereyes]

Why always my family 🙂

I don't know I'm the strongest or Dheet but when it(problems) comes to personally me, I'm the Mount Everest

But when it's on my loved ones, I'm a piece of cotten

[hersmilehereyes]

Someone:- is time travelling possible?

Me:-

[hersmilehereyes]

[hersmilehereyes]

Dear Dhakkan!

Today u are here for a lesson that need common sense to understood 😅

Simply a ques. For ur wake-up call: Don't u think that our 20s are the most imp part of our entire life? A decade of exploration, of growth. A decade of our firsts- first love, first heartbreak, first failure, first crush 🥰 first achievements. A time when we chase our dreams, when we experiment, we learn to navigate the twists of life. The choice we make, the risks we take, the relationship we build-- All lay the foundation for the person we become.

If we dissect this part then we got a 4-5yrs spare of our 20s that roaming in between our 22-27age. In this phase a canvas of 20s painted with vibrant colours, bold strokes and unforgettable experience. Decade that shapes us, mold us nd sets us on the path to our destiny.

So?

So, Recently I turned 30. In my 20s, in that perticular spare of 20s, you were there. You were the one with whom I shared my problems, my insecurities, my dreams, my traumas, everything. You were there with solutions from start to end. The colors u filled in my 20s canvas are brightest.. Aftr a time the canvas gets framed nd stuck on the wall of the heart which cannot be removed by anyone. Only thing we can do is smile just looking at the canvas. And this isn't wasting life. Now if u want me to tear this canvas down nd make a new one, it's impossible bcz we have only one life. U know very well what we were for each other. And I know very well what I did.

For a sec, I accept I'm wasting my only life. But am I the only one who wasting?

Well, how many lives do you have?

Obviously 8-10 minimum, right?

Bcz we are just a person from the past to each other na. Then what are you doing here on Tumblr last 4saal se? And how many lives u wasted in these 4years?

What do you think like. I'm a nibba Chappri who wasting his life, like being devdaas or Kabir singh😂 (han wo bat alag h thode time k liye bann gya tha) no ma'am. I have a family to feed, many ppl to love, the weight of responsibilities I love, the faces of my loved ones flash before my eyes, their smiles, their tears. Im the rock they lean on. I enjoy every little moment bcoz "zindagi me achanak se koi bdi khusi to aa nhi skti(or aai bhi nhi😂) to chhoti chhoti khusiya hi celebrate krlo. 2dost hai last 6-7sal se almost everyday we meet, almost once a month we go to cinema, we dance in the middle of a movie, like once a week we sit at amar javan Jyoti in evening and enjoy icecream while gossip(in short only nonsense) sometimes we goes to pahaadon me nearby in the city like; Nahargarh. Everyday in the morning if I'm free I go to central park--headphones--old playlist--jogging.....

At the end I'm a responsible one and enjoying life in the so called fashion. But ye sb enjoyment feeka sa lagta hai, wo Sher h na "Duniya jise kahte hai, jaadu ka khilona hai, mil gya jo mitti hai, na mila wo sona hai"

But what about what goes to my mind always. What about the responsibility that I can't role. Ok leave the responsibilities. Being selfish what about what I want, what I love to do, what about the favourite person with I love to share my everything. When anything happens to us; sad, happy, crazy anything, and we feel something gud gud in our stomach 😅 until we share it with our spacial ones. U know that feeling? Bs vhi kmi feel hoti h ki kas unko bta pata abhi isi vakt.

The reason behind whatever I posted in recent days is neither to blackmail you emotionally nor to get ur sympathy.

I post bcoz u was, u are, and you will be the only person to whom I am completely comfortable showing my true self, don't know why. I post bcoz I feel like you are here and listening peacefully and responding like 'chalta hai, hota hai, life hai, everything will be fine' like we used to. When Im having downs&downs what else I could share. If u think u r the reason behind all the problems I'm facing, u are wrong. If u think I'm the reason, wrong/maybe. When life slaps us, first we fight, then we accept, then we adjust or compromise. I done whatever I could do. Not everyone who 30+ is a pappu😅

Ever you think that how many people are we able to connect with heartily in our entire life, very few. And if I couldn't get over one of them and you considering this as wasting life than its ok. It's ok if; our breakup sattles in, our friendship has reached its end, the memories we created all lost, never b recaptured, no second chances, no rewrites, no happily ever after..its ok. You r always right 😊

I'm left to navigate this new reality where u r no longer by my side, and the silence is extremely noisy. In this extremely noisy silence I hear ur voice, ur laughter, a gentle whisper that echoes through my soul reminding me that even you r not here, you will never be forgotten. ultimate wish; u should always be happy & healthy. Take care 😊 (sorry if some words hurts)

[hersmilehereyes]

Even if I'm aware of this but you know these words echoes deep within my soul, spacial that last line.🙂

Without you by my side, the world's grandest treasure and success, happiness seems dull and meaningless. Ur presence was the sunshine that brightened everyday, the calm in every storm and the safe heaven where I could be my true self. Ur friendship was the oxygen I breathed, the rhythm that made my heart sing, and the missing piece that made me whole. In ur absence life's joy and achievements felt hollow, hypocrisy of happiness couldn't fill that void.

With you, everything was possible.

Without you, nothing matters.

[hersmilehereyes]

As u know Dadaji always says that don't speak nagative even in jokes.

Aur dekho

Durlaf durlaf krte krte sach me durlaf ho gye

[hersmilehereyes]

Finally 🥹

We won

#ButWhyIamMissingYou😅

[hersmilehereyes]

On 6th Feb 2024

I break my own previous record by crying whole day 😂

This world is really cruel.

I guess I never cried much in my life (except my childhood and before marriage 🤪) so my quota of tears was reserved 😅 but in last 3-4years, sometimes I want to know is still this quota remains or I completed my task for this life? hai na ajeeb savaal 😅

Once while crying I inaugurate a brilliant idea,😅 I listen 'O palanhaare nirgun o nyare' song repeatedly and believe me this helped me to wipe more tears 😂 ye ajeeb nhi h sachi😅

[hersmilehereyes]

Old songs r moreover life lessons 🙂

[hersmilehereyes]

When Arijit Singh said "Aankho ko khwab dena...khud hi savaal krke, khud hi jvab dena, Teri taraf se.."

I used to it but later I have given up talking to her in my imagination but she never stopped coming into my dreams, she is punctual there too..

After my last post, she is there in my dreams in every single sleep I swear. I mean..this is shocking to me that it's happening every sleep🤷🏻‍♂️ no matter day or night. Earlier this used to happen rarely but these days.....😬 Don't know if I should be happy or sad.

Happy bcz I can see her atleast in dreams

Sad bcz vha bhi baat nhi hoti, even in dreams. Sometimes just passing by, sometimes just traveling togather but without conversation.

I googled it nd the result was more shocking.🙂

[hersmilehereyes]

During Covid when I posted at quarantine centre, there was 24-hour duty but we had nothing to do, couldn't go anywhere, we weren't even allowed to go out of the campus. As u know Khali dimag saitan ka Ghar.🙂

In that time we had given years to each other, we talked a lot, I had built my world around you nd I always wanted that forever. During all this it didn't occur to me that you also had a world to manage, I should have understood that everything is not always stays same. If someone having not enought time to talk or reply doesn't mean we are not important. Then I decided to open up about the only secret I left with. I decided to tell u everything (never thought it would happen in that way) after expressed my feelings by hook n crook everything was out of my control. I don't know what happens to me, couple of days I was out of my mind, and our last msg's was like closing statements. I thought I had to take a break nd the break created worst history. Even today I'm unable to discribe those days that why I was crying like everything is finished, why I don't take that video call. So.......🤐

Today I'm at that stage of my life where nothing matters to me, means nothing. Gone through a lot in last 4 years. I feel I hurt myself more than anyone else. Nhi bna m yar aj ki duniya k liye.

But one of the few regrets is that things shouldn't have been that way between us. And I admit that I alone am responsible for that.

The action taken by me during covid, the way I left. The worst I did to someone till date. Maybe u don't have any malice for me. Maybe that anger gone to ashes. Maybe u forgiven me .May b God will forgive me but I will never forgive myself for this.

Bcz Baba Premanand ji often saying that kisi ko dukh pahuncha kr kitni bhi bhakti kr lena Karmo ka fal milega hi.

Bcoz u didn't know what I feel about u But I knew exactly what I mean to you.

An innocent person had done a lot for friendship, yet she still suffered punishment. Why? Bcz of my madness 🙂

I realised these all things after few months BUT at the end of crucial 2020 I realised that I'm a totally different person now. I think I am a pessimistic, cynical person nd now I'm not that person you thought. Being friends with the kind of person I had become, would be cause of unnecessary drama in your life nd sucking ur mental energy. I felt that to be ur friend again I need to improve a lot which is impossible now. It's too late. so it best to stay apart I thought u would move on in some time. Spent a year cursing life nd accepted things as it was.

But I Often wondor if I'm doing right? To u? To me?

Is this what friendship is?

I was wrong. if u had thought about me even half as much as I thought about u in last 4 years, then I can understand what u must have gone through.

Nahi nibha paya yar main🥹 sorry chala main Gaya tha pr Laut k aap aa jao🙏🏻

Many time I wrote long paragraphs but always found myself unable to sent Bcoz of all these thoughts. Hmesha Der kr deta hu main. But now it's too much yar. Can't handle it. The stone I put on my heart is being heavy every day.

I want my superHero my best friend back with same vibes. But what cost??

I guess I will never be able to rebuild the bond.

How can I be so selfish? Then nd even now. Problems r not only belongs to me.

If I were you, I would never return the friendship handshake.