hersforever

[hersforever]

Today was hard , I opened up just a tiny bit and got shut down so fast. My feeling have never ever in my life been validated. Anytime I say anything negative about how I’m feeling I just get huffing and puffing.

I know this is over used , but I don’t feel understood. No one have ever understood me or has ever taking the time to understand me.

No listen me to me either, they hear me but they aren’t listening. I don’t feel important. It’s a very lonely feeling.

I mostly have deep conversations with myself and my therapist told me this cause I feel like “ I’m the only one I can trust “ how sad is that.

I guess it stems back to my childhood and has been a recurrence things throughout my life.

I guess I’ll just keep talking to myself since I’m the only will that really hear me and understand. 😔

[hersforever]

Love is a feeling a cherish and need a lot of ! 🖤

[hersforever]

Morning! It’s Valentine’s Day .

I haven’t felt romance in so long. I kinda hate this day. But I also LOVE it cause I love to show my love for all the people in my life and I go all out. But i don’t always get the same same level of energy back.

I’m a huge romance at heart. I would go all out if I felt like it wouldn’t freak people out.

Flowers , candles , champagne , cuddles … I would light up this entire house with candles for my man.

That’s just who I am. I still live in the honey moon phase , I know it’s not real for everyone and most couples/ individuals grow out of that but for me, it not something I grow out of.

I have to tone it down cause my partner isn’t feeling the same exiting feelings anymore like I do. Which I realize is normal so I don’t push. Even tho I want more.

I want to laugh and have fun like we use to , I want him to still feel like he has to pursue me. The amount of energy out in the first year or so is a feeling like no other.

Even the way he use to touch me. I would get hugs every day. He would grab me hold me and kiss me. Now that we are comfortable in our life I guess he doesn’t feel the need to show his affection anymore.

I’m craving that so bad. I know he loves me but a lot of time I don’t feel it like I used to.

The begging You feel wanted , loved , adored makes you feel worthy and beautiful.

I miss that feeling.

Love is so complicated, and I can’t expect someone to love me the way I love them. I’m just different that way. I give all of me and all I want is for everyone to feel loved and cherished and happy.

I always seem to go off once I start typing. I have so many feelings and thoughts it’s hard to stick to one things.

[hersforever]

I really want t start yoga, i would love just feel complete zen in nature.

One of my favourite places to be is in nature especially near water or on the water. I feel the most happy and calm listening to the sounds of nature and water it just give me this incredible peace of mind where everything else just goes away. I feel free and open to the sun and moon.

Maybe yoga will help me connect more with myself and nature.

This is a promise to myself for myself to start something new , I WILL START YOGA!

Here’s to trying something new ! 🩷

[hersforever]

I’m really feeling the stress of money lately as well , bills , food , kids , dogs. It get extremely overwhelming the pressure of having to make more money constantly.

I end up burning myself out working long hours while taking care of everyone’s needs.

I’ve needed a vacation for over 20 years and yet to have one. I find myself getting extremely envious of other people. Who get to travel and actually enjoy their life’s while I’m working but off to make ends meat. And feeling very unappreciated and unseen.

Is this what life is ? Just work work work to pay for everything and be in constant stress and burnout with zero reward ?

Don’t get me wrong my hubby and my kids are a major blessing and I am so grateful for them , but I’m lacking fun , laughter and joy a lot of time.

I feel …. Stressed and alone. 😔

[hersforever]

Today is a good day , I actually have a normal amount of energy which is unusual for me.

Roughly 6 years ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had to have my thyroid and parathyroid as well as 47 cancerous lymph nodes removed.

Since then I haven’t been able to maintain a good energy level.

Everyday is a struggle mentally not to mention the body energy add on. 😩 ( this also has an effect on my moon unfortunately)

[hersforever]

I’m not sure what’s right or wrong to post.

But I need an outlet for my inner feelings.

I never express myself to anyone, I keep everything inside cause a “happy me” means everyone else is happy. That’s a lot of pressure on one person to control the mood for everyone.

If I’m having a bad day everyone else is having a bad day. So I bite my tongue and smile !

When is it my turn to be taking care of ?

For someone to check on me ?

Someone to try to cheer me up or brighten my day ?

Or am I just forgotten