heroineforher

[heroineforher]

There is nothing wrong with being broken, being different, or flawed society just needs us to believe that everything we do is wrong.

They tell us we’re the problem, that we need to stay “woke”.

To believe in words so often misspoken they no longer give us hope.

so they send us to all these doctors who can “take away the pain”, but only at the cost of your freedom, living with a ball and chain.

The only way to control us, is by making us feel insane. They say they want to help, that they want to bring change, truth is the government is just the baddest drug dealer in the game..

So quick to write prescriptions but what they don’t tell you is that your life will never be the same, to them you’re just a dollar, they don’t even know your name.

Our jails overflowed with drug charges, being at the wrong place at the wrong time, time to smarten up and stop using our age and skin color to justify our crimes.

Too many parents out living their children due to overdose and suicide, kids being bullied, to afraid to go outside.

As a society we have problems, a lot of shit we lack, As a generation we’ve lost ourselves, it’s time to get us back.

We owe it to our brothers and sister who we’ve lost along the way; Abandonment and abuse, things we struggle with everyday.

Put an end to social media glorifying guns, money, and drugs. The only way to bring some change is to stand together as one.

I can’t promise it will be easy, look back at history, nothing worth it was.

All it takes is one voice, two hands to fight back, I may stand here as one but I know millions will have my back.

#heroineforher #663days

[heroineforher]

Finally loving you

I never thought this could happen falling in love without feeling trapped and instead of crying every night asking the universe how did this happen, now I’m smiling and all your ex’s be whilin I know I need to stop slacking cause losing you can’t happen you put fear in my heart and every night you say you be trappin in the studio just stacking so our kids won’t feel like you did way back then The photos she posting like she was your main bitch, how did you let that shit happen. Got me feeling like a fool constantly telling them this ain’t the real you, and I promise when you need someone I’m the only one who comes through You telling me the rumors ain’t true why would I do that to you. I believed you I thought I needed you. Loving you put me in the lead too, who’s ganna do it like we do. And since I met you I got rid of my needle too, the drugs dont get me high the way you do, you’re pheromones ease my mind too so I’ll never stop loving you

-heroineforher #292days

[heroineforher]

Reflections

Who was she? She followed me for years. constant thoughts of who she was and where I had seen her before flooded my mind. Each time her presents seemed to get shorter than the last. And why did each time, even at the slightest glance did she seemed to change right before my eyes. For years I asked myself who she was. Her big brown eyes staired blankly back at me. And now, as I feel the warmth rush thru my veins am I finally able to realize why parts of her had seemed so familiar. She was the product of each broken soul Ive ever tried to fix, being held together by broken promises and good intentions. But why now? Why now, as I stand here with blood running down my arm and the faint calls for help in the distance was I finally able to realize who she was? I was overcome with feelings of helplessness as I heard her calling out for help. Unable to fix her, just as I had fixed all the others. And as her reflection became clearer, I recognized that the girl looking back at me was who I have become..

[heroineforher]

Spoken words..

This is for the nights I’ve spent alone getting high just to get in my zone, and the warmest hugs I’ve ever felt coming from veins overflowing with the only girl who loved me the way that I loved you and Days spent searching for reasons to why I wasn’t enough for you and every empty bag symbolizing every lie you told me and every I love you too that came with actions that showed me otherwise. For the years I’ve spent trying to be someone I was not to fit into the mold of a woman you created to replace your mothers absence. For twenty two birthdays each spent feeling closer to saying goodbye rather than looking forward to the next and New Years filled with tears instead of midnight kisses. This is for the only grey area that I have ever know being bruises left after nights spent begging you to stay, and loving you was black and white and the only cure to my pain coming from dirty spoons and empty water bottles. Blood that stained my clothes only to remind me that she was there when you weren’t. -heroineforher

[heroineforher]

It kinda sucks when people don’t realize how much you care about them.

(via lovequotespost)

[heroineforher]

[heroineforher]

[heroineforher]

[heroineforher]

Learning to feel..

For the past twenty years I kept my feelings bottled up at the risk of looking like I was searching for pity and attention. I learned to just keep feelings and thoughts to myself rather than be told others have it worse. You do not know me, you do not know my story, or the things that keep me up at night. It wasn’t until I got sober that my feelings, the feelings that I had spent so many years trying to erase finally hit the surface. And each empty bag contributed to the emptiness of who I’ve become. From daddy issues to hospitals masking problems with pain killers, to lonely nights spent crying over someone who didn’t love themselves enough to love me too. And I guess what I’m trying to say is that at the end of the day it all comes back feelings. I didn’t want to feel, and I still struggle with that everyday. I didn’t want to feel abandoned, in pain, unwanted and not good enough, but when you hear the same thing so much you start to believe it yourself too..maybe that’s my problem. I give things and people my everything until I have nothing left to give myself. First was my health, then the girl who didn’t love herself enough to love me, and then to the high, but the drugs were different..the drugs never left me, it was like for the first time I was being loved without begging for it..but now she’s left too and I’m left here..alone all over again and seven years of not feeling takes its tole..it’s almost like I was in a coma for those years and now I have to learn how to deal with my feelings instead of running from them..I’ve always been good at running tho..I found peace and solidarity in being alone, that was my defense..bc if no ones around who can hurt me right? Well I was wrong Because when no one else could hurt me I started hurting myself. And you can’t sit here and tell me 6months isn’t a lot because these six months have been the only thing standing between myself and not waking up to see another day. I used to just hope that this would be the bag to kill me, how selfish of me though right? Because killing me also meant killing everyone who loves me too and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye just yet. How do you say goodbye to the person who never left your side? And who am I to take a life from the person who gave me one? -Heroineforher

[heroineforher]

Heroin doesn't discriminate..

In 2015 the medical examiners office shows that there were 1587 drug overdoses, which is 21 percent more than the year before. At the highest recorded numbers in the garden state 918 of these were heroin related deaths, but I’m not here to tell you the statistics. What I am here to do is give you a small incite of what it’s like to be a 22 year old recovering heroin addict and the daughter of one. The goal of this blog is to change the stigma around heroine addiction and the unfortunate souls who fall into it. Not all of us are homeless or come from broken homes, I invite you follow me on my journey and I hope to open your eyes to the bigger picture, the people behind the addiction.