heroicallybee

[heroicallybee]

[heroicallybee]

[heroicallybee]

[heroicallybee]

Okay so Ive had a bit of hiccup lately with covid and isolation and social distancing

But I’m trying to keep my chin up.

Love you all. Thank you for loving me.

[heroicallybee]

I’m falling apart... honestly I am not doing well at all

[heroicallybee]

I am not okay. I haven’t stopped crying all weekend. Covid is really feeling impossible right now.

[heroicallybee]

[heroicallybee]

I don’t know what I am doing.

[heroicallybee]

From Wikipedia: Familiar stranger

“ A familiar stranger is an individual who is recognized by another from regularly sharing a common physical space such as a street or bus stop, but with whom one does not interact. First identified by Stanley Milgram in the 1972 paper The Familiar Stranger: An Aspect of Urban Anonymity ”

[heroicallybee]

Can we have a day without like.....information

[heroicallybee]

I know y’all have been following the posts over the years and my single heart’s desires

This past 13 months of my life has seen the most exponential growth.

I’ve taken control of emotional eating and changed my life by taking care of my body.

I’ve changed my nutrition and it lead to a huge increase in energy and positivity for me.

Part of this growth was a serious about of weight loss - which was incredibly easy. I’m ready to work on maintaining these habits and eating behaviours and incorporate exercise into my lifestyle and daily routines.

All these positive things led me to an increase of confidence and comfortability I haven’t known in years.

I was ready to date.

I met a cute boy who met some of my needs and filled up the loneliness with laughter. But, if I’m being honest with myself and you... I knew from day one he wasn’t the right person for me. I did the right thing and ended it. I was sad because I liked dating someone ! It was amazing to be valued that way and care about someone! I felt peace about my decision and I’ve maintained confident that it was the right thing to end it.

I wanted to “date” and meet people and find a partner to link my life with! I was so ready for these experiences and meeting new people to see what we could build. I went back on the dating apps and I felt HORRIBLE. I was talking to a few men and I wasn’t connecting with or interested in any of them. I was so frustrated and had a complete break down because they weren’t what I was looking for in a partner and I wanted something to happen. @followthered helped me see what a tremendous amount of pressure I was putting on myself and how I was rushing this process of “dating” and encouraged me to disable the app.

I had about 10 guys in my match queue and left the app for about 23 hours and didn’t message any of the men I was speaking with during that day. At the very last few moments before the matches expire I quickly glanced through all the matches in my queue and felt so drawn to message one in particular. I had a really strong feeling about him.

Within moments of talking I already felt something towards him that I didn’t feel with any of the others I had been speaking to.

I messaged my best friend to ask if she knew him because they went to the same university. The words she used to describe him were “he was highly admired” and you should absolutely meet him.

Less than 18 hours after our first conversation began, we met. (I asked 89000 questions about covid and safety and I decided we could trust each other. He drove across the country and got tested before he left and when he arrived to be safe, refused to get on a plane so he drove here to be safe, won’t go in restaurants, social distancing from all his friends and his brothers to be safe.) He was exactly who I thought he would be. My heart was comfortable and sure and steady. We laughed and talked and shared and held hands.

He wants to live a life like Jesus and is passionate about social justice. He is a law student in Ontario and wants to work in international relations and effect policies that cause injustice. He’s incredibly intelligent and has this vocational calling (like mine in teaching). We have values that align and agree on critisicms about “the church” and we just respect each other.

That night we met and stayed up till 3 am in the park under the stars and when the sprinklers came on we danced in the water and he kissed me. (When did my life become a romantic movie?)

I met his family 3 days later and his mom is my soul mate. I don’t even believe in soul mates but she is my most kindred spirit.

He wanted to meet all my family and friends so that when he had to go back to Ontario I could get wisdom and support about our relationship from the people I trust.

He was supposed to leave the week he met me but He extended his trip by a week to invest in getting to know me.

Behind the scenes he was organizing with his family a way to move to B.C. to date me. His lease was up in October and law school is online due to covid. He arranged to move here to date me in person this year.

He treats me as an equal. He treasures me. He disagrees with me respectfully and listens to me try to make sense of things. He accepts my flaws and wants me to annoy him forever. He loves the sound of my voice and my embrace. He demonstrates leadership and ensures my leadership is followed, too. He is a critical thinker and provides balance to my emotional reactions. He challenges me in the best ways. We are learning so much about each other. And we are committed to making this grow.

I have never felt so steady and sure about something before. This peace is priceless. He’s really special. And I tell him that all the time, that there’s something about him that I’ve never known could exist. His response is that there’s something about US that’s special. He affirms me and speaks life into me. We are both scared but being brave and being vulnerable in this. He’s not afraid to tell me what he thinks and believes and I trust him so much to do the right thing. There’s nothing I would change about him. I accept him fully for who he is and appreciate it all.

Dating at this age is weird because we have both built our lives and are looking for someone who fits in to what we have already established. And I’m confident that I found someone I want to link my life with.

Thankful and content heart here.

[heroicallybee]

This man took my heart and drove back to Ottawa this week. He is coming back to B.C. in November to continue dating in person. We are pursuing each other long distance temporarily. It’s been a whirlwind couple of weeks and I couldn’t be more thankful.

[heroicallybee]

I met someone. And he’s really special.

I’ve never felt so steady and sure about someone before.

Prayer request for wisdom and to remain grounded.

💕

[heroicallybee]

“I can say now that I think it is important to pray naked in front of a full-length mirror sometimes, especially when you are full of loathing for your body. Maybe you think you are too heavy. Maybe you have never liked the way your hipbones stick out. Do your breasts sag? Are you too hairy? It is always something. Then again, maybe you have been sick, or come through some surgery that has changed the way you look. You have gotten glimpses of your body as you have bathed or changed clothes, but so far maintaining your equilibrium has depended upon staying covered up as much as you can. You have even discovered how to shower in the dark, so that you may not have to feel what you presently loathe about yourself but you do not have to look at it. This can only go on so long, especially for someone who officially believes that God loves flesh and blood, no matter what kind of shape it is in. Whether you are sick or well. lovely or irregular. there comes a time when it is vitally important for your spiritual health to drop your clothes, look in the mirror, and say ‘Here I am, This is the body-like-no-other that my life has shaped. I live here. This is my soul’s address.’ After you take a good look around, you may decide that there is a lot to be thankful for, all things considered. Bodies take real beatings. That they heal from most things is an underrated miracle.”

— An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor

[heroicallybee]

Help me to be calm and focused. Help my heart to see clearly down this path. Help me to be honest and vulnerable and brave. Thank you for your love.

Amen

[heroicallybee]

I am to live a life that satisfies myself.

But that’s not kingdom living is it?

I am understanding lately that I don’t WORSHIP god with my whole life.

[heroicallybee]

I know it’s selfish and I know it’s flawed and I know it’s coming from a place of anger

But sometimes “gods plan” isn’t good enough. I want more. I want it now.

And no matter how much I want something MY way, when I look back at the works of gods hand and how he has functioned in my heart I know his way is better than I imagine or hope for.

It’s just... a lot.