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best descendants songs 12-16

12. Genie In A Bottle - the concept alone is a winner. like what do you mean you took a Christina Aguilera song about sex, changed the phrase "rub me the right way" to "ask me the right way," put your female lead in a high ponytail, and called it a promo song? top marks for the audacity alone. (The audacity and the saxophone.)

13. Night Falls - might be higher without the "make this metal bust a move" line. Also the dancing was just a little . . . hmmmmm . . . for Disney Channel I think. I'm far from the purity police, but that had me a little :/ Also I think the lyricist and the story writer did not coordinate at all because like what do you mean "they got us outnumbered one to fifty"? That's very specific and very wrong. It's one to three *at best.*

14. Queen of Mean - really great vocals, and it's the only angry villain song we get in the trilogy, and I appreciate that. Less compelling than Uma or Maleficent's though. Its lyrics are a little jumbled, perhaps because this song has to do more than introduce a villain, it has to explain a corruption arc, and that's a delicate task outside the realm of possibility for this kids show. I do love when characters say shit like "I know exactly who to blame" because 9/10 times they are wrong.

15. Set It Off - a fun closer and probably my favorite Sofia Carson vocals. Neither Dove nor Mitchell are/were dancers and it's very obvious how hard they're both trying. I find it endearing how the stage is filled with professional dancers and they're in the center just doing their best. Every time they say "oh-wei-oh-wei-hey!" it reminds me of Suite Life of Deck, which makes me laugh and takes me out of whatever the song is supposed to be saying.

16. Rotten To The Core - fascinating to see Disney Channel's take on "gritty." I think there's too much autotune, especially for the opening number to the entire franchise, but the song is less about the vocals and more about the visuals. The lyrics are a hilarious attempt by Disney to say things that are bad but not that bad.

Part 3 out of 4 | 1-5 | 6-11

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Ranking Descendants Hero Kid Names

(to clarify, it's how fitting I think the names are, not how much I like them as names in general)

Chad - lmao. they knew what they were doing. an absolute chad.

Jane - interesting to me that it has no relation to her mother's name and instead they play on the "boring background girl = Jane Doe" to hint at her character arc. I like it a lot actually

Audrey - somehow fits her perfectly. It's both regal like her parents but modern to fit the adaption. Seems like a name of a girl Sharpay Evans and Regina George would hang out with. no notes

Doug - makes sense. it's a little dull, like he's "supposed to be" as a sidekick. and the pun on the word "dug" for the son of miners is not lost on me. Disney's cute for that

Ben - I wish it had been just a littttttttle French but I have to admit that actor does look like a Ben (which is to say Tall White Dude). Once again, shoutout to the benevolent/malevolent thing

Lonnie - hate hate hate. 雪兰 -> Xuelan -> Lani. It's not hard. F for effort kenny

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The headmistress of Auradon prep in ROR rewrite

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part 10

these are all the ones i had maybe i'll make more maybe not idk yet

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Part 53

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Part 51

pursuing my true calling and being a bal blog for a quick sec

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Ranking Descendants Villain Kid Names

Uma - Excellent if only for the UuuuuuuuMA in What's My Name and It's Goin Down. The songs hype the name up a lot and honestly, it delivers

Celia - actually a quite clever twist on Facilier. Bonus points that it does sound like a New Orleans name. No I can't elaborate on that

Carlos - It intrigues me how it's the only common/"real" name out of the core four. I wonder if it has anything to do with his mother's original story being based in the real world instead of fantasy. But probably not.

Mal - would be worse since I think just shortening the name of the parent is lazy, but it's saved a little by the benevolent/malevolent thing they supposedly had cooking. Also it's literally "bad" in Spanish which is funny af

Gil - rumor has it (rumor bc I have not taken the very easy steps to verify) he has a brother named Gaston Jr. and personally I think that would have been much funnier and more meaningful/believable than "Gil." But I can't deny the appeal of a pirate named Gil

Jay - Disney decided that having the same first letter of your name as your parent wasn't enough--they had to make Jay's name *just* the first letter of his dad's name. boo

Evie - a little (lot) on the nose for the "evil" kids but I guess they had to riff off "Evil Queen" somehow. Still, there were other options. Evelyn. Eva. Evangeline. Evanna. Literally anything. Sigh.

Harry - I gotta believe Hook would have come with something much cooler

Dizzy - in what world would a baby girl born into a family with snooty/elegant names like Anastasia and Drusilla name a kid Dizzy? I choose to believe it's a nickname. Like it literally has to be

Squeaky and Squirmy - won't even dignify these with an opinion

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shit it would be worth going back to the Isle to say

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God's Game - Dove Cameron

I made myself a home for everyone but me been alchemical ever since fifteen

and if I'm honest I just never saw this coming I prepared with so much care I was running, it was stunning

I was desperate from delusions not much of a solution never knowing what the truth is, oh god

love of my life, would you lie?

God's Game - Dove Cameron

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Part 52

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Can we talk about how chaotic Narnian battles would feel?? Especially in Prince Caspian. Like, imagine you’re a little Telmarine soldier waiting for the catapults to go and you’ve got all your regiments in nice orderly rows and these two 16 year olds suddenly yell “charge” and the ground opens up beneath you, a mouse with a sword the size of a large pencil takes out your bestie, a griffin drops a dwarf 5 ft away from you and he comes up swinging. As you try to rationalize this, you’re stabbed by a twelve year old with a British accent. Finally, a really freaking big lion shows up, roars, and your entire army collectively pees their pants. At one point in the movie (yes I know the movies aren’t quite the same as the book but they’re still good) Peter says like “we have the element of surprise” like dude, you have drafted the trees I’m pretty sure everyone’s gonna be surprised no matter what.

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part 9

i fucking love ben bro

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Part 50!!!

This is the 35th post I have queued right now because these textposts are a disease and I keep coughing into the queue.

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pros of having tumblr posts

• you have tumblr posts

cons of having tumblr posts

• your posts are now on tumblr

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This is why takes and fics that villainize Ben make very little sense to me. It's so much more interesting to see Mal and Ben as a parallels, walking testaments to how the Isle and Auradon ain't so different after all.

I know there’s plenty of discourse in the descendants fandom about how terrible the parents were, but have we really, truly thought about how fucked up it was that Belle and Beast thought it was appropriate to retire and let a 16 year old take over running the kingdom? Like??? Your majesties, he is still a wholeass child with all of the anxiety caused by you beast specifically, and you thought “yeah sure he’s ready to be king”?

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best descendants songs

back with songs 6 through 11 on my list :D

6. Do What You Gotta Do - apart from what I'd consider just a little too much chemistry, this sequence goes hard every time. Their voices go great together (I think Dove did some of her best work when given the opp to sing across a Broadway star), and it's definitely my favorite duet in the trilogy. Mini crime in the line "you're stronger with those daddy issues" though. Like Kenny that's crazy.

7. Break This Down - cool dance scene, cool beat, cool rhythm. I can't justify how often I listen to this one beyond the vibes. Just something about the "bringing it--bringing it--br--br--bringing it down" is so satisfying to me. Tho they should be saying "keeping it up" maybe even with a "for the love of god" in there.

8. Evil Like Me - it's Broadway, baby.

9. It's Goin Down - so silly that I can never decide if I love it or hate it. But the vamp on the album version at the end where they mix in Uma's theme from "What's My Name" goes so hard. "This is not a conversation, it's a do-or-die situation" when you're literally in the middle of a conversation is hilarious. Also "unless you want to deal with me . . . and the VKs" you're all VKs girl what.

10. You and Me - I love the water choreo. It's quite possible I wouldn't like this song so much without the movie choreo since the lyrics are kinda vague and all over the place, but the beat is solid so the dance is cool.

11. Evil - ON THE FLIP SIDE, I bet I would like this song a lot more if I got to see Dove singing it in a scene. It kinda reminds me of Britney at her peak and it's both badass and sexy. [Not pictured because it's not in the movies.]

Part 2 of 4 | 1-5