helloann-blog

[helloann-blog]

Coffee keeps me sane

#creepitreal #coffee #coffeemug #goodmorning #morningmedicine

[helloann-blog]

The Birth of Ann  pt. 1

Nobody likes Ann. Nobody wants Ann. But when they least expect Ann to show up, she’s there. Tormenting your mind. Telling you no one loves you and you’re a waste of life. Making you worry about everything else. Making your palms clammy and cold, making your heart beat faster than the sound of ice cold water. Ann is vicious. That’s why no one likes Ann. She’ll smother you when you’re down. Throw you into a shallow black hole where you’ll come face to face with your fears. She’ll inject your brain with sadness and darkness. That’s why no one likes Ann.

I was an only child. My mother and father never married. My father cheated on my mother eventually and created his own other little perfect family. Before all of that, everything was perfect. I remember distinctly how almost every weekend both of my parents and I would go to museums, carnivals, circuses, the zoo- we would go catch a movie at the drive-in; even though I remember only going once in my whole 28 years. I enjoyed it of course between the of ages 6-8, I believe. My favorite part about going to the field museum was the Egyptian section. I was fascinated by mummies, oddly for my age, but my favorite part most of all, was my dad and his video camera. Capturing the perfect moments. My facial expressions filled with joy and excitement where ever we went. I loved the zoo, but what child didn’t? Visiting all of the wild animals, watching the gorillas pick their noses. Waiting for the lions to do something exciting rather than being sluggish. My father captured it all on tape. Tape yes, it was in fact the early 90′s. If I had to describe a perfect Saturday in 1997, it would go like this: 

Wake up around ten in the morning. Dad is doing yard work, mom is making you a bowl of french toast crunch cereal as you turn on the television. Watching the mischievous bugs bunny as you sit there eating your breakfast. Not worrying about homework. Not having to worry about what bills are coming up next. Just sitting there, laughing at the hysterical loony toons. Waiting for dad to come in and say good morning and to tell you to get ready because today you’re going to the zoo! Yup, it was perfect. Sometimes you wish that you can go back in time to just relive in that moment. Back then we didn’t know how much we would cherish those moments later on in life. We were too busy with our cereal and cartooning. 

You’ll always have the good memories with the bad. Being an only child was sometimes hard. Especially when my cousins were not around to play with me, or my dog Petey was sleeping. Mom was busy and dad was working. I didn’t really mind it sometimes since I had my dolls to keep me company. I had dozens of barbie dolls. I would keep myself occupied until I eventually got bored. Sometimes there wasn’t anything good to watch on TV, so I started drawing. Creating my own stories with pictures; I even made little short stories where I would just staple the pages together like a book, and later show my parents. I don’t remember my dad being all that excited every time I shown him a picture that I drew. Unlike my mom, she was always giving me the “wows” and “you’re so talented baby!” I liked that very much. It gave me the urge of wanting to draw even more just to get more attention from my parents and more good criticism of course. I want to say I started drawing at age eight. I was drawing pictures of people and nature more than anything else. Pretty people, and tall trees with fluffy clouds. Sometimes I’d add haunted houses to the drawings, or big colonial mansions. 

I don’t think anyone remembers their first day of school. I certainly don’t, but I sure do have a ton of core memories etched in the back of my brain. I was the shy kid, always kept to myself and never wanting to raise my hand. I hated presentations and being in groups. I remember in fourth grade we had to do a presentation about a book we were reading. For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was called. Anyways, we had to get in groups of four or five and we had to act out important scenarios from the book. We had little props that we can use and wear. I remember I had a paper tail clipped behind me and paper ears on top of my head. I was either a wolf or a dog, either way I was playing the bad guy. And all I had to do was say a few lines, growl and leap out onto someone in my group and “attack” them. It was pretty hard for someone who didn’t like standing in front of a whole classroom with eyes all on you. I did mess up the scene of course, and everyone started to laugh at me. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve laughed along and played it off to be funny or kept going, so instead I felt myself getting super red, teary-eyed and before I knew it our scene was over. 

to be continued...