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@gundaddio

--

A distinct line of tension crawls up the teens spine at the question, movements halted suddenly as his mind blinks to static, struggling to grasp an answer as something like chilled panic churns within him.

He wonders if he should have known better, expected the questions to come sooner or later, but, perhaps naively, he’d simply indulged the assumption Iwai would never ask.

His fingers flex before curling into a fist and tucking under too-long sleeves of the comfy sweater he wears, and he knows he’s just blatantly giving himself away by the way he refuses to look in his elders direction as he shrugs, but he can’t quite muster the energy to hide. Weather it’s the suddeness or because of some subconcious desire not to, he doesn’t know.

“...They’re not worried” He speaks up softly after a too-long pause, shifting his weight anxiously.

@heistcard

Washing dishes was a tedious chore, but the monotony was almost comforting- Especially when there was something weighing on Iwai’s mind. It had been nearly a month since he’d taken Kurusu in and he’d never delved too deeply into the boy’s past out of concern he might be poking his nose in where it didn’t belong. The longer they’d spent time together, he realized he didn’t mind having the extra hands around the shop, not to mention as Akira’s personality was slowly becoming less guarded and less hesitant to speak his mind.

If he were being honest, the kid was a bonafide smart-ass, but Munehisa could see so much of his younger self in the other male. He really couldn’t help wondering if Kurusu had family, people who cared about him who might be worried sick about him. Even neighbors, as he seemed like such a nice kid… It seemed almost wrong to let things continue as they were, especially if there were people out there who might not be sure if Akira were alive or dead.

Setting a coffee mug down on a clean hand towel, he tilted his head in Akira’s direction.

“Hey, listen… I never asked before and I know I said your past didn’t make no difference to me, but don’t you got a family somewhere? I can only imagine what your parents must be going through-” he trailed off, looking awkwardly concerned.

Akira seemed to get along with Kaoru so well, he almost regretted having to bring this up, but at the end of the day this was about Akira’s well-being. If his folks were scared and looking for him, then reuniting them was just the right thing to do.

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Ind. Priv. Sel. Akira Kurusu of P5®

                                                                                                                 Promo ©

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Which DND class suits your personality?

Artificer

You’re a logical person who wants to understand how the world works and, more importantly, how you can make it better. You’re a creative, out-of-the-box thinker who may be good at working with your hands. You’re the type of person who will take apart a clock to figure out how it works. You’re fascinated by the idea of what could be, but you’re also grounded enough to be aware of your limits.

Stole from: @gundaddio

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*    TYPES   OF   HUGS .

bc  im  feeling  soft  tdy  yall  …  i   dont  know  dont  question  it

[ HELLO ] for a hug after a long time apart.

[ GOODBYE ] for a hug before one muse leaves.

[ YAWN ] for an early morning half-awake hug.

[ SORRY ] for a hug that precedes an apology.

[ MISSED YOU ] for a reconciliation hug.

[ OH MY GOD ] for a hug in response to one muse learning that the other’s still alive.

[ MOVIE ] for a lazy cuddle in front of the tv.

[ RECKLESS ] for an adrenaline-filled hug during or after an adventure.

[ SHH ] for a hug to hide faces/avoid suspicion.

[ DON’T GO ] for a hug that tries to persuade one muse to stay.

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THE REAL IMPORTANT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS

enjoy!  these have no theme, just a bunch of random but fun questions.

what time do they usually go to bed and wake up?

what products are in their shower/tub?  what are the scents?

do they use candles?  favorite scent?

if they could meet/talk to one person, dead or alive, who would it be?  what would they say to them?

do they own any sentimental objects?  why are they sentimental?

favorite family member?  why?

do they dance?  what type of music gets them moving?

has there ever been a time where they feared for their life?  why?

what was their favorite childhood activity?

when they look into a mirror, are they happy with what they see?  why or why not?

do they still have childhood friends?

what do their holidays look like?  family/friends/etc.

do they celebrate their birthday?  why or why not?

what do they have as their phone background?

what’s their handwriting like?  neat and precise/sloppy/cursive/etc.

have they ever been to an amusement park?  

have they ever used a dating app?  how did it go?

what do they sleep in?  what side of the bed do they sleep on?

favorite place they’ve ever been?  what made it their favorite?

do they prefer to watch a movie at home or in the theater?

have they ever run away from home?

what’s their nightly/morning routine like?

if they have pets, what’s their dumb nicknames for them?

favorite deodorant?  toothpaste?  lotion?

do they sing in the shower?  what’s their go-to song if so?

describe their living situation.  what does their living room/bedroom/kitchen/etc look like?

what’s one thing they’ve done that they’re the most proud of?

would they ever go to a haunted house?

how many languages do they speak?  would they like to learn more?

why types of books do they read?  do they have a favorite?

if given the opportunity, would they go to space?  why or why not?

if the world didn’t rely on money, what would their dream occupation be?

do they play any instruments?  if not, would they like to learn one?

what would they do if they won the lottery?

what’s their favorite method of self-care?

would they ever go camping off grid?

if money wasn’t an issue, where is their dream home?

how often do they cook at home versus getting takeout, etc?

do they have anyone in their past they would like closure from?  who and why?

what would they do for a klondike bar?

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“ hey, what’s your favorite snack? “

I'm either losing my mind or I can't find the meme | @electricea

--

He blinks, a little startled by the question before resting his chin in his palm to think it over. "Like...healthy snacks or snack snacks? I like fresh peaches, but fruit gets kinda expensive so....maybe caramel corn?"

[heistcard]

❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜

Platonic Sentence Starters | @queenxfjustice | Accepting

--

He whines playfully, twisting to tilt his head back and look up at her with a pout. "C'mon. My hair's fine-" Sure it's always an absolute rats nest of wild curls and waves, but it's clean and he....usually brushes it. Might be something to do with the fact it's a post-mementos day. They all end up at least a little ruffled coming back from a trip into the depths.

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& .˚      found  family  prompts.      (   it is a very loved dynamic so here are some memes to go wild with it.  these are mainly fluff, supportive and some emotional ones.  to reverse the action prompts,  send ( prompt ) +  )

“   you’re not alone,  not anymore .   ”

“   i didn’t really have anyone before you guys .   ”

“   thank you for everything you’ve done for me .   ”

“   you’re my family .   ”

“   you’re my family,  screw what everyone else says .   ”

“   i now have a life i like living because of your support .   ”

“   you’re the best thing that ever happened to me .   ”

“   hey, i got you .   ”

“   let us take care of you .   ”

“   a fight doesn’t change anything between us .   ”

“   we still care about you .   ”

“   you know you can talk to me about anything, right ?   ”

“   if you need anything i’ll be there for you .   ”

“   you’ll always have a place with us .   ”

“   i’ve got your back .   ”

“   i love you .   ”

“   do you want a hug ?   ”

“   i’m here,  i promise .   ”

“   i’m not going anywhere .   ”

“   are you okay ?   ”

“   hey, [name].  tell me what’s wrong .   ”

“   i’m going to prank [name],  do you want to help me ?   ”

“   you’re one of us now .   ”

actions.

( hug )  -  for the sender’s muse to hug the receiver’s muse after an emotional moment .

( kiss )  -  for the sender’s muse to kiss the receiver’s muse on the forehead, head, cheek, [insert where you want ] .

( bed )  -  for the sender’s muse to join the receiver’s muse on their bed and cuddle after a long day .

( food )  -  for our muses to cook together .

( tears ) - for the sender’s muse to wipe the receiver’s muse tears .

( blanket )  -  for the sender’s muse to place a blanket on top of the receiver’s muse after a hard day / after they’ve fallen asleep somewhere .

( help )  -  for the sender’s muse to patch the receiver’s muse up .

( reconciliation )  -  for our muse to make up after a fight .

( fun )  -  for our muses to spent the day doing fun activities together .

( protect )  -  for the sender’s muse to step between the receiver’s muse and a threat to protect them .

[heistcard]

a quick reminder that my reply time does not equate to how interested i am in writing with you or your muse ! i am a slow writer when it comes to replies - this is my hobby and i have to prioritise mental health , work , studying or whatever else is going on in my life . sometimes my muse will be fickle , and i’ll have energy for certain threads or asks over others ! this does not mean i have forgotten about you or your muse . i love each and every one of my roleplay partners , and i appreciate your patience endlessly ! i’ll always be available if you want to scream about our babies , and i look forward to when i do have the energy to respond to our things <3

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🐝  *  ―  𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄  𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.   (  all  of  these  are  just  some  random  sentences  i  thought  could  be  fun  to  use.  feel  free  to  adjust  to  better  fit  your  muses.  )

❛  alright, you’ve won. happy now ?  ❜ ❛  are you sure you’re okay ?  ❜ ❛  can you say that again ?  ❜ ❛  come on, are you serious ?  ❜ ❛  do you come here often ?  ❜ ❛  don’t do this to me.  ❜ ❛  don’t leave me alone again.  ❜ ❛  forgive me. just this once.  ❜ ❛  go and never come back.  ❜ ❛  have you lost your mind ?  ❜ ❛  i already knew about that.  ❜ ❛  i can’t trust you anymore.  ❜ ❛  i did it for you.  ❜ ❛  i have to do this.  ❜ ❛  i think i’m in love.  ❜ ❛  i will wait for you.  ❜ ❛  i won’t let you down.  ❜ ❛  i’m always here for you.  ❜ ❛  is now a bad time ?  ❜ ❛  it’s okay. i’ve got you.  ❜ ❛  just pretend to be happy.  ❜ ❛  now what do we do ?  ❜ ❛  oh, don’t pretend you care.  ❜ ❛  please believe me for once.  ❜ ❛  probably not, but who knows ?  ❜ ❛  sometimes, you can be infuriating.  ❜ ❛  stop ! we can’t do this !  ❜ ❛  tell me what’s going on.  ❜ ❛  there’s nothing left to say.  ❜ ❛  this’ll be the last time.  ❜ ❛  we can’t keep doing this.  ❜ ❛  well, are you ready then ?  ❜ ❛  what are you talking about ?  ❜ ❛  what are you waiting for ?  ❜ ❛  where should we go next ?  ❜ ❛  why did you do it ?  ❜ ❛  will you go with me ?  ❜ ❛  you are everything to me.  ❜ ❛  you can talk to me.  ❜ ❛  you deserve to be happy.  ❜ ❛  you really have no idea.  ❜ ❛  you’re hot when you’re mad.  ❜ ❛  you’re going to be okay.  ❜ ❛  you’re out of your mind !  ❜ ❛  you’re stronger than you think.  ❜

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&. 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  some  wintery  sentence  starters  to  help  you  stay  warm  these  holidays!  )

❛ your lips look cold, want me to warm them up for you? ❜

❛ check it out, i’m a dragon! ❜

❛ you have snowflakes in your hair. ❜

❛ i know it’s winter, but you don’t have to act so cold! ❜

❛ want to go for a walk and check out all the lights? ❜

❛ how are you wearing shorts in this weather?! ❜

❛ it’s so cold, but you’re so warm. ❜

❛ i don’t need mistletoe to kiss you. ❜

❛ here, you can have my scarf. ❜

❛ want some hot chocolate? ❜

❛ you know, i’ve never seen snow before. ❜

❛ please open the door before i freeze to death. ❜

❛ but seriously, do you want to build a snowman? ❜

❛ there’s space for you by the fire, come sit. ❜

❛ wait, is that mistletoe? ❜

❛ winter is coming / winter is here. ❜

❛ a snowball fight? oh, it is so on! ❜

❛ looks like we’re snowed in for the night. ❜

❛ are you warm enough? ❜

❛ did you know that icicles make the perfect murder weapon? ❜

❛ i’m catching snowflakes with my tongue, what’s it look like i’m doing? ❜

❛ nightmare before christmas is a christmas movie. it’s literally in the title! ❜

❛ you look pretty covered in snow, guess that’s why they’re called snow angels. ❜

❛ you were outside for one minute, how can you be dying of hypothermia? ❜

❛ i think i burned my tongue on my hot chocolate. ❜

❛ i like it out here. it’s peaceful. ❜

❛ you’re like my own personal space heater. ❜

❛ if you don’t have gloves, you can just hold my hand. ❜

❛ if i slip on the ice, it’s totally your fault. ❜

❛ behold! the perfect snowball. ❜

❛ let’s just stay in and watch the snow. ❜

❛ i’m cold, can we cuddle? ❜

❛ i’ll be home for christmas, i promise. ❜

❛ holy shit, your hands are freezing! ❜

❛ there. now your snow angel has a friend. ❜

❛ what should we name our snowman? ❜

❛ i guess it’s just my overused hoodie and i against the world. ❜

❛ i’ll be your date for that christmas party if you don’t have one yet. ❜

❛ being stuck inside with you all day is my worst nightmare. ❜

❛ sorry! i didn’t mean to throw that snowball so hard. ❜

❛ i made a dick out of snow. it’s happy to see you. ❜

❛ there’s never a bad time for ice cream. ❜

❛ come here, let me warm you up. ❜

❛ you’ve never seen snow before? ❜

❛ the holidays aren’t so bad with you around. ❜

❛ either you cuddle me, or stop hogging all the blankets. ❜

❛ fine, i’ll be nice. but just until the holidays are over. ❜

❛ winter is for hibernating. i’m going back to sleep. ❜

[heistcard]

hurt comfort prompts

“ you’re welcome to stay here. “

“ how long are you staying? “ “ for as long as you need me. “

“ do you need anything else? “

“ anything you want me to get you? “

“ stop apologizing. you didn’t do anything wrong. “

“ just tell me what i can do to make you feel better. “

“ you are what’s important right now. “

“ it’s okay if you need to vent. “

“ i’m here to listen. “

“ i don’t want to bother you. seriously, it’s all just… a lot. “

“ i feel like shit. “ “ you look like it, too. “ “ hey! “

“ you know what they say, gotta get ugly before it gets better. “

“ it’s okay to cry, you know. “

“ just tell me, is this wrong? am i being childish? “

“ you’re just a little hurt, that’s all. “

“ come on, let’s get you cleaned up. “

“ i’ll sit here, with my arms wrapped around you, all night. “

“ really, all night? “ “ if that’s what it takes to make you smile, then yeah. “

“ we don’t need to talk, okay? “

“ how about we just stay here, holding each other? “

“ i don’t know what’s wrong with me. it’s like i can’t stop crying. “

“ i didn’t know where else to go. “

“ you’re always welcome here, you know that. “

“ are you okay with me staying the night? “

“ hey, what’s your favorite snack? “

“ i'm not leaving you. “

“ how about i make a quick run to the store, get you some aspirin? maybe grab you a burger or something on the way home? “

“ let me repay the favor. you were always there for me when i needed you. “

“ there’s snot all over your shirt. “ “ i trust you’ll get it dry-cleaned. “

“ let me be there for you. “

“ oh, look at what i did to you… “ [shirt drenched in tears] “ sorry. “

“ i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to bother you. “

“ you’re not a burden. “

“ aren’t you tired? “ “ don’t worry about me. “

“ i don’t know what to do. “ “ we’ll figure it out. “

“ you’re going to be fine, okay? you’re going to be fine. “

“ hey, look at me... “

“ i’m not going anywhere. “

“ you’re not alone. “

“ just get it out. get it all out. “

“ it’s okay. “

“ you know, you’ve got a really pretty smile. “ “ you call this a smile? “

[heistcard]

PROMPTS I’D LIKE TO RECEIVE, PART 1.

⤿   headcanon memes; comfort character edition!   tw: death, family, religion.    

send in a symbol and i’ll answer the corresponding question about my muse!

[ 🧱 ] how would you describe your muses’ morality? what are their core values?

[ 🌎 ] are there any aus you have for your muse? what are they like, and how is your muse different in them?

[ 😱 ] does your muse have any specific fears? where did those fears come from?

[ 🤝 ] how does your muse approach intimacy? are they hesitant, or do they like it? what types of intimacy do they like and dislike? (ex. physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc.)

[ 👪 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents like? was it always this way?

[ 💍 ] does your muse have a “type” of people that they prefer to enter relationships with? is their type generally compatible with them, or does the dynamic tend to be toxic?

[ 🏆 ] is your muse multitalented? what are their hobbies, and why did they pick up these hobbies? if they don’t have hobbies, why don’t they?

[ 🐱 ] does your muse have pets? did they have pets as a child? how do they feel about animals?

[ ❌ ] is there something your muse struggles with that they might never overcome? what is it? why do they have so much trouble with it?

[ ✨ ] what aesthetics or symbols do you reference when writing your muse? are these backed up by canon, if your muse comes from a canon? is there any specific relevance to these choices?

[ 🌱 ] what themes are relevant to your muse?

[ 💀 ] has your muse gone through anything traumatic? if so, how has this trauma affected them?

[ 💛 ] how empathetic is your muse? how compassionate are they? is this something people expect from them, or are people surprised when they find out how compassionate or empathetic they actually are?

[ 👗 ] what is your muse’s fashion sense like? are they able to dress the way they want to? what would they wear in an ideal world?

[ 🔮 ] what is your muse’s relationship with religion and spirituality? were they raised in a certain religion? have they stuck with the same set of spiritual beliefs all their life, or have they changed over time? are they settled in their spirituality now?

[ 🤷‍♀️ ] how does your muse approach strangers? how does this compare to how they interact with close friends or lovers?

[ 🎵 ] is there a specific song or songs you associate with your muse? why is that?

[ 💸 ] if your muse had no shortage of money, what would they buy?

[ 🐺 ] does your muse like solitude? do they prefer it to being around others? how easily does your muse get lonely?

[ ⚰️ ] what are your muse’s greatest regrets? what would flash before their eyes when they’re on their deathbed?

[ 🧸 ] does your muse keep anything sentimental? if so, what do they keep and why?

[ 🙏 ] what does your muse need? this can be something material or something abstract.

[ 📚 ] what books does your muse have on their bookshelf? what books would they like to have? if your muse isn’t an avid reader, is there anything they collect or might like to collect?

[ 😍 ] does your muse believe in true love? why or why not?

[ 😇 ] what would your muse do if they became a god?

[heistcard]

&. 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  platonic  ships  are  just  as  important  as  romantic  ones!  so  here’s  some  sentence  starters  for  all  your  friendship  needs!  )

❛ remind me why we’re friends again? ❜

❛ you know you can always talk to me. ❜

❛ do you think we’re friends in every universe? ❜

❛ you’re interesting and different and i like that. ❜

❛ i feel like i can tell you anything. ❜

❛ please don’t ever become a stranger. ❜

❛ i like being alone but i’d rather be alone with you. ❜

❛ you’re important to me, you little shit. ❜

❛ i can always count on you. ❜

❛ here, you can borrow my jacket. ❜

❛ i am this close away from strangling you. ❜

❛ no offense, but you look terrible. ❜

❛ do you think we’ll ever stop being friends? ❜

❛ i found this cool rock that made me think of you. ❜

❛ you can sleep over, it’ll be like when we were kids. ❜

❛ here’s a spare key so you don’t have to keep coming in through the window. ❜

❛ that sounds dangerous. i’m in! ❜

❛ we’re still friends, right? ❜

❛ i don’t have a date, so do you wanna be my plus one? ❜

❛ i heard you were feeling sick, so i made you some soup. ❜

❛ i already said i’m paying. you can buy next time, okay? ❜

❛ you’re the best, you know that? ❜

❛ i’m not hitting you, it’s called platonic bdsm. ❜

❛ you’re more family to me than my own family is. ❜

❛ because i like you. because you’re my friend. ❜

❛ i feel like i can be myself around you. ❜

❛ alright, who am i beating up? ❜

❛ you are literally too stupid to insult. ❜

❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜

❛ who needs them. we can have fun on our own. ❜

❛ you deserve every good thing that comes your way. ❜

❛ don’t worry, i’ve got your back! ❜

❛ you’re like, the strongest person i know. ❜

❛ friends don’t lie. ❜

❛ don’t make me regret giving you the aux cord. ❜

❛ you can come over any time. it’s not a problem. ❜

❛ i’m glad to have met you. ❜

❛ you remember the day we became friends? ❜

❛ i know, i know. i’m the best. ❜

❛ no one hurts you and gets away with it. ❜

❛ because you love me! duh! ❜

❛ why do you keep me around? ❜

❛ you’re not getting rid of me that easily. ❜

❛ what would you do without me, huh? ❜

❛ thanks. i really needed this. ❜

❛ what are best friends for? ❜

[heistcard]

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not. 

AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:  

“  yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it.  that’s why you’re the one i came to.  ”

“  i’m not looking for a friend.  i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am.  ”

“  i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose.  ”

“  i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying.  you wanna get the hell out of here and do something?  ”  

 “  i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer?  ”  

“  upset?  why would i be upset?  ”

“  so you wanna go find something to break?  ”  

“  hey you want me to kill that guy for you?  ”

“  i just need to get this shit done.  and i trust you to help me do that.  ”  

“  you’re hot.  and i’m bored.  ”  

“  can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning?  ”

“  i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing.  or a light beating.  will that cheer you up?  ”

“  i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit.  so you in?  ”

“  yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing.  give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two.  ”

“  i banged it out and now i feel great.  next question.  ”

“  if i think about it,  i get angry.  and i don’t know where that anger stops.  so i’d rather not start at all.  ”

VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS: 

“  if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace.  ”

“  how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ” 

“  you should’ve seen the look on their face.  it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great.  ” 

“  i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going.  ”

“  do i trust you?  absolutely not.  next question.  ”

“  if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone.  ”

“  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now.  ”

“  i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks.  ”

“  i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help?  ”   

“  hey i got something for you look!  ”   *holds up middle finger* 

U MIGHT GET PUNCHED: 

“  why are you really here?  ”

“  i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on.  ”

“  you can’t solve every problem with your fists.  ”  

“  i’m not here to talk about me.  what the hell is going on with you?  ”

“  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”   

“  i can see beneath your smile.  ”

“  why won’t you just tell me the truth?  ”

“  what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”

“  what the hell did you do?  ”

“  so are we gonna talk about it or are we gonna pretend nothing’s wrong here?  ”

[heistcard]

more of B. Dylan Hollis’ baking TikToks - sentence starters

1. “When I think of zucchini, I think of good barbeque, summer salads… men. Just not dessert.” 

2. “I hate zuchinni. It doesn’t taste bad, it just makes me feel insufficient.” 

3. “I’m guessing the flavor profile is going to be cholestrol.” 

4. “Some dishes aren’t amazing, but they are innately comforting, and this is a prime example. Like a hug on a plate.” 

5. “I don’t need instructions. I’m single.” 

6. “At least its hot garbage.” 

7. “It’s a demon quiche!”  

8. “That isn’t a typo, this is is delibrate. Someone published this! And got paid for it!” 

9. “Can I start making assumptions now?” 

10. “Do you know what a salad is? Because whatever you think is - is wrong!” 

11. “At least nothing hatched.” 

12. “It’s not dinner time until you add a pack of gelatine to some water!” 

13. “You know what stings more than a knife, _____? Rejection.” 

14. “No veggies allowed!” 

15. “It’s a cat food recipe!” 

16. “I hate cottage cheese. It looks like its listening to me.” 

17. “Now that’s just a good cookie. It is distinctly different, but good.” 

18. “No spices for you!” 

19. “There’s no Jell-O in here, just the dark arts.” 

20. “The taste is good, it’s like Christmas, but it’s unpleasantly slimy.” 

21. “Look who’s fallen from grace. Shame.” 

22. “Yes, this definitely is one of these salads, which definitely isn’t a salad, because ______ is unsupervised and they can’t be stopped.” 

23. “You don’t measure this in calories. No, you measure this in years taken off your life expectancy!” 

24. “Is it good? No. Is it bad? No. It’s sugar!” 

25. “Go ahead, feed this to a child. You’re going to yeet them into orbit.” 

26. “It’s known that here in ______, they’ll deep-fry anything that isn’t bolted to the earth, including zucchinis, hot dogs, and several species of large bird.” 

27. “Don’t bake these, they’ll be flatter than my butt.”

28. “Are you ready to die? Yeah, me too.” 

29. “This is perfection. I don’t know what else you want me to say. Whoopsie, they’re gone!” 

30. “This is enough to incapacitate one medium child.”

31. “You sure this wasn’t meant for a bird?” 

32. “This takes a while to come out. Don’t worry, I did too.” 

33. “This is culinary terrorism!” 

34. “Tastes like a bookshelf! Books included!” 

35. “Never been down here, have you? Welcome.” 

36. “We’re pacifiers. No… we’re not pacifiers…. Pacifists!” 

37. “In ______, this recipe is actually protected by law. Bake it wrong? To jail!” 

38. “I love oats. They taste like grandparents.” 

39. “I did have to convert this entire recipe from grams into freedom units.” 

40. “Nothing quite says ‘autumn’ like an apple… except pumpkin, or seasonal depression.” 

41. “Living large tonight, ______! We got oats!” 

42. “I’m not making fun of the Great Depression… I am making fun of the Great Depression.” 

43. “They look dead, but my house smells amazing!” 

44. “Fall. Winter. Fireplaces. Beautiful! The very definition of ‘simple, yet brilliant’.” 

[heistcard]

fake dating prompts

''we don’t have a child.'' ''we do now.'' [pulls kid out of the closet] ''here, meet my niece.''

there's really no reason for us to kiss this passionately, but we're at the stage in which feelings are starting to blur, and separating fake from real is proving to be an difficult

''should we sleep in the same bed?'' ''as long as you don't touch me.''

let's practice kissing, not because we're in love with each other or anything, just to make sure it looks authentic :)

''do i have to remind you we're not actually married?''

it's really not necessary for you to move into my apartment, yet here you are, and, you've thrown your stuff everywhere. seriously. why is half of my closet on my bed?

''hold my hand.'' ''absolutely not.'' ''hold. my. hand.'' ''i said no.'' ''they're looking at us.'' [immediately grabs the other's hand, adding a pretentious smile].

we had a pretty bad argument, which leads you to ''moving out,'' and now i'm sitting here on my couch, fiddling with my fake wedding ring, going over the past few weeks, and i'm starting to realize how much i loved your company

''WHY DON'T YOU LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR'' ''I'M NOT USED TO SOMEONE LIVING WITH ME?'' [because i accidentally walked in on you showering]

“so tell me, how long have you two been dating?” [A zones out] [B kicks them under the table] A: ''what''

considering we're having sleepovers sometimes (god knows for what reason) i've started wearing some of your clothes (even going as far as bringing them home with me) and honestly, at this point i think we've both forgotten we're not actually dating

you’re going on a date with some other dude? do i have to remind you we’re married????

''you know, since --'' ''shut up.'' [offended glare]: ''no wonder no one wants to date you.''

look, i know this is fake and all, but the fact that you’re on a date with someone else is really making me jealous, and now i’m sitting here, in my apartment, watching bad television while eating KFC wishing you were Next to me

''you... don't know how to do your laundry?''

you crawl into bed next to me, and i can tell you're upset about something, but instead of telling me what's wrong, you ask me to hold you. it's the first time we cuddle, but it feels right

''YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT MY BABY PICTURES GIVE THAT PHOTO ALBUM BACK TO ME'' ''but it's from a time when you were actually likable 🥺''

my dog loves you i don't think i can kick you out yet

''do i have to remind you we're not actually married?'' ''no, but we could be.'' ''what?'' ''what''

calling your ''wife's'' mother by the wrong name, which leads to your ''wife's'' whole family staring at you in disbelief, so you try again: ''patricia…?'' you're wrong, again, and your ''wife'' sighs, uttering the loudest groan you've ever heard in your life

[A comes home one day]: ''what the hell did you do to my apartment?'' (B refurnished the whole living room)

''somebody disrespected you? let me just -- [cracks knuckles] ''i'll be right back.''

ok, we're in the 🤡privacy 🤡 of our own home, why are we kissing?

''it was never real to begin with.'' ''it was to me.''

you're leaving for work, and you kiss me goodbye, which i don't think was supposed to happen, because again, we're in the privacy of our own home, and... we're still not actually dating

the lines between what is fake and what is real is getting kinda blurry and i need to leave for a while to figure things out

you’re on a date, and i’m so in love with you, and i know i'm acting recklessly, and i really don't mean to show up at your date but i do so anyway, and your date leaves because i'm laying all cards on the table and this might well be a proposal speech and you're pissed at me and you storm out of the restaurant and i don't know what to do because you won't pick up your phone and i've called you a million times but that's because i need to apologize and make this right. i don't even care if you leave me or put up a restraining order i just want you to know that i'm sorry, seriously.

''so that's it? no more fake dating?'' ''no more fake dating.''