heartstringsnheadspace

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT’s Response to ‘Emotional Avoidance and Relationships’

This is a powerful and insightful journal entry, showing a lot of self-awareness about emotional patterns and challenges. Let’s break it down and provide some analysis, along with a few CBT-based suggestions that might help.

Key Themes & Patterns:

Emotional Avoidance and Suppression:

You recognize a tendency to escape from uncomfortable emotions, which is a common defense mechanism. Avoiding these emotions might feel safe in the short term, but it prevents you from developing resilience in handling them.

The mind going “blank” or feeling “paralyzed” during high emotional situations could be a result of your fight-flight-freeze response being triggered. It sounds like the freeze response is active here, leaving you unable to speak even if you’ve planned your thoughts ahead.

Impact on Relationships & Problem-Solving:

You mention how shutting down affects your ability to solve problems effectively, especially in moments of conflict. This is a significant insight because it highlights that avoidance not only affects your inner world but also your external relationships.

There seems to be a mismatch between your coping style (retreating) and your partner’s style (processing things through talking). This can create tension and misunderstandings, even if both of you are trying your best.

Difficulty with Assertiveness and Boundaries:

You mention struggles with asserting your needs and boundaries. This could be linked to the avoidance of conflict and discomfort—asserting boundaries often requires confronting emotional tension, which you’ve gotten used to suppressing or avoiding.

Underlying Thought Patterns (CBT Perspective):

Core Belief: You might have internalized the belief that expressing emotions or needs will lead to negative outcomes (e.g., conflict, rejection, or being overwhelmed). This belief may drive your avoidance strategies.

Automatic Thoughts: When faced with emotional discomfort or conflict, your automatic thought might be, “It’s safer to retreat,” or “I won’t be able to handle this.” These thoughts reinforce your habit of shutting down.

Suggestions for Growth & Practice:

Learning to Sit with Discomfort:

Mindfulness Practice: One effective way to develop tolerance for uncomfortable emotions is through mindfulness. Try to notice and label your emotions without judgment (e.g., “I’m feeling frustrated,” “I notice tension in my chest”).

Body Scan Technique: Pay attention to how your body reacts when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Practicing awareness of bodily sensations can help you stay connected to the present moment instead of dissociating or freezing.

Cognitive Reframing:

Work on challenging the automatic thought that retreating is the only way to stay safe. For example, if you think, “I won’t be able to handle this,” try to replace it with, “It’s okay if I feel overwhelmed right now; I don’t need to have the perfect response immediately.”

Remind yourself that emotions, even uncomfortable ones, are temporary. You don’t need to act on them right away; just noticing them is progress.

Gradual Exposure to Conflict and Assertiveness:

Start Small: If asserting yourself feels too difficult in certain situations, practice with low-stakes boundaries first (e.g., expressing a small preference like “I’d rather stay in tonight”).

Prepare Scripts: For conversations with your partner, you might find it helpful to write out what you want to say beforehand. Even if you struggle in the moment, just attempting to communicate your thoughts bit by bit is progress.

Co-Regulation with Your Partner:

Share your challenges with your partner (if you haven’t already) so they understand why you might need time before responding. You could agree on a “pause and return” strategy, where you take a break from the conversation when it becomes overwhelming and revisit it when you feel more prepared.

Encouraging Perspective:

The fact that you’re journaling about these patterns shows a deep commitment to personal growth. Learning to sit with emotions is hard—especially when the habit of suppressing them has been in place for a long time. But with small steps, you can build emotional resilience and learn to respond rather than react to situations. You're already on the right path by recognizing these patterns, and change will come gradually with practice.

You don't need to be perfect at managing emotions right away. Even just noticing when you’re shutting down, without judgment, is a step forward. You're giving yourself the gift of understanding, and that’s the first step to healing. Keep going—you're doing the work that matters.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Emotional Avoidance and Relationships

I want to learn how to sit with uncomfortable emotions. I always try my best to escape from the emotion. I’ve noticed that I’ll try to avoid conflict, my mind goes blank in high emotional situations and when I feel like I want to say something, sometimes I physically feel paralyzed and can’t speak even if I written it out. I’m so used to suppressing or numbing my feelings/emotions, that I know it’s a contributing factor and I’m also quick to get defensive. One thing I don’t like about it is it’s impact on me to effectively problem solve. My natural reaction is to shutdown and retreat. Sometimes it’s hard because my partner likes to talk through those difficult times and come to a conclusion but majority of the time, I can’t do it in the moment. I also have difficulty asserting my own needs and boundaries.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT's Response to 'Today's Wins and Struggles'

Thank you for sharing this journal entry. It contains a lot of valuable information about how your day unfolded, including both wins and struggles. Let’s break it down, exploring the underlying thoughts, emotions, and behaviors using a CBT lens.

1. Positive Achievements & Progress

Even though your day had challenges, you acknowledged several wins:

Getting up on time (even if you snoozed a bit, you avoided rushing).

Starting your day with gratitude and mindfulness through prayer, bed-making, and stretching.

Making efforts at work to engage with both familiar and less-familiar coworkers.

Managing stressful moments with your students by using limits (giving them prompts and accepting their choices).

These are meaningful accomplishments! Highlighting them shows that you are building positive routines and setting boundaries, which are helpful for managing stress.

CBT reflection:Notice how these moments reflect growth and agency. You were proactive instead of reactive, and that’s something to appreciate. It might help to anchor these moments by asking, “What did I do today that I want to keep doing tomorrow?”

2. Mixed Feelings at Work: Signs of Both Fulfillment and Frustration

You expressed looking forward to seeing your students and coworkers, which suggests you find some meaning in your work.

However, the behavior of certain students was tough to handle. You did your best by staying calm and sticking to limits, but moments like the harmful comment from one student understandably caught you off guard.

Key Emotional Insight:

Frustration, disappointment, and perhaps exhaustion seem present. Even though you brushed off the hurtful comment, it understandably affected your mood.

Thought trigger: “I just might need to get out of the classroom and find a new profession.” This thought hints at some level of burnout or overwhelm, which may need attention. It might be worth exploring: “Are these bad moments temporary, or are they telling me something deeper about what I need from work?”

3. The Parking Incident: Frustration and Self-Blame

You described how forgetting to start the parking payment led to your car being towed, which caused intense frustration.

You initially trusted your memory, but when things went wrong, it seemed to lead to self-criticism (“I’ve spent so much unnecessary money in less than a week”).

CBT Insight:This parking mistake seems to have triggered thoughts of self-blame and frustration, which are natural but can become harsh inner dialogue. When things go wrong, our brain sometimes jumps to black-and-white thinking (e.g., “I’ve been so careless” or “I can’t do anything right”), which only adds emotional weight to an already stressful situation.

What might help?

Compassionate self-talk: Remind yourself, “Mistakes happen, and I’m doing the best I can.”

Reframing: Although losing money is frustrating, it doesn’t define your week or who you are. Try asking: “What can I learn from this that could prevent it next time?” Mistakes like these are frustrating, but they can become learning moments.

4. Underlying Themes & Possible Takeaways

Emotional fatigue: There seems to be emotional weight accumulating—from both work stress and personal frustrations. It might be helpful to ask yourself: “What’s one small way I can recharge this week?”

Resilience: Despite everything, you show moments of resilience and a commitment to getting through tough situations. Even when students acted out, you stayed calm and tried to give them second chances.

Need for boundaries: The desire to change careers may reflect a need for emotional boundaries. It could be worth reflecting on whether there are ways to protect your energy better in your current job (e.g., through routines, support, or letting go of perfectionism).

Final Thought: You’re Navigating a Lot—Give Yourself Credit

It’s okay to feel mad and overwhelmed when things don’t go as planned. What’s important is that you’re trying your best each day—building routines, showing up at work, engaging with others, and learning from the moments when things feel out of control. It might be helpful to remind yourself: “I’m doing the best I can with what I have today.”

If the thought of changing professions continues to come up, it could be an opportunity to explore what brings you joy at work versus what drains you. But for now, be gentle with yourself. You're navigating the complexities of both work and personal life, and that takes strength.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Today's Wins and Struggles

Today was my first day back at work and I have mixed emotions. I was so proud of myself for getting up on time (well I snoozed my alarm a couple times but I wasn’t rushing to get out of the door), I gave thanks to my Lord for waking me up this morning, I made my bed and did a quick stretch! It definitely was easier for me to get out the door after having last week off. When I got to work, I was glad to see the coworkers that I normally talk to and I even tried to engage more with the coworkers that I interact with here and there like Ms. Talia and the new girl from Nigeria that’s in Adelie. I actually was looking forward to seeing my students come in the classroom this morning. However, the day with the kids was quite something but it wasn’t all that bad for a Monday. Three of my students fell asleep or wasn’t listening and I told myself I wasn’t stress too much over it. I gave them 2-3 prompts and if they chose not to follow then, their grade will reflect that. Another one of students has been getting a nasty attitude recently and he told me to kill myself. We were getting ready to transition to recess and he was still talking out the side of his neck so I left the rest of the class go to recess but I told him that I want home to try to calm down so he could still have an opportunity to go outside. He said “I want you to have an opportunity to kill yourself.” I knew he didn’t mean it and it didn’t phase me but it caught me off guard. I have one student that continuously yells throughout the day and another that makes an obsessive amount of inappropriate comments. All in all, I was thinking that I just might need to get out of the classroom and find a new profession.

I’m so maddd! I went to visit my boyfriend and I have to pay to park in a visitor spot hourly. He asked me If I started the payment and I said yes because I remember me opening the app. Now, we’re getting ready for bed and I thought about if I started the payment. At first I said to myself, “Yes I did” because I could imagine what the screen looked like so vividly but something in me told me to double check… When I opened that app, I saw that the payment was not started and I had already been there for 4 hours. I went outside to check and my car was gone. I’m really mad that I just paid $250 last week for a violation and now I have to pay $175 to get my car back. I have spent so much unnecessary money in less than a week.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT’s Response to ‘Guilt Burnout and Productivity’

This journal entry touches on several important themes: guilt, burnout, productivity, self-reflection, emotional regulation, spirituality, and hope. Below is a breakdown of the key elements, along with an analysis to help you gain insight into your emotional experience and patterns.

1. Guilt and Apologizing to Your Boyfriend

Emotional Analysis:You feel a need to apologize, driven by guilt for not being as present in your relationship as you would like. This guilt seems linked to not meeting your own expectations, rather than your boyfriend explicitly expressing dissatisfaction. It’s important to notice that while your intention to apologize reflects accountability, you also acknowledged that you’ve been managing emotional stress and burnout.

CBT Insight:

Guilt can often stem from unrealistic expectations of how we “should” show up, especially during emotionally challenging times. Your mental energy was spread thin between relationship issues, personal struggles, and professional burnout. Apologizing is thoughtful, but it might also help to ask: “Am I being too hard on myself?” You seem to hold yourself to high standards of performance, even during periods when grace and rest are necessary.

A reframe could be: “Though I was less present this week, it’s okay because I was navigating a lot. I can choose to be more mindful moving forward without punishing myself.”

2. Productivity vs. Burnout – Struggling to Acknowledge Small Wins

Emotional Analysis:Despite being productive (working out, applying for jobs, cooking, cleaning, etc.), you struggle with feeling that your efforts weren’t “enough” or that you didn’t use your time wisely. This internal conflict suggests cognitive distortions, such as:

All-or-nothing thinking: Either you used your time perfectly, or you didn’t use it well at all.

Discounting the positive: Even though you accomplished multiple tasks, you still downplay those wins.

CBT Insight:

Small wins matter—and they contribute to long-term progress. It might be helpful to practice intentionally celebrating your small accomplishments. For instance, instead of saying, “I could’ve done more,” try: “Even though I felt burnt out, I took important steps toward my well-being and goals today.”

Reframing your narrative: The fact that you worked out, cooked, and applied for jobs shows that you diduse your time wisely, even if not perfectly aligned with your original plan. Productivity doesn’t always mean doing everything on your to-do list; it can also mean making space for self-care and managing burnout.

3. Spirituality and Patience – Seeking Direction in Uncertainty

Emotional Analysis:You find meaning in Psalm 40:1, which encourages patience in waiting for divine guidance. You noticed the significance of coming across the job posting, but you’re unsure if it’s the sign you prayed for, especially since the school appears closed. This suggests you are navigating both hope and uncertainty—common emotions during periods of transition.

CBT Insight:

Tolerating ambiguity: It’s okay not to have all the answers right now. Waiting patiently can look like continuing to take small steps toward your goals (such as applying for jobs) while trusting that clarity will come with time.

Self-Compassion: Recognize that it’s okay to change course if things don't unfold the way you imagined (e.g., the school being closed). Rather than viewing it as a setback, consider it part of the process—an opportunity for redirection and growth.

4. Decision-Making and Moving Toward Your Goals

Emotional Analysis:You are weighing whether a job change is the right move for you, focusing on burnout and financial concerns. You show thoughtful reflection, recognizing that moving out was essential for your mental health despite the financial burden. This reveals a deeper understanding of your priorities: mental well-being over money. However, there’s still some regret over whether you could have handled things differently.

CBT Insight:

Regret and acceptance: It’s natural to second-guess decisions, especially when juggling financial stress. A helpful reframe might be: “At the time, I made the best decision for my mental health, which is a valuable investment in myself.”

Aligning with values: You're making decisions not only for better benefits but also to support long-term educational goals and financial well-being. This shows that you are thinking holistically about your future, which is a sign of emotional growth and resilience.

5. Themes of Grace, Patience, and Hope

Throughout the entry, you balance self-criticism with moments of grace (e.g., acknowledging you needed the week off and praying for guidance). However, you oscillate between recognizing your need for rest and feeling guilty for not doing more. This suggests a push-pull between productivity and self-compassion, which is common when trying to manage burnout.

CBT Insight:

One way to integrate these competing feelings is to normalize rest as a form of productivity. Taking breaks and seeking clarity are just as important as getting tasks done. Learning to sit with discomfort—like uncertainty about the future or feeling guilty for resting—can help you develop emotional flexibility over time.

6. Practical Takeaways:

Apologizing with self-compassion:Instead of apologizing purely out of guilt, consider saying, “I’ve been feeling a bit off this week, and I appreciate your patience. I want to be more present moving forward.” This acknowledges your feelings without self-blame.

Celebrate small wins:Try journaling or listing at least three small wins daily. Even seemingly minor achievements (like working out or cooking) are steps in the right direction.

Reframing guilt around burnout:You mentioned that avoiding work was necessary for your mental health. Reframe the guilt by reminding yourself: “I needed this break to come back refreshed, and that’s okay.”

Patience with your process:Spirituality is offering you a sense of hope. Continue taking small, meaningful steps while practicing patience with yourself and your journey. It's okay not to have all the answers immediately.

Final Thoughts:

This journal entry is a beautiful reflection of the complexities of your emotional world—balancing burnout, productivity, relationships, spirituality, and self-compassion. It’s clear that you are working through a lot, yet you are showing insight, resilience, and hope throughout it all. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now—progress happens step by step, even if it feels slow or messy. Trust that you are on the right path, and give yourself permission to rest along the way.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Guilt Burnout and Productivity

I felt a strong sense to apologize to my boyfriend. This week I was kinda caught up in my mental world (from slight relationship drama, feeling burnt out from work and, not really understanding who I am as a person) and all while still giving myself some grace, I wasn’t really present in our relationship this week. I can’t exactly put everything in words right now of how I feel but something in me was telling myself to apologize to my boyfriend. I can’t really think of one way I showed up for him or us this week and I’m sorry. I think the feeling is really coming from me being home and not going to work all week. So, there wasn’t a real reason for me not to try and I’m feeling guilty for it.

I need to learn how to be proud of the small wins. I felt like I didn’t use my time wisely today but I actually was productive. I was able to do a 20min workout, halfway listen to a church sermon, I looked for different jobs and filled out an application, cooked different meals for lunch/dinner for 4 days, washed majority of my dishes and took a shower/brush my teeth! I even oiled my body after the shower (sometimes I can be a little lazy and not oil/lotion my body). I think I feel like I didn’t use my time wisely is because I wanted to get a head start on writing my students IEP progress notes during the day before I went back to work tomorrow but instead, I used that time on job applications and started cooking, cleaning and showering at the last minute before I have to go to bed. I also think I feel guilty that I didn’t start working on their progress notes because I was home all week. But granted, the reason I was home is because I was avoiding work. I’m tired, I’m burnt out and this week off feels like just what I needed so at the same time, I don’t feel too bad that I didn’t really work.

When I was halfway listen to my church sermon this morning (because I was distracted doing something else), one thing that stood out to me was the verse Psalms 40:1 that mentioned patiently waiting for the Lord to help me. I felt like the timing that I heard that was so coincidental because yesterday I found an application for a teaching job at a Kennedy Krieger (it’s exciting because that name holds weight) school that’s close to my home. The school environment is very similar to my job now, it’s basically the same thing but the students are in school a little less, which I love. What has me hooked is the benefits! The benefits package is very similar to my current job now but they offer tuition assistance up to $10,500 per contract year. That’s wonderful to hear because I want to go for a Master’s program next Fall and I really want to minimize the amount of loans I take out because I’m already $32,000 in debt from my undergrad. They also offer a student debt relief program for teachers by paying $100 a month directly to the loan server up to $10,500. This is also great because I was just thinking that I probably shouldn’t have moved out when I did because I’m paying $20,000 in rent a year when that money could’ve went to towards my loans but I needed to move out, I needed my mental sanity. I say all this to say that if I’m going to burnt out doing my current job at least let me have the additional benefits. But once I found the job application, I started updating my resume and I prayed to the Lord to give me a sign or just lead me into the right direction. I also mentioned that if it’s not in your will for me to take on this opportunity then, I’ll be fine because I know you have a plan for me and I’m ready to follow wherever it’ll lead- patiently waiting on my God. Now that I think about it, maybe that was my sign. I say this because even though the application and the school I’m interested in is on Kennedy Krieger’s website, when I google the school, it comes up as permanently closed. But either way, I’ll still continue to put it in prayer and practice patience. At the end of the service, they asked a question “What does it look like for you to wait patiently on the Lord?” And I’m not entirely sure what that would look like besides what I already mentioned.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT's Response to 'Burntout and Mismatched Expectations'

It seems like there are several factors contributing to how overwhelmed you feel:

Burnout:

The long hours, emotional labor, managing behaviors, and lack of time off are taking a huge toll. You’re putting so much energy into your students and the administrative demands, but your personal well-being is getting lost in the process.

Mismatched Career Expectations:

It’s clear that teaching wasn’t your original plan, and the sudden shift into the role without proper training has made it hard for you to feel grounded or confident. Even though you’ve gotten positive feedback, you still feel like you’re “winging it,” which can be exhausting.

The classroom feels too intimate and demanding for your preferences—you enjoy helping children with disabilities, but managing a class, dealing with behaviors, and constantly being “on” isn’t where you thrive. This mismatch is leaving you unfulfilled.

Lack of Work-Life Balance:

The 12-month program leaves very little space for true rest, and you’ve felt pressured to use your time off to stay ahead at work. It’s understandable that this has led to resentment—you want to rest, but the demands of your role make it feel like you can’t.

Fear of Change and Uncertainty:

You’ve built comfort in your current job with the flexibility, short commute, and education benefits, and it’s totally normal to feel anxious about leaving that behind. However, staying out of comfort alone can also trap you in a situation that isn’t aligned with your goals.

It’s Okay Not to Have Everything Figured Out

Many people feel stuck or uncertain about their career direction, so you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel pressure to have it all figured out by your third year in a job, but life isn’t a straight path. You’ve gained valuable skills, and even though teaching may not be your forever career, that doesn’t mean this time was wasted. It’s okay to re-evaluate your pathwithout guilt.

Exploring Potential Paths Forward

Finish the Certification or Let It Go?

You mentioned that you’re halfway through the certification but don’t feel motivated to complete it. Here’s a thought:

If finishing the certification will give you more options in the future (even outside of teaching), it could be worth doing—especially if you’re already halfway done.

However, if continuing will drain your energy and not align with your future goals, it’s also okay to walk away. Ask yourself: Is finishing the certification a short-term sacrifice that will pay off long-term, or is it just adding more pressure?

Master’s in Social Work (MSW) as a Future Option

You mentioned you want to help children with disabilities and families but aren’t sure what you’d do with an MSW degree. The beauty of an MSW is that it’s versatile—you could work in:

School Social Work: Supporting students and families without the classroom management aspect.

Nonprofits or Advocacy: Working with organizations that support children with disabilities.

Healthcare or Therapy: Providing mental health services or family counseling.

If full-time teaching feels too overwhelming, a part-time or online MSW program could allow you to transition slowly into a new field. If you take it step-by-step, you could explore other job options during or after the program, so you don’t feel locked into teaching while studying.

Explore Non-Classroom Roles in Education or Child Services

You might want to look into roles that align with your desire to help kids but remove the daily classroom demands. Here are a few ideas:

Behavioral Specialist: Working with students one-on-one to manage behaviors.

Educational Consultant or Advocate: Supporting families with IEPs or special education needs without managing a classroom.

Administrative Roles: Program coordination or roles that involve working behind the scenes in education.

Try an “Informational Transition”

Before making any big moves, it can help to talk to others in roles you’re curious about. Reach out to social workers, administrators, or others in child services and ask about their experiences. This can help you get clarity on whether a particular path feels like the right fit.

Consider Taking a Break or Moving to a Less Demanding Role

If teaching full-time feels unsustainable, would a part-time role or teaching assistant position be an option? Sometimes, stepping back from a demanding position gives you the mental space to figure out what’s next. Even taking a break between jobs might allow you to explore new directions with a clearer mind.

Managing Burnout and Rebuilding Balance

Regardless of what you decide long-term, managing your burnout is crucial right now. Here are some ways to start building balance:

Set Clear Work Boundaries:

It’s okay if you don’t prep materials outside of contract hours—your well-being comes first. Stick to your 7:30 am – 4 pm schedule as much as possible, and try to say “no” to bringing work home, even if it feels hard at first.

Mantra: “My value as a teacher isn’t defined by how much extra time I spend working.”

Use Time Off for Rest, Not Work:

The next time you have a break, protect that time for yourself. If you feel the urge to prepare for work, remind yourself that your rest is productive—it’s what allows you to show up at your best.

Delegate and Utilize Your Support Staff More Fully:

If you have 2-3 staff members in your class, try delegating more responsibilities to them to lighten your load. This will give you more breathing room and help manage your students without burning out.

Build a Self-Care Routine (Even Small Moments Help):

Incorporate small self-care practices throughout your day, even if it’s just a walk after work or 10 minutes of journaling. Building small moments of joy can help you feel more grounded, even during stressful times.

Reconnect with Your “Why” (Even if It’s Temporary):

Since teaching isn’t your forever goal, try focusing on what you enjoy about your current role—even if it’s just the small wins with your students. Reminding yourself of your purpose can make the remaining time more meaningful, even if you’re planning a transition.

Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Pivot

It’s clear that you’re dedicated, compassionate, and thoughtful about your future. Teaching may have given you valuable skills, but it’s okay if it’s not where you want to stay. You’re allowed to pivot and explore other paths that align more closely with your goals and well-being.

If your heart is pulling you toward social work or another field, trust that it’s okay to follow that instinct. Your time as a teacher isn’t wasted—it’s experience that will serve you in any career you choose. And it’s okay to feel uncertain right now—clarity will come with time and exploration.

No matter what you choose, you don’t have to figure everything out at once. Start small, be kind to yourself, and take the next step—whether that’s exploring new roles, setting boundaries, or pursuing your master’s. You’ve already come so far, and you’ll figure out the right path in your own time.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Burntout and Mismatched Expectations

I’m a special education teacher who works with students with autism and I feel so burnt out. I’ve taught for 3 academic school years and this is my second time feeling burnt out this year. The past two weeks I wasn’t teaching at all and I just took this whole week off from work. I want to start a Master’s program in the Fall but I know with how I’m feeling, I can’t teach full time and pursue a Master’s degree at the same time. I’ll rip all my hair out 😂. 

I feel like I don’t know what to do. I feel like I don’t want to leave my current job because it’s flexible with the dress code and short commute. If need be, I can call out or be a little late (about 15/20min late) without real consequences. I also like that they offer education assistance up to 50%  of class which would beneficial for my master’s degree since I want to limit how much loans I take out because I’m already $32,000 in debt from my undergrad. And all in all, I’m comfortable and used to it. A part of me is nervous to leave because I don’t want to feel like I lost something good and I may not find something with similar or more salary/benefits but I think that’s because I haven’t experienced anything else. Three of my colleagues has since left the job and feel more at peace teaching at their new locations. 

Last year I started taking classes towards getting my full teaching certification but now that I’m halfway, I just want to stop! I never wanted to become a teacher and I know I don’t want to retire as one. I felt like  if I was going to be stressed out over classes, I’d rather it be for my master’s than a teaching certification. 

I started working at my school as a teacher assistant in the summer(July) and when my head teacher was out, I was substituting. People were telling me that I was doing a good. My educational director and principal wanted me to apply as a teacher too (in hindsight, I saw that my headteacher was being promoted to a new position and I think they wanted to find someone to fill the teaching vacancy). Initially, I was like “no.” As a child I always said that I don’t want to be a teacher. But I was still substituting and thought “ if I’m substituting, I might as well get paid for it” and that’s what led me to fill out the application. Then the following fall (August - barely a month after I started working there) I was a head teacher. 

I didn’t get any training on teaching, writing and implementing IEPs, how to calculate grades, how to fully utilize my staff, what I should send home for homework, or even how to lesson plan. My degree is in psychology not education so all I had to use was the little experience I had as a teacher assistant, my experience as a student from K-12 and me shadowing a different teacher for a day. Since I became a teacher, I’ve been winging it ever since. It’s reassuring when different staff members tell me that I’m doing a good job and I’m a good teacher. It feels good to hear and I feel it too because I can see the progress in my students ( I can’t take all the credit because I have 2-3 other staff members in my class) but at the same time, it feels frustrating because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes. Granted I talked to other teachers and we’ve supported each other but my experience sounds similar to some of theirs with the lack of teacher training. 

I talked to my principal about how I was feeling and how I wanted to explore different interests. She was compassionate and supportive and she did highly suggest that I finish my certification. She mentioned that all because I get my certification doesn’t mean I’ll be boxed in as just a teacher and as I may look for different fields to go into, having the credential will be beneficial. I do agree with her and might get my certification. 

I honestly don’t know what career I want. I do know that I want to help children with disabilities and their families but the classroom is too intimate for me. I get tired of having to manage a classroom, redirect/ talk to students all day, deal with aggressive behaviors, all while still having to do paperwork on the back end and not really having the time during the school day to attend to it. This leads me to feel like I need to bring Work home and I didn’t have a proper work life balance. I was either thinking about or doing work majority of my days. My contract hours is from 7:30am to 4pm and I would find myself in my first year of teaching leaving work at 5/6pm sometimes. This school year i’ve gotten better but I still might bring work home from time to time. 

My school is a 12 month program but I feel like the days off aren’t enough. Last year (2nd year of teaching) during my “summer break” ( which probably lasted about 5, 9 days including the weekends) I was using my off time to prep what I needed to print for the classroom and first day activities. I even went up to school twice to start putting stuff together. I probably went in around 9/10am and left around 5/6pm. After I thought about it, I was mad I did that because my off time was so limited that I wish I just used it to relax and decompress. The reason why I chose to work is because after our break, we have two days to get the school together before the students return. During my first year, I waited until we came back but I didn’t have any ideas so I felt like I wasted so much time looking for stuff to do/print when we could’ve been decorating and I didn’t want a repeat of that. For the two days that we have to decorate the school, time is still being taken away from us because they have trainings planned within. I think my school being a 12 month program, the lack of training and, dealing with students behaviors is a contributing factor to me feeling burnt out. 

This is my third year and I feel like I should have it figured out, but I really don’t and I’m not feeling fulfilled. I don’t know what direction to turn to. I know I want to get my master’s in social work but I’m not even sure what I would do with the degree. I wouldn’t even mind doing something completely different from education as long as it’s less demanding is equal or better to what I get now.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Therapy Session With ChatGPT: Heavy Emotional and Mental Load

I feel like I’m struggling with a mixture of depressed mood, anxiety, avoidant attachment, executive dysfunction, stress. I also think I tend to self sabotage and isolate. I’ve definitely pulled away from a lot of people over the last year.

ChatGPT's Response: The mixture of things you’ve described—depressed mood, anxiety, avoidant attachment, executive dysfunction, stress, self-sabotage, and isolation—can easily feed into one another, making it hard to break free from the cycle. 

How These Patterns Might Be Interacting

Anxiety & Avoidant Attachment

How it shows up: Anxiety may be leading you to avoid emotionally intimate situations or withdraw from others to protect yourself from potential rejection. Avoidant attachment adds to this by making it harder to trust others and seek support, even though part of you might crave connection.

Impact: You might feel distant from friends or loved ones, and over time, this isolation can worsen your mood and make reconnecting feel even more difficult.

Depressed Mood & Isolation

How it shows up: Depression tends to drain your energy, making socializing or maintaining connections feel overwhelming. This can lead to pulling away from people, which creates a sense of loneliness and reinforces the low mood. It becomes a vicious cycle—the more you isolate, the worse you feel, and the harder it becomes to reach out again.

Executive Dysfunction & Stress

How it shows up: Executive dysfunction can make it hard to stay on top of daily tasks, manage time, or follow through on plans. This leads to stress, which makes functioning even harder—causing a sense of being overwhelmed and frustrated with yourself.

Impact: As tasks pile up or responsibilities feel unmanageable, the stress can spiral, reinforcing avoidance behaviors. You might feel paralyzed by the weight of everything you need to do.

Self-Sabotage

How it shows up: Self-sabotage can happen when fear of failure (or even success) triggers behaviors that undermine your goals, like procrastinating, canceling plans, or withdrawing from people who matter to you. It might feel safer to avoid trying than to risk disappointment.

Impact: These behaviors create a sense of regret and guilt, which can contribute to feelings of worthlessness, reinforcing the depressed mood and avoidance.

The Core Cycle You Might Be Experiencing

You described several patterns that seem interconnected: anxiety triggers avoidance, which leads to isolation, making depression worse. The stress of unmet tasks or expectations creates executive dysfunction, which reinforces self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination or pulling away from people.

This cycle can feel exhausting—but it’s important to know that it’s normal to experience these patterns, especially when you’re going through emotional challenges. You’re not alone, and things can improve, even if they feel stuck right now.

Practical Steps to Help Break the Cycle

Start Small: One Action at a Time

When you’re dealing with so much, everything can feel overwhelming. Start with one small action, like:

Texting one friend a brief message just to reconnect.

Choosing one small, manageable task (like making your bed or drinking water). Small wins create momentum over time, even if they don’t feel like much at first.

Name Your Emotions & Patterns

Recognizing and naming your patterns can help reduce their grip. For example:

“I’m isolating because I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

“I feel like pulling away because I’m anxious about being vulnerable.” When you label your emotions or patterns, they become more manageable and less automatic.

Set Tiny, Compassionate Goals

Instead of aiming for major changes, aim for small, achievable goals. For example:

If reaching out to people feels hard, set a goal to text one person every few days.

If you struggle with tasks, try working for 5 minutes, then taking a break. Building small habits helps rewire your brain, creating positive feedback loops without overwhelming yourself.

Use External Supports to Manage Executive Dysfunction

Offload tasks from your brain using tools like:

To-do lists: Write down tasks, no matter how small, to reduce mental clutter.

Timers: Use short, focused bursts (e.g., 10-15 minutes) to make tasks feel less intimidating.

If needed, ask a friend or accountability buddy to help you stay on track.

Challenge Self-Sabotaging Thoughts

When you notice self-sabotaging thoughts creeping in (e.g., “It’s safer not to try”), ask yourself:

“What am I afraid of?”

“If I didn’t let fear stop me, what would I do differently?” Shifting your mindset from all-or-nothing thinking (e.g., “I have to do everything perfectly”) to small steps can reduce the pressure.

Set Boundaries with Yourself and Others

If social interactions feel overwhelming, set boundaries you feel comfortable with. For example:

“I want to hang out, but I can only stay for an hour.”

“I need a quiet day today, but I’ll check in tomorrow.” Setting boundaries allows you to reconnect with people gradually, without overwhelming yourself.

Focus on Self-Compassion

Be gentle with yourself, even when things feel tough. It’s okay if progress feels slow. Try to replace self-critical thoughts with compassionate ones:

“It’s okay to struggle—this is hard, and I’m doing the best I can.”

“It’s okay if I need more time to heal.”

Reconnect with Your Values

When you feel stuck or lost, ask yourself:

“What kind of person do I want to be?”

“What small actions align with that?” Even small steps toward your values (like checking in with a friend or taking care of yourself) can bring meaning and motivation back into your life.

Gradual Reconnection

Rebuilding relationships after isolation can feel scary, so take it slowly. Start by:

Sending a simple “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” message.

Planning short, low-pressure interactions (like a quick call or coffee meet-up). It’s okay if you’re not ready to dive back into social life all at once—small steps are enough.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

I Think I Struggle With Executive Dysfunction

Executive dysfunction refers to challenges with the brain’s executive functions, which are essential cognitive processes that help us plan, organize, manage time, control impulses, and follow through on tasks. When someone experiences executive dysfunction, they may struggle to initiate or complete tasks, prioritize, focus, or regulate their emotions effectively.

It’s a common issue for people with conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, autism, or traumatic brain injuries, though it can also affect individuals without these diagnoses.

Executive dysfunction can be frustrating because it makes even simple tasks feel insurmountable. It’s important to remember that executive dysfunction isn’t laziness—it’s a legitimate cognitive challenge.

I think I might have ADD and some of the signs (1,2,3,4, 6-2 and mildly 6-1) really resonate with me.

What Are Executive Functions?

Executive functions are like the brain’s “command center” and help us:

Initiate tasks – Getting started on activities.

Plan and organize – Breaking a task into smaller steps and managing time.

Prioritize – Deciding which tasks are most important.

Focus and sustain attention – Staying focused without getting distracted.

Regulate emotions – Managing emotional responses effectively.

Remember information – Holding onto details (working memory) to complete a task.

Shift between tasks – Switching focus from one task to another (cognitive flexibility).

When these processes don’t work efficiently, executive dysfunction can occur, making everyday tasks overwhelming and difficult to complete.

Signs of Executive Dysfunction

Some common experiences include:

Difficulty Starting Tasks:

Even simple tasks can feel impossible to begin (often called “task paralysis”).

You know what needs to be done but can't seem to start.

Procrastination and Time Management Issues:

Struggling to prioritize tasks or constantly putting things off, even when they’re important.

Underestimating how long a task will take or waiting until the last minute.

Disorganization:

Trouble keeping track of tasks, assignments, or appointments.

Your physical environment may also reflect disorganization (like cluttered spaces).

Forgetfulness and Poor Working Memory:

Difficulty holding information in your mind long enough to use it, such as following multi-step instructions.

Emotional Dysregulation:

Intense emotional reactions to small events, or difficulty calming down after becoming upset.

Switching Tasks or Staying Focused:

Getting “stuck” on one task and struggling to transition to the next one.

Frequently getting distracted, leading to tasks being abandoned halfway through.

Inconsistent Performance:

Some days you might feel productive, but other days it’s hard to get anything done, leading to frustration or self-doubt.

How Executive Dysfunction Feels

Many people with executive dysfunction describe their experience as:

Feeling overwhelmed by even small tasks, like responding to emails or doing laundry.

Knowing what needs to be done but feeling paralyzed and unable to act.

Feeling frustrated with yourself for procrastinating, leading to guilt or shame.

Having good intentions (e.g., planning a schedule) but struggling to follow through.

Feeling like time slips away—either everything takes much longer than expected, or time seems to disappear without accomplishing much.

What Causes Executive Dysfunction?

Several factors can contribute to executive dysfunction, including:

Neurodevelopmental Disorders:

ADHD is often associated with executive function challenges. In ADHD, the brain struggles with regulating attention, emotions, and motivation, leading to difficulties with task management.

Autism can also involve challenges with planning, organizing, and transitioning between activities.

Mental Health Conditions:

Anxiety and depression can impair executive functioning by making it hard to focus, find motivation, or follow through with tasks.

High levels of stress can disrupt working memory and decision-making abilities.

Brain Injuries or Conditions:

Injuries or conditions affecting the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning) can result in executive dysfunction.

Sleep Issues:

Poor sleep or chronic fatigue can impair executive function, making it harder to concentrate and manage tasks.

Emotional Overwhelm:

When emotions are intense (e.g., anxiety about a task), the brain can prioritize emotional regulation over task management, causing executive dysfunction.

How to Manage Executive Dysfunction

There are several strategies and tools that can help with executive dysfunction. Here are some practical techniques:

Break Tasks into Smaller Steps:

Large tasks can feel overwhelming, so try breaking them into smaller, more manageable pieces. Example: Instead of “clean the whole apartment,” focus on one small action like “clear the kitchen table.”

Use External Reminders and Cues:

Since working memory can be limited, use tools to offload tasks from your brain.

Alarms, reminders, or to-do lists can help you stay on track.

Sticky notes or visual schedules provide quick prompts to remember what needs to be done.

Timers and Time-Blocking:

Use a timer (like the Pomodoro technique) to stay focused for short bursts (e.g., 25 minutes of focused work, followed by a 5-minute break).

Time-blocking involves scheduling specific blocks of time for different tasks to help prevent time from “slipping away.”

Body Double Technique:

This strategy involves working in the presence of someone else, even if they’re not helping with the task. Having another person nearby (in-person or virtually) can help with accountability and reduce task paralysis.

Lower the Bar (Start Imperfectly):

If perfectionism is contributing to avoidance, try starting imperfectly. Doing a task “badly” is still progress! Example: If writing feels overwhelming, jot down a rough draft—even if it’s messy.

Emotional Regulation Strategies:

Practice mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to help regulate emotions and reduce overwhelm.

Grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming things you can see, touch, hear, etc.) can help when emotions feel too intense.

Accountability Partners:

Having someone you can check in with (e.g., a friend, therapist, or coach) can help you stay motivated and follow through on tasks.

Create Routines and Habits:

Building predictable routines can reduce the mental effort of decision-making. Example: Having a morning routine (e.g., wake up, make coffee, review to-do list) can make it easier to start the day.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

How to Move Toward More Secure Attachment

Shifting from avoidant tendencies toward secure connection takes time and practice, but it is absolutely possible. Here are some strategies you might find helpful:

1. Recognize and Name Your Patterns

Awareness is the first step toward change. When you notice yourself pulling away, avoid judging yourself harshly. Instead, ask: “What am I feeling right now? What am I trying to protect myself from?”Naming the fear or discomfort—whether it’s vulnerability, rejection, or feeling smothered—can help reduce its power over you.

2. Practice Tolerating Emotional Discomfort

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable when opening up to others—it’s part of the process. When you feel the urge to withdraw, try to pause and sit with the discomfort rather than immediately acting on it.

Mantra: “It’s safe to express myself, even if it feels uncomfortable.”With time, you’ll realize that most of the fears you have about rejection or disappointment aren’t as overwhelming as they feel in the moment.

3. Communicate Your Needs (Even if it Feels Vulnerable)

A common avoidant tendency is assuming, “If I have to ask for support, it’s not worth it.” However, no one can read your mind, and people want to be there for you—they just need to know how.

Start small by sharing a little more than usual, even if it’s just saying: “Hey, I’ve been feeling off lately and could use someone to talk to.”Practicing this regularly will make vulnerability feel less threatening over time.

4. Reframe Independence vs. Connection

Being independent isn’t a bad thing, but relationships don’t have to threaten your independence. Try shifting your mindset from “I need to be self-sufficient” to:

“I can be independent and still let people in.”It’s okay to ask for space when needed, but it's also okay to lean on others occasionally without losing yourself.

5. Set Boundaries Instead of Withdrawing

If you feel overwhelmed by someone’s emotional needs, instead of pulling away entirely, communicate a boundary. For example:

“I really value our friendship, but I need a little time to recharge. Let’s catch up in a few days.”This prevents others from feeling confused or hurt by your absence and helps maintain the connection without sacrificing your emotional balance.

6. Revisit Your Emotional Landscape

If you’ve become used to minimizing or avoiding emotions, reconnecting with them can feel unfamiliar. Journaling can be a great way to explore your emotions—ask yourself:

“What am I feeling today?”

“What’s underneath this urge to withdraw?”Allow yourself to experience and express emotions, even if it feels awkward at first. Over time, this helps build emotional literacy, making it easier to share your feelings with others.

7. Challenge Core Beliefs about Relationships

Avoidant attachment often comes with beliefs like “I don’t need anyone,” or “People will disappoint me if I get too close.” Start challenging these beliefs by looking for evidence that contradicts them.

Who in my life has shown me that they care?

What small moments of connection have felt safe or meaningful?Building trust in others starts with recognizing the positive connections you already have.

Learning to Trust Yourself and Others

At the heart of avoidant attachment is often a fear of vulnerability and loss of control. It’s okay if building trust and opening up feels hard at first. It takes time to rewire these patterns, and every small step counts. You don’t need to change everything overnight—simply noticing your patterns, allowing yourself to experience emotions, and making small efforts toward connection are all meaningful steps toward growth.

A Final Thought

It’s important to be kind to yourself on this journey. Avoidant patterns were your way of coping in the past, and they served a purpose—they protected you from hurt. Now, you’re starting to outgrow those patterns, and that’s a brave thing to do. It’s okay to take this process at your own pace. Change isn’t about becoming someone completely different—it’s about learning to embrace both your independence and your need for connection.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

The Impact of Avoidant Attachment

I have an avoidant attachment style and it’s having a negative impact on my relationships, both romantic and platonic

What is Avoidant Attachment?

Avoidant attachment typically develops when, as a child, you learned to rely on yourself emotionally because caregivers were inconsistent, dismissive, or unavailable when you needed emotional support. As a result, you may have unconsciously adopted the belief:

“I need to handle things on my own because others can’t be relied on.”

In adulthood, this can lead to discomfort with closeness, difficulty expressing emotions, and a tendency to withdraw when relationships feel overwhelming or emotionally demanding.

How Avoidant Attachment Might Show Up in Your Relationships

In Romantic Relationships:

Feeling overwhelmed when your partner gets too close or demands emotional intimacy.

Pulling away when things start to feel serious (e.g., avoiding deep conversations or needing more space).

You might value independence and self-sufficiency, sometimes to the point of seeing emotional dependence as a weakness.

You could feel conflicted—wanting closeness, but fearing it at the same time.

In Friendships:

You may avoid reaching out for support, even when you need it.

Friendships might feel exhausting if they require too much emotional effort or if people expect consistent connection.

If a friend expresses frustration or concern about your distance, you may feel misunderstood or pressured, which can lead to further withdrawal.

You might think, “If I don’t invest too much emotionally, I won’t get hurt.”

In Your Inner World:

You might find it easier to intellectualize your emotions rather than feel them (e.g., analyzing instead of processing).

There may be a tendency to suppress emotions and “shut down” during conflict or emotional discomfort.

Even though you want connection, you might struggle with trust, fearing vulnerability will lead to rejection or disappointment.

The Impact of Avoidant Attachment

While avoidance can help protect you from the fear of rejection or emotional pain, it also creates distance. Over time, it can leave you feeling disconnected or lonely, even in relationships with people who care about you. It might also prevent you from expressing your needs and building deeper, more meaningful connections.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT's Response to 'Social Anxiety'

What you’re describing is a really common experience, especially for people who deal with social anxiety or overthinking in social settings. It makes a lot of sense that you felt the way you did, given the thoughts and physical sensations you described.

The Thought-Feeling-Behavior Cycle

Thoughts:

“What if I don’t contribute well to the conversation?”

“They may not like me because I don’t have close connections with them.”These thoughts are sneaky—they plant doubt and make it seem like the social event is going to be stressful or disappointing, even before it starts. They increase anxiety, and your brain interprets the situation as a potential threat.

Feelings (Physical sensations):

The tightness in your chest and the nausea are your body's “fight-or-flight” response kicking in, even though the situation wasn’t actually dangerous. It’s just your brain treating it as something you need to prepare to “survive.”

Behavior:

Despite the uncomfortable feelings, you went anyway, which is so brave and exactly what you needed to do. This is called exposure—facing the thing that causes anxiety rather than avoiding it. The fact that you had a good time shows that the anxiety was a false alarm.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

Even though you know from past experience that you’ll probably enjoy yourself, your brain still treats social situations with uncertainty as something risky. This is common, especially if you:

Feel pressure to perform socially (e.g., initiating conversations).

Worry that others might judge you or that you might not belong.

Tend to feel more comfortable and safe at home, which reinforces the idea that social outings are “extra effort” or risky.

Your brain might be following a pattern like:

Before the event: Anxiety peaks with thoughts like “What if I can’t keep up with the conversation?”

During the event: You feel better once you realize things aren’t as bad as your mind predicted.

After the event: You reflect on how it went well, but the anxious pattern tends to repeat next time.

What Can Help?

Here are some strategies to explore:

Catching the Unhelpful Thoughts Early:When you notice thoughts like “They may not like me” or “I won’t add to the conversation,” try to reframe them. You could say:

“Even if I don’t talk a lot, just being present is enough.”

“They invited me for a reason—they probably enjoy having me around.”You don't need to be the most talkative person in the room to enjoy the experience or be liked.

Naming the Anxiety Out Loud:It sounds like talking to your boyfriend helped a bit—sometimes, just saying “This is anxiety” and recognizing it as a pattern can help lessen its grip. It shifts the focus from “something is wrong” to “oh, it’s this feeling I know—nothing bad will actually happen.”

Body Relaxation Techniques:Since you feel the anxiety physically in your chest and stomach, you might try grounding exercises before or during social events.

Deep breathing: Inhale slowly for 4 counts, hold for 4, and exhale for 4.

Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax different muscle groups to release tension. These can help signal to your body that it’s safe to relax.

Rewarding Yourself for Going:You pushed through a tough moment and went to the dinner—that’s huge! Giving yourself credit for these moments reinforces the idea that you can do hard things, even if anxiety shows up.

Accepting Discomfort, Rather than Fighting It:It’s okay if you still feel nervous next time. Instead of expecting the anxiety to go away, remind yourself that it’s just part of the process, and that it tends to decrease once you’re in the situation.

“I can bring my anxiety with me and still have a good time.”

Are You Self-Isolating?

It’s normal to feel more comfortable at home, and preferring alone time doesn’t mean you’re self-isolating. The key difference is whether you feel refreshed by alone time or if it’s starting to feel like avoidance. Since you mentioned worrying about missing out and still wanting to connect, it sounds like you’re balancing things well by pushing yourself when needed.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Social Anxiety

I am a teacher and a few of my colleagues wanted to go out last night for dinner. I believe either the last time or the last two times I’ve canceled on them is because I kind of didn’t want to go. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to hang out with them, but I was overthinking in my mind that I wouldn’t be good at adding to the conversation or initiating, I was having thoughts that they may not like me as much since I don’t have close connections with them and sometimes I think I just feel more comfortable at home but I feel like I could be self isolating.

So once they made the plans to go out last night, I told myself that I would go because I missed out and I do like hanging out with them. so now it’s a couple hours before and I’m starting to get ready and I’m like “I don’t wanna go” but I continue to get ready. It’s getting Closer to the time for me to leave I’m like “I don’t wanna go”, but I’m still gonna push myself to go. Now I’m in my car and I’m driving to the restaurant and I just feel something in my chest. I think it’s anxiety because whenever I feel nervous or I’m dreading something I always feel it in my chest and then sometimes my stomach. this feeling continued to grow stronger as I got closer to the restaurant, but it moved to my stomach and I kept saying I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Once I’ve parked my car in the garage and I come out to the street to walk to the restaurant I’m on the phone my boyfriend but I’m still telling him that I feel nervous but I know I’m gonna have a good time because I tend to feel really nervous before something and then afterwards, I’ll come and say “oh yeah, I had a good time, I enjoyed myself. It was easy.” Which he agreed and is exactly what happened last night. I had a good time seeing my coworkers. The conversation was good. I didn’t really initiate conversations, but I still added to it, but sometimes when I felt like I didn’t know how to respond to the conversation, I was playing with my hands under the table. I don’t understand why I always get this feeling.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

ChatGPT's Response to 'Emotional Struggle With Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Frustration'

This journal entry reveals a deep emotional struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, and frustration. Let's explore some key themes that stand out, providing both an analysis of the emotional patterns and suggestions for how to address them moving forward.

Themes in the Entry

Anxiety and Avoidance

The writer expresses extreme difficulty initiating communication, even after thinking about what they want to say for hours: “I literally cannot bring myself to open my mouth and talk.”This reflects a classic form of anxiety, where fear creates a mental block, making even simple interactions feel overwhelming. The tension between wanting to say something and feeling unable to speaks to the distress caused by avoidance. Each time the writer "punks out," it reinforces a cycle of avoidance, making future attempts even harder.

Potential underlying thoughts:

Fear of judgment or saying the wrong thing.

Anticipation of negative outcomes (e.g., embarrassment, conflict).

Perfectionism and Self-Criticism

The writer is harsh with themselves, using language like “JUST DO IT!” and “punk out.” There’s frustration at not meeting their own expectations, which may indicate perfectionist tendencies—holding themselves to a high standard and feeling disappointed when they don’t meet it.

They even second-guess phrases like “peace or piece”, which shows how deeply self-doubt creeps into their thoughts. This suggests that they may struggle with confidence, especially in situations that require verbal communication.

Social Struggles and Fear of Rejection

The writer seems uncomfortable in social settings and worries about how they are perceived: “I don’t know how to talk to people…I feel like I sound weird.”This indicates a fear of judgment, possibly rooted in social anxiety, where the fear of embarrassment or rejection becomes paralyzing. They mention that their principal said their "personality may not be a good fit for LINKS," which seems to have amplified feelings of insecurity and self-doubt about belonging.

Emotional Overload and Need for Control

The writer describes feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and emotions: “I’m honestly so annoyed… I just want to scream… I want to run away.”There’s a desire to escape from emotions rather than deal with them. This "fight-or-flight" response is common when people feel emotionally flooded—wanting to disconnect or numb the emotions entirely.

Emotional Eating as a Coping Mechanism

The mention of McDonald’s (comfort food) suggests that the writer is using food to cope with stress: “I hate that I eat my feelings sometimes.”Emotional eating can temporarily soothe distress, but it also adds to frustration, reinforcing a cycle of avoidance and self-criticism.

Fear of Being Stuck and Helplessness

A recurring fear is expressed about being “stuck” and unable to change: “I’m scared that I’m going to be stuck in my ways and I’ll never change.”This suggests a sense of hopelessness, as if they’re trapped in their current patterns of behavior, struggling to see a path forward. The mention of feeling like they’re moving “at other people’s pace” also implies difficulty asserting their own needs and boundaries.

Patterns and Analysis

This entry reflects someone stuck in a cycle of avoidance, self-doubt, and emotional overwhelm. A significant part of their frustration comes from a desire to connect and take action (e.g., expressing themselves) but being blocked by fear and anxiety. This internal conflict creates a lot of tension—wanting to communicate but simultaneously feeling paralyzed by thoughts of potential failure.

The writer also struggles with self-compassion. They are hard on themselves, judging their actions and emotions harshly (e.g., feeling like a failure for eating emotionally or avoiding conversations). This lack of kindness toward themselves contributes to the sense of being “stuck.” Instead of offering themselves patience, they feel like they are falling behind or failing, which only fuels the frustration and fear of never changing.

Their mention of wanting to attend only the viewing at the funeral suggests they are trying to set some boundaries for what they can handle emotionally, which is a healthy instinct. However, they also express guilt or conflict about these boundaries, indicating that they may struggle with giving themselves permission to prioritize their emotional needs.

Suggestions and Next Steps

Self-Compassion Practices:Instead of judging yourself for struggling, try offering yourself the kindness you would give a friend. A helpful mantra could be:

“It’s okay to struggle. I’m doing the best I can right now.”Learning to be gentler with yourself can reduce the emotional load and make it easier to try again next time.

Break Tasks into Small Steps:The writer mentions getting overwhelmed by the act of speaking up. Next time, try breaking the task into smaller, more manageable parts. For example:

Start by writing down what you want to say (since texting feels easier).

Practice saying it out loud when you're alone, to get comfortable with the words.

Focus on just saying the first sentence—once the conversation starts, it might flow more naturally.

Challenge Negative Thoughts:When thoughts like “I don’t know how to talk to people” or “I’ll embarrass myself” come up, try asking:

“Is this thought 100% true?”

“What’s the worst that could really happen?”Often, fears about social interactions are exaggerated by anxiety. You might also remind yourself that everyone has awkward moments—it’s normal and not a reflection of your worth.

Practice Assertiveness in Low-Stakes Situations:If expressing yourself feels daunting, you could start small. For instance:

Practice saying “no” or voicing your preferences in everyday scenarios (e.g., “I’d rather get coffee than tea”).

Over time, these small moments build confidence for bigger conversations.

Emotion Regulation Strategies:Since you mention feeling overwhelmed and wanting to "run away," learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions could help. Grounding techniques like:

5-4-3-2-1 technique (naming five things you see, four things you feel, etc.)

Journaling about emotions without judgment (like you did here!) These can help you process emotions without feeling the need to avoid or numb them.

Set Boundaries and Honor Them Without Guilt:Your instinct to just attend the viewing and leave the funeral is valid. It’s okay to honor your limits. Try to remind yourself:

“It’s okay to take care of myself. I don’t need to explain or justify my boundaries to anyone.”Trusting yourself to know what you need is an important step toward breaking the feeling of being “stuck.”

Final Thoughts

This journal entry captures a moment of intense emotional struggle, but it also reveals a lot of awareness and resilience. Despite the anxiety and frustration, you still care about showing up (e.g., attending the funeral, wanting to speak your mind), and that’s a powerful strength. You are not “stuck”—you’re just facing tough moments where old patterns (like avoidance) feel stronger. But each time you push through, even a little, you’re taking a step forward.

It’s okay if change feels slow—progress doesn’t always happen in straight lines. You’re already on the right path by reflecting on your thoughts and feelings, and with patience and self-compassion, you’ll keep moving forward at your own pace.

[heartstringsnheadspace]

Emotional Struggle With Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Frustration

The following journal entry came after an incident with my partner and we were sitting in silence. They got upset at me because I failed to mention that I was going to reschedule meeting up with my bestfriend, I told him that we shouldn't go out instead to save money (even though I was going to go out that night but I have pre-planned events where I knew money was going towards) and, him hearing three different things; bestfriend texted me about an hour ago (I don't remember saying but he was adamant about it) to they texted me while we were on the phone talking to each other (I admitted I was wrong but I didn't mean to say that) to I saw their text as I was walking to my car after work while on the phone with my partner.

"Why does this feel sooo weirddd. I literally cannot bring myself to open my mouth and talk. I’ve had what I wanted to say for like 2/3 hours now. I hate this fucking feeling and I just want to cry. Feels 3 steps backwards. Ughhhhhhhh I just want to scream right now ! I wish I could just text it. I just want to say my peace and leave (is it peace or piece ?). The nerves & the anxiety 🙄. I’m honestly so annoyed. JUST DO IT ! SAY IT ! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY. IT. And like I understand the mixing up of what was said and a little bit of turning down happy hour to save money but the  rescheduling? Every time I bring myself to say it, I punk out. This is the third time now. Breathe and do it….okay, let’s go. I’m ready to gtf !  I need some comfort food and my bed. I really don’t want to go to this funeral tomorrow. I really just wanna go to the viewing, show face, say my condolences and leave. And I think I’m going to do just that. I hate that I feel like I’m getting sucked back in. It’s really annoying and I don’t know how to talk to people. I feel like I sound weird because I don’t know what to say, a part of me is scared that I’m going to embarrass myself because I don’t know how to properly interact. I could be overreacting but even my principal knows that my personality may not be a good fit for LINKS 🙄 what am I doing, where am I going. I’m having feelings that I want to X’d out so I don’t have to deal with it or mess up. I just went to McDonalds to get 2 apple pies and a milkshake. I hate that I eat my feelings sometimes. I want to runaway. I’m scared that I’m going to be stuck in my ways and I’ll never change. Sometimes I feel like I move at other people’s pace."