heartofamaniac

[heartofamaniac]

I'm still stranded on the shoreline.

And nobody hears me scream.

And I'll lure you like a landslide.

And I'll show you lovely things.

The city street lamps flared like ghosts, night time came to bathe me in it’s comforting black like the sweetest embrace of the starlit scene. My own everlasting scars faded into insignificance compared to the carnage caused by my hands. It was a never ending bloodbath, but one that always made my lips twist into the most disturbing smile you’ve ever seen.

“Do you want a smoke?” His voice was croaky and low, the countless whiskey glasses we shared earlier in the bar were partially to blame the lethargy in his words and the way he carried himself while walking across the living room toward me. “They’re laced though... Fancy getting high with me?” A drunk smile danced along the lines of his lips while he passed an already lit cigarette over to me. “Sure.” I was so l tempted, teetering on the edge of my addiction as I held it between my fingers. It always lurked just around the corner, waiting to strike you down again. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t say no to any drug that was offered to me, especially when it came free, but that wasn’t my life anymore and I wasn’t here to get high with a man I just met. No. I was here to raise Hell and grant Satan’s wishes. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful... Come here.” Wasting no time, he reeled me into his embrace with greed and impatience, wrapping his arms around my waist inviting me to drown together in a series of sinful delights.

The moon split in half and the stars crumbled as I watched my life fall apart the day I joined the cult. Lured with empty promises, I was now trapped in a carefully planned out web of deceit, deemed unworthy of a higher reign ever since which resulted in my body being ravaged in more ways that anyone can imagine. Over and over again, sold, used and abused by the highest bidder. Not that I wasn’t familiar with the cuts and bruises all my life, it used to be a way of survival while now it was just the aftermath of manipulation and bad luck. Once you’re in, there is no escape. Unable to run away, my days were filled with misery and tormented cries. Consumed by pain, I couldn’t find a place to hide.

At the end of the shore line in the blazing heat I was waiting all along until that sweet summer night when my sufferings came to and end once Roman saw me for who I really was. Being the son of Father Silvano came with great privileges and a possession of fearless power within the lines of the ring. With my sin stained touch and my wicked tongue, filthy whispered prayers ever only meant for him in the haze of our passion and devotion I trapped him in my own web. We were disgraced in the eyes of the lord from the day we met, I was never just another job for him and he was never just a client. Preying on my greatest weakness he dragged me into this Hell hole and threw away the key before I realized the lies behind his promises. Little did he know that he would soon become my ticket out of here. Despite my anger and perfectly calculated manipulation meant to only ever deceive him once I snaked my way and earned a place by his side, instead I found myself falling to my knees for him. Deeply and desperately. I didn’t know a devotional like that until now. It wasn’t a secret that he was a little bit psycho, everyone knew it, but that only fueled my passion. Roman had a fire within him that could warm up even the coldest of hearts with just the touch of his fingertips. For a while I didn’t realize I had been dancing with the Devil, I fought him relentlessly and lost. He touched me in a trance of raw lust, pinned my hands above my head, shared his secrets through a kiss and gave me his disease.

In the chaos of our newborn love, all I had to do to prove myself worthy in the eyes of the Father was to make my first human sacrifice to Satan himself to show complete devotion and the promise of freedom would be mine to toy with however I wished. I would be welcomed into the family. My sufferings would come to an end and the tables would finally turn if only I faced the unspeakable terror to save myself. In this journey, I found myself falling headfirst into old habits of picking up hopeless men in bars. Only this time I didn’t need their money, just their souls.

Around eleven minutes past midnight I stumbled upon a thirty-something man who just happened to be mourning all the realities he could have created if only life had graced him with courage. What a pathetic excuse of a man. A little pale and horrified, he sat alone, twirling the crystal tumbler in his hand and just like any other man, tried to drown his sorrows at the bottom of the bottle while continuously scribbling around in search for someone. “Looking for me?” A smile, coy yet deceiving twisting on my lips. Replacing the empty seat beside him, I leaned in to place my offer for the night in a tempting whisper and ever since he couldn’t find a stable breath. Oddly enough when people know you’re an escort they feel free, completely shameless to share all their dirty secrets as long as you’re willing to listen. Married with three kids, a compulsive cheater and a liar, high school teacher with nothing left to live for. A breathless lost soul with worn out lungs begging for an escape. Among all the heavy misery, I came as a nightmare disguised as a wet dream and he fell right into my trap.

“Chloe…” His mouth ajar, whispering a series of profanities against my lips as the ride we shared picked up a new pace with the guidance of his possessive hands on my hips in our lust driven rage. Hungry, aching, desperate. With a delightful groan he reached his sweet release. While he had been drowning in a newly found ecstasy under the spell of my touch, completely distracted, I used the moment to retrieve a blade from the nightstand and slit his throat.

“Shh. It’s almost over.” I dragged a single finger over his lips to silence those muffled whimpers of pain threatening to escape. Even if he screamed no one would come to his rescue, not on the land of the never ending sins where Father Silvano eagerly waited for his next nameless sacrifice. My thighs were still tangled around his waist as his body began going limp beneath mine, blood dripping in between our naked bodies in the most mesmerizing way and I just couldn’t peel my eyes away from the sweet sight. Seduce and destroy. It would become a constant game, one I was more than willing to play as long as I wasn’t the one at the sharp end of the knife crying for salvation anymore. Not that I had a choice.

As darkness engulfs his very being, in between the gurgles and the chocking, he could barely speak up anymore, yet the fear and confusion in his blue eyes was so endearing. “Why?” His question triggered something inside of me, almost making me regret my cruelty. I couldn’t help but hear Father’s words echo in the back of my head, telling me to prove my loyalty. And I did. He was the perfect victim, so hopeless and pathetic with nothing but darkness filling his soul and guilt for countless of sins committed. His body was a gift, the nectar of life was also my freedom. Faith has always been a false hope of living, here death and pain is all we’re giving.

“You wanted salvation… I’m making your wish come true.” I dragged the tip of the blade down his chest while my lips traced a line of wet kisses along his jawline. “Satan, we rejoice as sinners. Your rewards are the pleasures of the flesh.” In a form of a saccharine whisper the chant left my lips, my words trailed off as I rolled my hips against his in the most tantalizing pace. In the burning wildfire, I finally felt alive and I’d make sure his last seconds on earth would be filled with the perfect mix of pleasure and pain. Dark invocations rise into the night, shattering all gateways beyond time and space while I allow my head to roll backwards and continue the chant ardently. “Hail Satan, our creator who art in Hell. Sacred is thy eternal name. I praise and honor thee. Guide me towards our immortal kingdom. Bless me with fires and illuminate my path towards the gilded pyres of Hell.”

And just like that I became the dark Angel that would roam all over the place hunting for new souls to take into our broken world where dreams go to die. Blessings cast through filthy holy water became meaningless on our land, we weren’t trying to grasp the hand of God anymore, it was Satan’s hand we were desperately seeking with each unholy act.