heartbreak-tm

[heartbreak-tm]

The Tale of the Kitsune and Tanuki’s Endless Red String | Ryuunosuke | Epilogue

Tangled, stretched, crumpled, and stressed but never broken.

[ ♫♫♫ ]

The cold air nipped lightly at Ryuunosuke’s nose, his feet crunching through the snow that laid out upon the ground. It’s been awhile since he’s been here, and awhile since it’s been this cold on his birthday. Ryuu passed the lines of stone monuments until he came upon the one that he was looking for. He stops to stare at it and confirm it is indeed what he’s looking for. One step and then another. Ryuunosuke stands before exactly what he was looking for…

A stone monument that is etched with the name... Ryuji Toujou

Ryuji...Aniki. How many years has it been since I ever thought t’call ya that? I haven’t visited yer grave in awhile. I’m real sorry ‘bout that. I could never bring m’self to make th’trip out here…

Ryuu approaches and with his sleeve, wipes the snow from the top of the stone. A single wilted bouquet of flowers lays with the stone, Ryuu is careful to make sure he doesn’t brush the snow onto them. Those flowers...orchids. They were Ryuji’s favorite...it must’ve been Kimura that delivered them recently. No one else could have considering...

Ryuu takes a knee at the stone and smiles at it before speaking...

I’m uhhh...well I wanted t’come and catch ya up on everythin’ that’s been goin’ on in m’life y’know. Lot’s happened since th’last time I came. First off, I might as well tell ya that...me and Guy didn’t end up workin’ out after ya passed. I...I majorly fucked up everythin’ with him. Ya were always tellin’ me t’cherish him...and I failed to uphold that. 

I really...really treated him like shit. I’ve done nothin’ but unforgivable things t’him...yet still...he’s by m’side again. Well wait, I’m gettin’ a lil ahead of m’self hehe. Don’t wanna spoil th’endin’ fer ya aniki.

Ya already know ‘bout how things were goin’ south th’last time I saw ya...It got worse till he got completely fed up with me and finally walked out. The whole engagement ya helped me get up th’courage fer and it all went up in flames just like that. I was pissed y’know? Not at him...even though I pretended t’be...I was just pissed at m’self. 

I don’t wan’ get all hung up on th’bad parts though. I didn’t cherish him, I pushed him away, I tried to make him hate me...then I accidentally got him put into a fucked up death game...but still…through that...

Guy still...

[ ♫♫♫ ]

Is choosing to stand by my side again…

I wish that I could put into words what that means to me...but is just impossible. It’s such a kind and warm feelin’, the one of love. This is what y’were always boastin’ about ain’t it? This poundin’ in m’heart that I’d only ever thought existed in those fairy tales you’d tell me when I couldn’t fall asleep at night…

I’ve loved Guy Raposas for 19 years...I’ve known and loved him longer than I haven’t...a majority of my life spent wantin’ my heart to belong to one man and one man only. And what a fuckin’ man he is. Always so carin’ and observant...every movement of his is filled with a love that only he can hand out...not just to me but to everyone else around him. A man that is too lovin’...too forgiving...one that is sweet and never forgets the tiny details. If I hadn’t listened t’ya tellin’ me t’go after that cute dude I saw when I was checkin’ out high schools...I wonder if he and I would’ve ever met or gotten together. Heh...that’s such a stupid question fer me t’ponder. ‘Cause the red string is one that always binds two people together no matter what right? We would’ve met eventually and maybe things would’ve been different...but we still would’ve been together he and I.

A blush came to Ryuunosuke’s face as he mused about the past...he smiles gently and can feel his head beginning to pound from all the snow that lays upon the graves and right before his eyes on the ground. There was still more to say though...

He started makin’ lunches fer me again when I started workin’ fer Kamiya-han. Just like before, he cuts the crust off my sandwiches usin’ his little Hello Kitty sandwich cutter. Makes all of my sandwiches look like cute little cats hehe. He also always leaves a sweet note just like he used too, somethin’ I ain’t even had to remind him that I still loved. He just knew. His heart is too generous fer a guy like me. But that’s why it’s been time fer me to really make a change in myself fer too long. These past two years I’ve been spendin’ tryin’ t’actually better myself, not just fer Guy but fer me as well. There was one person that ruined our relationship and there were many reasons why he did it but above all of them. It was his hatred fer himself, the thought that he didn’t deserve any good in th’world. The fear that Guy would realize eventually what a mistake he made lovin’ him...I showed him what a mistake it was, I pushed him away and I destroyed him without ever considerin’ his feelings. I decided myself that he should hate me, that he was better off hating me than loving me. I wanted to be in pain and he was my weapon against my own heart. How selfish…

How goddamn selfish I was…

Sorry, sorry...that was another bad tangent...Ya remember how much I used to get carried away when I lost my original train of thought. That thought just being that Guy is a one-of-a-kind man. The one I wanna spend every day of my life with from here on out and he...uhh...well...just take a look aniki.

Ryuunosuke lifts his hand to the gravestone and shows off the glimmering silver band that now adorns his ring finger. Something irreplaceable, something that Ryuunosuke would never destroy again.

Can ya believe it, hehe? I’m actually gon’ get a chance t’be Ryunnosuke Raposas. It's got a nice ring to it don't it? I know we all hated bein' Toujou's, I'm sorry ya never got th'chance t'shed that name. I'll do it fer ya though. I'm gon’ live everyday better than th'last fer ya aniki. And not just you but fer him. The one who's always been at th'other end of m'red string. I'm gon' live and do better everyday...so I can keep seein' that smile on his face...and t'make sure...I ain't ever gon' be th'one that makes him cry again.

We’ve even talked about uhh...I mean after we adopt his son Luis and...Rika...like we always planned...we were thinkin’ about having a child of our own. That’s...we got the weddin’ to plan first and pay for but then after that. We’d wanna welcome another child into the world. I think it’d be nice. We’ve been thinkin’ of names...ummm...we’re between uhhh...Naganori and...namin’ them after ya...if we have a son that is. We still gotta think of some names if we have a daughter...I’m sure we’ll get there. We still got so much time hehe...and-

Ryuunosuke’s phone buzzes in his pocket as he prepares to speak...oh. It’s a message from Guy...probably wondering where he is since he never actually told Guy he was coming out here. Sure enough, when he opened the message he read it.

Are you gonna be home soon?? I’m gonna cook dinner!

Yeah, I’m about to head home now. See ya soon, babe.

Oh, also, I love ya.

I love you too, Ryuu-chan!!! Hurry though, Pochi looks like he’s gonna strike if I don’t start cooking this fish now!

And along with that message was a simple picture of Pochi, the treacherous little fella sitting supposedly peacefully across the room...staring intently at Guy. Ryuunosuke knew that expression of his and he knew this was dire.

Well, aniki...the fiancee calls. I promise that I’m gonna come visit ya more often after this, I’m not gonna let Kimura-han be th’only one that brings ya some nice flowers. I’ll get Taeko and Guy t’visit too. I’m not gon’ let ya be all alone here...not when ya spent yer whole life makin’ sure I never was. Y’were the best big brother I could’ve ever asked fer. See ya soon...I love ya, aniki.

And with that Ryuunosuke gave a light bow and a prayer for Ryuji’s eternal rest. He turned away and his feet began to tread through the heavy snow yet again. 

I love ya too, lil bro...

Ryuunosuke lifted his head to turn around, to find the source of those words carried by the wind to his ear. He swears for just a second that he saw the fluttering of a blue flannel against the grey stones, but as quickly as he thought he saw it, it was gone. Surely, it was just his mind playing tricks on him but was it so wrong to pretend that Ryuji really was there? Still looking down on him, still watching over him, still being the guardian he had always been? Ryuunosuke chuckled and his mouth upturned to a thankful grin. Turning from the stone again he followed his footprints back, pulling out his phone he sends yet another message to the one who stands on the other end of this unbreakable string of fate.

For so long...I’ve wondered...if my love would ever be enough fer Guy...if I could ever be good enough to cherish him and care about him the way that I would like too. Fer the first time in the 19 years since I’ve fallen in love with Guy Raposas, I feel like finally, I can be someone that deserves to stand by his side…

I finally feel...like I can truly love him. With my whole heart, and my whole being. 

I can finally love, Guy Raposas.

[heartbreak-tm]

but you're still here || guy || epilogue

I never want to see your face again.

Guy knew this was a lie the moment it left his mouth.

Even after all this, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d learned, or what he was supposed to learn. All he could remember, at the moment, was how bad he was at keeping his heart locked up in fear it’d break again, but to think they’d reconcile mere moments after getting off that bus for the first time…

It’s been a long while since that’d happened, he thinks, and he makes sure to pick up one of the surviving blue roses before everyone leaves.

[🎵🎵🎵]

For someone who always carried warmth wherever he went, both in body and spirit, the unforgiving cold of the crisp winter air makes him shiver. Or maybe it was a delayed reaction to all the events that followed after the final execution-- things keep happening one after another… But really, life is just like that, even outside of the lodge, wasn’t it?

People live. People die. People move on, or they stay stuck in the past… Regardless, time keeps moving. Guy had always struggled with understanding grief the moment it became a hurdle not only in his life, but Ryuu’s as well, wanting to bring comfort to the both of them; and maybe he finally did, or maybe it all turned null the moment the dead came back. Maybe it all happened too fast and the opportunity to learn was lost, due to becoming desensitized towards dying because everyone came back. But even then… What he experienced, at the moment, was still loss. Moments that you can’t go back to and change, but Guy was always one to live in the present. Not to say that everything him and everyone went through meant nothing, but just like he’d told someone who looked everywhere, anywhere but forward:

Don't look at the other possibilities, just look here.

Keep looking at me.

And he looks back at the man he’d said it to, and he sees a man that he loved, but can’t quite forgive.

He can’t even pin the word ’yet’ on it, either; he wasn’t able to tell if he would be able to now, much less process it, and the same could be said in the future. But still, their eyes meet, and Guy finally feels like he’s being directly looked at. And it makes him happy. Was that selfish, or justified, he thought? Was this the right road to travel down, or was he just going to fall back into the same cycle of heartbreak again?

Each question had an answer, but Guy cared for none of them. It was his life. And he’ll live that life as he sees it, that’s how he’d always lived. Clinging to Ryuu doesn’t stop Guy from shivering, but that didn’t mean that he should let go because it wasn’t working. He felt tricked, betrayed, lied to, and he still can’t fully believe that his love was being reciprocated after those two years of being pushed away, and yet Guy only clings closer, becoming warmer, softer, hoping Ryuu can help him believe again.

He pulls his gaze away and into the blank snow, and it brings him back to the question he was too familiar with.

What was the point?

To what? To this? No, everything. What was the point? It was a question he didn’t want to revisit so soon, especially not now, but the calm after the storm always has leftover winds, and always it’d lead the phrase back unto his feet in its paths. He couldn’t just not pick it up. Or maybe he could, but he’s always been someone who was driven by curiosity.

Or rather, he was-- he drops it as quickly as he retrieved it. And he thinks, does there have to be one?

Sure, there were feelings of regret, and distress, and wishes that things could’ve gone differently now that they both knew they never stopped loving each other. Wishing that they could have faced each other again in different circumstances, safer circumstances, but as someone who cherished the present, still, Guy would not trade his experiences away. Of course, he owed nothing to the game, despite what he'd been told, as it was their own choice to love each other again, their choice to walk together again; their mutual desire to heal. But as he pulls the bandages away from his heart, revealing its cracks and scabs, although he’s not ready to be as vulnerable as he was years ago again, he shouldn’t go hiding the seams until he can. You can’t repair a broken heart if you don’t show where it's broken.

He takes his first step into the bus, and he hopes Ryuu will help him with it, like how he’ll continue to help him again.

These thoughts continue to occupy his mind as the bus finally starts to move, and it’s hard to tell that it is due to his signature energetic personality. But behind that energy, he thinks, and thinks, and thinks.

And he thinks… 

True love or fake hate, even after they had lost everything upon separating, their matching emotions were the only thing they had left together. The last and only connection they had was this very thin thread that could have snapped at any moment…But it hasn’t.

It never did, and never will. In fact, it kept pulling them back together.

That thread finally had started to take on colour, a scarlet shade that was hard to miss, and again, it made Guy think, and think, and think.

And again, he thinks, 

“I’ll be loving you for a long time.

We made it.”

...

...

...

[🎵🎵🎵]

At long last, Guy Raposas returns home, and into a glass vase he would drop in a blue rose that would only last a week.

Yet, years later, when Guy returns home once more, that vase will be occupied again. And every day he makes sure to greet it, and he does as he passes by, making his way to his roommate, his love, whose identity was far too obvious to name.

And he gets down on one knee.

Guy was kind and believed in forgiveness, and yet, even after all these years, he was still unsure if he was able to properly provide it here. 

What followed wasn’t the traditional phrase, ‘nor was it anything dramatic, but even if he couldn’t quite say the words ‘I forgive you,’...

“Would you like to try again?” leaves his lips,

and it makes him realize,

Even if they couldn’t revert back to the way they were before… He was excited to create something new. 

To become something new.

Together.

[heartbreak-tm]

Secrets of a Robot Gold Digger || Akira || Epilogue

Dear Diary, 

It sure has been awhile my sweet lil' journal. You'd never believe the bullshit that has happened to me. First things first, never ever going on TV ever again- Not that I even got to be on TV. The whole dating game gig was a stupid plot to get us to kill each other to study human brain or whatever. Honestly when Hiro was explaining it I sort of zoned out as much as an AI could. It was weird to remember your death and then be brought back in some form. I mean like I knew I died but it also feels like I just woke up from it like it's a bad dream. Listen, I can't go all deep and talk about my lack of humanity because like- totes a bot now but whatever. 

Mom and Masa were so happy to see me. I mean I sort of disappeared waaaaay longer than I was supposed to be gone and I never answered my phone. My social life was a MESS when I got back buuuuut I figured it out and spun some fancy tale. Not like I could tell any of them the truth. Who'd believe me? I mean sure I could show my bolts or whatever but I'd rather put off that conversation for when Masa starts to notice I'm not exactly aging. 

Speaking of social life I'm sort of in touch with a few of them. Hiro and I talked a bunch as he was building my body. I was soooooo pissed at first but y'know. Got over it! He's a really nice guy under it and how can I stay mad at a hard working dad? The only thing I side-eyed was his taste. Like woooooow I did NOT see that coming while I was alive! Jojo??? and Hiro???? WHAAAAAT? They seem all happy and super gay together though so good for them.

Jojo. Man. He emailed me when I got home. Being all civil and sort of self-deprecation-y about how he understood why I picked him because he was a super easy target. The only thing he was sad about was Delphi getting caught in the crossfire. Honestly I'm still sitting on my reply. I'm not sure what to say to him. I'm not sorry, I won't ever be sorry about what happened. I thought my sister was in danger and I'd end the world for her. Maybe I'm heartless but oh well. He survived and Delphi got the chance of a new life like the others. I don't regret a thing. 

Apparently even death didn't give Shinji a backbone. They reached out to me and offered to help me readjust to my new life. Even asked if they could help with money or family stuff which was nice but like the amount of money I am saving by not having to eat or drink anymore!! Whatever, they're still a super sweetheart and nice. Sometimes I send them pictures I think they'd like. I've started moving away from my urban photos and going out into nature more. It's peaceful. 

Y'know when I signed up for Heartbreak I thought I was gonna find some rich sucker but what I found was a cool broke chick who was super into ilu-ing on the first date which like- Woah. Dax is a person of conflicting feelings to me now. I see it was pretty cruel of me to say that I could give her space when I rejected her. I knew I was planning on killing Jojo but I still made it seem like I was gonna be there. I didn't plan on getting caught but still. A part of me was really excited to see her again but sometimes the cards aren't in your favor. It's fine! I'm glad Dax has learned to slow down a little and has something going on for her. I'm always happy to be her friend. 

Besides, not like it was Dax or nothing. I'm back to my usual ways, charming the wallets off of people and all that. Right now I got a liiiitle target. Clarissa "Thomas" texted me (who the fuck gave her my number?) and said she would always be down to party it up. Sure, was it her stupid ass that got us all killed? Yeah but........ She's hot, likes to party, and is apparently loaded so I think if she can pay for my therapy to tackle my ballroom dancer trauma then we can let bygones be bygones. I'm totally texting her back. Bitch better get me a private jet to wherever she's at.

I'm not sure but I feel like I should have learned some sort of lesson. I don't think I have. I'm still me just with a metal body and a panic attack every time I hear classical dance music. Maybe I can't change, maybe I'll be like this forever. Can AI's age mentally? Can we change? Ugh. I'm not smart enough for this shit.

Good-night.  

Love, 

Akira

[heartbreak-tm]

the window is wide || bellamy || epilogue

Bellamy dies in the dark, in a panic, full of regrets and wanting nothing more than for his friends to help him.

…

Bellamy wakes up to light, confused, full of regrets and with his friend in front of him. 

He doesn’t understand what’s going on, even as Hiro explains. Perhaps he will later, but for the time being, he wants nothing more than to be able to move from wherever he is and step forward. He wants to turn his head and see who else is there, and he wants to hug Hiro, as he had in the courtyard (how long?) ago, and he wants to stand up and go outside and see the sun and a ground that isn’t covered in snow. He wants to cry again, and he doesn’t even know if he can do that, in his current state. He wants to see Mimori, and go to a festival with her, and pet her dog. He wants to make horrible jokes with Guy and Ryuu again. He wants to see Johannes and laugh with him and make fun of his outfits because they’re friends. And there’s one person he wants to see, too, and if what Hiro is saying is true, then…

“Please,” He says, desperately, voice still thick with tears a computer can’t shed. “Please, I want to live.”

…

[ ♩ ♫ ♩ ]

Months later, Bellamy takes a step forward, and he sees the sun and he cries. 

After making do chattering away in his limited space, with nothing to look forward to except for visits from those who had time to stop by to hear how their lives were carrying on, the possibilities seem endless. He wants to do everything at once, and now he has the time to. Time almost stolen away from him, returned and now immeasurably precious. 

I believe that you can do great things, Bella. He cradles the pendant around his neck, thankfully returned to him, and he thinks. For years now he’d built his life around those words, believing them to have set him on one path that he no longer had a choice to step off of. But that life had ended, and now this was a new one. A second chance. 

Whatever it is... he would want you to be happy. 

I hope you can find some happiness wherever you can.

He thinks about it more, after he’s tearfully hugged all of his friends and found someone he can stay with while things are sorted out further. He thinks about it even more, long after one particularly heartfelt reunion has concluded. Long after he’s managed to say words that he wasn’t able to the first time around, and long after they’ve both managed to talk through everything that had happened, and cried about it, and apologized for everything that had gone wrong. Long after they’d settled in together and he’d been politely (and in some cases not so politely) nudged to consider what he really wanted out of life. 

Now that he had a future ahead of him, he could shape it to be with the people he wanted to be with. He could find something that he wanted to do, and he could make that great. 

…

Months later, Bellamy stands in the throne room of Allanaia for the first time in over a year. He looks up to his parents, standing up in front of the throne in shock at his reappearance. For the first time, they step down to approach him. 

“Mother,” he says for the first time, with a faint smile. “I’d like to speak with you.”

And for the first time he can remember, she steps forward and they hug. He knows that it’s been so long that she won’t notice that her now-only son feels a bit strange-- a bit too stiff, a bit less warm. They step back, and he follows them back into the home he’d miserably grown up in, and for the first time in years, they speak without one party storming out. 

It takes more months after this, but he helps to secure a future for the country he loves, even if they would never acknowledge it coming from him, and would never love him back. Now, at least, he steps away without the resentment and the relentless need to please that had plagued him for most of his life. He has other people who appreciate him for what he is, now, and not what he could be.

He leaves Allanaia on good terms, for the final time. For the first time, even if begrudgingly, it’s accompanied by well-wishes.

...

Weeks later, Bellamy stands under the sun, staring up at the clouds. It’s been only a few stops on their road trip, and he’s already seen more amazing things than he’d ever seen in years of traveling the world. They plan to visit Hiro and Jojo soon, in Texas, and after they’ve crossed the country maybe they’ll go to Europe, or back to Japan, or somewhere else entirely. 

For once in his life, Bellamy’s future isn’t charted in front of him. He couldn’t be happier. There are still things to work through, years of problems and issues that can’t be dealt with so quickly, but for the time being, everything is alright. 

He has a second chance. He’s going to do great things. He’s going to find happiness wherever he can. Bellamy is a person who, underneath all of his talk of obligation and duty, only ever wanted one thing-- to be wanted.

No, more accurately-- he wanted to love, and be loved. 

He waves and calls out to the person with him, dashing forward to go meet them with a smile. He loves, and he is loved, and he lives.

[heartbreak-tm]

You are Never Here || Adrien + Dominik || Epilogue

You always almost there.

Adrien Thomas...Adrien Pulaski...was not too young even at the time to feel that same hatred against their father. He remembers it all. Hands desperately reaching for his phone. The nothingness his father looked at him with when he hung up on the operator. It was too late to stop them from coming anyway, and Adrien always holds a bit of pride that he was able to stop him from getting away with it. He holds pride that he was able to hang on, even all these years later.

He was not able to save his mother. He is not able to save his sister.

Adrien remembers watching her go, being alone in their apartment for the first time for the long-term. He was fifteen, and Uncle Dominik would check in if there was a real problem. Beyond that, Clarissa lift him plenty of cash if he needed food or anything else. They were both always looking out for him, and even he pretended otherwise, he’d never deny how cared for he felt.

Adrien Pulaski wakes up one morning after months from not hearing from his sister to his Uncle Dominik knocking on his door. Behind him is a sad looking man he doesn’t recognize. Older than him, younger than his uncle. They all gather around their dining room table (Dominik stands – they only needed two chairs to eat at).

Adrien has never liked crying in front of strangers. And so when this white-haired man tells him his sister died in an accident related to that dating show she had went to, he quickly excuses himself, telling them to just lock the door behind them when they’re done before heading to his room and breaking down into tears.

----

Without the teenager, Dominik is able to hear the truth from this young man. His suspicions are confirmed that Clarissa always saw this technology as a way to bring his older sister back. He is told of the terrible things that happened. And he, as kind and generous as ever, agrees to help with all the acts of building bodies. The project itself may be abandoned, and it should be, but he can’t just let innocent people who want to live die because of what one woman did.

One woman and his niece, but how could he ever hate her? He was the first one to hold her after her parents, and she had stolen his heart from day one.

It is a long and hard process, but their most talented programmers and engineers are put to work on designing bodies for the AIs who have chosen life.

It is...a surprise, when Clarissa rejects the option. Then again, much of their conversation is a surprise. What uncle wants to hear that his niece considers herself a monster and a demon? He refuses to give up, though. Every day he attempts to convince her. Every day he argues his points, and every day she turns them down.

She was bored of the world, she was tired of being something she wasn’t, and she had no dreams or goals beyond raising hell in her own way.

It isn’t until he brings Adrien in that she budges, after years, after bodies are already ready.

He can see it, even though she won’t acknowledge it. Adrien never presses for her to come back to life. They just talk. There’s talk of finals, of surfing, of beach days, of getting that dog he always wanted. He brings up prom, and he asks Clarissa how to plan his promposal to a guy at his school. He mentions that he’ll be graduating soon – he has extra tickets, and he’s going to save seats for his mom and her, even though he knows they won’t be there. He sometimes brings his homework and asks her for help (with the knowledge Dominik has he always flinches a bit when she shows off her chemistry prowess).

He’s not sure what does it. All he knows is one day he comes in, on his own, and Clarissa has a scowl on her face, thinking hard.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this...but I want to come back.”

[heartbreak-tm]

the third lie || tsubame || epilogue

There is satisfaction in controlling the outcome of things, even beyond your death. Tsubame had burned knowing that Haru would keep up her end on their last deal, the one they made in front of everyone without none of them being none the wiser. One last trick.

Tsubame did not hate people as much as she pretended to.

Tsubame never cared for the gods.

Tsubame never intended to hurt Mimori.

At the time, she had leaned into the other woman’s ear and whispered. Haru, smart as she is, knew not to answer directly and divert the topic with their mastermind guessing, but their final agreement had been reached.

Tsubame would keep her mouth shut about one last bit of their plan, the bit no one questioned twice. The fake threat to Mimori had been Haru’s idea; a fun extra element to make the case more chaotic, even if both women regretted it but that same regret was Tsubame’s final weapon; her silence would buy a good future from Haru to the family she was leaving behind.

That was enough for her to smile through the fire.

And spite, of course. It’s always spite.

Maybe it’s spite that allowed her to awaken once more, it’s what she would think if she were an actually spiritual person. Instead, she focuses on their would-be savior, Hiro. Certainly, the man had been suspicious in some ways but this was certainly a surprise! Not that she could begin her questioning just yet, but of course, she’d get all the time in the world to do so, for now, she answers.

“Do make sure I am fireproof, you all owe me that much, fufu.”

It would not be for some time that Tsubame could walk among the living once more; and as per usual she intended to make it everyone’s problem! It was a hectic coming back to life as those affairs tend to be.

There were celebrations, hugs, comfort. Even from the people that she had met in the canadian resort, surprisingly enough.

There weren’t apologies for she learned she owned none worth giving. In fact, the priestess had gone on record to say she regrets not doing the job properly in regards to Clarissa.

There were long explanations, times of catching up, times of seeing old friend again.

There weren’t sappy musings, or fake smiles on her part but...

There were words of gratitude, a newfound warmth in new life; the sign of a new beginning. There was life and love, and there was a woman willing to give happiness another go against al odds.

[heartbreak-tm]

To you, who I love | Epilogue

[ ♩ ♫ ♩  ] 

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything to you. It’s a little funny, considering I would write to you all the time whenever I was upset, even though I know you’d never be able read my letters or send me a reply. I think I just missed being able to talk with you. And, I still do. 

There’s quite a bit I need to catch you up on. Honestly… where do I even begin? I suppose I might as well start with some of the bigger bombshells.

Well… believe it or not, I actually went out and attended a sort of.. dating show. But, it wasn’t really a dating show, it was more a facade for some twisted experiment trying to understand the paradox of human heartbreak by having us kill each other and it was terrible seeing the things they made us do to each other and… even I can see how outlandish this is on paper and I’m the one writing it. But, it was very real and unfortunately a very real thing that affected all of us. But.. we’re getting better! I think. 

The people I met there were… well, people I would’ve never even dreamed of meeting in my life otherwise. Sure, I’d like to give a small, small handful some scolding words but also give many a crying hug. I did, actually, cry hugging a lot of them. Seeing people come back from the dead in robotic form does that to you. Technology, am I right?

 … I wish you could’ve met some of them. I wish you could’ve met her. I think you would’ve really liked her, you know. 

Baa-san was always telling me to loosen up and her nagging was always annoying and I couldn’t stand her cackling then but… I really miss it. Coming home to an empty house was.. strange. I was expecting to see Baa-san come downstairs around dinner time for so long.. And I still make far too much to eat still. 

Ah, I did end up selling the inn though. I know how much love you put into painting the exterior so I felt sad letting the place go. But, running an inn and keeping up with a medical practice just wasn’t something I felt I could do. The people who bought the place from me seem kind though. They told me they remembered you and that I look more like you with every passing day. Frankly, I don’t see it!

Oh - do you remember the seashell wind chimes you used to put all around the front of the door? I did keep those. I’m still trying to decide on house decorations with Elise but I just couldn’t bear to let them go. 

… I guess there’s still things I can’t let go of. But, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Or a good thing either. I suppose it really depends.

I kept things locked up in a tight little box and just couldn’t let things go. I lost things. I lost motivation. I lost you. And.. I lost a lot of myself. Maybe, that’s why I hold onto things so tightly. Haha, I guess being a hoarder isn’t so good either. Especially after you… well, if you’ve seen how I was behaving after you closed your eyes, I’m sorry. It’s not.. easy. It never is, I think, losing those you love. And I know how much you loved me - I think that makes it even harder. Truthfully, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully accept the pains that come with it and accept you being gone. But, I at least know now how important it is to love those around me and hold on steadfast.

I still can’t let go of a lot. But, that’s why I’ll put these feelings into these letters so I can at least put them somewhere for now. You did always want me to be more open with my feelings, after all.

Heartbreak is a strange thing. I wouldn’t ever wish it upon someone but… I don’t think I would be who I am without it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like that awful things happen, and have happened - it’s just a fact of life, but even though so much has happened, things have been lost and regained… I’m… I’m really glad I’m here. Despite everything, I think it’s all right to be me. And, I’m okay with being me, formerly heartbroken, and so, so me.

You told me that you loved seeing me smile so much. And, back then, I was too scared and afraid to tell you I didn’t know how. But, I think I’ve learned. It only took me 10 years.

I love everyone I’ve gotten able to know these last few years. I love being able to see people’s texts, laugh over calls, and hell, there’s some weddings I still need to pick gifts for.

I love you so much, Elise, since I know you are peeking over my shoulder to read this. Or maybe not -- I can just tell you every day how much I love you. 

And… I love you, Mom. 

Until next time,

Chise Lentoré-Sinclair

[heartbreak-tm]

[ CONTINUE? ]

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

The last thing you remember is dying.

Maybe it was an explosion, or maybe you were stabbed.  Maybe you were diced by mechanical dancers, or burned alive.  Maybe you were strangled, or stabbed in the back, or hit in the head.

Regardless, you're... well, maybe awake is too strong a word.  But you're aware.  Aware that you're in an unfamiliar space.  Should you try to look around, you'll find that your vision is quite fixed. 

And there's someone here.

"Uh... hey.  So we don't got a lotta time."

It's Hiro, and he's squinting at a notebook in his hand.  For whatever reason, your field of vision is limited. 

"Ssssooooo... y'all died.  There ain't a delicate way t'put that, sorry, but... that's how it is.  Most of you, for no good reason." 

He frowns, squinting again.  He looks up to talk to someone, but they're just out of view. 

"There's a lot to get into, but the long an' short of it is that all of us had... replicas built of us.  Lil' goddamn AI chips- shit, this sounds crazy.  Does this sound crazy?"

He laughs, a hollow unamused noise, and rubs the back of his neck before continuing.

"Now, we have yer brains, but to build y'all new bodies... it's a big huge ethical dilemma, cause ohhhh we don't know what the dead would want, yadda yadda." 

He sighs. 

"So we figured... why not ask?" 

Another person talks off-screen, but it's difficult to discern.

"Anyway, Viv an' Dax got a second chance.  It's only fair t'extend the same courtesy to y'all.”

You certainly have a choice, but you've also got all the time in the world.

Good morning, and welcome to the rest of your life.

[heartbreak-tm]

Seasons of Love || The End

[♫♫♫]

Thirty minutes pass, and all twelve of you are on the bus… though it’s a bit different from the bus you rode up the mountain.  This one has a ball pit in the back, which Chuu seems to be interested in. She seems to be trying to put one in her mouth, even though it’s not built to put stuff in.

Vivian starts the bus, and the nightmare of unending Heartbreak quickly disappears behind the relentless snowscape of the mountains.  The manifesto of Clarissa Pulaski, used to find answers to questions nobody asked.  

What was the point?

Perhaps the newfound freedom gives you a chance to reflect: after all, it’s hard to come out of a situation unchanged. How will you remember what you’ve done here, and the people you met? Would you trade your experiences with them for the chance to have lived the past two months like a normal person? Or are the people you’ve lived and loved with given you something that you value enough that you feel like you’ve come out better than you were before?

Maybe you’ll just think about that later. You haven’t slept much these past eighteen hours after all.  

The sights of the lodge fading into nothing but serene snowy hills and pine trees is oddly peaceful. 

As Elise once put it, even if hope is just selfishness with a pretty name... it feels a lot better than scraping by on spite alone.

And hope, whatever it looks like for you, is on the horizon.

Chise, Elise, Dax, Guy, Ryuu, Johannes, Hiro, Haru, Mimori, Momohime, Akio, Vivian.

You made it.

[heartbreak-tm]

I Should Tell You || Endgame

“YOU?!”

Lila stumbles back, as if she truly believed Vivian wouldn’t return.

“You-- you weren’t supposed to-- you shouldn’t have been able to-- is that my gun?”

Said gun is quickly aimed towards Lila as Vivian clicks her tongue in disapproval.

“Well, well. You certainly sound familiar. One of the brilliant minds behind all of this, I take it? You really ought to hold your tongue. I won’t be alone for long, after all.”

Piercing green eyes scan the crowd of you, taking note of the absences—and she sighs.

“I told you all to stay alive… In any case, the bus is ready to take you home, fully fueled up. Lord knows what a nightmare that was. Ah, but, mm—I must admit, I have very little idea what’s going on. Someone tipped me off to return, and the authorities are aware as well—they should be here shortly. In the meantime…”

She trains her gaze back on Lila, finger inching ever closer towards the trigger. If she’s never used a gun before, she certainly paints a convincing image that she has.

“You have records of what’s transpired here, yes? Where are they?”

Before Lila can stammer a response, there’s a cough from the crowd.  Hiro steps forward, holding Chuu close.  Hesitant to take his eyes off Lila, despite her being neutralized as a threat.

“... I… they’re downstairs.  Um… it’s- it’s kind of a long story.  You missed a lot.”

His voice is low, and even when he finally breaks his eyes away, he can’t meet Vivian’s.

“... Why?”

Vivian takes in the sight of Hiro, all dressed up, holding Chuu like a child.

“Evidently. As for why… let’s just say I’d like to have some agency over what inevitably gets leaked to the public and what doesn’t. That’s understandable, isn’t it? I have no intention of lingering terribly long, anyway.”

Hiro nods, glancing down to the floor with a smile.  

“Fair enough.”

He turns to face the others-- all of you.  

“I know we ain’t really slept much last night… sorry about.  All of this.  There’ll probably be time t’sleep on the bus.  For now, make sure y’got everything yer gonna want before we leave... cause we ain’t comin’ back.”

With Lila reduced to the ground, adrenaline quickly failing her, there’s nobody to stop you from collecting your valuables.  Or, if you’d rather, you’re free to wait on the bus.

The choice is yours, and for the first time in months, it doesn’t come at a human cost.

[heartbreak-tm]

Where Have You Been || Endgame

“P-Plan… Plan Z.” 

She wants to sound threatening.   She thinks she does.

But her eyes betray her.   This is raw desperation.

Her free hand grasps something that looks… vaguely mechanical.

“If you don’t– get back inside–”

But there’s no time to elaborate.  No time to spin a convincing lie.

A burst of cold funnels through the hallway, light soon to follow.  It’s enough to make her turn wildly around and drop her last resort.

The door to the garage is open.

[♫♫♫]

Distantly, you can hear music. It doesn’t fit the moment at all, some sort of happy electronic bop that carries across the chilly wind flowing into the garage. But it’s familiar.

As is the approaching silhouette.

“Apologies, everyone. I ran into some delays. Snow is rather difficult to drive in, after all. I’m more accustomed to public transport, myself.”

There’s a click! that draws your attention to something in the figure’s hands. A rifle, of all things. But, strangely enough, you don’t feel any danger. You’re not the ones who need to fear. Not anymore.

“Nevertheless, I made a promise to you all, and I intend to make good on it. So…”

“What did I miss?”

[heartbreak-tm]

Pay Me Back || Endgame

You arrive at the confession booth, and one by one, filter out.  The elevator doors shut behind you, one last time.

There’s not much to say as you all make your way through the resort, on your way to freedom.  After all, Vivian’s sure to be there any minute, and you’ve spent long enough in this resort.

All the same, should there be any silence on your long walk, Chuu suddenly breaks it.

“Um… are we all weawwy weaving…?” she folds her petal hands together.  “I don’t weally know the pwotocol for–”

“Protocol.”

[CW: blood, eye strain]

Yards from freedom.

You’re mere yards from the garage, but something stands in your way.  

Someone.

Shaking legs support a body on the verge of death.  Blood runs from a stomach wound that a hand desperately fails to conceal.  Shoulders tense, like a cornered animal.  Teeth are bared behind makeup that stubbornly remains in place.  Glasses that once sat upon this face seem to have been long abandoned, leaving nothing between you and wild blue eyes.  Blonde hair frames this figure, untamed and threatening to come undone from its tidy pin.

Lila Samford lives, but barely.

[heartbreak-tm]

Open The Door || Endgame

Just like that, it ends.  A quiet settles over the room, blue roses strewn about in various states of disarray, and Clarissa Pulaski lies dead in the next room.

One final death.

As the execution draws to a close, a small ding chimes through the otherwise silent room.

An elevator is ready, with its doors open.  The same elevator you’ve ridden time and time again to the trial room seems to be ready to carry you, one last time.

Eleven of you remain, and eleven of you rise up from an empty room.

The ride back up is tense.  Maybe some of you have words, maybe some are silent, maybe some are fighting to stay awake.  All the same, the elevator stops at the trial room.  

The empty trial room.

But this isn’t your destination.

Maybe you’re too tired to notice, or maybe it occurs to you, that this room, and the room you just left, are a bit more empty than they should be.

The doors close.

[heartbreak-tm]

The Last Supper

(music)

CW: Poisoning

Clarissa is seated at the head of an incredibly long dining table, stretching from one end of the room she’s in to the next. Her eyes scan it, recognition painting her features. The pictures of the innocent victims were a new addition, of course, but every other detail was just as she remembered. She knew this was coming, and yet actually seeing her old dining room still sends a bit of a shiver up her spine. After a moment, her eyes fall to the dinner dishes, covered up, and the drinks to their sides. She stands up, and walks over to the first chair. The cup has roses spilling out, dropping everywhere as she brushes them aside to pick up the cover. 

Ah, if it isn’t another bundle of dynamite. No timer, though. She’s ending this on her own time. She sets the cover down and walks to the next chair. Clarissa picks up the next cup and sniffs it, wincing when the familiar smell of blood hits her nose. Again, she removes the cover. Burnt food, this time. She wrinkles her nose at the smell before moving on.

Next comes the foot of the table. She glances across at her own seating before looking at the actual meal. It’s her killer’s chair, after all. And it was the position her father sat in when he watched her mother poison herself. Clarissa pauses at this, for just a moment, before picking up the drink. Salty and warm. Ah. It’s supposed to be tears. She lifts the dish, a plate covered in ash, still smelling of the smoke. She smiles, remembering how good it felt to watch her burn. The next cup is empty as Clara approaches, and she isn’t surprised when she pulls off the cover only to be met with an empty dish. 

That guest never arrived. Clarissa takes the empty platter and tosses it with the cover. The last drink before her own….She can’t tell what it is, but it tastes good. Alcoholic. She raises the glass to the camera, knowing Dax may not have made it here either, but she’s watching anyway. When she opens the lid, it’s the shattered headlights of the car that should have hit her, but swerved. She plays with the glass, chuckling at the incident again before shaking her head and retreating to the other side of the table.

Unlike the others, Clarissa has no dish. Only her cup. She takes it and raises the glass in a toast, smiling at the camera.  One more game, before she goes. One last audience to smile for. But if she always wanted to die…well! This isn’t so bad.

“Thank you all for this once in a lifetime kind of performance. And thank you to the rest of the people who made the bodies fly!”

The clock chimes then, and with a satisfied smile she downs her drink.

It doesn’t take long before the coughing starts, quickly turning bloody as she collapses back into her seat. Still, Clarissa raises a hand over her throat, signaling for the camera to be cut. She’s going with dignity, the way she feels she deserves.

[heartbreak-tm]

Blow Us All Away | Clarissa

That's alright...it's alright because she is stubborn and terrible and won't play by anyone else's rules. It's alright because they can all feel however they want about each other.

She approaches the clam, squatting down to rummage among the pillows and the blankets, tossing them all over until she finds her prize. With the warm smile of the former Clara, she scoops the bouquet into her arms.

“Like I would never be prepared. I watched you mistrial, or try to mistrial, and knew you saps could do it again. Even if that wasn’t the same motive, right? It’s good to know I’ll stay living rent-free in your heads.”

She takes a second, one more, to examine people, some who she cares for and some who she hates, and she knows that if she lived, it’d be the same. She couldn’t forget any of them.

“But you should still get rewards, right? Chuu, sweetie? Make sure those AIs get downloaded, alright?” She smirks. “Put me on a phone or some shit, if you really want to send my ass to prison. Or if you get in touch with my family, I’m sure they could build robots. Or find someone who could. I’m counting on you, Sir. It’s never out of your hands, sorry. You want me alive, then you don’t get the choice of whether or not all of this is happening.”

The tentacles of her dress trail behind her, a glance shooting back to Chuu. If anyone tries anything funny she can stop it. 

One of those rooms, down the hall...she’s had it set up for too long. She can’t waste it.

[heartbreak-tm]

Blow Us All Away | Clarissa | Re: Voting

Clarissa allows herself one moment of letting the mask drop, one moment of not feeling like she’s in complete control. And it’s when Jojo hugs her. It feels more painful than any actual punch thrown could ever have been. The act causes her muscles to tense up, and she can’t even reciprocate before he’s pulling away, the indecision of what to do clear on her face. It was never a lie - he, like a surprising amount of them, means something to her. He’s someone worthy of being cared for. 

But then he’s gone, and the mask is back up. Clarissa watches roses be crushed or thrown or broken with the same expression of disinterest she always had. It’s surprising, certainly. She can’t deny it, even as she knows that any sign of such will be a victory. She has to take it like this.

“Hm…it’s not what I expected, but that’s fine. I’m glad you all could feel good about yourselves, even if it’s not what I’d have asked for. You see, Chuu? Sometimes people can surprise you after all. Sometimes they can still show a bit of mercy.”

She doesn’t follow it up with, what so many of them must also be thinking - sometimes mercy is worse. Let a child have a bit of hope, like she used to before it all went wrong.  

She steps out of the clam, finally, heels clacking down as she turns to Hiro. 

“Here. I think she could use some time with her Uncle, first.” And as she hands her to Hiro, she smiles, hand playing with her hair. “Me in prison…it’s an interesting idea.”

People who think they’ll be head bitch in prison are normally not, but Clarissa knows enough. She knows if it happened, she’d be fine. Not to mention the freaks on the outside who would almost certainly be quick to write her letters and such. Freaks but, at the same time, having fans is always nice. At the end of the day, Clarissa just needs attention to survive.

Survive. It’s not a thing she has any desire for, of course. She can say whatever she wants to them, she may even believe it, but ever since she was 18, Clarissa has hated the fact that her mother was gone, and she was left behind. She has hated that her brother has to rely on someone like her, who’s too broken and too monstrous, no matter how much she loves him. 

She can remember that last day, clearly. Breakfast at his favorite place, surfing, walking around the city, too early for any crowds. She had kissed him on the forehead and told him she loved him. It might have felt like too much of a goodbye, and he sensed it. Adrien had looked so sad when she wheeled her suitcase out, a sadness different from a normal older sister leaving a normal younger brother for an extended period of time.

He was, and is, so smart.

With the roses done for, Clarissa simply stares at them dismissively, shaking her head.

“Ah, well. It looks a lot less fun that way, but…it’s alright.” 

[heartbreak-tm]

"... Sorry, Clara. It's outta my hands." hiro drops his rose on the ground, and realizes it didn't sound nearly as cool as it did in his head. Oh god. The heat of the moment got to him. Maybe nobody else will notice.

Votes:

Clarissa - 1

Default - 10