healingpolyphony

[healingpolyphony]

Katie Ford, from If You Have to Go: Poems; “In the hearth”

[Text ID: “I was kept / a long time / in a flame. / And so I was scared to be in my body, / in the same way one fears a particular house.”]

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[healingpolyphony]

as soon as the internet decided depression and anxiety were the everyman mental illnesses and therefore not to be taken seriously we were all fucked tbh bc the fact that i have to feel embarrassed to admit i have debilitating anxiety because people will think im just an uwu dont call me out coward is ridiculous. its insane that i have to clarify that my depressive episodes are like life threatening and not whatever dipshit dumbed down idea of depression people seem to have like oh yeah i just wanna watch netflix and eat ice cream and not text people back. like bro i think im the devil

[healingpolyphony]

the way my partner talks about my ocd is so hilariously on point. for context, i experience a lot of verbal compulsions (feeling like i Have to Say a Certain Thing to magically fix another) and he just told me. "most of the time it's easy to spot a compulsion cause literally nobody asked"

[healingpolyphony]

I've talked about this before, but emotional dysregulation is such a mother fucker aspect of ADHD.

Like, sure, not being able to regulate my attention sucks, but it's genuinely fucking nothing compared to the absolute rollercoaster of emotions I just went on because someone said something in a shitty tone, and now I'm having to actively walk myself through DBT methods lest my idiot shit for brains 'shiny-can't-sit-still-disorder' drop the match on that particular bridge because the rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like my chest is burning and not being able to act on the hurt feels like I'm suffocating under the weight of emotions pushing down on me and lashing out in anger is quicker than taking the time to self soothe.

And the annoying fucking thing is I know it's me.

I've done enough therapy to know my emotional response to their shittiness is overblown and dysregulated. I know I'm taking it to heart more than they could ever imagine.

And I've got to fucking sit with that and process it because if I don't, I'll be the inconsiderate cunt in this interaction and hhnnggg--wailing, gnashing, biting my thumb at you in the marketplace, etc, etc.

[healingpolyphony]

Survivors of sensationalized and stigmatized abuse deserve healing, too. Those with trauma considered scary, taboo, or even interesting are your fellow survivors.

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Some parents will never forgive you for how they failed you

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Come on man you can’t make me read about such an emotional topic and then throw that picture into the slide

[healingpolyphony]

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

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ahhhh so the guilt is NOT supposed to be neverending and haunting and constant and persisting beyond a doubt over even the most menial of things that i would not be upset at someone else for. i understand now.

[healingpolyphony]

Lost time and came back feeling headachey and tearful. Disoriented too. Feel not connected to anything, maybe small residual feelings

[healingpolyphony]

getting murdered but it's so traumatic i repress the memory and only actually die years later during hypnotherapy

[healingpolyphony]

Panic doesn’t always cause screaming, crying, running away or other obvious signs of distress.

It’s an extreme fear response - which may be significantly altered by many factors, such as if a person has been threatened or punished for having emotional responses or “inappropriate” facial expressions.

A person may seem calmer, or intensely submissive. They may be silent, even to the point of seeming catatonic.

It’s not your place to decide something isn’t a panic attack, when a person has told you it is.

[healingpolyphony]

being chronically pain fucked is really fucking cramping my style

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no one:

my ocd at any given point: